Chapter 17 [Jack writes]

I pulled her to me and kissed her firmly. “Okay, partner. Let’s call John.”

We sat close on the couch. I opened my phone and called my son with it on speaker. John answered and Sandy said, “John, this is Sandy. We just talked to Becky. What’s happening and how can we help?”

“Sandy! It’s good to hear from you. I’m guessing my dad is there. May I come over? I need to talk to you two.”

“Of course. We are at your dad’s condo. Come on over.”

“I’ll be there in half an hour. Thanks, Sandy.”

“You’re welcome, John. Bye.”

I sat with Sandy on the couch holding hands. We waited for John to come and for Becky to return. After sitting silently for a bit, I said, “Sandy, do you want to do anything?”

“Jack, just sitting here holding your hand is good. We’ll do what we can. That’s part of us being partners in life. Roses have thorns but the smell and beauty of the flower are worth it. You are worth it. These issues are very small thorns.”

I smiled and felt better from hearing what she said. “Sandy, I love you. Give me twenty or thirty years and I will better know why. There are deep pools of love in you that will take a long time to explore and know. I want to take that time with you.”

I pulled her tightly to me and kissed her. I added, “Is there anything we need to do while we are waiting?”

“No, Jack. There are things we could do but nothing that cannot wait and it will. We have plenty of time and we need to talk some things out. Where are we going to live? Are we going to maintain two homes? How are we going to live on a daily basis? However, all of that can wait while we address John’s problems to the extent we can and help Becky with her mother.

“They are grown and we need to treat them as grownups. With both of them, we just need to listen. Jack, keep in mind that I love you and we will face together anything life throws at us.”

The doorbell rang and it was John. He looked tired and unhappy. I had opened the door and Sandy walked him into the living room. She sat him on a chair facing the couch. She sat me on the couch next to her. I put my arm around her. She said, “John, tell us about it.”

He said, “There’s not much to tell. She says I don’t give her joy anymore and she finds happiness in her hobbies and friends. Now, she just doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

I said, “John, you married Pam six years ago. It was six months ago when my divorce started. I think you need to go back in time. You’ve heard what she has said and I would hope you have thought about it. When did it all start?”

“I guess it started about two years ago when I was promoted. My boss had been fired. He wasn’t a good manager and turn over in the department had been high. I tried to protect the people on my team from his unreasonable temper with some success. I was the only manager who had had any success so I was promoted to his position over two other people with seniority. I started to make changes in the department and the work groups. Those two resisted me at every point. Finally, I took a page from something you had said years ago. I started to build a book on each one. It has worn on me. I took to recording staff meetings with the recorder on the table in front of everyone. That slowed the problems publicly.

“Anyway, I stressed. I took it home to Pam by snapping at her. We had been talking about starting a family and she brought it up. I was not pleasant in telling her that I wasn’t ready for children. I realize now that I hurt her deeply and our moving away from each other started then. It wasn’t not having children but the way I treated her about it. We didn’t talk. The next thing I knew, she was heavily involved in her quilting that she had done as far back as high school. We would have used her quilting room for a baby’s room. That was part of my diatribe. She went in there to quilt and I would watch TV. She would talk with her friends and meet with them. I would watch TV and drink. I became cold and she let me shut her out.

“Your divorce made her mad at me when I took Mom’s side without talking to you about it. She wanted me to talk to you and I refused. I was still under pressure at work and ignored everything. I went to pick her up Saturday and had to sleep on the couch because she had decided to separate from me. She had cleaned out her stuff while I was gone during the day. She has arranged a transfer close to her parents’ house for her job. She told me that she wouldn’t play second fiddle to my job and the attitude I brought home any longer.

“I can’t quit my job.”

Sandy asked, “Why not?”

“I need the money.”

I said, “John, you went to college to be an engineer. How much engineering are you doing?”

“None, Dad.”

“Is the job you’re in still fun anymore?”

“No, sir.”

“John, I chased the dollar too much but I turned down four promotions that would have gotten me out of field work. I would have made more but would not have done what I enjoyed. It was only after the downturn that I decided to leave. It may be time to leave your company and get back to doing what you enjoy.

“Do you love Pam enough to do what it may take to get her back?”

“Yes, sir.’

“That may mean eating a lot of crow and giving up some habits into which you have fallen.”

“Dad, I had my first helping last Friday and Saturday with you when I realized how badly I had failed not just you, but myself, regarding our relationship.” He looked at Sandy. “Thank you for what you have said both Friday and Saturday that kept us talking and taught me things about my dad I never knew. Becky talked to me Monday night about what happened in the Sunday school class. Sandy, you opened my eyes about my father.”