Chapter 27

The day after...

Well, the night of, and the day after...

In the wake of Kansas City's second world championship, we were strongly encouraged to stay in town for the parade which would be scheduled to be held in two days. The phone never stopped ringing in our Branson offices. Mr. Bell and Colleen had all they could do to try and keep up with the influx of messages and emails.

The team celebrated long into the night, but like last time, I elected to avoid the champagne bath. I do not understand why grown men think pouring alcohol all over each other is an acceptable pastime. Jack and I headed for the hotel about one a.m., and I was still so wound up, I ended up watching Sports Center, and the MLB channel most of the night. Benjamin kept me company, but he snores just like Winnie, so it wasn't all that much fun. Somehow it was cute when Winnie snored. With Benjamin, it was just snoring.

I did get a good start watching the DVD's of every game the Royals played after I joined the team in August. Our broadcasting department even prepared a full set of DVD's of the playoffs and World Series. There's a lot you can learn by reviewing things, after the fact, if you keep an open mind. Watching from afar, I realized I could have spun away from the baseball that hurt my ribs so badly the other night. That was worth remembering.

I did discover that my on base percentage was one-thousand. One time at bat - one time on base. I had a perfect record. How many ball players can say that?

All Sport Talk was hilarious, and I listened on ear buds to keep the noise down.

"Listen, you weasel Cardinals. You thought you gonna come into our house, and disrespect our boys in blue?

"You thought we would roll over and present our tender backsides to you?

"You thought we didn't have ace in the hole, gonna go all Sandy Koufax on your asses, didn't you?

"We thought you a bunch of no-class, ugly, muthers, and dumb to boot.

"Here's the four-one-one for you too stupid to keep your dumb asses outta the rain. You tried to hurt our young, up and coming pitcher? Brian Nelson don't care none about your big salaries. He don't be thinkin that earning the major league minimum is an embarrassment.

"He take his money from the club and went an embarrassed your dumb asses, all over that ballpark, last night.

"If you think you gonna roll in here, and roll over our bad selves, I think you made a poetic mistake, boys.

"Your poetry sucks, is what I'm telling you. You ain't got a good idea anywhere on your ugly, backward, child abusing, team.

"You don't hit too well, either. Your big boys swung like little girls all week, and then you got mad? Mad that a sixteen year old showed you what pressure pitching all about, right Holmes?

"We ain't mad at you Saint Louis hicks. You too dumb to waste mad on. See? Our Royals did the onli-est thing they could do, which was kick you all the ways back to Hick Louis, and forget your sorry butts."

That man could roll it off his tongue, nonstop and keep me laughing for hours.

Their callers were almost as funny. One woman led off with, "I don't know what you all see in that Mark Stanley. There are PLENTY of better looking men in the majors. Mark's barely in the top two-hundred.

"Now, I wouldn't kick him out of bed, but I doubt I'd try to lure him in very hard, either. Now the gangly one, with those dreamy eyes? That big, studly, muscle up the yin-yang, Carlos? I would lock the doors, padlock the windows and you wouldn't see him till spring, once he got a good whiff of what I have between my legs..." That's when the censor cut her off.

Too bad, it was just getting interesting. I bet a lot of folks wanted to know exactly what she intended to give up to our man Carlos.

The highbrow conversation continued. "You know what, man? The Royals are – they're like - Greek gods, or Roman emperors, or something like that. They just mowed the Cardinals down like ankle high grass in front of a brush hog, during the dry season. If you oiled them all over, and made them play naked, it would be just like the original Olympic Games, except for the fact that they were all playing baseball.

"I'll tell you what! The Royals probably win the next two world series' in a row. They have so much young talent, and so many true grit players, that winning just comes natural-like to them."