Chapter 1

I died.

Carl was dead. I'd died as Carl twice – at least.

Brian was dead. I died as Brian too many times to even try to count.

David was dead. I died as David only once, but it was a very dead kind of dead.

John Gray was dead...

All the people I'd ever been were all dead...

I was dead...

Really Truly Dead...

R.T.D...

For a long time I knew I was dead, and then I realized that this thing that I was - wasn't death!

I knew I wasn't alive, but I also knew I wasn't dead...

All this dying was killing me!

How can one be dead, but not dead? That was a tough question to work through, especially in my dead state, which seemed quite dead, even though I was not quite totally dead. The conundrum returned. Each time I died, I wasn't dead. My deadness was quite live, but my alive-ness wasn't all that alive.

So there I was, with all this dead-i-tivity, surrounded by a lot of nothing, in nowhere, contemplating all the dead people I went through in my lives. Just cataloging how dead I used to be was exhausting. If I had a head it would have hurt from the strain of all the deadness I'd experienced.

Of course, I would have welcomed the headache, because it would have given me something to touch, to feel, and to prove I existed. When you're dead, there's nothing to grab to prove you exist. You just have to believe that you do, because nothing around you supports that conclusion.

You're dead...

Actually ... I was dead.

Not you ... At least as far as I know, you're not dead.

I'm the dead one...

... again...

So...

At some point, sometime ... somewhere...

Noise filtered into my existence.

It was a scratchy, annoying kind of noise that was accompanied by my worst enemy...

... the beeping machine ... Beep ... Beep ... Beep...

Death hated me. I know that Death hated me, because that beeping machine followed me here.

Wherever here was, was where that damned beeping thing turned up.

But then again, if I was hearing that blasted beep, then I was no longer dead. Aliveness had replaced my dead-li-ness, and I knew that consciousness usually followed the sound of the beeping machine.

So...

I relaxed and concentrated on noises other than that torturous beeping machine...

... and heard all about how I died...

"America mourns again today, as news of the assassination of President John Gray ricocheted around the world. The President had just finished addressing Congress on the subject of national security, when he was attacked by, of all people, the Speaker of the House.

"The President's Secret Service Detail foiled Speaker Fornier's assassination attempt, but a second shooter used the confusion to shoot the President in the back, then turned and quietly surrendered to authorities without the slightest resistance. The President's medical staff was quickly with him, but the gunshot wound was far too devastating for the President to have had any hope of survival.

"Vice President Harrison Dryden was safe in an undisclosed location and sworn in seconds after John Gray, one of the most beloved Presidents in United States history was pronounced dead of gunshot injuries. President Dryden immediately ordered the Secret Service to fly him to Camp David to offer comfort to the former First Lady, Beth Ann Gray and the first family.

"President Dryden's spokesperson has announced that the President will not appear at any public events until after the funeral and burial of President John Gray..."

On to another newscaster...

"The Reverend Doctor Billy Graham was asked for his reaction to the assassination of President Gray. Reverend Graham was quite clear about his feelings. 'President Gray represented so much of what we know to be good about our country. His passion for doing right, standing firm, refusing to compromise about things that matter, and his never ending ability to protect America will be missed very badly. My sympathies go out to his loved ones, who are grieving; while we all talk about what a shame it was to lose him. John Gray stood for so many of the right things in government, and I will mourn for him. I also pray for President Dryden as he deals with the sudden, dramatic changes that have occurred in his life that now take him away from the life he thought he would lead.'

"We at News Center Four join Reverend Billy Graham in praying for the family of President John Gray, assassinated in the Nation's Capital, last night..."

The television was near enough that I could listen to reports of my death without straining. That was a rather unique way to regain consciousness. The news reporter went on at some length and described the shooting in minute detail, offering critical analysis from "experts" in law enforcement, who agreed that the Secret Service did everything possible to protect me.

"If you breakdown the film, you will see that the Secret Service Director, himself, stepped between the President and the Speaker as the Speaker drew his pistol. His reaction time was astounding. Had the Speaker been the only shooter, we wouldn't be here discussing the death of John Gray, but praising the Director for his quick thinking and bravery."

Another analyst chimed in, "When I saw the Speaker produce the pistol, I thought, 'Oh No!' then the Secret Service Director jumped into the shot, and I thought, 'Oh, great. That was fast.' Then the sound of the killing shot came from behind everyone, and I thought, 'Oh, nuts.' When he fired again, missing the President, I thought, 'Oh Great!' But then I saw the President collapse, and knew he wasn't going to survive.

"Whoever put that plan together clearly thought the only way to kill the President was to create two totally separate incidents. That allowed the second shooter time to draw and fire before the Secret Service could respond, and it worked like a charm. There is no way the Secret Service doesn't train for just that circumstance. Once the Speaker of the House got everyone's attention by going first, there should have been agents prepared for the secondary event."

I drifted off, and when I came back, a different newscast was reporting.

"This is the scene, America. President John Gray, himself a man of great courage, vision, and determination, is dead. He was killed in a maneuver that will doubtlessly be referred to for decades, if not generations, as an, 'unbeatable combination of events.' A young Congressional Page only identified as 'Kevin, ; was also shot when he crashed into the shooter, attempting to deflect the bullet that killed the President. Young Kevin is in guarded condition at an undisclosed DC hospital, under heavy protection, as numerous threats have been made on his life by radical Muslims incensed that he nearly foiled the assassination attempt, and other groups blaming him for failing to stop the shooter.