Chapter 27

It hurt to think and it hurt not to think. The truth of the matter, or what truth I could imagine, was that the thing with the truck was way too convenient to be a coincidence. It was just a short time ago that I was tooling down I-44, in perfect health but barely alive, in a piece of crap car, living a crappy life. Somehow the hand of fate dropped the ball and when a truck came along to end my miserable existence, my soul ended up in a fourteen year old kid's body, instead of the morgue.

I'd thought about this since the beginning. If the universe exists as a delicate balance of forces - when my soul jumped into Brian's body the cosmic balance would have been disturbed. I was taught in school that nature abhors a vacuum and will try to fill it. This crash must have been the universe trying to right itself. If so, then it'll happen again and maybe again as the universe seeks stasis.

Truthfully, I should have died in ER in Springfield, the first time. Being alive in another person's body probably was an affront to the universe. I could understand how that could be true. Accepting that I was responsible for killing Beth Ann was brutal. I wanted to be dead. Not her. Silent tears of grief and shame rolled down my face in the darkened hospital room. I hated myself - hated being alive while she was dead.

And then I thought of Brian. Beth Ann lost her only child because my soul hijacked his body. Then Beth lost her life because the universe had come calling to even the score. If Death had showed up right then, he would have a willing passenger.

When I returned to the here and now, I overheard Colleen and Rebecca quietly talking. "He has been through so much, in such a short time; I don't know how he'll get through it." Rebecca's words hung in the air a long time before Colleen responded.

"The first time I set eyes on him and Beth, I thought they were two of the nicest, kindest and most decent people that ever lived. They strolled into our office, knowing no one in Branson and just decided to trust me. The way they just handed me their case and assumed I would take care of it, was such a gift to me. Their trust made me so determined to do everything right, leave nothing to chance and get everything done to be worthy of their opinion of me.

"It wasn't pressure; I felt this ... need to live up to their trust and wanting to do well, made it easy to do so. Daddy thought they were just terrific. It was so sweet to see how he brightened up when Brian came around. Coulter has been such a trial for Daddy. Between Coulter doing drugs, getting arrested, stealing from all of us and doing everything possible to hurt him, Daddy really needed a Brian to come along and give him someone to father.

"Mother keeps saying that Daddy doesn't want to represent Brian, he wants to adopt him. I don't think she thinks that's too bad an idea, either. He managed to get under our skin - all of us.

"When I brought them to you that first day and you didn't ask me to leave so you could examine him, I was embarrassed and then thrilled. I remember thinking how painfully attractive he was and when you undressed him I got so aroused I almost wet my panties. How could a fourteen year old be that attractive?

"Now he's hurt, alone and broken like no one I've ever known. How can life hurt someone so nice, so badly?"

Rebecca was a good listener. I could hear her encouraging Colleen to talk and imagined her body language doing the same thing. Colleen was opening up a part of herself I'd never guessed existed. She was always so put together, focused and driven but now she was hesitant, emotional and sweet. I was eavesdropping as the two women talked about me and concentrated on their every word, if for no other reason, to keep the anguish I was feeling from drowning me.

Colleen's mention of Beth Ann brought tears to my eyes. I cried silently while they chatted. My head hurt as much as it did when they operated that last time, but my heart hurt so much worse.

"What in the world will he do when he gets out of here and has to go home to an empty house?" Rebecca asked the hard question I hadn't even considered.

"Daddy got him emancipated, so he can legally live alone but can he - really? Should he? I can't imagine being alone that way. It would kill me. Maybe we can keep him with us for a few weeks while he recovers and figures things out." Colleen seemed tearful but resolute.

Rebecca said, "We only have the three bedrooms and the third one is an office. There's no way our place handles one more. And if he did, how long before you would be handing him your panties?"

Rather than answer, Colleen changed the subject. "Becca, Daddy had to get Judge Thorson to order Branson PD to surrender the reports from the accident. Daddy said the chief "sealed" the file. That's a crock because no one but a court can seal a public record."

"Why in the world would someone do that? It makes as much sense as sealing the daily weather report after it's printed in the paper," Rebecca sounded upset.

"Daddy thinks the chief was bribed to keep the details secret because someone needs to cover up something very bad. It was a HUGE mistake. Daddy will eat them alive. To make things worse, they've ticked off the Judge and you never want an angry judge, ever.

"By Monday Daddy will have uncovered every little fact about the truck, its' owner, the driver, his record going back to nursery school and the outcome of every drug test he ever took.

"As upset as we are, Daddy is that and more."

"Good," Rebecca said with conviction. "It can't bring back Beth but at least Brian will have no worries about money for the rest of his life. With his health challenges, living a normal life will be almost impossible. We'll have to keep such a close eye on his circulatory system that a normal life won't really be an option for him.

