Chapter 3: Depression Again

I was alone, sitting in my recliner. I had just poured two fingers of my medicine over some ice cubes. As I sat there, my mind went back in time. Once again, I started to relive my life with Karen. I recalled the first day I met Karen and how happy we were together. First was the birth of Chelsea, followed by James, and finally Angela. My mind was acting, as if it was a movie projector. I could see our life together, with all the happy times and even some of the sad times. It skipped over some of the times when there were no highs or lows. It was a synopsis of our lives together. But then came that fateful date in April when our world collapsed. There was no more joy, no more laughter, only sorrow and dread.

As I sat in that chair, I wished that I could change things, but I knew that I couldn't. Fate already had its say. It had dictated that I had to live the life I'd received. I had to carry on, even if I really didn't want to.

Suddenly, as I still sat there in the darkened room, I heard Angela slip in through the kitchen. She was on her way upstairs. I really don't think she saw me sitting there in the recliner. For some reason, I hadn't even reclined the chair. I was just sitting there in a daze ¾remembering. I was still sitting there when James entered the house whistling a tune. His whistling startled me, but it brought me out of my doldrums.

"Dad, are you okay? Are you sad and missing mom again?"

"No son. I was just sitting here in the dark reminiscing about my life. I was thinking about what I might need to do to make it worth living again. Currently, you and your sisters are my number one priority. I can't ever forget that. I've been thinking. Once your sister finishes this semester, we should plan to go away for a week or two. This way we'll be ready when school starts again."

"What about taking a trip up north? You never know, we might meet someone you know?"

"I don't know if we'd go that far. I was thinking more like Six Flags up in Arlington, or maybe SeaWorld down in San Antonio."

"Say Dad, how about we go to Worlds of Fun up in Kansas City? I hear that place is lots of fun. Jase said that they went last year and it was great. Besides, maybe Caryn could meet us there with her kids. We could have a fun time together. They're supposed to have a big dinosaur exhibit this year. The dinosaurs move, roar, and everything."

"We'll see son. I'll mention it to Caryn tomorrow night when I call her. It's up to her if she can free up some time, and wants to come down there. It's about bed time, see you in the morning."

"Goodnight dad, I love you."

"Love you too, Son."

With that said, I was alone again with just my thoughts and sorrows. I finally got up from the recliner, and went around, closing up the house. Then I went upstairs to see if I could sleep without dreaming or crying.

Sleep didn't come easy. I kept seeing that same movie run behind my eyes. It was the same one, as I reminisced about my life with Karen. I think that sleep finally claimed me before I saw the ending that I abhorred.

TGIF. Yep it sure is a great Friday. It's not only the last day of the workweek, but later tonight I'll be calling Caryn and talking with her again. For some reason, I believe that my life might change. I might not be alone much longer. But that might just be me dreaming. But what's the harm in dreaming! It's not as if it'll really happen, because I know it's just a pipe dream. But I know that the idea is something that perks me up. It makes my life bearable again. I just can't think of the hurt if I were to lose another Karen. Maybe I'm just destined to have only one love in my life, except for my children. Can I really live with that outcome? Only time will tell.

When I awoke the next day, I felt somewhat better. It was time to start the day. I felt that it didn't matter how the day ends. I have to keep chipping away at the time I've left in my life. It's as if our life is a block of stone. Each day we chip a bit away, but we're blind to the size of the stone. In addition, the stone changes consistency. Sometimes its sandstone and chips away easily, while other times its granite. Because it's so hard, it takes a lot of effort to chip away even a small sliver of rock to make it through the day.

Every day, my Karen blindly chipped away at her stone. Suddenly, there was no more stone to chip away. When her life ended, it was not with the bang of the hammer. It ended with the rock sliding away with a soft whimper, and revealing nothing. On the other hand, she might have chipped away to the point that she gained access to the gates of heaven. When she arrived there, they granted her entry. No one knows for sure, since no one has come back to tell us what they found. However, if you're a religious person, then they tell you what you can expect. They tell you that you can expect to receive forgiveness and eternal life free from worry and strife. Some people believe in reincarnation. It's a belief where you'll come back to life in another form. But the outcome is the same. You're no longer, what you once were.

But today, it's Friday. It's the last day of the week, and tonight I can see and talk to Caryn Wilson. She just might be the one who becomes more than a friend. I guess it's time to give up the mourning of my lost love, and start to live my life again. Maybe, I need to have someone who I can love and will love me back unconditionally. Once I have that, I won't feel so alone anymore.

