Chapter 43

We kissed there in the hot tub for a long time. Just kissing. Tammy kissed with little skill, but lots of intention. It took me a while to understand that Tammy wanted - or needed - me to take the lead in this for her. Her willingness to be led made me suspect she never made decisions until the night she left Cray.

"Tell me about more about you," I said, finally coming up for air. "When did you get married? Why Cray? How did your father feel about it? Tell me anything you can think of that you want me to know."

Even by moonlight I could see that my questions puzzled her. It made me think no one asked Tammy about Tammy. She was still plastered tightly against my side, her face close to mine, and lips very nearly touching. I felt her settle slightly as she thought about my questions, her arms came down slightly, from behind my head to around my shoulders.

"Looking back, I know now that Daddy was already sick by the time Cray came into my life. He never let on, never told me that he didn't have long to live. He just continued to be my father, my protector, my best friend, and my confidant. But when Cray started to come around acting like he was head over heels in love with me, I think Daddy thought God sent Cray to take care of me after he was gone.

"We married two weeks after high school graduation. Cray was already out of school, working as a welder and making good money. Daddy must have thought that with me married, he could quit work and move somewhere warm for whatever time he had left.

"He kept it all from me, until the hospital called and said he was very sick and asking for me. For once, Cray didn't fight me. I called a travel agency and flew out the same afternoon. It was a big step for me, but nothing was going to keep me from seeing Daddy one more time.

"I was shocked when I saw him in the hospital bed. He was near death, and I think he was hanging on just to say goodbye. I buried my face in his chest, just like all those times as a little girl, and cried like a baby for him.

"If Daddy hadn't died the next morning, I would never have gone back home. Just being near him gave me so much peace; I would never have left him again.

"So Daddy left me, instead. I sat with him all that night, and was still holding his hand when the nurse touched my arm and said, 'I'm sorry, Honey. He's gone.'

"That forced me to act. I called home to tell Cray, but he didn't answer. Then I called the funeral home Daddy had listed on the forms when they checked him in, and had them come and take care of him. Having the money to take care of his funeral wasn't a problem, because Daddy never changed the signature cards at the bank. I was still a listed owner on every account.

"It wasn't a lot, but it was plenty to bury him, order a nice headstone, and clear up all his bills. The three weeks I stayed in Arizona, closing up his apartment and selling off his things was the saddest, yet most peaceful time in my entire marriage.

"Cray finally called me the next day, after listening to the message on the answering machine. He was distracted but did manage to say that he was sorry. I think he liked my Daddy, even if he hated me.

"It was while I was in Arizona that I discovered that I was pregnant. There was an OB-GYN that had her office near Daddy's apartment. I called for an appointment, and she confirmed it. I asked a couple of questions about being pregnant, and she gave me a bunch of booklets to read that would help when the time came.

"When I called Cray to tell him I was expecting, he sounded drunk, and I'm not sure he even heard me." She was speaking softly, with her head resting on my left shoulder, half turned to face the moon. The reflection of the moon off the hot water gave her face an unearthly glow. It captivated me for a little while.

Tammy had drifted to a stop. I wanted to hear more, so I asked, "Did you work after you got married?"

Her laugh was equal parts bitterness and sarcasm. "When it finally sank in that we were going to be parents, and the doctor at home confirmed that it was twins, Cray was furious. He demanded I get a job and save every penny towards baby expenses. Finding a job was silly easy. The labor market was strained and if you showed up, they hired you.

"Because I was pretty good at data entry, having studied it in high school, I was hired to type patient histories for a medical practice right near our home. The work was mindless. I could do practically it in my sleep, and the added benefit of having free doctor visits appealed to Cray.

"I worked until one week before my due date, and the obstetrician in our office delivered the girls for me. Cray never made it to the hospital. Daddy was dead, and I didn't really have any friends, so I went through the whole thing alone.

