Chapter 37

Dearest Willow,

Wow! Well one thing you must know I suppose is that sexual mores have been turned on their head by the arrival of the Darjee and their announcement that we are in the expansion path of the Sa'arm. I sleep with six women who I love very much. Yet each of them has a different personality, and each one speaks another 'language' if you will to express her caring. For example Katy responds best to touch while Holly responds best to gifts. That is a bit hard as everything from the replicator is a copy of something and is come by with very little effort. I have been able to make small woodcraft projects for her, decorative stuff that she likes. I guess that in a way it is me proving that I care for her. They of course show me that they appreciate me for my understanding of their needs and wants.

I'm glad to hear that someone is trying out the inertial dampers that I posited. Do you know if there is more than one auto-loader in use? I sent a new design that hopefully will address the problem that you had with the sling when the turret is moving. Anyway I'm guessing that your class is becoming a testbed of sorts for various modifications as well as combat techniques. It's interesting that even though you don't want a larger team you are collecting them anyway. Don't be surprised to have more riders in your tank. Part of that, if you don't realize it, is to try to find someone to fit into your tank because of your demonstrated ability to inspire a group to work together. As far as the Earth First fools go, well if they fall in a hole most people won't miss them. There is no doubt that they may actually slow the Sa'arm down a bit if they're in the right place at the right time. Unfortunately the Sa'arm will probably learn how to deal with them much faster than they will learn to deal with the Sa'arm. Hopefully though that will give the rest of humanity some ideas of tactics that work against the Sa'arm. Apparently they are quite susceptible to drowning so if we can fill their warrens with water we ought to have some advantage over them.

I'm sending you another picture of myself and Beth. I think that you should be able to see the baby bump in this one quite clearly. Be sure to share it with mom and dad. I guess that it took getting picked up and maybe even having to endure being used sexually by a fool who should be glad that he arrived at his station before I retested. I'm sure I would have been apt to seek revenge. I did send a note to the Civil Service Officer of his duty station noting that he seemed to have problems with male concubines. I doubt that will cause him any real trouble but it might make any further incidents of him taking one without their owner's permission get an even closer look. I sent along all the records I could find of incidence of male concubines committing suicide after being used sexually by a sponsor they had not agreed to have sex with. It is high, and I can understand. I was VIOLATED!!! I had no choice other than death at the time though. So I lived through it and only considered the main recycler a couple of times. Marissa and especially Katy spent so much time convincing me that I was still a man and that they wanted me to be their man that sometimes I wonder why they didn't both slap me and tell me that I needed to grow up. Being a concubine meant that I'd signed up for such treatment even if it wasn't spelled out in detail. I'm not sure whether that would have been better or worse, just that I can see the other side of how I acted. I mean Lily and Katy have both been violated as well and seem to accept that as part of being female ... I don't think it should be that way but I've begun interviewing other women who've been forced. There aren't very many left on board the Dawn Princess but still they seem to have a sort of fatalistic approach to it. Rape happens. If the man doesn't kill you then you survive. If you have a baby from it somehow that is your fault, even if you were forced in the first place. We knew that Katy couldn't get pregnant because when a woman is being monitored by the AI's her body only lets down an egg on her sponsor's command. All of the women, including Marissa have been embarrassing me by telling me all about how much better life is in the Diaspora since they don't have periods! Still I think it was a good thing that we all made sure that Katy knew that we loved her.

I think that is maybe the second most important thing in building a relationship. The first may well be respecting one another. Then again you never get to love if you don't have respect for the other person or people in your family whether it is the old style one man at a time with one woman at a time (never mind that divorce made it in essence serial polygamy... ) marriage. But then you seem to know that if what you're saying about the house you've set up is at all true. Not mind you that I disbelieve you, but one thing my new job is teaching me is how much people are prone to lie to themselves. Yeah even me. I had to reexamine my objection to the two guys who Marissa suggested we interview. There is nothing like having your youngest and smallest (I'm sending you a picture of me (Aren't Civil Service Uniforms ugly?) and Lily. She asked for the elf ears and to stay that size) member of your family ask you what you're afraid of while she's walking around on your back and has been praising you as a wonderful, brave and strong person.