Chapter 12: Can't Win Every Fight

I closed my eyes and replayed the evening in my mind over and over again.

Supper had been one of the most surreal experiences in my life; even so, it was easily eclipsed by the feeling of Kerry's lips pressed against mine.

There had been no hesitation. In that moment it had simply felt natural. If I had in any way surprised Kerry, it didn't show. As our lips touched, I closed my eyes and an eternity seemed to stretch out before me. The kiss was chaste; a quick peck on the lips and an irritated glance from the cab driver.

I knew that Kerry would only be gone for the weekend. It seemed, that in a way I didn't properly understand, she might not come back as the same person. It wasn't exactly clear that she would still like me anymore. As much as I pushed the thought from my mind, the idea that I might lose Kerry saddened me. I found that sadness irritating. Irritating because I didn't think the feeling was warranted or well founded. Irritating most of all because it put my fragility on display.

I knew I was experiencing puppy-love. There's a manic energy new relationships seem to acquire which I had never experienced for myself. Now that I understood. I wasn't sure I liked the inexplicable irrationality of it. I couldn't, however, just escape it. While I could literally disappear into thin air, there was nowhere I could go to run away from myself.

I had no idea what would happen to Kerry while she was abroad. The uncertainty created a sort of restlessness in me. I couldn't decide between wishing it would all quickly be done with or wishing the inevitable could be dragged out indefinitely. I wanted something to happen but I also wanted time to stop so that I could just live this moment without a care for what the future may bring.

Tomorrow was never really a concept that held my attention before I started to become human. The years passed and the Q'ren counted them in their own way, but the years weren't really significant to our daily lives. Time was used as a relative measure against the oldest of us. A way to enforce lineage and tout rank. It mattered only because we decided that it mattered.

As I lay in the backyard and watched distant stars drift across the sky, I realised that tomorrow was beginning to hold a lot more meaning. Tomorrow had been mattering for quite some time, but the truth of it hadn't struck me until that very moment. The planet's rotation continued onward like clockwork and the night would turn into morning soon enough. One morning closer to uncertainty.

I thought about the bond Kerry and I seemed to share. It seemed so childish and irrational, but our kiss, so different from what I had experienced with Sarah, lingered in my thoughts. I launched my baseball up and away from my face and I watched lazily as gravity slowed its upward trajectory to a halt before pulling it back down toward me. I knew that once I got up and walked into my room, Matt would pepper me with questions about my expulsion from school. With a dance recital, crazy meal, and kiss separating me from my fight with Tom, it was crazy to realise that it had happened a few short hours ago.

I kept to the quiet of the backyard for a time. Once again, I began to replay my evening with Kerry. I was remembering the details of her smile when, suddenly, I started to hear the gentle melody of a guitar.

Jacquie.

I was surprised to hear her. Though she would occasionally still be playing so late into the evening, it was exceedingly rare that she would start so late. I let the music wash over my senses. Equal part magic and mathematics, the strumming of the guitar hung like a gentle blanket over the backyard. I relaxed and closed my eyes. I didn't need my eyes to see the ball, so I let the gentle rise and fall of the baseball keep time as I listened to Jacquie's gentle melody and soft voice.

Morning arrived with a flourish.

A cacophony assaulted my unprepared ears. "He what!?"

Pause.

"Expelled!?"

Pause.

"Fucks sake Cathy!"

I heard the creaking floorboards as Geoff stormed toward my room. I covered myself in blankets with the sleepy (albeit hopeless) notion that perhaps he wouldn't see me. No such luck.

He threw me out of bed by my hair. I sat on the ground rubbing my scalp. There was violence in Geoff's posture and menace in his eyes. Matt must have already left for school, a small detail for which I was glad. Geoff's violence was easier to understand than his manipulations. I was introduced to the human capacity (and love of) violence within the very first year of my being a boy. I would bend under its ferocity, but in the end I would walk away unscathed.

"You disappear for an entire night. You start a fight at school. You get yourself expelled. What ... SImon ... what is wrong with you?"

Geoff seemed to want an answer, but I was at a loss of words. Stupidly, I said the first thing that came to mind.

"I didn't start that fight and I didn't get myself expelled. The principle did."

A simple 'sorry' would have been the better approach.

"You think this is funny?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"Good," he said dangerously. I almost didn't see his foot in time. Geoff kicked me with as much force as he could muster. I blocked some of the kick with my arm, but the impact was enough to drive the air from my lungs. I curled up on my side as much to protect myself as to stop myself from hurting him in turn.

He kicked me again.

"Not so funny, huh?" he asked.

I could kill you where you stand, I thought to myself. I could crush your heart and nobody would know it was me. If I wanted you dead, there's no safe-room on this planet that could keep you alive.

Thump

A third kick landed fully against my rib-cage as I wheezed for air.

I could snap your foot in half, I thought. I could snap your everything in half.

Thump

A fourth kick, this time lighter. If he perceived victory, the violence would stop here. As far as beatings went, this one was mild.

"So what do you have to say for yourself?" He asked.

Don't kill him. He's not worth it. Don't kill him. Don't kill him. I chanted internally as an image of Charles imprinted itself into my thoughts.

Again. I didn't know what answer he wanted. Perhaps I should have kept silent.

"I'm sorry," I said, hoping that a show of deference would finish this. Swallowing my pride was made easier by the thought that I'd be moving out soon. Somehow it didn't feel like soon enough.

"Oh, you will be," he said, the smile on his face reminded me forcibly of Charles' funeral, "you and your roommate have been shit-disturbers long enough."

