95: Vengeance is Mine

When I got home Friday afternoon it was quiet. Too quiet.

I'd had a great afternoon wrapping things up at the studio and Polly and I had a good hug and forgave each other. I guess I can work with her but I can't work for her. But it was strange not to have anyone around when I got home from work. It hadn't been unusual for Jen, Court, and Sam to all be out on the horses in the afternoon before the fair, but with Jen in a cast from her ankle to her hip, that wasn't likely. And Anna had been around most afternoons. Of course, Mom and Dad weren't home from work yet but not having anyone around really was strange. I was still kind of high from my day at work and wanted to share it with someone. There was a brown envelope with my name on it and I figured that I'd just go upstairs and spend a little time with Heaven. I hung up my keys and kicked my shoes off in the mudroom, then went to my room. I was tearing open the package I knew would have pictures of her as I headed to my desk.

"If you'd rather spend time with Heaven than with me, I understand. I'll leave." The voice brought me straight to attention. Whitney was sprawled naked on my bed heaving a big sigh. I dropped the package on my desk and really sprang to attention.

"Whitney! You're home. Oh, god! You're home!" I had her wrapped in my arms and we were kissing like we'd never been apart. "I love you. I've missed you so much." I kept blathering between kisses until she finally put her finger to my lips.

"How could you possibly miss me with all the excitement you keep creating around here?"

"I haven't created any excitement!"

"Brian, love, you are excitement."

"Whitney, my darling, so are you." We kissed and she started working my clothes off. It wasn't difficult. I had to break the kiss long enough to get my t-shirt off. I don't normally wear an undershirt but was told that for television I had to. Before the next kiss ended, we were both naked and embracing each other. It was so wonderful to have my naked body pressed against Whitney's. I started working my way low enough so I could feel Whitney's wet pussy against my swollen cock.

"Condom," she whispered.

"But we never..."

"You are bareback with Rose now. Only one girlfriend at a time. It's an unwritten rule." Hell! I knew that! But still...

"You mean I won't feel you skin-to-skin again?" I pled.

"No, I don't mean that. But for right now, it's a way that we all feel safe. You and I agreed that while we were together you'd be covered with everyone else. We transferred that right to Rose. Sometime ... later ... when we are all comfortable and know exactly who we are sharing our fluids with, we'll change the rule. But for now, love, please put a condom on so you can be inside me. I want you so much. I've been dying all summer."

I complied and the truth is it wasn't a problem. I was still in Whitney. My first lover. I moved into her and she flipped me onto my back like I was a featherweight. Whitney—tall, toned, and elegant—was riding me with her head thrown back in ecstasy. I palmed her tiny titties in my hands and thumbed her nipples the way I'd learned drove her wild. In this position, that wildness came crashing down on my cock over and over until we were both screaming out in ecstasy. Whitney leaned forward, not collapsing on me, but leaning enough that I could tongue her little nipples. I never got soft and we never bothered to change condoms before I filled it again. Come was pressed down into the rubber along my cock and began leaking out around my nuts. Whitney rolled off of me and we kept kissing.

"That's just the first time, cónyuge," she whispered in my ear. "I'm staying the night. And you know what that means?"

"We'll make love again in the morning?" I laughed.

"Yeah. And then I'm taking you out back and beating the shit out of you."

"What?"

"You haven't been practicing this summer. No combat. I don't want you to lose your edge."

"But I..."

"Brian, I love you. I never want you unprepared." If only she knew.

"Broasted chicken!" Anna called from downstairs as Whitney and I emerged from the shower.

"Should we go down and eat or go back to bed," I asked my lover.

"If we go back to bed, they'll just bring it up here. T-shirt?" she asked. I went to my drawers and pulled out a new addition to my wardrobe—a white wife beater that was even a little tight on me. I tossed it to her.

"Your dad's going to love this," she laughed as she pulled it on. Whitney has small tits but the shirt was smaller. She pulled on a pair of short-shorts that were hardly bigger than underwear. There was a good three-inch gap between the shirt and the shorts. I scrambled into my own shorts and t-shirt and we went downstairs bare-footed.

"Ho-lee shee-it!" Mom exclaimed when we entered the kitchen. I wondered where she learned that phrase. "Eat up, kids. The grown-ups have to ... talk." She grabbed Anna by one hand and Dad by the other. He dropped his chicken bone onto his plate and rushed after his women.

