Chapter 30: Superhero

“Less than three weeks until I see you!”

“Wish it was three days,” I moaned.

“Me too. But hey, just think how good it will feel when we pull into your driveway!” Heather chirped.

“I know, I know. I’m happy that you at least convinced them to leave a day earlier from Idaho.”

Heather tittered. “We’ll have three days plus a little to ski and hang out. We’ll make the most of it, Matt. So how’s the suit?”

“It’s actually pretty cool,” I admitted evenly.

“Nice. You know you’re going to have to wear it again when I get there.”

I groaned a bit. “I will, don’t worry. I was thinking for New Year’s Eve. We usually have a minor celebration at the house with my folks.”

“That sounds great!”

“With you all being here, it’ll be a real party. I heard Frej is coming up?”

“Yeah, probably even the day before we get there. Did you get a hat, then?”

I snorted. “Yeah, Lara made me get one.”

“Ooh. It must be really cool!”

“I guess. We got one, but I never said I’d wear it. It feels a bit, I don’t know, over the top.”

“That’s why it’s a top hat?”

“Weak, Heather.”

She giggled. “Couldn’t resist.”

“Oh, Carl just pulled up. Time to rehearse.”

“Cool. Band still going well?”

“Great, actually. Everyone is really into it since the party. It’s nothing like rehearsing for the auditions. This is really fun.”

“Oh, I so wish I was going to be there! You have to find some sort of show for one of those nights I’m there, even if it’s just at your house.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

After saying goodbye, I donned a coat and went to help the guys load in their things. We got to rehearsing right away, with even Lara and Pete ignoring their relationship for the most part. After warming up with a few staples, Pete spoke up.

“So what’s our fourth song going to be?”

“I thought we already picked,” Carl said. “Start with Sunshine, then Message in a Bottle, Bruno kicks off Dazed, and then we end with Stop.”

“I really don’t want to do Sunshine,” Pete protested. “We already did that at the audition.”

“What do you want to do then?”

Pete reached down into his guitar case and pulled out some sheets of paper. He proceeded to pass them around.

“What’s this?” Bruno asked.

“Then She Did... From the Jane’s Addiction album. I want to try it. So does Lara. What do you think?”

“Pete, the show’s in less than two weeks,” Bruno remarked.

“It’s not hard. Lara already knows the words.” Pete looked at me. “I figured out all the weird chords, so I can show you, Matt, if you don’t know it.”

I shrugged. “Sure. I like that song.”

“I can’t remember which one that is,” Carl said.

Pete started playing the opening guitar riff. Carl jumped right in on the ride cymbal, nodding.

“Oh yeah, the jazzy one. Cool.”

Pete looked at Bruno. “Pretty much A and D. The bass part is really cool. At the end, you play these four notes, and then we hold it.”

I watched Pete teach some of the bass parts to Bruno, surprised at the level of effort he’d put into learning the song. He and Lara had been rehearsing, clearly. Maybe it wasn’t always sex when they were alone. I felt a little lost as the four of them started again, this time with Lara singing the laid back phrasing of the opening lines. I turned my guitar down and mimicked Pete’s left hand positions, quietly trying to figure out what the lines were. At the same time, I was wondering if some new band dynamic was suddenly in play.

“Calling again so soon?” Heather cooed after I greeted her. “I love it!”

“Missing you,” I said softly.

“Aw. Are you okay?”

“I guess.”

“What’s up?”

“Nothing, really.”

“Was rehearsal bad?”

“It wasn’t bad, but ... a bit weird.”

“Why?”

I hesitated. “Well, Pete wanted to learn Then She Did... “

“Wow, that’s pretty cool! But it didn’t go over well?”

“It went over great, actually. But ... And it’s not like any of us is, like, you know, the band leader or anything. I don’t know ... It’s stupid, but Pete put a lot of time into learning it and rehearsing with Lara. By themselves. I didn’t know at all. I was just kind of surprised.”

“It’s a good thing though, right?” Heather asked. “I mean, they’re into playing the music you like.”

“No, totally, and it’s really cool on that side. It’s just that, I don’t know. Pete’s changed this week.”

“How so?”

I contemplated. “He’s more confident, for one. Talks more. He was pretty on top of things in rehearsal.”

“Are you feeling threatened by him in the band?” Heather asked gently.

“No, not that. I guess I don’t know what it is. I’m just surprised by him lately, ever since we played the party.”

“Maybe he needed the boost, for his confidence. You always said he’s a really shy guy.”

