Chapter 37

As Jan was having a showdown with the woman she credited with saving her emotional life Bryant was sitting across the desk from a fifty-year-old gray haired college professor.

The man, Noah Lowry, smiled warmly as Bryant entered and offered a hand for the man to shake. Bryant took the hand as Lowry gestured him to a chair.

"This shouldn't take long," Lowry said. "You've been through this before and I worked for the Miami PD for a dozen years as a consultant. So, why don't you just tell me how you're doing?"

"I'm okay," Bryant said warily. This was far different from every other time he'd sat with a psychologist or psychiatrist. Those sessions had been confrontational from the outset.

"Any bad dreams ... the shakes ... drinking more than usual?" the man asked.

"No," Bryant said. "I'm doing the same things I've always done."

"Have you changed your routine since the shooting?" Lowry inquired.

He was surprised when Bryant broke out in laughter.

"You have absolutely no idea how much my life has changed since the shooting," Bryant spoke when his laughter subsided.

"In what ways?" the doctor asked.

"Well, I'm not even sure where to start," Bryant stated. "I found out my partner of the past five years has set her sights on a more permanent joining. What's more surprising is that I'm not opposed to that idea. I've found that I had more support down here than I've had in my entire life. The community has been a huge help in getting me through this. I'm remorseful that I had a hand in another human's death but I firmly believe that I did the right thing. I think I recognize the risk factors involved in ensuring that it doesn't happen again and this won't have a negative effect on my personality or my job performance."

It was Lowry's turn to break into laughter.

"You've been through this before, I see," he gasped. "You missed a couple of the big keywords – next time mix in 'life event' and 'social behavior' if you can."

Bryant blushed.

"Don't worry about it," Lowry said. "Like I said, you've been forced to sit through this stuff before. Let me ask you, do you feel bad about shooting that boy?"

"No," Bryant said sadly. "I could lie to you and tell you I felt bad but I don't. He was a piece of shit, Doc. I actually considered killing him when I was having trouble getting evidence against him. Everything you read about him in the newspaper was only half the shit he really did. The newspapers caught up only on those things that we had enough evidence to prosecute. He blew up a whole family to hide his rapes. There are probably a half dozen other rapes he hid. I don't regret shooting him. I only wish I had been the one to kill him. Jan shouldn't have had to finish it for me."

Lowry nodded slowly.

"Well, that's understandable," he said. "I know you took a personal interest in this case. That would have to make it even easier to get through."

"I'm afraid you're right," Bryant replied. "Look, Doc, I don't think I'm a trigger-happy gun jockey. I think I'm perfectly capable of doing my job without getting into another gunfight. I think Mayfield deserved everything he got and I firmly believe that he would have killed at least one hostage and probably many more if I hadn't fired. That's all I can tell you."

"I think you've said everything you need to," Lowry replied. "You could have lied your ass off and given me a load of horse crap. You're more in tune with your mental health than I'll ever be. Do you think you can do your job if I clear you to return to work?"

"I think I could," Bryant said. "I think I would tell you if I didn't think so. I wasn't bullshitting about the community support helping me through this. It wasn't like that in Chicago. I had some neighbors who were helpful but that was almost too late."

"Too late?" Lowry asked, his interest piqued.

"It wasn't really about the shooting," Bryant cut in. "That was part of it, I'm sure, but I also was feeling alone. I contemplated suicide because I really didn't think anyone would even notice."

"That's pretty drastic," Lowry replied.

"Yeah," Bryant said with a loud sigh. "I was drinking and feeling maudlin about my life. I was looking at the end of my career. I wasn't sure where my life was headed and I wasn't sure I wanted it to go anywhere."

"What changed your mind?" Lowry inquired.

"An Angel," Bryant said with a smile.

"Hallucinations?" Lowry asked in surprise.

"God, no," Bryant said. "That's my neighbor's name. She wanted me to buy some of that crap the schools make them sell. Her folks sat with me and talked me through things. Things looked better in the light of day. They stuck with me until the tough times passed. It was they who suggested that I look for someplace else to call home."

