96: To Be or Not To Be

I had the truck loaded as full as I could get it and Elaine had packed all her clothes in her car. Good heavens, she had a lot of clothes! She had a new apartment this year, but the same roommates. As strange as it seemed, the apartment was over a Styrofoam peanut factory near Fountain Square. It was about four miles from campus, but the three girls all had cars. One of the girls had graduated last year, but the three could afford this apartment without getting another roommate. It was kind of an industrial area and a lot of the buildings were going to get torn down soon when they put the new freeway around downtown.

I followed Elaine and we got there about noon on Saturday. The other two girls helped move her stuff in. Apparently at one time the plant manager or owner had an apartment above the factory. What was really weird was that there was a door that opened out into the production area. Only the stairs from inside had been removed so the door was about fifteen feet above the floor and an iron grate had been put over the opening on the factory side. I guess you could open the door and watch them make those little packing peanuts if you were bored.

"Okay, girls," Elaine said as we chowed down on pizza after everything was moved. "I'm not saying you can't come back at all, but this is Brian's and my honeymoon weekend. If you come back without calling, you will find us naked and you might find us making love on any surface in the apartment—except your rooms, of course. And we won't stop just because you are there."

"Almost sounds like an invitation," Gail said. She laughed.

"Actually, you can use my room and my bed if you want," Lena added. "Just ... uh ... don't change the sheets afterward. I haven't had that smell in my bed for way too long."

"You are a pervert, Lena," Gail laughed. "You kids have fun. We'll try not to disturb you." They left.

"Where are they going for the weekend?" I asked. "I feel bad about kicking them out of their apartment."

"You needn't. We talked about it this summer and everyone was fine with it. I paid for a hotel room for them and a nice dinner tonight. We won't be disturbed," Elaine said as she came into my arms to kiss me.

"You are such a dish, Elaine. I love you."

"We wouldn't be in this position if you didn't and if I didn't feel the same way."

"You know, you can still ... date and stuff this year. I'm never going to put a restriction on you. I love you and it's not fair for me to be with all our girlfriends—or most of them—and you to be stuck by yourself. I don't want you to feel ... like you need to be ... like, faithful. I mean like celibate."

"Take your clothes off," she demanded. I automatically started to comply, but apparently I wasn't quick enough because Elaine started helping. We were still in the living room and no matter what she said about her roommates being gone for the weekend, I was still a little self-conscious. As soon as I was naked, she led me to one of the bedroom doors. Trust girls. There were full-length mirrors on every door.

"Look at yourself, Brian. Let me tell you something. What you are seeing is what I've been waiting for. It didn't make any difference that I was away at college or off in New Jersey doing summer stock. It didn't make any difference if I was out with a gang from the theater or if I was dating some guy from my history class. We signed an agreement on September fifth three years ago. I have abstained from sexual intercourse from that day until last night. I admit that I've dated a few guys and Lionel and I made out like bandits after the prom. But, Brian, this is what I've been waiting for—what you see in the mirror. You've filled my mind. You've filled my fantasies. It started slowly, but this cock has become the only one I want in my pussy. After waiting three years, do you think I'll be unable to wait a couple months between injections?"

I turned Elaine in my arms and kissed her. There was nothing I could say to that declaration. But there was something I could do. And we did.

We left the apartment Sunday afternoon to get more condoms.

We couldn't bang all the time. Seriously. We tried. But in between times, I still had homework over the weekend. I was a little afraid of Ms. Hammer and didn't want to come to her class Monday morning without having finished the assignment. Elaine took me to the college library for an hour to do the research. She was also happy to read Hamlet with me. Between acts, we made love. Theaters should consider that for intermission!

"How many of you got started on Hamlet this weekend?" I raised my hand with about half the kids in the class. "Good. Remember that it is due on Friday. We will be discussing the play all week and it would be good if you were reading ahead of the discussion. However, I gave you another bit of homework. The answers to the questions that I asked on Wednesday should have been readily available to you in the library or even in a good encyclopedia. You have had one week to get these answers." She picked up a grade book and pointed to Bill Williams in the front row. "Did you complete the homework in the spirit it was intended?" He held up a notebook with a bunch of numbers on it.

"It's here."

"That's not what I asked. Did you complete it in the spirit it was intended. In other words, to learn something."

"No."

"That's a zero. Do better on the next assignment."

"But I have the answers."

"Life is not about answers. I have a binary grading system. If you did the assignment in the spirit in which it was intended, you get a one. If not, you get a zero." She moved to Cassie and asked the same question.

"Yes ma'am."

"Good job." Next girl. There were twenty-six in our class and she taught four sections. It wasn't a required class, but those who were college bound knew that it was supposed to show how good they were. It was Amanda Drysdale. I still didn't know all the names of the kids in my grade. There were about 400 of us.

