Chapter 18: Reflections in Memoriam

"That was beautiful, Alex." Mel stood beside her brother as they both surveyed the stately cemetery where they'd just concluded an impromptu ceremony for Mickie. Alex and the rest of Winona's band needed to get back on the road, and since Mickie's body wouldn't be available soon enough, Melinda purchased a burial site and they'd marked out the gravesite with red ribbons.

"It really was," Becky agreed, sniffling and touching her eyes with a tissue. "Though it reminded me just how short a time any of us have. And that goes doubly for you," she reminded Alex, giving his wheelchair a gentle nudge to emphasize her point.

The previous night had been a long and emotional marathon as they gathered whatever information they could while Mickie was still able to communicate. Alex worked valiantly to keep her mind active, and it had taxed him terribly. Early in the morning his aura started fluctuating again, until it finally began blazing so bright it was hard for Gini to remain in the same room with him, even though she had to in order to assist him. Still, buoyed by the reinforcing energy of the BCM, he'd continued to work with her until Mickie finally passed away. The wear on his body was obvious. Gini 'borrowed' a wheelchair from the hospital when Alex became unsteady on his feet. Even though his aura continued to blaze—still flickering wildly—they knew when his BCM levels dropped he'd crash and crash hard!

"It definitely was," Gini agreed, wiping her eyes. For someone who'd seen so much action overseas and had witnessed so many of her friends dying violent deaths, she'd been deeply moved by Mickie's passing. Not just because she'd struggled so valiantly to help Alex's group learn all they could about the processes involved in transitioning from one life to the next, but because of the tremendous support she'd had at the time. "It was terrible this had to happen, but the fact you were there when it did meant a tremendous amount to her, I'm sure."

"That's true," Becky agreed, holding Alex's side protectively. "Given how dark her mood was about her life when we met, I'm not sure she had the drive she needed to make the leap. But you gave her faith it was possible, you told her what she needed to do and you gave her a purpose. She knew she could achieve tremendous things, even as she was slipping away from this life."

"She's right you know," Phillip Costa, Mickie's boyfriend said, approaching them to thank Alex for all he'd done for her. "Mickie was in a bad place. Years of struggling left her unable to take advantage of the one opportunity to really change her life. Although we never had a chance to discuss it, I can see where that would leave her floundering."

Phillip, despite grieving and not having had much time to prepare, looked good. Some of Alex's local people had bought the grieving boyfriend an all-new outfit, and it fit him perfectly. He wore a jeans jacket, scarf and a denim cap, but his beard was nearly trimmed—something it wasn't last night—and he seemed very composed and contemplative this afternoon.

"I'm truly sorry about your loss," Alex told him, pausing as he found it hard to find the correct words to utter when nothing seemed appropriate. "I feel like we've intruded on something private here."

"Are you kidding?" Phillip turned, gesturing at the wide expanse of people surrounding the memorial. "If it wasn't for you, we might have had a grand total of maybe five or six people. Instead, you throw together this last-minute ceremony, with no notice or fanfare, and the place is packed. I can't believe all these people. I know most of them never knew Mickie before you met last night, but I've talked to several of them and they all seem to have gotten to know her quite intimately, despite her being unable to speak for much of the night."

"I was hoping we wouldn't overwhelm you," Alex replied, glancing at all the people, the vast majority women of all stripes. "These are the people like Mickie from San Francisco and other nearby cities. They all felt Mickie was a sister to them, and the time they had with her wasn't as important as what they shared. She helped all of them with what she achieved last night."

"A few said they'd flown in just for the memorial," Phillip said, amazed at the intense attachments his girlfriend formed in the hours before her death.

"Well, to be honest, while they certainly felt connected to Mickie and appreciative of what she'd done, I suspect many of them have ulterior motives," Alex revealed, nervously playing with his fingers as he viewed the many woman milling around, speaking to one another. "It seems I'm now able to do something for them which many missed out on before, and they're anxious for me to more fully bring them into our community."

"Well, whatever magic you promised, what you did for Mickie was truly miraculous," Phillip assured him with a certainty apparent from the look he gave Alex. "By all rights, she'd have been too drugged up after her surgery and the pain to say much last night, and yet she was clear headed enough to communicate with all these people and to make that much of a difference to their lives."