"Did you have these feelings this time?" Lowry pushed.

"Not a one," Bryant replied. "This time I'm actually looking forward to what the next day brings. I'm excited about life down here and about the people I call friends. I have a positive outlook on life these days."

"Good enough," Lowry said. "I'm going to turn you loose on the community of Emerald Cove again. I'll get the verbal report out by close of business today and follow it up with a written evaluation by the end of the week. That should suffice."

Jan and Bryant met for an early lunch after their mental health sessions. Bryant's finished in a little less than half an hour but Jan's had continued for the full fifty minutes. Despite the fact that they were meeting nearer to Jan's appointment, Bryant arrived first and took a seat at the table.

He was chatting on the phone with Mira Delgado when he saw Jan enter so he waved her over as he ended the call. He pulled her chair out and smiled down at her. She was so distracted by her session with Dr. Hummel that she didn't even appear to notice that Bryant was treating the lunch as a date.

Bryant shrugged it off and resumed his seat as the waitress came to take their drink orders. Both settled for sweet tea, a South Carolina specialty that both had come to appreciate.

"I have to tell you, that was the easiest shrink session I've ever had," Bryant told her. He suspected that she was worried about his time with Dr. Lowry. "That guy used to work with Miami Police so he understood what to look for. It wasn't just some theory he'd read about once, you know."

When Jan's troubled expression didn't change, he reached across the table to put his hand on hers. Instinctively, she pulled her hand away.

"What's wrong?" Bryant inquired.

Jan just shook her head. Tears had sprung to the corner of her eye when she'd realized what she'd done with her hand.

"Do you want to skip lunch?" Bryant asked with genuine concern. "We can go somewhere private and talk about things if you want."

Jan wasn't hungry but she knew Bryant probably was.

"You should eat," she said. "I just need some time to think about things. How about if I call you tonight?"

"How about no?" Bryant said firmly. "How about if we talk about this now? I can see you're upset about something. Well, that means I'm upset about something, too – except I don't know what I'm upset about."

Bryant's attempt to ease his initial statement with humor fell flat. Jan just blinked away a fresh set of tears.

Bryant caught the waitress' eye and motioned her over.

"Something has come up and we have to leave," he said, holding out a $5 bill to cover their drinks. "I'm sorry."

The waitress waved away the money.

"All you ordered were drinks," she said with a shrug. "And I haven't even brought them to you yet. There's no charge."

Bryant left the money on the table as he and Jan stood. The waitress met them at the door with two paper cups and straws. They thanked her and headed for the parking lot.

"Where should we go?" Jan asked.

"Wherever you want," Bryant replied as he got in the passenger side of her car.

"What about your car?" she wondered.

"I'll get it later," Bryant assured her. The Stone Crab Tavern, where they had planned to dine, was located just outside of the city limits. It was one of the places locals frequented for lunch and tourists flocked to for dinner. It was only a few hundred feet from a public beach access point so Jan drove across the highway and parked in the public lot. The cost to park was twice what Bryant had overpaid for two cups of iced tea.

Jan made no effort to take Bryant's hand as they headed down the sidewalk until they found a bench.

"She said we shouldn't see each other," Jan announced when they'd sat down.

Bryant blinked twice.

"Why?" he wondered.

"I'm not sure I even understand why," Jan admitted. "She explained to me that she had expected me to use the relationship I have with you – I mean the one I had with you before last week – as a sort of guidepost for the other relationships in my life. She wanted me to expand my relationships and not to focus on the only one I already had."

Bryant nodded his head slightly.

"And I think you're doing that," he said. "Look, you know I'm no p-shrink but take a look at the way you've interacted with other people over the past few days. You've spent a lot of time with people you've known for months but rarely spoken to. You're not averse to shaking hands and you even gave Chuck a kiss on the cheek yesterday. Could you have done that last weekend? Maybe but I don't think so. The only two things that are different today than they were at this time last Monday is that you shot Mayfield and you and I have moved our relationship to a different level."

