Chapter 42

When I finished in the access hole, I decided to go up top and take a soak in the hot tub. Cold outside, or not, the hot water would feel very soothing. With my heavy robe on, I stuck my head out and told Tammy where I'd be, in case there were any problems. It occurred to me as I climbed the back ladder up to the roof that my life and theirs had changed drastically in the last twenty-four hours.

It was almost the exact same time, yesterday, that I was walking into Walmart feeling blue. The loneliness that I craved since I lost Beth Ann, had turned on me, like I suspected it would, and was using every trick in the book to drag me into a dark depression. If I'd stayed in Branson it would have been universes worse since I wouldn't have had the challenges of the trip, combined with the new, exciting, boating life to keep me distracted while I properly grieved.

The whole thing was a paradox. I needed to be alone to let the alone-ness drive me to needing human contact again. It worked. I was happy to have the girls around, and hoped I still felt that way in a couple of weeks.

The cold hit me as I let myself in the screed door, to the covered roof. I could see my breath and couldn't wait to sink into the water and warm up. As soon as I got the cover off, set it out of the way, and turned the jets on low power, I dropped my robe, and slid naked into the water.

The sudden warmth, coupled with the soft pressure from the jets had their magical effect on me. My body relaxed, and that freed my mind from the mundane things I worried about all day, like the boat, the weather, and the many things that could go wrong.

As I lay there watching the clouds wrap themselves around the moon, I caught myself reliving the first time in the hot tub with Beth Ann, back in our little cabin in Branson. That's where I really started to live. When that produce truck took me out of this world, and God - or someone – sent my soul into Brian's broken body, it put in motion a world of new choices, opportunities, challenges, and pain that completely changed the road I was on.

Falling in love with Beth Ann brought me to an appreciation for life in ways I had no idea existed. Until she loved me, I had never been loved. What Judith and I had was more like a mild friendship, compared to the passionate, hot, sweaty, full-bodied loving that Beth Ann shared with me. Everything I did seemed to remind me of Beth Ann; like the hot tub. I knew I'd never crawl into one, ever again, without it bringing her sweet smile, and sexy, sneaky grin to mind.

As the water had its way with me my mind wandered over Beth Ann's feminine curves. Knowing that this train of thought would leave me depressed, the momentary joy I got from remembering seeing Beth Ann for the first time in a swim suit gave me a temporary lift.

This hot tub had a lounger that accommodated my whole body. I stretched out, letting the mood take me. Memories of my One True Love soon had the expected effect on me, and my erection returned with a vengeance. Wrapping my hand around it, I slowly stroked myself, enjoying the fantasy that it was Beth Ann's hand holding me lovingly.

So wrapped up in my thoughts, I didn't hear the approach of footsteps until the light changed. Tammy had come out to join me in the hot tub. She stood in the light of the moon, creating a shadow that tipped me off to her presence. Thankfully the light was so poor she couldn't see what my hand was doing below the waterline.

"Hey," I said. "Did you come up to soak?"

"Yeah," she softly replied. "If you need alone time, just say so, and I'll go back inside. I don't want to be a pest." I could hear the insecurity in her words and wanted her to feel at ease with me.

"I'm happy for you to join me, but I'm not exactly dressed to receive company. I hope you don't mind."

She seemed a bit confused for a moment. Then the light bulb came on. She realized how I was dressed, or not dressed, in the tub. "Oh. I am so sorry. I didn't mean to ... I mean, I wouldn't ... It isn't like ... I'll just go," she stammered.

"No. Tammy. It's Ok. It's dark, you can't see anything, and you had no idea. Just come on in and enjoy the water. I promise not to mention anything about this to your girls, if you promise, too." I laughed and it seemed to break the tension.

Tammy thought it over for a long minute, then shed her robe, and daintily climbed in with me. I sat up, and slid over into one of the built in seats, to give her more space, which she promptly took, stretching and surrendering to the sensations. As she eased herself into the hot water the quick glimpse gave me just a tiny impression of a slender woman's body with smallish breasts and slim thighs. It was over too fast to get more of a look than that.

We enjoyed the warm water without speaking until Tammy said, "My girls sure seem to have taken to you. They've never had a male figure they could look up to. Cray certainly never gave them the time of day. I don't think he ever changed a single diaper, loaded the washer, or got them breakfast. Not once.

"My babies were so insignificant to him. I would bet he doesn't even know their birthdays. It's just as well. This way they won't catch themselves missing him and making the mistake of thinking he wouldn't treat them like he treated me.

"I just can't believe I'm free of him, Brian. It's like some kind of miracle that you came along when we had nothing left. It is remarkable that you would just sweep us up into your life, without a thought as to how that was going to inconvenience you.

"You'll never know how thankful we are. How thankful I am.' Her enthusiasm temporarily got the best of her, and she suddenly leaned over and kissed me on the cheek, accidentally brushing her arm against my erection. Tammy jerked her arm back like she'd been burned. With a look of horror on her face she began to apologize. Her apologies were soon joined by tears, as she tried to convince me it was unintentional, as if I was going to explode and beat her just like Cray.

I'd had enough of the weeping. "Tammy! You did nothing wrong. I'm not mad. Nothing bad happened, and if it did, I wouldn't blame you. Stop worrying about the sky falling and hitting you on the head. You're safe now. Your girls are safe from that monster. All men aren't like him. I'm not anything like him, and if you think about it, you already know that. Just stop thinking that at any second, I'm going to sprout horns and turn into the devil."

Talking plainly seemed to settle her down. We returned to enjoying the blissful water while she came to grips with her unfounded fears.

Later I felt the water move, and she was beside me. "Brian? Are you asleep" she asked, timidly?

"No. I'm right here, wide awake. What can I do for you?"