"Why don't you just look at our papers and check them off?" Amanda said.

"How would that answer my question? Did you give your homework the time and respect it deserved to teach you something?"

"But I could just lie."

"Yes, you could. Did you do the homework in the spirit it was intended?"

"No." Amanda was almost in tears. That took guts.

"Why didn't you lie?"

"I couldn't. I'd rather have a zero than lie to you."

"Do better with the next assignment."

Shit! I had never had a class like this. Not only was I afraid of Ms. Hammer, I was in awe. A little over half of us had done the assignment and claimed it was in the spirit intended. I had a feeling that one or two had lied.

"Mr. Frost, please go to the board and write your answers so we all have a common point of reference." I took my sheet of numbers and wrote on the board as Ms. Hammer asked the questions. I wrote my answers on the board and then people argued numbers back and forth before we agreed on a single number. "How old is the universe?"

"About twelve billion years," I said as I wrote out the number.

"Six thousand years," Cassie spoke up. "That's what the Bible says. The first day of creation was in 4004 B.C." Ms. Hammer looked at her sternly.

"Hold on to your belief, Miss Clinton," Ms. Hammer said. "In our classroom we will use only answers that are ascertainable through the tools of science, not the tools of religion. You may discover that faith is what allows you to get to the next day; in class you cannot use an answer unless it is supported by scientific methods of investigation and observation. How old is the earth?"

"Four billion years." I wrote answers and she asked questions. Of course everyone's birthday was different. Ms. Hammer pulled down a map of the United States. It was pretty old and I wasn't positive the country still looked like the crinkled map hanging above the white board. "You will find a stack of atlases that are a little more current than the map here. There are also rulers since I can't expect any of you to have a ruler in English class. Now, how many of you have calculators in your bags? Get them out. Anyone who does not have a calculator, team up with someone who does. You'll need a calculator, ruler, and atlas in each group. We are going to create a timeline."

We scrambled around and started putting our teams together. Of course, I had a calculator. I wouldn't survive calculus and mathematical modeling without one. Nicki pulled up a chair next to me and muttered something about what the fuck was going on and why did we need geography and math for English?

"Let's say that Seattle is the beginning of the universe. I've heard it said that they believe so." There were a few chuckles. Ms. Hammer and humor were hard to reconcile, but she was trying to make a point, I guess. "Right here in this classroom—right here in the middle of your desk where you are huddled over an atlas—is now. Figure out the ratio of the numbers above to the distance between Seattle and here. Use your fancy calculators, don't bother with highways. The universe is about twelve billion years old, compare that to the roughly two thousand miles from Seattle to St. Joe Valley High School. Where did the earth begin?"

"Um ... Somewhere around Sioux Falls, South Dakota," Doc Phillips said. Everybody called him Doc because he was a mathematical brain. I felt sorry for him. I was called Brain Trust because I did well in my classes, but the only thing Doc ever did was his classes. Having Coke-bottle glasses didn't help him any. The guy was practically blind and had his face about two inches from the atlas.

"And when did the earliest life form?"

"Just this side of Chicago, it looks like," Janice Stierwalt replied. People were jumping ahead to compute different parts of the timeline just so they could participate.

"Dinosaurs?"

"LaPorte."

"Homo sapiens?"

"Mishawaka High Cavemen!" someone shouted.

"Civilization?"

"Here," I said. "Just down the hall somewhere near the cafeteria."

"Hungry?" Ms. Hammer asked. There were more chuckles. We'd all gotten into this and were actually having fun.

"Not after realizing I have to go into the past to find food," I said.

"Well, now. What about us? You. Where on our timeline map did you pop out of the womb and become the bright and shining stars that you are?" We were all still tapping on the calculators. Nothing seemed to fit and I started writing out numbers on a sheet of paper. This could take all day.

"Ms. Hammer, according to my calculator, I don't exist. We're just too small," Rose said. She was sitting with Amanda.

"And how does this make you feel?" Ms. Hammer asked. "Someone begin. I'll wait." We all looked around at each other.

"Small," said one person.

"Creepy. Like I don't matter at all."

"Like we're all worthless in the eyes of the universe," Cassie said.

"Believing the universe is only six thousand years old helps, doesn't it?" Ms. Hammer winked at Cassie. "Does anyone feel the opposite?"

"Empowered," Josh said. I looked at him. "Like even after all that, I'm still here. I should just go for it."

"Go for what?"

"Go for everything. Live life."

"Or just kill yourself," Nicki shot back.

"To be or not to be," Ms. Hammer quoted. "That is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or..."

Shit! This had all been about Hamlet!

Coach Mitchell had left after last season to take a job someplace in Fort Wayne. We found out that Coach Hancock had been promoted to varsity basketball coach. Everybody was pretty excited, but I wasn't looking forward to my conversation with him. I'd put it off until Thursday, but I headed for his office instead of lunch at noon.