He turned slightly and regarded the large woman who shadowed Alex's every move. "And I understand much of what he did was because of the help you supplied. I can't profess to understand any of it, but thank you. Even though Mickie was too overwhelmed and physically unable to speak, knowing she managed to make up for a lifetime of not having an impact on the world meant a huge amount to her, and me as well."

"Come here," Gini commanded, enveloping him in a huge bear hug. She was big enough to effortlessly lift him off his feet, but her hug was sentimental and tender. "I'd have done the same for anyone here, and what she gave us was a tremendous blessing, made at great personal sacrifice. I'm truly honored to have known her for as long as I did."

"You should realize, even though she couldn't verbalize it, I could sense how she felt about you. I know she really wanted to tell you how much she loved you," Alex reflected, trying to tell him things he'd have little chance to really understand. "Again, I'm sorry she couldn't have spent her last hours sharing her time with you, but..." Alex was unable to continue, not sure how to justify taking up a woman's last remaining hours with something he couldn't even convey, but those around him didn't hesitate.

"We felt her longing," Patricia offered. She'd put off returning to LA just to attend this service. Several other influential names had come as well, like Joseph Herkowitz, the network tycoon, and Reggie Fitzpatrick, Winona's producer. They'd come to show solidarity with Alex and Winona, but seeing the absolute reverence everyone showed, they were rethinking their view of him. For the first time they saw him as more than just a meal ticket, and that what he was doing might be much more important than the money Winona and Patricia could pull down. "Although she couldn't tell us what to say, it was her words that were taken from her, not her emotions. Her love for you was clear, and I'm sure she wanted us to convey that she's waiting for you on the other side."

Phillip turned to her, pleading in his eyes. "Do you think she succeeded? After all, you made it sound like such an insurmountable barrier." At this, several of those standing around them, patiently waiting to speak to both Alex and Phillip, edged closer to hear Alex's response.

"Frankly, I can't say one way or another," Alex said, shrugging sadly at his lack of a definitive answer. "It's essentially a one-way door. You can only see it for a brief moment, and you have to quickly readjust the thinking of a lifetime in order to pass through, but I'm sure what she went through made it much easier."

"The hell with that," Hannah said, the intensity of her words ringing out against Alex's indecisive doubt. "It made all the difference. If she had any hope of making it at all, Alex increased those odds a thousand fold. What's more, because of Mickie, she advanced our knowledge of the entire process, giving each of us the same odds. She might have single handedly enabled hundreds of us to make the transition. What she did was a tremendous service to all of us, and while we'll never be able to tell the rest of the world what's involved without having to explain how we know it, that knowledge will outlive each of us, and will serve to guide generations through the process, and probably even beyond that."

"Well, I've got to say, that's reassuring," Phillip assured them, trying to address everyone listening. "But I've also got to say your speech was truly inspiring, Alex. You spoke from the heart, your emotions were heartfelt, and it was clear you meant every word. I want you to know I'll remember it for the rest of my life."

"And if you ever forget any of it, just ask any of us," Rachael told him. "We not only shared it with everyone we know, but several of them copied it down, word for word."

Rachael and her mother had travelled to Sacramento to attend this service, leaving her other sister behind to help Cynthia weather the aftereffects of her attempt on Alex's life.

"Anyway, there are a bunch of people I need to say hello to," Phillip said, once again glancing at everyone at the last-minute ceremony. "I'm hoping to say hello to everyone I can, and I know everyone is waiting to speak to you as well."

He reached his hand out, grasping Alex's in two hands and shaking it with emotion as tears once more welled up in his eyes. "Thank you for everything you've done for her. I don't think you can really appreciate it, but I truly believe you've changed my life as well. Knowing what a difference last night made in redefining Mickie's entire life, it gives me real hope for the future. I plan to follow anything I can learn about you, as I'm eager to meet her again in the next life."

Alex thanked him but was afraid to say much for fear he'd reveal the chances were even more remote than making the jump itself. Each person could go to any one of a billion possible species over hundreds or thousands of worlds amongst an untold number of dimensions. And since everyone's memory was essentially erased when they crossed over, neither one would recognize each other, even if they ended up in the same place. To help make up for what he couldn't say, he asked a few of the local Seers to look after him after they left.