Jan frowned slightly as she thought about Bryant's words.

"I'm not saying I had anything to do with those things," he quickly cut in. "I'm just pointing out that you've started to do exactly as she hoped you would in those areas."

Jan shook her head.

"No," she replied. "No, you have everything to do with those things. In a way, though, Dr. Hummel is right. You were safe. I knew you wouldn't reject me. I mean, well, let me try this again. I knew that if you weren't interested in that sort of relationship then we would still have been friends afterward. Things might have been a little awkward but we would have made our way through it. There was very little risk involved for me. At the same time I have made some changes to my life that I probably would have taken slower without the Mayfield thing."

"I'm not trying to talk you into or out of anything," Bryant said. "I do, however, want to point out that the 'Mayfield thing' gave you free time to explore this section of your life that you didn't have while you were working 12 or 16 hours each day. Maybe you were ready for the change but needed time to implement them. I guess the main question is whether you're happy with how things are now."

"I am," Jan said. "I am happy but I'm also scared. Things were so good but maybe she has a point. How can I risk losing the one stable relationship I have in my life?"

"By developing other stable relationships at the same time," Bryant offered. "Jan, look, you and I were in the same situation when I came down here. I had no one – outside of you – that I considered a friend. You know, that's not even right. I didn't even consider you a friend then, Jan. You were my closest coworker but really that was all."

He saw the look of hurt on Jan's face and amended his previous statement.

"I was wrong about how I looked at you," he said. "It took me some time to understand that we had actually been close friends for years. Sure, we didn't share every incidental detail of our lives like some people feel the need to do but we stood by each other when things got rough. I was just pointing out that I incorrectly believed I had no friends."

"Oh," Jan said, recognition dawning on her face. "Yeah, I get what you're saying. Now look at you. You have dozens of friends and you add someone new to the list every day. You think I can do that, too?"

Bryant couldn't help the laughter that slipped from his throat. He shook his head when he saw the look of anger (a look he'd seen frequently as her partner) cross her face.

"You don't get it, Jan," he said. "You don't need to do that. You already have."

Jan blinked suddenly at Bryant's words.

"How many people have called to check on you in the last week?" he asked.

"Pretty much everyone I know, I think," Jan admitted.

"And how many social engagements have you hosted or attended in the past week?" Bryant asked with a nod at her previous answer.

"God!" Jan exclaimed. "I can't count them. I mean, you and I went out. We had drinks with the Williamses and the Lewises. We spent the weekend with Jimenez family and had a barbeque yesterday."

"And you hung out on the beach with everyone Friday and Saturday," Bryant cut in. "You went shopping with them. Jan, they invited you to do those things with them. They called you – you, not me – to invite you to spend time with them. They are your friends, Jan. You have developed what the shrinks like to call a 'network of support' – and those calls and invitations started long before anyone knew about you and me."

Jan felt more tears fill her eyes.

"You're right," she said.

"Don't look so surprised!" Bryant said with a grin. "I've always thought you were a terrific person."

Jan returned his smile and reached out for his hand.

"I know I'm a terrific person," she said with a laugh. "The surprise was because you were right about something."

Bryant walked back across the divided highway to retrieve his car to head back to the city. He had the afternoon free because the women of the group had decided it was the perfect time to visit some of the shops near to where Jan had her dual appointments – split by five hours.

Jan was going to meet everyone – minus the local adults, who were working – at an outlet mall half a mile from Dr. Hummel's office. Of course that meant Bryant had to return to Emerald Cove in order for the young women to have transportation.

It gave him time to sit down with Erik Kozlov and David Jimenez. The two men were already sitting at a table at O'Bannon's when Bryant arrived.

"You keep holding your conferences here I'm going to need a permit from the county!" Chuck boomed when he saw Bryant come through the back door.

"You should be happy I invite people here," Bryant rejoined. "Otherwise you'd never get a customer to step through the doors twice with the way you treat them."