"The same thing happened when Carrie came. I was still working for the medical practice, and Cray found other things to do. The beatings were not nearly as bad during the times I was pregnant, because Cray was afraid of what the doctors would say about the bruises when they examined me.

"Instead of visible bruises, Cray switched over to other forms of abuse. Those we won't talk about." Her tone indicated that was as far as she was going on that topic.

Seeing her shiver at the memory of Cray's violence, I pulled her back against me and whispered into her hair, "He will never hurt you again. If I do nothing else in this life, I will see to it that he never hurts you again. Never."

Tammy's demeanor changed then. I could feel her sit up straighter, and square her shoulders up a little. It was as if she was casting off the weight of her past life and embracing a future without abuse. She looked at me with a question, pregnant on her lips.

"Where did you get so much wisdom? You are younger than me - maybe a lot younger. When you first spoke to me in the coffee shop, I thought you were in your early twenties. When I saw how you handled things with us - you were so calm and sure of yourself – I thought you must be even older than that. But when you smile or laugh, you look so young, I can't decide if you are an old teenager, or a young old man.

"One thing you definitely are, Brian Morse, is a good friend." She leaned in, took possession of my face, and kissed me hard, this time with partly open lips. I felt her tongue just graze my lips, searching for more. It thrilled me to taste her tongue and know that she initiated it.

We kissed, intertwining tongues for so long that Tammy had to come up for air. She gasped for breath and said, "You just kissed me for longer than the total of all the kisses I have had in my life, up until tonight," and giggled.

I needed to break this up, or we'd be doing a whole lot more than kissing, and I don't think that was what she had in mind. "Tammy I love what we're doing but it has gotten me a little ... let's say, 'aroused.' I don't want to pressure you into doing anything, especially after what you've been through. Sooo I think we better stop here, before I do something to spoil our nice evening.

She was shocked! Her mouth dropped open, and she stared at me like I had just grown a third eyebrow. Never taking her hands off me, Tammy said, "You really did just say that, didn't you? You just said that you weren't going to make me do things with you, right? Oh I know that's what I heard, but it sounded so sweet. Could you say it again, please?" Her eyes pleaded with me to play her game.

"Tammy," I said, softly. "You are smart, sexy, sweet, and most of all, kind. I wouldn't hurt you for all the tea in China, but I'm a guy. Guys get worked up and think with something other than their brains. Understand? If we keep this up, I will be way too tempted to keep going, and I don't want to be the guy that takes what he wants, just because he wants it.

"You deserve better. What you deserve is to be able to decide when, where, why, and who, without pressure, fear, force, or pain. But, when you get down to it, I'm still just a guy, kissing a beautiful, hot, sexy, woman. Of course I want more, but not at your expense.

"Only on your terms, and only when you say you want to. If we don't stop, I might get too worked up and take you without thinking. I'm almost there now. Believe me. You have NO idea."

I kissed her again, and Tammy slid off the seat and onto my lap, trapping my erection between us and grinding her bottom against me. If that wasn't an answer, nothing was. She rained down kisses on my face and lips. Her arms gripped me to her, and she twisted herself against my dick with all the force she could muster.

Tammy was all energy and no coordination. She pushed and shoved so hard against my lap that she slid off, twice, reseating herself each time. Her bottom massaged my dick, slowly moving it until she successfully got it between her legs and then trapped it against her slit. I could feel her lips through her suit and was glad the fabric was so soft. My dick pressed upwards against her groove, until the head bumped against her clit, causing her to jump like she'd been shocked by a live wire.

She gasped and asked, "What was that?" Then she ground me against her clit – harder - and kept doing it until she hit her peak. The new sensations drove her over the edge, bringing on her first climax and sending her into a series of spasmodic jerks, as her body experienced itself for the first time.

Her first orgasm continued right on into her second. This one was not as intense, but was of much longer duration. She shook, twisted, and ground herself into me, while crying, moaning, and gasping for air, all at the same time. It was a charming thing to watch.