Chapter 15: Reflections on the Nature of Heaven and Hell

'Anh?'

'Alex? It's been a long time since you last sought my advice. Would this have anything to do with what happened tonight?'

'Yes, but not directly, ' he answered, leaning back, closing his eyes and concentrating on his breathing. He was still upset, not only by the newest attempt on his life but by what just happened to him as a result. 'So the word about what happened has already gotten around, huh?'

'You bet it has, ' she assured him, demonstrating just how much her English had improved since they'd last spoken. 'In fact, the only reason Kitty and Chalise haven't already called you is we thought it best not to tell them until you had a chance to process it.'

'So you expected it to affect me?' Alex asked, intrigued.

'Like you said, not directly. I know you weren't in any real danger, but often during these events your abilities get a significant boost, so when I heard from you, I expected it would be something along those lines.'

'It isn't so much a new ability. I don't think I can do anything I couldn't before, but it's like my eyes have been opened.'

'How so? We've always trusted your judgment, but you've always relied on us to help you see what you weren't able to.'

'No, it isn't that I physically see differently, but my view of the world has changed. Remember how you described me as having been a soul on another plane who discovered a way to cross between dimensions?'

'Of course I do, ' she assured him. 'I told you it took a lot of power, and when someone does it leaves them weak and it's difficult to understand their messages unless one listens very carefully for it—something that's nearly impossible in this crowded Western World of yours.'

'Yes, you also said you thought I'd found a way to tap a powerful energy source which allowed me to cross over, not only carrying that energy with me, but also bringing many of my people along.'

'I'm familiar with my words, ' she assured him. 'So what do you see now you didn't before? I'm assuming since you're asking me so many questions, you have something specific to ask?'

'Well, you also said when spirits cross between worlds it's necessary for them to forget their past, it had something to do with the transition.'

Anh didn't bother responding, knowing Alex would get to the point on his own. He clearly had his own agenda.

'I remember my past, ' Alex admitted.

'Well it's about time, ' Anh happily replied. 'I was waiting for it to happen and I was starting to worry it was taking so long, but I never doubted it would happen when it was necessary.'

'It's not a clear vision, ' Alex said, recalling what he'd witnessed as he looked in Rachel's eyes as if he was there again. 'I mean, I can't remember specific events. Apparently things are so vastly different my mind can't comprehend the differences, but I'm now aware of the process, at least.'

'Well, as fascinating as that is, I'm sure you didn't contact me to listen to congratulations. What is it you really want to ask?'

'I need to understand what I remember. I need to pick your brain about spirits, especially those which have crossed over. I need to compare them to my own memories on the subject. I'm still not sure I can trust what I recall, and I need to balance it against others' experiences.'

'Well, I can certainly walk you through it, but keep in mind I don't have any direct experience with it. As I've said, very few manage to cross over, and those who do are usually too weak and their thinking too fragmented for them to make much sense. Most of what I know was passed on to me by others. So I'm not sure it'll help much.'

'Right now, I've got nothing to guide me, so what little you know is more than I have available.'

'OK, but I'd suggest you talk to a few others as well, ' she suggested.

'Don't worry; I plan on speaking to Winona, Kubba and Robin about their own cultural knowledge on the subject. I figure between all of you I should be able to evaluate what I'm dealing with.'

'Just as long as you understand there might not be anyone who can help you. But even if that's the case, I'm sure the spirits who guide you will lead you to someone who can help you understand this. If that's me, then I'd be honored, but one can never understand the methods of the spirits, and usually knowledge doesn't come from the expected sources.'

'That might be, but let's at least cover what we do know, OK?' Alex asked. And so they discussed her understanding of this phenomenon. While she didn't expect it to provide Alex any immediate answers, she knew it would give him something to consider, and hopefully a way to process what he was recalling, because she knew he had a heavy burden. Those memories were stripped from the spirits who crossed over for a reason, and the full realization of what was involved was easily enough to drive one insane, no matter how much healing energy or maturity they had. This was a perilous journey Alex had undertaken, not that his previous journeys had been a walk in the park. But if she could ease his load in any way, she would shoulder any portion of his burden she could.

"You've been especially quiet, Alex. Are you sure you're OK?" Melinda asked as they checked into the hotel after the intense night they'd experienced at Winona's first real concert. It had been a huge event and swarming with people coming from all over after hearing reports across the media about the sample concert they'd thrown Wednesday.

"Yeah, as crazy as the scene was, normally a stressful event like that leaves you drained and nervous, but somehow you seemed lost in thought the entire time," Becky said.

"Yet nothing managed to shake him," Winona observed. "He was calm, cool and collected. Nothing anyone did bothered him. Personally, I think he's handling things better than he ever has."

"You say that like someone who has some inside knowledge," Becky observed as Alex waited by the front desk to check for any messages. However the desk clerk was busy with another guest, as several people were arriving at that late hour, so they had time to discuss the issue.