"Do you realize we all had almost this same conversation a few weeks ago? Poor Brian. He just can't catch a break. We HAVE to be there for him. You and me. We have to, Colleen."

"I know," she said. "We will..."

I slept.

The drugs had me pretty woozy and sleep simply took over. One minute, I'd be awake and then the next thing I'd know, I was just waking up. One of the times I woke up, I could hear Colleen and Rebecca again. "The neurosurgeon says Brian will recover - this time. He is afraid that the two serious car accidents and the accompanying traumas have come too close together and may have weakened the walls of his arteries already compromised from the first accident. There's also the possibility of things going on that we can't see, that won't heal.

"It's possible that Brian is living on borrowed time. It's also very possible that he just won't wake up one morning. Brain surgery is not an exact science. There's so much that can go wrong and so much we don't know and so much we'll never know. It's like rolling dice, all day long, hoping you don't get snake eyes."

Colleen didn't want to accept that. "If anyone can get through this, Brian can. We've seen him cheat death twice. He must be living under a lucky star."

"Or running out of luck," Rebecca put in quietly.

As Colleen and Rebecca discussed my chances of survival, I tuned out, thinking about Beth Ann's face when she came the last time we were together. Her expression was a mixture of shock, joy and ecstasy.

We were finishing one of our marathon sessions and Beth Ann had a huge climax sneak out of nowhere and take her to another plane. Her face was a transparent window into her heart as she fell over the edge of her climax. Her smile was a thing of beauty and it stayed with me, even as the real world intruded, once again.

The girls talked well into the night, guarding me while I slept.

Mr. Bell was there when I next opened my eyes. It had to be late morning judging by the sunlight filtering through the blinds. I looked around and saw the room empty for him. Rebecca and Colleen must have gone home to get some much needed sleep. I needed to make sure these people knew that even though I loved their company, I was fine alone at night, in the hospital. It wasn't right to burden them like that.

"Well. I see my favorite client is finally awake. You keep scaring the bejesus out of me, boy. I am certain I told you not to do that anymore. Don't you listen?" Everything about him was jovial except his eyes. They wore the same sadness I saw in Colleen's.

"Hi, Mr. Bell," I weakly replied. The pain drugs were kicking my butt and it was an effort to speak at all, forget being energetic. "I am so sorry you have to spend so much time here at the hospital with me. I thank you but I know you have far more important things to do than this." I knew my words were slurred and my voice was weak but I had no idea how weak I was until I tried to sit up a little to talk to him.

Mr. Bell put a gentle, restraining hand on my chest. "You need to lay back and rest, Brian. You've had a terrible time and need to heal up. If you want or need something, tell me and I'll see to it but you must rest."

"Mr. Bell," I needed to know some things and needed to know how to get some things accomplished. "I need to get out of here and go bury my mother."

That brought about a long silence. Mr. Bell knew how to think. I knew how to wait.

I waited.

He thought.

"Rebecca tells me you're here for several days to two weeks, if not longer. Your injuries are life threatening this time, Brian. You can't bury your mother if you're dead. It's that simple.

"As for your mother's arrangements, Colleen and I will handle everything and hold off on a service until you're on your feet. We want to do this for you, son. You need to let us do this for you." He was so sincere and kind. I didn't have the heart to refuse.

Instead I cried, again. That was the last time I cried for Beth Ann, myself, or the rotten circumstances that had me in the hospital. Two weeks to the day later, I walked out the front door of the rehabilitation unit of the hospital and into Mr. Bell's Suburban. I was going home.

We were almost home when Mr. Bell cleared his throat. I figured something was wrong and waited for it. "When you and Beth had your mail forwarded to the office, we assigned Josephine to keep up with it for you. She received a letter from your landlord, or I should say, the landlord renting the cabin to your family trust, since they are the lessees.

"It seems your landlord doesn't wish to honor the lease. In particular she seems to hold some grudge against your mother for reasons unknown. Even though she signed the original lease and agreed to and signed the new lease that named the trust as the renting party, she is demanding you vacate the premises by the last day of the month."

"Well. FINE. Now what do I do," I asked?

"Can you think of anytime your mother had a problem with the landlord, Sherry Mesicowski? She certainly seems hostile towards you."

"As far as I know, we neither one ever met her. Everything was handled by phone and mail."

"I can't imagine the reason for this but there's nothing to it. We'll take care of handler her."

"If I have to be out by next Wednesday, I need to get moving, Mr. Bell. Can you give me a ride into town so I can buy a new car?"

Mr. Bell wasn't even considering me moving out unless and until I chose to do so or the lease ran out. He said to ignore the letter and he would have Colleen messenger our negative response. "There is no way you are being evicted. Though when I called to find out what her problem was, she made some very cryptic statements about getting you out of her house. I suspect we'll have trouble with her, which will please Colleen to no end.

"You concentrate on getting well and let me make your landlady go away."