"You're looking peaked," Becky said after Phillip wandered off and people started heading for them. "Here, eat this," she said, handing him a Coke and an apple. "You've got to keep your energy up. Burning energy like you are, you'll be a basket case if you don't keep eating. And if anything happens to you, Cate will never forgive us!"

"Uh, Alex," Gini said, touching his shoulder to get his attention, even though she had to turn her head while addressing him. "As you can imagine, your increased output has attracted several new followers who've been drawn to the cemetery looking for you. Some of the girls have been intercepting them, explaining what they're experiencing. They wanted to give you some space so they'll hold them back until you're able to deal with them."

"Tell them thanks," Alex instructed, already feeling the ever mounting pressure of his multiple obligations to so many people. "I'll be sure to meet with them, but there are still a lot of people to meet with first. Speaking of which," he said, observing Leanna Dickson, Ally Frey and her girlfriend Betsy Allen approaching, "I can see I'll need to be exerting myself a bit more for the next hour or two."

"Alex, I'm so sorry to hear how this turned out," Leanna said as she threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly. "As soon as we heard about the service today, we booked a last-minute flight out just to be here."

Smiling tiredly, Alex pushed her back so he could take them in.

"You're all looking quite good. From what I hear, your bar has become quite the place to be seen nowadays."

"Yeah, except now there are so many straight women we've got to watch what we do," Leanna replied snidely as she teased Alex. "I was discussing opening a second bar for the local lesbians, but I'm afraid anything I open will draw your supporters just like my first place did."

"Hey, success has its costs," Alex answered as Ally hugged him as well. Betsy stood back, letting her girlfriend have her moment with the object of her inspiration.

"Okay, Betsy, come get your hug, and then I can do what you're all waiting for," Alex told them.

"Don't put yourself out," they assured him.

"Don't," he warned them, holding up his weary hand to restrain their insincere protests.

"Before you do anything, we brought someone else," Leanna hurriedly explained, ushering two nervous women up to meet him. They looked at him anxiously, though one made a point to not look at his face until he told her to. "We met Leslie Cox and Valerie after you left, and we're pretty sure they are Seer and Seeker. We were hoping you could..."

She stopped when Alex once again held his hand up, guzzling his coke as they patiently waited.

"Leslie?" he asked simply. She glanced up, and even though Leanna was holding her, almost collapsed from the shock to her system. When she finally recovered somewhat and glanced around trying to acclimate herself to her new visions, he idly waved his hand, and both new girls wheeled, suddenly realizing their abilities were boosted in what looked like an afterthought on Alex's part. But Becky and the others knew better, as she passed him a liter bottle of Coke to help replenish the energy he exerted in performing such a 'simple' act.

Becky, Melinda and Gini realized allowing him to do so much so soon after such an intense night—especially considering how his BCM energy was peaking so dangerously—would place a severe strain on him. Allowing him to do these seemingly simple acts threatened his health even more, but they found it difficult denying him or any of these women that benefit, knowing what it meant to each of them. But they also knew if he could handle it now, he'd then have time to recover afterwards. While the women from Oklahoma City were still reacting to what he'd done to the newer girls, Alex boosted Ally, an act neither Ally nor Betsy expected.

The afternoon progressed along much the same lines. Despite Alex's weakening energy, everyone wanted to speak to him, and several wanted him to boost them. He also needed to meet, activate and boost the new followers his intense BCM drew to the cemetery. He was patient with each, and Becky and Melinda kept feeding him throughout. But they knew once his energy dropped he'd be useless, and they'd have to simply store him in the back of the touring van and let him sleep it off for at least the next day.

"So, Alex," Becky said once the crowd had largely dispersed and they were wheeling him back to the van, "I still have a lot of questions about last night."

"Undoubtedly," Alex tiredly replied with a knowing smile. "I was expecting them, and thanks for holding off until we dealt with everyone."

Becky waved his comments aside, not wanting him to feel indebted to her with as much as he had on his mind, but she pressed on. "I know you were guarded about your answer to Phillip, but do you actually think Mickie crossed over?"

Alex's expression turned serious as he struggled to sit up to address this serious concern which had been bugging everyone. "Well, I'd be careful with words like 'made it', because she did die and we'll never see her again, but there's no way we'll ever know. Since the transition effectively wipes ones memory clean and there are so many millions of potential places for her to go, we've got no way of ever knowing. But," he added after a short pause, "I'm pretty sure she did. Again, I have no way of knowing, but she had everything going for her and she was prepared for it. As weak as she was when she finally died, she was still hungry to continue and see what awaited her in the next world."