Matt and I were two of the more well-behaved kids in this home. Matt talked back a lot, but the worst anybody had really seen from him was a two day suspension for weed. I was, this past week exempted, a model child.

I was back on my feet in an instant. I watched his back as he turned to leave. Every fibre of my being tried to contain itself, but the torrent could not be stopped. "Matt and I follow your messed up shitty rules better than most of the weirdos you get in this hellhole."

Geoff turned back around. I wasn't expecting the calm consideration he gave me. His temper seemed to have deflated entirely.

"You know," he said as he walked toward me, "with your face all bruised from your," he paused, "ill-advised fight at school, nobody is going to think it's weird if you have an extra bruise or two."

The speed at which he transitioned from complete calm to sudden violence was astounding. I had never seen anything quite like it. Unfortunately, even though he had caught me completely off guard, he simply wasn't nearly quick enough. His hand fit neatly into my palm. The shock in his eyes would have made me giggle in most other circumstances.

"You know," I said, mocking his tone, "the trouble with people who don't think about the wellbeing of others is that they think entirely too much about themselves."

Geoff tried to retrieve his fist and found, to his surprise, that there was no give in my grip. His fist may as well have been cemented into a wall. There was no fear yet, but I could see the apprehension blooming in his eyes.

"You're a small man Geoff," I said, "insignificant, really."

I caught his second punch with my other hand. I twisted his arm until it was uncomfortable. There had to be no outward signs of this confrontation. I guessed Geoff wouldn't hesitate to file charges against me.

"You're like a cat, Geoff, playing with a bunch of helpless mice. A pompous, self-entitled, fluffy house cat." I leaned in closer and whispers, "Welcome to the wilds Geoff. Steer clear of the wolves, they'll eat you and shit out the bones."

I twisted his arm a little tighter, eliciting a groan. In the same motion, I gently pushed him into the hallway and closed the door behind him. I waited at the door for a moment to see if he would storm back in. I heard his footfalls as he marched away.

I took a moment aside to feel badass. Half of my little impromptu speech came from an action movie I had seen as a kid.

If I had to guess, Geoff's first thought was likely to go grab a weapon and return. I gave him enough credit to assume that he'd probably call some friends first. The part of him that understood the strength it must have required to hold such a grip on his fist would shy away from facing me alone so soon.

I had a few minutes to gather my thoughts. I knew I could handle myself, but I didn't want to see Matt pay for my misdeeds. The movie-esk cheesy taunts would pinch Geoff's pride just enough to ensure his focus would remain on me. He might turn to Matt once he'd finished with me, but I'd humiliated him enough that I doubt he'd have wrath to spare for anybody else.

One compliment I always had for Geoff was his focus. He didn't know that his nature would work in my favor this time around.

I needed to disappear. I pulled a bag out from under my bed. I hadn't opened it since I'd moved into this home. Quickly, I stuffed all my clothes inside. The pillow, blankets, and bedsheets weren't mine so I still had plenty of room after my bag had been stuffed. I searched through the room and found a few other belongings of mine.

A stuffed a bear, some playing cards, a checkbook, and a bunch of pens, pencils, and erasers. I left the gameboy for Matt. I zipped up the bag and threw it out the window into the backyard. I grabbed my backpack as well. It was full of my school books and some more school supplies. I would have to do with fake shoes for now since there was little chance of leaving through the front door without another confrontation.

I jumped out of the second story window. I could have locked the window behind me, but I wanted my escape route to be obvious. I picked up my gear and headed off.

Richard's mom wasn't home. I retrieved the spare key and let myself in. I had always been told I would be welcome any time, but this was the first time I had taken Ms. Callaghan up on the offer. I fervently hoped she wouldn't be upset at the intrusion. I didn't have anywhere else to go.

It wouldn't be long before Geoff would call the police and tell them they had a runaway. The police wouldn't actively look for me, they'd just keep their ears and eyes open. Most runaways were caught when they got into trouble with the law or when somebody saw them sleeping next to a dumpster and called in to voice their concern.

I would need to pursue legal emancipation. Once the city agreed I was an adult, I could no longer be dragged back to that home. Before I had a chance at emancipation, I would need my own apartment. That or I would need somebody to sign off saying they would be willing to ensure I had room and board.

I would have to research to see if a signed contract would be enough. I didn't want to have to wait until the end of the month. Sadly, Geoff and the group home were the least of my worries. I still had to deal with a secret organisation that was after my blood; literally.

I would need to find my way to the university library. After the incident at the hospital, I'd come to assume that the Pros would likely always be nearby. I walked outside and looked up and down the street. Sure enough, about as far as he could be while still seeing the front door, sat Pete in his car.

Figuring I'd need to generate some new blood anyway, I headed back inside and purged my body of real matter. Thanks to Pete's clever trick, it was a processes I was getting much better at. I turned my veins and stomach lining to a steel-like substance and flash-burnt away all the real matter inside of me.

I headed to the backyard and disappeared. The odds Pete being able to follow me now were about as good as zero. I could have appeared at the library instantly, but decided it might be worth checking in on Pete. I let my consciousness expand outward from the backyard. Pete was easy to find.

"Looks like he's run to his friend's house. Not sure what happened, but I've been monitoring the phone lines. One of his social workers just made a call. I looked up the number and it traces back to a suspected member of a child pornography syndicate," said Pete, talking into his phone.

"That complicates things," sighed Garrick, "How fast can we be rid of him?"

"Death would be fastest. Even then, probably three weeks if we want to be sure that nobody is implicated in his disappearance."