"That didn't take much," Jennifer laughed from her wheelchair.

"Hey, hearthmate!" Whitney said as she hugged Jennifer. "Was that an insult to my tits?"

"Oh no, girlfriend! You look fantastic. Welcome home." Whitney progressed to hug Courtney and then Samantha.

"Would one of you mind licking me unconscious tonight?" Sam said to Jen and Court. "I don't think I can handle knowing what the two of them will be doing the rest of the night."

"My mouth's available but you'll have to do the work," Jen laughed.

"Believe me, Sam, all you have to do is get it in range and she does the work," Courtney added. We all laughed and dug into the basket of chicken and potatoes. Sometimes you just don't want to think about what you're eating.

"Where were you guys today?" I asked.

"Anna took us to get our final class assignments at IUSB," Courtney said. "We even got to meet our professors when they took us on a tour. I think we have the same English Comp professor you had last year."

"It was really fun. They said I wouldn't have a problem if I needed to miss a class for therapy or if it was too painful as long as Court was keeping me up-to-date on everything. We figured out the whole schedule and everything. Our classes are in the afternoon, so Mom will take us and pick you up at MHS so you can leave St. Joe Valley with Whitney at noon," Jennifer said. "But I sure hope someone is going to lick me tonight, too," she whined.

"I'm not putting my face in a girl's pussy," Whitney sighed. "But, Brian, if you get any of her on your face I'll lick it off."

Well, our dinner was pretty short-lived, too.

She didn't have to tell me to be a rock as she spun on her left foot and rammed her right into my gut. I sank into the ground, became one with it. I was a rock.

"Ow!" Whitney yelled in surprise. I came back with a flurry of punches and a roundhouse kick of my own that she blocked and then pressed her advantage. We knew that we were sparring and this wasn't a fight to disable our opponent but it was full contact anyway. I hate to admit it, but it felt good. I was tempted to receive punches without defending myself just to hear her yell when she made contact. I didn't, though. I still bruised.

"Peace!" I called when we had fallen back at last. We'd had a vigorous contest for nearly an hour and were both exhausted.

"Peace," she responded. I was still wary as we approached each other but we embraced and kissed like lovers, not combatants. "I love you, Brian. I was obviously misinformed."

"Come look at the post," I said. We walked to the barn and I showed her the post in the middle that she'd told me to work on. It looked like someone had beaten it with a hammer. She looked at my hands and saw that even though they were smooth now they were hardened the way hers were.

"They didn't tell me you'd practiced."

"They didn't know. I worked while they were out riding."

"I'm proud of you, Brian. But that doesn't mean we're letting up this fall. You can never stop."

In stark contrast to the way we'd been working for the past hour, we held hands as we walked to the house, went upstairs, and showered together. There was a fair amount of squealing and moaning from the shower, though.

"Brian, can we talk?" Ordinarily I'd cringe if that came from a girlfriend, but it was Josh catching up with me after third period. I had twenty minutes to eat with our table and then I had to catch a ride with Whitney to MHS so Anna could pick me up for my first college class of the year.

"This might not be the greatest time if you've got something on your mind, Josh. I have to leave with Whitney to make it to class at IUSB. Are you available after school? I'll be home about four."

"Yeah. That works better, actually. I don't want to rush through this. Thanks, cousin." The terminology had spread through our whole clan. Everyone in the clan was a cousin. Those within a casa were hearthmates. Kids who heard us talking in the halls or at our table just thought we were that weird bunch of seniors.

Wow! Seniors!

"We're going to paint cords this weekend," Brenda said. "Where shall we meet? Brian's?"

"You're all welcome to meet there, but I'm taking Elaine back to Indy on Saturday. But don't let that stop you. Jennifer and Courtney live there, too."

"If we're lucky, our whole casa will live there by the end of the year," Samantha laughed. "Brian, are your parents prepared for housing your entire family?"

"At the moment, all we have to do is make a PDA and they run to the bedroom. I honestly think my parents are having more sex than any of us!" We all laughed.

"Did you buy cords?" Liz asked.

"No. But I'll pick them up at Robertson's tomorrow afternoon. I don't know when I'm going to get them painted, though." Our school kept the time-honored tradition of senior cords. All seniors bought gold or yellow corduroy pants and painted them with school spirit. I sort of dreaded the tradition as I was going to have to strip out of them on Fridays—Senior Cords Day—on the way to class and put on something more collegiate. But I'd participate.