"That's better than any other answer, I guess," his sister acknowledged, gently rubbing his shoulder as Winona opened the van door. The conversation ended as Gini scooped the trembling Alex in her arms and lifted him out of the wheelchair and into the waiting van where the band had prepared a daybed for him.

"Some of the local girls offered to return the wheelchair to Dr. Franklin, who lent it to us," Mary Watson, one of Winona's backup singers told him. "And while you were busy, Steve and Taylor went out and bought a wheelchair from a local drugstore he recommended. I don't know how long you'll need it, but if nothing else, we can always donate it to someone else at some point."

Alex nodded absently as Melinda settled him into the daybed. Gini had to retreat due to the intensity of his still radiating energy, taking up a protective position by the window—facing out.

"OK, so Mickie presumably did well," Becky said, handing Alex a fruit smoothie Susan Simmons had prepared for him, "what about what you learned? What else does it portend? Will you be able to use the knowledge to transition into the next life as well? And if so, could you potentially use it to communicate with us once you have?"

After stating the question everyone was contemplating, those nearby shifted closer to listen to Alex's reply—everyone but Gini. Unable to glance at him, she was busy sending every word of his responses to a whole relay team of other Seers across the country.

"Lot of ... questions," Alex gingerly replied as he sucked as much nourishment as he could, "few answers."

Setting the drink aside temporarily to give his answer his entire attention, he addressed everyone listening. "Since I made it once and now know much of what's required, I'm assuming I'll eventually make the leap myself. As I assume many of my followers will—especially those who followed me here from another world. I'm assuming we'll use this 'language of the spirit world' to somehow identify where we've gone so the others can follow. But I have no clue how that would operate or even if we've ever actually done it in the past."

Alex had to stop and drink some more, those few words wearing on him even more. Those listening waited patiently, even as Steve Blanco started the van and slowly pulled onto the stately cemetery access road still crowded with his many followers' cars.

"But even if it's possible to use that knowledge to track where someone has gone—something I'm not convinced is even possible—I'm convinced there's no way we could possibly communicate over it after that. Just look at me, it's taken me eighteen years to regain any of my knowledge of what I'd done before, and that was only after an agonizing period of study and analysis and a whole host of lucky breaks. So I wouldn't count on any 'What's up? Just catching up' calls from me after my demise."

"All right, that makes sense," Becky acknowledged, speaking as the official spokesman for the group since no one else wanted to distract Alex while he struggled to remain alert. Becky felt her role was merely to keep Alex talking, as he effectively knew the answers but needed a little prodding to reveal them, a glistening drop at a time, to everyone else. "But do you think we can ever put this 'secret language' to some use? Assuming we can ever learn to translate it?"

"Well, all we have now is an incomplete ... lexicon of unrelated words," Alex said, pausing for a prolonged coughing fit, during which Melinda patted him gently on the back and fed him some more of his smoothie to relive his parched throat.

"Just so you know," Gini interrupted, "his aura is flickering more erratically. I'm guessing his BCM level will plummet soon, and when it does, he won't be able to last much longer."

"Then I'll try ... finish," Alex weakly replied, waving off everyone's worried looks. "I doubt the words we've learned will help much, as the language is only useful for a few meager moments at the exact moment of death—during which no one could ever ... remember the specifics. Instead, I suspect the key would be ... directionality." Here Alex paused while everyone anxiously waited for him to continue as he tried to gather his strength, feeling his weariness increasing.

"All you'd need is to know is where in the Cosmos the signal originated from. That should allow you to follow it. That's even more so if they travel through a dimensional leap... , which could operate independently of ... specific directions. Essentially, someone could jump directly to where they're needed... , and they'd presumably know how when the time occurs. If we had some way ... to read that directionality, and could transmit it to everyone else... , we could conceivable gather in the next life on another completely ... different world again."

Becky considered this, giving her sister additional time to feed Alex more of his smoothie. Meanwhile, Susan set about making another one, since it seemed to be the fastest way to get nutrients into him. Of course, the noise of the process effectively halted all communication anyway.