Finally, I woke all the kids up, fed them, and I then went to work. I picked up where I left off yesterday. I was designing a new bed. The major changes were the swivels and the wheels. These new wheels had a small electric servo inside. After you charged the wheels from a normal wall socket, they could move over six hundred pounds of load capacity. All it took to start them moving was a nudge in whichever direction you desired to go. It would drive the wheels at a walking speed of three-point zero mph. Young people walk at about three-point four mph while older people normally walk at two point eight mph. So the speed I set the bed to move would be about right. To stop the movement, all you had to do was pull back on the bed. It would automatically stop. If you continued to pull back, it would reverse at half speed until you pushed forward again to stop the motion.

At first, I'd designed a hand control that fit on the end of the bed. However, as we tested the unit, we had some problems. The hand control only had a forward and a reverse switch. This created a problem for people, because they couldn't figure out which direction they were going. Then I found these servos and bam! What a difference. To support the servo, I placed a closed cell battery under the bed frame. The servos used the energy stored in a nickel metal hydride type battery. These are the same type of batteries used by the new electric cars or hybrid cars. I was now at the point of refining the design. This caused a significant change in the bed construction. The change called for the location of over ninety percent of the electrical system inside a new sealed enclosure. This enclosure would now protect the system from water, or fluids of any kind. In addition, the new enclosed design gave the system good protection from accidental banging and damage.

The cost for the basic bed would be in the three to four thousand dollar range. There would be a cost increase to seven thousand, for the fully electrically articulated bed version. You'd normally find those beds find in most hospital rooms. The average battery life is three years. Along with replaceable battery packs, the working life of this bed would be twenty-five to thirty years.

I was happy with the plans, so I finished the last of the new designs. With that done, I sent them to our assembly folks, so they could manufacture the three prototypes. We were building them for the Scott & White Hospital in Round Rock. They'd test the beds, for six months and let us know how they worked in a real world environment. We all felt that this new product would be a real boon to the hospital industry. Please let me not forget to mention also to our company.

As I finished my clean up I looked and saw it was five. It was time to go home to my children and then call Caryn later. I went to the store and brought home a bake yourself pizza. The oven was preheating when James came in with Angela right behind him. I knew Chelsea wouldn't be home tonight, so it was just the three of us.

We sat down around the table and started to discuss weekend activities. From what I heard, I knew that without a doubt, I'd be alone again. Angela was going with her friend Betty Lou, to Britney Baker's home for a slumber party. Mister Baker would not allow any boys to attend. Only four girls would be there, Betty Lou, Angela, Emma Thompson, and Britney.

James said he'd spend the night with Jason. First thing the next morning, Larry and family were driving to the Cameron Park Zoo in Waco. Larry and I discussed this last week. He wanted to make sure it was okay with me that James came along with them. He said he'd made reservations at a motel up there close to the zoo. This way they could continue the tour on Sunday and be back before five Sunday night. I made sure James had some money for the motel and his eats while there.

I should probably explain something about Larry. His shorter stature makes it difficult for him to make long treks. To deal with this issue, Larry came to me, and asked me to design a mini four-wheeled scooter for him. He felt that with this device, he could do many more things with his family.

So we sat down and started to create a new scooter design. So, the first thing I did was I took his measurements. Next, I rented a regular handicapped scooter and measured all the parts. Now that I had all that information, I started to design a miniature scooter that would offer people less than five feet tall a usable scooter. First, I had to make several design changes. This included shortening the overall length, and the control arm. I also had to give the arm much more flexibility in movement back and forth in line with the body. Next, I had to put the seat area almost on top of the main body. I also had to use smaller motorcycle type batteries and smaller, but more powerful electric motors. Once I finished all the changes, I knew that I had something that according to my design would be perfect for Larry.

With the new design in hand, I went to talk to some of my fellow workers in the machine and fabrication departments. I also discussed it with the big bosses Cletus Johnson, Rodney Peterson, and Stanton Evans. They thought the idea was brilliant and approved the project. We made two of the scooters. One was for Larry and the other, for his daughter Melanie. When we finished the two scooters, it was the year that Larry and his family attended the Little People Convention in Memphis. The scooters were a huge hit, thus was born the Ross Scooter division of CRS.

After that convention, we learned that our Order Department was receiving many letters and phone calls for new scooter orders. People were asking us to build a custom scooter, based on their specific heights. This resulted in the company building a standard scooter based on the size we built for Melanie. For each new order, we then customize it for the specific person's height. We can also customize it to fit their particular accessory needs and arm and leg reach, or to fit their needs for special controls.