“And I’m glad for him, but it’s just new. And right before I called you, I went to Lara’s room and she was working on something. For the band, she said, but she wasn’t going to show me.”

“Hmm. What do you think it was?”

“Something with Pete, obviously.”

“Well, they are together. Makes sense they’d be practicing together, between make out sessions anyway.”

I sniffed. “I know. I’m not complaining about anything in particular. I just don’t want it to become weird. I was always a little worried what would happen to the band if Pete and Lara drifted apart.”

“But you’re actually more worried about them being close.”

Her completely unexpected words seemed to reach inside me and twist up my stomach. Worried about them being close? Why the heck would Heather say that? No, that was a silly idea. I put the thought out of my head.

“I don’t know what it is,” I dismissed. “I think I’m just tired today. The suit buying expedition was totally exhausting.”

Heather laughed. “I’m sure it was! Hey, listen: nothing’s to say you can’t add to the band just because Pete stepped it up a bit. You just need to leave your mark on things. Go practice your guitar for a while, learn that song inside out, and make it awesome.”

“You’re right.” I laughed a little. “I mean, I keep wanting our band to get better and better, so why the hell am I complaining about it, when it does?”

“Exactly! You five are going to kill at the talent show, I’m sure.”

“I hope so. Thanks, Heather. I feel better already.”

“No problem. Now go practice!”

Up in the cabin, I plugged in my guitar and pulled out the paper with the notes Pete had written. He was quite detailed, which was helpful since some of the chords were not at all obvious to my ears. I settled into the work of pushing my fingers around the fretboard, learning the nuance of Mr. Navarro’s guitar magic.

It was dark outside when I took a stretch break, wandering into the darkroom. I saw the envelope from Heather, containing the Red Herring negatives she’d sent me. Oh fuck. I still had to develop those shots. The due date was Tuesday. I realized I needed to get started. As I was debating whether to spend the rest of the evening printing the photos or practicing guitar, a knock sounded on the front door of the cabin. I poked my head out of the darkroom and saw Lara letting herself in, a sheet of paper in her hand.

“Hey Matt,” she called, smiling.

“What’s up?”

“I was looking for you. What are you doing?”

“I was just practicing. But now I’m thinking about printing these photos.”

“The high heels pictures?”

“Yeah. Just got the negs from Heather yesterday.”

“Sweet. Should bring back some interesting memories, huh?” she cooed, her eyes mischievous.

I winced, remembering that she’d been let in on the hidden theme of the project when we were on Frej’s boat. “Yeah, probably will.”

“I can’t wait to see them and try to imagine what happened right before the picture!” she teased.

“I’m sure,” I replied evenly.

Lara eyed me. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah, just tired.”

I slumped down on the couch, feeling worn-out again. Lara joined me, still clutching the paper. She looked at me expectantly.

“What’s that?” I asked, gesturing at the page.

“Just some lyrics,” she answered, somewhat shyly.

“Oh. A new song you want to try? Which one?”

“Promise you won’t laugh?”

“What, is it Madonna or something?”

“No. Something I wrote.”

I gaped at her. “Really?”

“It’s probably stupid, I don’t know. I wanted to see what you thought. They’re just some lyrics I’ve been writing this week.”

The love letter, then.

I nodded toward the sheet. “Let me see. Pete’s been helping you? How does it go?”

“Pete?” she replied, handing me the page. “No, he hasn’t even seen it yet.”

I was surprised to hear this, but said nothing. I read through the lyrics, expecting some simple and saccharine girlish lyrics. As I finished the first verse, I realized that these words were anything but. I had to reread them, as they were not immediately penetrable.

“So?” Lara asked, after my eyes reached the end of the page.

I wasn’t sure what to say, so I reread some of the first verse once more.

The trees are whispering
Wondering what we’re gonna do
The snow is laughing
There’s never time for me and you

“It sucks, huh?” She reached for the page and took it back from me. “You can tell me the truth.”

“No, no, not at all. I like it,” I said slowly.

So that’s the end then
Are we to sleep and let it go
The river’s singing
I know, reach in, explode

I glanced at her. “It’s, uh, good stuff.”

Lara looked at me uncertainly, and with good reason. I was having trouble responding. It wasn’t that I didn’t like the lyrics. The truth was that I wasn’t expecting to read words like that, from her.

“So how does the music go?” I asked, getting up to stretch in the middle of the room.

“I thought you could help me with the music. But only if the words are decent.”

I nodded, feeling a mix of confusion, elation and anxiety at that idea. Not Pete?