"I want to paint your cords," Nicki said. Oh boy. I could have death and daggers all over them. Oh well. So what?

"Can I trust you with them? Will I be embarrassed to wear them?" I asked.

"Brian! How can you think such a thing? I'll have Liz supervise."

"And help!" Liz added. I was definitely going to be embarrassed. Whitney plucked at my shoulder and we took off.

Being seniors was just like any other year in high school. Not. I was taking three classes in the morning at St. Joe Valley and two in the afternoon at IUSB. None of them was easy. The only good thing about my senior English Lit class was that Nicki, Rose, Josh, Brenda, and Cassie were all in it. I cringed, though, when Ms. Hammer started the class with the question, "Why do we write?" I'd heard Nicki answer the same question in our IUSB freshman English comp class. "Besides to keep the fucking creepy things away," Ms. Hammer finished. Did she just say that? A teacher?

In some ways, I think I found out more about the subject in that hour than I had during the whole year of Freshman English Comp.

Then I had my AP Calculus class. Brenda was in the class. She was good in math, but she wasn't taking the course for AP credit. Basically we took the same class all year but I got twice as much homework. I never could figure out this AP stuff. I'd have to pass a college level calculus exam at the end of the year and if I passed, I'd get college credit for it. I needed it.

Finally, the only class I felt confident that I could ace was a new one team-taught by Coach Nolan and Ms. Sullivan called Advanced Life Science, Foods. I wasn't sure how that was going to work, but it should be interesting.

When I left in the afternoon, Anna and the girls picked me up at MHS and drove on over to IUSB. We had different classes, but the same schedule. I had Mathematical Modeling first and then Principles of Chemistry and Biochemistry. There was nothing easy about my class schedule.

Anna picked us up at three-thirty and I was home by four. I was surprised to find not only Josh, but Cassie waiting for me.

"This is a beautiful walk. I can see why you love it," Josh said. I wasn't sure if he was talking to me or to Cassie. Something was going on and it gave me shivers up my spine. We wanted privacy, so we'd chosen to go for a walk in the woods.

"What's up, Josh?" I asked.

"None of us know how to do this exactly," he said. "And we're friends. Nobody wants to hurt anyone. But this casa-stuff has added a layer of complexity to our clan that we don't know how to handle. I'm just going to be blunt and blurt it out. Brian, I'd like to date Cassie. That's why she's with us. We talked, but we both agreed that we'd never do anything together unless you knew and were okay with it. So, I guess that since Cassie is part of your casa that I need to ask your permission to date her."

Well, there it was. The shivers up my spine raised the hair on the back of my neck. I always knew that we weren't all going to stay together the way we were right now, but I didn't expect it on the first fucking day of school. Shit!

"Cassie? Do you want to go out with Josh?" I asked. She nodded. "I think that's the only answer you needed, Josh. Thank you both for telling me. I mean that sincerely." I turned to walk back.

"Wait, Brian!" Cassie rushed to me and grabbed me in a hug. "Please don't cut us off. I swore I'd never hurt you again. If this hurts you I will not go out with Josh."

"God, Cassie! Of course it hurts. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. Listen ... and Josh, get over here with us. You need to hear this, too. I know. I've always known that there were insurmountable obstacles to you and me ever getting together on a permanent or intimate basis, Cassie. Every time we even hold hands, it's still a surprise to me. That being said, I love you. It's not the same as getting married I love you, but it's a lot more than love your neighbor I love you. When our emotions are involved, getting hurt is just something that's going to happen. But getting hurt doesn't mean that I don't love you. In fact, I guess it means that I do. And this kind of getting hurt—when it means that you might be happier as a result—is a lot different than the kind of getting hurt when you were just running away from me. You aren't doing that, are you, Cassie? Just trying to get away from me?"

"No, Brian. I know that we have a love for each other. But Josh and I have started to feel something, too."

"Josh, all I can ask of you is that you respect Cassie and her faith and her desires. Can you do that?" He laughed. He actually laughed.

"Man! That's where we should have started!" Josh said. I really hadn't seen him laugh much since Denise died. "Brian, after Denise ... died, Cassie's dad was really kind to me. More than kind. He helped me. I've been going to Cassie's church all summer. That's really when we started to notice each other. But neither of us ever did anything other than talk about how I was healing. Brian, I found Jesus this summer. Or He found me. He saved my life. Literally. I was ready to kill myself. What right did I have to be alive when Denise was dead? I've committed myself to God. In fact, I think I've been called to become a minister. Maybe that was God's purpose when He took Denise."

