Chapter 2: Back to the Grind

You know, it's funny how you can have people all around you, but you can still feel lonely. As I drove towards my home, I got that lonely feeling all over again. Once home my children surrounded me, but I still felt alone. My first and most important reason for living was gone. My bed was empty, much like my heart. Not only did I feel numb, I felt as though I'd lost an important part of myself. I rather felt that I wasn't running on all eight cylinders. In fact, it felt as if I was barely running on three or maybe four at the most.

I went back to work, but my heart wasn't in it. I rather existed until my production manager called me, and asked me to come to his office. Rob Preston is a great guy. CRS, where I work, it's kind of like a huge family. We all look out for each other. Rob called me in, and we talked about Karen and my loss. He also told me that if I needed more time, he'd be happy to let me go on extended family leave. Instead, I told him that I'd be fine. It would just take a little more time. I promised that I'd try harder to return to my old working grove.

After that meeting, I promised myself that I'd give back to the company what they deserved. I had to get back to me running on all cylinders. So I threw myself back in to the work. Very soon, I was feeling better again. I mean it didn't happen overnight, but within a week or two, I felt pretty much back to my old self. Almost every night, I still found that I cried myself to sleep. This was now my normal pattern except for a few nights after I returned from the cruise. The biggest changes were at work, where things were better.

It was a couple of months later when I received my first phone call from Caryn. Actually, Angela took the call. I was in the kitchen trying my best to fix us some supper when the phone rang. I yelled out, "Angel can you answer that? It's probably for you anyway."

I heard her say hello. Then I heard a thump and the receiver fall to the floor. I turned off the stove, and rushed to the living room to see Angela in my recliner slumped over and the phone on the floor. I picked up the receiver and said "Hello?"

"Hi John; it's Caryn, Caryn Wilson. What happened to the young lady that answered the phone?"

"I think she fainted, but she's coming around now. How have you been? It's so great to hear your voice again. How are Rob and Amy?"

"We're all fine here. How about down there?"

"Well other than a little fainting spell we're great here. Chelsea is working at Micky D's and James is with Jason. I think they're scoping out girls down at the rec center. I expect him home in a little while. God it's so good to hear your voice again. I've really missed you."

"And I've really missed you, John. It has been hard not having you to talk to, but we said that we needed to cool it for a couple of months. Well it's been two months soooo how are you really?"

"In a lot of ways, Caryn I'm much better. I'm living with the loss of her much better now, and I'm not crying every night when I go to bed. The kids being home now keep me busy too. So overall, I'm doing okay. How about you?"

"About the same. The children are doing better now too. I thought I'd call to see if maybe we could start talking again, maybe with e-mails or maybe Skype. Long distance phone bills become a big problem when you talk too long."

"Yes they do. Since we have each other's number maybe later I'll call you on Skype, so we can talk longer, say like around nine or ten that's if you have the time."

"I think I'd like that. Is Angela feeling better? I'd like to apologize to her for the way I spoke on the phone."

"Sure, just a second. Angela, Caryn would like to speak to you."

"Okay dad. She just surprised me when she said she was Caryn Wilson. I'd forgotten you talked about meeting her on the boat."

After she picked up the phone, I went back to the kitchen to finish supper. I called James on his cell, and said supper would be ready in about a half hour. He said he and Jase would be home in time.

I guess I should say that Jason, or as we call him Jase, is Larry and Shelly's son. He's fourteen and tall like his mom. In fact, he might end up being taller than she is soon. They have two other children. Melanie is twelve, and Justin is ten. Melanie is a proportionate dwarf, as her father is. Justin on the other hand, takes after his mother's side of the family.

Melanie is four-foot six inches tall, so she's four inches taller than her father is. But she's more like her father in temperament and smarter than the two boys are. They however, have the huge compassion and strength of character much like Shelly.

Larry and Shelly live about four houses down from us in a subdivision in East Round Rock. Larry has a job as a research chemist with a pharmaceutical company in Austin. Come to think about it, maybe Caryn would have some interest in coming here to live and possibly working where Larry does. I might mention that in passing sometime when we're talking.

Wow! Hearing from Caryn brought back many memories. Although I'd taken many pictures while on the cruise, I hadn't shown them to too many people when I returned home. Mostly that was because I didn't know where things were going with Caryn. So I didn't talk a lot about her and our time together. I mentioned that I'd met someone on the cruise who had also lost their spouse. We'd commiserated quite a bit while on the ship. I had mentioned that her name was Caryn like their mom, but she spelled it differently.

I was about ready to put the casserole in the oven for supper, when Angela came in.

"Dad, the lady that called; she was the lady you met on the boat, right? Why did you never tell us that her name was also Caryn Wilson? She scared me to death. I thought Mom was calling, and I couldn't figure out how that happened. You do know her voice is a lot like Mom's over the phone."

"You know, now that you mention it, she does sound kinda like your mom did. I'm so sorry about not telling you her last name. But I thought that maybe it was just a shipboard meeting. Or maybe it was more like two lost souls reaching out to each other to make life a little more bearable during that time. I never figured that after this much time I'd ever hear from her again."

"She said that you guys promised to reach out to each other after you got your lives back together. Well, from the way she talked, she is all together, and now on the prowl for a new man. You might be the one. Tell me Dad, what did you guys do on that ship?"

"Now stop that this instant young lady, there was none of that going on. While we were together, we just enjoyed each other's company. We went swimming and then went to the ruins at Cozumel. We talked a lot and even danced at the nightclub. But there was no fooling around. She went to her room, and I went to mine each night.