“I think it’s a good song. I’d love to work on the music.”

“Okay, if you’re sure.”

“Sing the words,” I urged.

“Um, I don’t really know exactly how it should go. But maybe something like this?”

Lara sung the first verse, looking at me keenly when she finished. I picked up my guitar and sat across from her.

“Try it against this.” For lack of any other idea, I played a simple riff, a derivative of a classic rock figure.

Lara stabbed at a starting note, but couldn’t get anything going. “That’s not going to work.”

I played around with a few other options. A blues? No, of course not. A few other half-formed thoughts came out of the amp. Finally I looked up at her.

“I don’t really know what to do with it yet.”

“Hmm. Try something a bit slower, but not too slow. Something dark, but hopeful?”

That was more to go on, though still vague as hell. “Sing the first few notes again, so we can try to figure out a key.”

We eventually settled on the right starting note. Then Lara sung bits of the melody as I fumbled with the changes, trying to find something that worked. It was tedious, as her melody didn’t seem to easily latch onto anything I played.

I kept waiting for her to become frustrated with my random attempts at backing her up, but the opposite was true. As we worked on the music, she began to get more and more into the singing, nodding more often at what I was playing behind her. She moved to sit right next to me. Her note choices affected my backup, which in turn shaped her vision of the song.

After an hour, something relatively coherent began to emerge, so I wrote down the ideas we came up with. We were both startled when Melissa banged on the window to call us for dinner.

“Damn, just when we were getting somewhere,” Lara lamented.

“Yeah, maybe. Let’s work on it after dinner some more.”

“I really want to, but I have to call Johanna, first. I promised. She’s having some issues with Barry.”

“Okay, that’s cool. Leave the lyrics here. I’ll work on it while you talk to her. Then we can try it again?”

Lara smiled gratefully at me. “I really like what you’re doing on it.”

“Thanks. I’m not really sure I like it, but...”

Lara gave me a quick hug before we went to eat.

After dinner, I returned to the cabin alone while Lara went to take care of her phone call. I sat down and picked up the sheet of lyrics, reading them closely this time. Were these words a reflection of her relationship with Pete? I still had some trouble reconciling the verses with Lara’s usual mood. Usually she was lighthearted, bubbly, flirty, frisky even. But these unsettlingly dark lyrics carried a certain sensuous longing to them that instantly made me uncomfortable, but also obsessed with wanting to know more.

There’s nothing happening
The shadows merge and break apart
I thought I saw you
Heard you and your hidden heart

I wondered what these words meant about her feelings for Pete. As I read through again and again, making sense of the intimations of longing, fear and love, I started to feel that tightness in my stomach I was feeling earlier at rehearsal. I wasn’t sure why I kept feeling this. Was the song really about her and Pete? Did they really have this mysterious relationship she hinted at in the words? I thought they basically just had fun and fucked. Something was different about Pete, lately, though.

The air is stiffening
Pounding the walls until they’re set
The chance is now then
Unless, let go, forget

I mulled the song in my head, still completely blocked on what music to put to it. Distracted visions of Lara and Pete rehearsing together kept interfering with my musical sense. Finally, some unknown voice in my head offered some unexpected clarity.

She brought the song for me to work on. Me ... Pete has nothing to do with this.

But then, if...

With startling realization, I suddenly understood what that tight feeling was.

I put the words down, ignored the crazy thoughts unwinding themselves in my head, and just went on gut feeling. Guitar in hand, I started to play.

Lara returned to the cabin an hour or so later. She looked slightly drained, but her smile held an underpinning of excitement.

“Sorry!” she called out, breathing warmth into her hands. “Johanna was a bit of a wreck. I felt bad hanging up, but I’ll call her again later. Want to try the song?”

I took a deep breath and smiled nervously. “Sure. I came up with something new. See if you like it.”

Lara pulled a chair up so that she was right in front of me. She gave me a heartfelt smile.

“This is really fun,” she said.

I nodded, holding her bright gaze for a long moment. It felt like I was seeing her for the first time.

“Yeah. It is,” I said softly.

I started to play, a series of repeated, descending chords. Lara looked at me eagerly. I nodded when it was the right time to sing, breathing along with her, mouthing the words when they needed to be held longer or come quicker. She kept her gaze on me. Now that I knew the words by heart, I could read her feelings as she sang. When we got to the chorus, she smiled with widened eyes as she pushed her vocal lines against my newly written accompaniment.

Hold me near, the fall is
The point of no return
The edge of fear and all bliss
Please don’t stop, because I need you