"Brian, are you still keeping up with your training? How is Whitney? I haven't seen her yet at all."

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about, Coach. Whitney's doing great and we're training every day. We're trying to keep it out of the school this year."

"Well, at your level, I'd rather you were in a dojo that knows what you are doing."

"We'll work on that. But you know Whitney leaves at noon to go to MHS. I just wanted to let you know that I leave at the same time. I'm taking two classes at IUSB this fall. I ... uh ... don't get out until three-thirty and I guess that means I won't be able to play basketball this year. I wouldn't be able to make practice until at least four o'clock. I guess none of us thought about that part of the schedule until school had already started."

"We'll miss you on the team, Brian," Coach said. He was shaking his head. I had a feeling he expected me to be there, but basketball wasn't my life. "I'd like you to come to tryouts. I know you won't be there at the beginning, but it will do the younger guys good to see that you are still supporting the team. Do that for me, will you?"

"Sure, Coach. I'll help the team any way I can." Man, I was glad that conversation was over.

I really missed our lunch-time conversations and realized what Whitney had been going through the past year. We had only twenty minutes with the crew at lunch before we had to run to her car and head to MHS. On the other hand, I was really enjoying my two college classes. It was different than it had been the past year when Nicki and I went to English Comp in the evening. Evening classes have a lot of older students who are either going back to school or just picking up something they couldn't work into a normal schedule. Our day classes were just normal college classes with normal college students. It was mostly guys, of course. Math and Chem don't exactly draw a huge number of girls. There were a couple of cuties, but they were way more interested in older guys. They made that real clear. The only thing that really bugged me was that Jen and Court's class started at the same time as mine and was in a different building so I couldn't help them to class. I sure hoped Jen was up and walking before the snow started flying.

Saturday, though, everybody was in my room studying. We'd all gone to the football game Friday night and celebrated our first victory of the season at the dance. I was really proud of Rose for having made varsity cheerleader. She and Brenda were the only seniors. There were two juniors and Samantha's sister Lexi had made varsity as a sophomore. She was turning into quite the fox. It seemed like she and Judy and Ross and Monte were always together and it was a mix and match sort of thing. I wasn't sure what Carl's brother Rich was doing. I only had three classes at the high school. Still, I could do my other work while my friends and lovers were studying together. By four o'clock we were all winding down and thinking about dates. That, of course, was when the conversation turned to the upcoming wedding.

"So what does it mean to have this ritual?" Doreen asked. She'd come over just to hang out, she said. Of course, everyone knew I was taking Doreen and Rachel out tonight. I wasn't sure everyone knew Doug was taking Liz out.

"It means that Brian and I are committing to a long-term intimate relationship with each other," Sam explained.

"So how is that different from what he and, say, Rose have?"

"Besides that we aren't going to be naked during our ritual?" Sam laughed. "The only thing different is that I want my Mom and Dad and sister to see me making a public commitment. I know that Rose feels the same way about Brian that I do. I know that Jennifer and Courtney are gaga over him. I know that Whitney believes he walks on water, even though she can punch him from here to Sunday. And I know that Liz would shrivel up and die if she didn't have Brian." That was news to me. But maybe not that surprising. "I honestly think this is the only wedding that I'll ever have," Sam continued. "I never thought about it when we were just fooling around, but I love him and as long as he will have me, I will be with him."

"Maybe we shouldn't, you know, go out tonight," Rachel sighed.

"No way!" Sam exploded. "It doesn't mean that Brian isn't with anyone else. It doesn't even mean that I don't go down on Jennifer and Courtney or that I wouldn't part your lower lips with my tongue, dear Rachel. I've kind of always wondered what you tasted like." Holy shit! Sam was really laying it on now. Rachel was blushing but frankly assessing Samantha.

"We need a word," Rose announced. "Rachel, you took Spanish. So did you, Sugar. Courtney? We need a word for a person who is associated with one casa but is involved with someone from another casa. Or even within a casa for someone who is intimate with another hearthmate, but doesn't have a long-term commitment."

"We've kind of made all the words mean what we want them to," Sugar said. "Just chose one and say that's what it means."

"But it's special," Brenda said. "I know that my long-term commitment is to Louise and Carl. But I really can't do without Brian."

"How about amiga?" Rachel asked. "It's not like we need to use the words for just friends. Or for members of the clan. We have 'cousins' for that. Brenda and Brian are amiga."

"I like that. It doesn't affect our relationship to our own cónyuge," Louise said. I didn't figure it was going to make a difference with her. She was definitely a one-dick girl. Although, I supposed it could mean two girls who had fun with each other, too. I wondered if Louise had her eye on any of the other girls in the clan.