I was shocked when Josh started. I hadn't realized how close he'd been to suicide. I was relieved in a way when he said he'd found comfort in Jesus and that he was called to be a minister. What a great match for Cassie! But when he said that last, I didn't even think. I slugged him in the chin so hard that Josh was suddenly looking up at me from the ground and Cassie screamed. I sat on Josh ready to beat him to a pulp if he uttered another word, my anger was almost out of control.

"You listen to me, Josh. I'm glad that you've found peace. I'm glad you've found a calling. I'm glad you and Cassie like each other and want to find out if there's more than that. But don't you ever tell me that God had a purpose in taking Denise. God didn't take her. Lester Hawkins raped and murdered her and masturbated on her grave. Maybe God had a purpose in sparing you. That's good but if you want to say God let Lester Hawkins rape and murder Denise Raymond so you'd become a minister, then never let me see your face again. That's not a god worth serving."

"He's dead, Brian," Josh said. He didn't even attempt to push me away. "Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord."

"'Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.' Romans 12:19," I corrected Josh. "If it's true, then he's pretty poor at it. Lester Hawkins was unconscious when he choked to death and the police said that he had enough drugs in his blood that he was dying anyway. He should have known—been aware—that he was dying the way he'd killed her—choking on his own dick."

"Brian, please stop," Cassie said. "Please don't beat us up." Us? Shit. I was attacking Cassie with my words as much as Josh. I got off him and helped him to sit up. His lip was bleeding and I offered him a handkerchief.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. I just sat there with my head in my hands. I felt Cassie's arms around me first and then Josh's. "I'm sorry." At least I wasn't throwing up this time, but I'd just attacked two of my best friends. All I could do was say I was sorry.

"My compañera," Cassie said. "We know how much you loved her. We know because we see it in the way you love each of us. Every member of our clan, not just our casa. We ... feel the intensity of your care for us. We understand."

"You have to know, though, Brian, that we feel the same way about you," Josh said. "Denise loved you, too. She wanted to be a one and only and knew that would never be the case with you. She gave herself to me and loved me intensely, but she never stopped loving you."

"And neither will I," Cassie said. "You've said it yourself, Brian, and you need to hear it from me. We may not be lovers, but I will always love you."

"I'm sorry I reacted so violently. Josh, I know you didn't mean disrespect for her. I'm sorry I hit you. If you want to repay me, I'll stand and take it."

"An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth?" he laughed. "' ... but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.' I know I left some out. You don't have to correct me. You've got a hell of a punch, cousin."

"I pulled it," I said half to myself.

"Don't let the anger consume you, Brian," Cassie said. "We created a lot more with the agreement than any of us intended. We are here to be with you."

"Mr. Clinton told me once that you promised to never encourage Cassie to do something against her will or against her religion," Josh said. "I want you to know that I'll make the same promise. Not only to her, but to you. I've found peace through faith. But I will never try to convince you. That doesn't mean I won't pray for you. I'd just like you to continue to be my friend."

I slept alone that night. Yeah, I cried. I cried for Denise and for what I'd done and become. I finally managed to let it go. Mostly. I'd carried the anger with me even after Hawk was dead. I recognized that it came out where I didn't expect it to. When I fucked Sora. When I yelled at Miss Polly. When I hit Josh. It wasn't just a matter of learning to control it. I had to let it go.

And then I wept for Cassie. I wept for the possibilities that I knew would never be. We knew back in junior high that we weren't destined to be together, but it didn't lessen the amount that it hurt to lose her. But I had to be happy for her, too. Josh was perfect for her. He embraced her religion. He'd care for her and she'd support him. How could I not be happy for my two friends? Maybe they'd never been out together, but I could see in their eyes that they'd already made a connection. I wondered if Cassie already knew that at the bonfire when she rubbed against me and then told me everything was changing. That was always going to be a memory for both of us. An intimacy that I knew for sure she would only ever again share with her husband. Maybe, if we all held together and supported each other, that husband would one day be Josh.

Wednesday. What a wonderful day. I got home to the smells of cooking. You know, all you have to do to whet people's appetite is start sautéing onions and garlic. My mouth started watering as I pushed Jennifer up our new ramp and into the house with Anna and Courtney behind me.