"I'm not going to lie to you Angie, the thought crossed my mind, but that was, as far as it went. Although it crossed my mind a couple of times."

"Yeah right, and I'm still a ¾a preteen." She said, turned around, and walked away.

What I think she meant to say is I'm still a virgin, and I thought oh no!!!! I didn't even want to think about that. Having heard it though, I now saw that I needed to buy three boxes of condoms instead of just two. Since James asked for a box when he was just fifteen, I had supplied him with a full box. I told him I'd continue to give them to him, as long as he used them every time. I also told him to let me know when he needed more. At almost eighteen, he's on his third box. I'd add that to my grocery list. My god kids grow up so fast. Angela won't be fifteen, for another five months, and already she's sexually active. Where did we go wrong?

I finished cleaning up my mess from making the casserole, and called for some help to set the table.

"Angie, can you come help set the table for supper?"

Angela walked into the kitchen and said, "Dad, I kinda like this Caryn, she's a lot like Mom. I talked to her for a while before we had to hang up. I think that she kinda likes you some too. She might be good for you, but living way up there in snow country, I don't think you would do very good up there."

"Angie, I'm not thinking of marriage right away and maybe I can talk her into coming down here and working where Larry works, or maybe somewhere else here. But it's a long ways away right now. Oh on another note, I'm making the same offer to you that we made to Chelsea and James. There will be a box in your panty drawer after I go to the store."

"DAD!! Really?"

"Come here baby," I said, as I hugged her. "I'm here to protect my children, and I'm sure your mother had the talk with you about boys, and protection. But Chelsea is a prime example that the pill doesn't always work. I'm sure that you and James have figured out that your mother was pregnant with Chelsea before we got married. We used both the pill and a condom, except for one night. That was all it took. So I want you ready every time. Please, for my peace of mind accept what I give you, and when you need more just let me know, that's all I ask. I'm a little disappointed that you started so early, but I'm not mad. Okay my angel?"

Angela pushed back from the hug a little, and looked me in the eyes, "Daddy, I'm so sorry I disappointed you, but it was only once so far. I'll be a good girl and please don't ever become mad at me. I couldn't stand you being mad or upset with me daddy. I love you too much to hurt you like that." She then put her arms back around me and hugged me tighter.

"Sweetie, it's too late to feel sorry for something that you've already done. As long as it's because you wanted to, I'll never say a word. But if anyone forces the issue, then I want to know. I still can break a few heads if I have to, to protect my little, well not so little Angel."

"Thanks Daddy. Let me set the table. Do you think Chelsea will make it tonight?"

"She might. I remember her saying that her work schedule, for today is lighter. I haven't heard from her that she'd be late, have you?"

"She didn't call me, so¾"

That's, as far as she got when we heard the door open, and Chelsea yelled out, "I'm home, what smells so good?"

Not ten minutes later James came in with Jason in tow. "Dad can Jason eat here tonight?"

"Sure, just let Shelly know, so she doesn't worry about where he is."

"It's okay Dad, we checked on our way home."

"Good, now everybody go wash up. We have some interesting news for tonight."

After I brought the food out to the dining table, and we all sat down to eat. I then said grace. Jason was sitting in Karen's old spot across from me. That triggered something in my mind. I sorely missed the good feelings when my entire family would eat around the dining table. Most days it was kind of hit or miss if everyone was home at the same time to eat. But tonight after Caryn's call, things just seemed right.

I started tonight's dinner talk by telling my children about Caryn's call. Angela then continued by telling her siblings about what she talked to her too. This turned out being the topic of conversation at the table. Of course, there was speculation about my interest in her. Then Jason said, "That would be so cool. She wouldn't even have to change her name."

Of course, that comment sent things on another tangent. I got embarrassed and stopped the good-natured ribbing I was getting. I asked if the boys saw any good-looking girls when they were at the rec center. Jason then explained about Shelby Bitterman, and how James reacted to her suit, or what there was of it. I called a final halt to all the remarks. That last one had James with a red face, and I'm sure an erection after recalling the girl's form.

Chelsea helped with the dishes and the clean up tonight. After Jason left the room and James and Angela went upstairs, she cornered me in the kitchen.

"Alright Dad, out with it. Who is she and what did you two do on that ship for a week?"

"First off mom, it wasn't a week, it was more like four days. We first met on Tuesday when the boat docked in Jamaica. Second, to put a stop to your evil thoughts, nothing happened. The only things we did were we talked and had some fun together. All the fun we had was in a vertical position. Nothing that we did happened horizontally. Well, we spent time sitting side by side in the sun on some chaise lounges we found on the Lido deck. We took an occasional swim in the pool. But that was in front of perhaps three or four thousand people. The ship has cameras all around that deck. Also, people are constantly going to and from the eating area behind the pool.

"It was interesting how we met. When I was sitting at the bar, I saw her asking for some of my medicine. I mentioned how surprised I was when I learned that they had it on the ship. We got to talking, and that's when I found out she'd just lost her husband. That's when I told her I'd just lost your mother. As we continued to talk, we commiserated and consoled each other.

"Then I suggested that we should go on the excursions that your mother had planned for us. So when she agreed, we went, and we had fun. There we were just two carefree fools cutting loose for a while. Caryn and I talked a lot, and we found that we had a lot in common besides last names and approximate ages. I helped her to cope better with the loss of her husband Robert. In turn, she helped me cope with your mother's loss. Before we left each other the last night on the ship, we exchanged phone numbers. We said that we'd try to reach out and talk, if we ever felt like our lives had returned to normal. Am I forgiven now, mom?"