Winona blushed but refused to back down. "Alex asked me what I knew about my people's spirits. He asked some very specific questions. It seems he's been discussing this with everyone," she admitted, glancing at him to make sure he didn't object to her admitting this. "He's had a revelation of some sort, though he won't explain it to anyone. He keeps asking how the deceased behave and what personal experience I've had with them."

Alex didn't look pleased by the discussion, but he didn't object and for once he didn't sigh like he usually did. Gini glanced around and stepped away, either looking over the crowd or simply trying to avoid the discussion.

"Does this have to do with the Cynthia's planned attack the other night?" Becky asked. "Are you questioning your mortality again? If you are, don't get worked up about it. Everyone handled the situation perfectly and you weren't in any danger. I must say, for as unprepared as everyone was, I think they handled it ideally."

"No, it's got nothing to do with Cynthia's actions. Instead I'm wrestling with the concept of the afterlife. Of heaven and hell and what it means for someone to cross over."

"Wait; don't tell me you're questioning your vaunted atheism?" Melinda teased.

"Actually, I think I've lost my lack of faith," Alex admitted with a wry but weary smile. "I still can't deal with the concept of a paternalistic father figure watching over each of us, but I've come to believe in the spirit world and now I'm questioning my spirituality pretty severely."

"Pardon me, I couldn't help but overhear," the man beside them said. He was a tall man, gray-haired and balding, who looked wise for his years and held himself with a special decorum. "I'm always interested in theological discussions about the afterlife, and I'm especially interested in what brought a confirmed atheist around."

"Pleased to meet you, father," Alex said, immediately taking to the older man, only belatedly noticing his liturgical collar. Gini, seeing a strange man accosting Alex, hurried back but hung back to figure out what they were discussing before getting involved.

"Please, you don't need to start with the father business," the older man said with a jocular smile. "Just because you've rethought your spirituality, don't jump overboard quite yet. You need to be sure of your motivations when you finally decide to switch sides."

"Don't worry, I'm not about to join right away. While I'm hardly one to hold on to my beliefs, I'm also a bit of a skeptic," Alex replied, which produced a scoffing groan from Melinda.

"I'm Peter Hill," the priest said, offering Alex his hand. "I'm here for a small religious conclave we're having. We arrived a little late, just coming in from the airport, but if you'd like to discuss your issues, I'd be glad to listen."

"Uh, Alex, we should really be packing. After all, we need to be leaving early tomorrow in order to make the next concert," Melinda, who was in charge of his schedule, reminded him.

"How about if the two of you go up and pack for him?" the normally quiet Gini suggested. "Anh warned me Alex would be looking for someone to wrestle with these issues with, and if he's found it, I think that takes priority."

Melinda looked like she was about to object, when Becky, recognizing there was more going on than they understood, quietly steered her sister away, moving her toward the nearby elevators even as she tried to voice an objection.

"Sure, I think I'd enjoy that," Alex told him. "My name is Alex, by the way. This is Winona, Gini and those were my sisters, Becky and Melinda."

"You certainly seem to have quite a few loyal fans. Not many people understand when someone starts questioning their basic assumptions. They'll usually humor you, but they usually have a hard time understanding it."

"Oh, don't worry about that," Winona told him. "We've been waiting for Alex to finally come around. Everyone is convinced he's ... that he'll come around. It was only a matter of time."

"Ah, but you can't force something like that," Peter replied. "Each of us has to come to it on our own terms."

"Bishop Hill!" someone gasped from behind them. Before Alex had a chance to turn, he heard the sound of high heels clicking on the tile floor.

"You have no idea who you're talking to," the woman told Peter. "While you represent the church and the Pope interprets the Lord's words for man, this individual communes with God himself. He bears the authority of the Lord personally; I could feel his holiness and virtue from outside as it radiates from him in waves."

Even as Alex turned to consider her, the woman dropped to her knees before him.

"Dear Sir, whoever you may be, I open myself to you," she announced, spreading her arms wide and still kneeling before Alex. "I'll be your conduit in any manner I may assist your mission here on Earth."

"Muriel?" Peter shouted, surprised the normally formal older woman would cause such a scene, especially in public and making a public mockery of her faith like that.

"Sister Morgan!" bellowed an older black man wrestling several bags through the hotel's revolving door. He too, bore the same nondescript liturgical collar Peter Hill wore.

Alex, though, was hardly perturbed, unlike the times he'd tried to quiet everyone down whenever anyone made a scene in the past. Reaching down, he grasped the woman's head, lifting it while addressing the air over her head.

"Muriel, it's not as simple as that, but for your faith in me, I have a gift for you." Alex spoke in a way he never had before, speaking so confidently and assuredly Gini and Winona had to look again. There was something ... unnerving about his new attitude. "I hereby give you the gift of sight, so see what's hidden. I also grant thee a whole new understanding of optics, physics and astronomy as well. Who says you can't mix religion and science," he concluded with a chuckle as he finally glanced down at her.

As he'd expected, her head jerked back slightly and her eyes grew large before she had to turn her eyes away. But when she did, she was even more awestruck than before.

"Holy Jesus, Mary and Joseph!" Muriel quietly exclaimed, not in a shocked manner, but in an almost pious, astounded one.

"Rise Muriel, it'll take a little while to adjust to your new sight. Winona, could you take her aside for a moment and explain what she needs to know?"

"Gladly," Winona told him, even though it was clear she was dying to listen in, as she was sure it would reveal what he was currently wrestling with.

"Who the hell are you and what kind of sacrilege is this?" the older black priest by the door demanded, abandoning his bags and rushing towards Alex and Muriel.

"Hold on, Jordan," Bishop Hill said, holding his open palm up to the other priest, who stopped immediately upon seeing it. Peter cocked his head and stared at Alex. "Alex ... Alex... , are you that kid from New Orleans?"

"The so-called 'Angel of New Orleans'? Yep, unfortunately that's me," Alex admitted with a shrug.

Alex thought Jordan was about to blow a gasket. His cheeks were puffed up and the color was rising in his cheeks, but Peter paid him no mind.

"Please, come, let's talk," he said, motioning Alex toward some chairs in the hotel's lobby. "I'm not sure I actually believe any of this, but I'm curious how a self-proclaimed atheistic angel comes to find God once again."

"Alex, are you causing trouble again?" Patricia asked, as she, Hannah and another of her Seers, Nicole, entered the suddenly busy lobby. "I've been getting a series of messages about the ruckus you're causing."

"He sure is," Gini laughed. "He's gone from shy, retiring and nervous about revealing himself to no longer giving a damn."

"Please, if you can't restrain yourself, I'll have to ask you to leave," the hotel manager insisted, walking around from behind the desk. He'd come out of his office after hearing the disturbance and was upset there were so many people causing a disturbance in his lobby.

"The hell with that," Peter declared, turning to the manager. "If I don't have a problem with it, then I don't see how anyone else can. But if anyone else does, have them stop by and I'll grant them a free blessing," he offered with a sly wink. He then turned back around and flashed Alex a big grin, throwing his arm over his shoulder. "Come on Alex, I'm curious about all this and I'm eager to pick your mind."

Alex grinned, really enjoying himself for a change, though he also reminded himself how serious this was as he observed the other priest, Jordan, who still hadn't calmed down. Jordan huffed a bit, clutching his hands, and then swallowing his pride, followed a short distance behind.

"So tell me, how much of this is a simple act and how much of it is authentic?" Peter asked as he sat down in an easy chair, motioning for Alex and the others to join him. But instead of answering, Alex turned to the blustering priest they'd just left behind.

"Come and join us, Mr. Owens," he said, motioning for Jordan to join them. "While I don't expect to convince you of anything, I think you might have some fun at least."

"Wait, do you know Father Jordan? Or were you expecting us?" Peter asked, suddenly suspicious. "Is this some kind of set up?"

"No, Muriel just told me," Alex explained.

"I heard no such thing," Jordan said, his curiosity finally overcoming his outrage as he approached the couch seat Alex offered him.

Again, saying nothing, Alex turned to Muriel and waved his hand, almost in some sort of informal blessing. Once again, Muriel almost collapsed, having to quickly grasp a nearby chair.

"I've just given Muriel another little gift. It obviously won't convince either of you, but it'll help illustrate the point," he told the two men before again addressing Sister Muriel. "Muriel, reach out and speak to Anh. She's ready to explain a few things to you."

"Holy... ," Muriel swore, though she never finished the oath. "I'm communicating with a woman thousands of miles away, someone who speaks Vietnamese," she announced.

"That's ridiculous," Jordan exclaimed, rising from his seat, his hands balling into fists. "Are you two trying to pull some kind of trick on us?"

Again, Alex motioned towards Muriel without saying a word and she responded.

"Nó không chỉ có thể, nhưng cô ấy nói với tôi làm thế nào để nói tiếng Việt," she told the two men, her eyes wide with astonishment.

"What the hell?" Jordan asked, standing completely up.

"And you do it quite well," Alex complemented her. "The pronunciation is very close to perfect."

"OK, you've convinced me, there's no need to tease us anymore," Peter laughed, smiling as he seemed to enjoy having his assumptions overturned. "But if you're supposed to have God's ear already, then what's this about a change of faith? Or about your not believing in him?"

"Ah, now that's a complicated question," Alex responded, finally sitting down beside the astounded Jordan.

"Questions of faith always are," Peter replied. "At least if they're dealt with honestly."