Chapter 15: Stop

I finally got around to processing the negatives of Shannon’s dance that weekend. On first look, they were disappointing. Many seemed completely transparent, especially toward the end of the second roll. Apparently the gloom of the dusky studio had been too deep even for the fast film. There were some frames that looked like they might have promise, though. Admittedly, I still had a hard time translating the negative into the print in my mind, so I’d have to wait until I could use the enlarger to see if there was truly anything usable for the project.

Despite my excitement to process the prints, my procrastination with various other classes in favor of my photography work was starting to catch up with me. A number of essays and problem sets occupied most of my evenings. First-quarter tests approached in many of my courses. What little free time was available went toward band practice. Even though we had no idea what to do about a singer, we were making great instrumental progress on the new material we’d picked for the December show. Bruno, having relinquished his singing duties, was really kicking ass on bass. Hooked by the opening riff, he’d learned the entire part to Three Days from the Jane’s Addiction album.

Despite all this activity, it seemed like I was still observing myself from an outside perspective. It wasn’t like the feeling I’d had the previous year after I shut everyone out. On the contrary: I found myself enjoying most things in my life, even some of the school work.

“Maybe it’s a way to keep you sane until Thanksgiving?” Lara suggested one day, as we walked along our driveway after the bus ride home.

“How do you mean?”

“It’s a long time to not see Heather.”

“True. It’s just not something I’ve really ever felt.”

“Maybe lay off the weed?”

I laughed. “I’ve thought of that. But I hardly smoke. I had some last Friday at Bri’s party and that’s it. Anyway, I was even feeling this way before that night, and I haven’t smoked anything since before Heather came.”

Lara shrugged, but then her attention was drawn away from me. “Hm. What’s Mom doing here? I thought she was working tonight.”

I followed her gaze and was surprised to see Melissa’s car at home. “I don’t know.”

We climbed the steps and went inside. The great room was empty, although our parents’ bedroom door was closed. Lara put her finger to her lips, grinning mischievously. She leaned in close to my ear.

“I wonder what they’re doing!” she whispered. “Should we peek in their window?”

“No! Come on, let’s go up to the cabin and come back later. Don’t be a pest.”

We were moving toward the rear door when we heard them in the bedroom. We couldn’t quite make out the words, but Sarah sounded angry about something. Lara and I stopped in our tracks, trying to listen. Melissa answered, seemingly calm. The voices were just quiet enough that we couldn’t tell what was actually being said. This went back and forth for a minute or two. They seemed to be fighting, which was almost unheard of.

A bit of silence followed the exchange. Their bedroom latch suddenly clicked. Lara and I hurriedly opened the door and tried to exit, but Melissa came out of the hallway and saw us before we got outside.

“Lara, Matt,” she called out, defeat in her voice.

“Hey. We were just going up to the cabin,” I said, standing in the threshold. “I was going to try to make some prints.”

“It’s okay. Come here and sit down. I guess you heard us in the bedroom.”

“No,” I said, right as Lara replied with a “Yes.”

I looked at her with a grimace.

“Don’t worry,” Melissa said. She took a seat at the dining room table, waiting for us. We both sat across from her.

“What’s wrong with Mom? Are you having a fight?” Lara asked.

“No, no, it’s not that.” She sighed heavily. “She had a meeting today.”

“She lost her job?” Lara exclaimed, mouth open.

Melissa held up a hand. “No, Lara, don’t jump to conclusions. Not helpful. Please let me explain. She went to meet the principal about the exchange students that are coming.”

“The ones from Ireland? And?”

Melissa hesitated. “There were some, well, reservations about having them stay with us.”

“Why?”

“Just because our family isn’t typical. Some people thought that it wasn’t appropriate, or something. Just like we talked about recently, not everyone is open-minded and accepting of what we’re doing.”

As Lara and I digested this information, Sarah emerged from the bedroom. Her eyes were red. She sat next to Melissa, giving us a small smile.

“I’m okay,” she murmured.

“So what happened at the meeting with the twins?” I asked her.

“It turns out they might not stay here after all,” Sarah said.

“What!”

“To put it plainly, a few of the people involved thought it would be better if they stayed with a family that has a male-female parent set,” Melissa said evenly.

“No!” I cried out, surprising even myself. “That’s not fair! What the hell is that?”

“Matt, it’s complicated. And sometimes when things are complicated, it’s not easy to see what’s fair.”

“Why does it matter that you and Mom are both women?” I asked angrily. “They’ll be lucky to find a family with two parents that love each other much as you do!”

Lara murmured in agreement. Melissa and Sarah looked back and forth from Lara to me, their eyes filled with emotion. Despite now feeling awkward at what I’d just blurted out, I stretched my arm across the table. Lara did the same. Our parents took our hands and smiled as a couple of teardrops ran down their cheeks.

“So what happens now?” I asked, more calmly. “Is it a done deal?”

“I’m meeting the principal tomorrow,” Sarah said, wiping at her cheek.

“Where does he stand?” Lara asked.

“He’s on the fence, I think. A few people have been contacting him about it. So he’s inclined to keep things under control by giving in to them. I don’t think it’s a lot of people, just a couple of families active in the school board that seem to have a problem with it.”

“Stupid ass,” I spat bitterly.

“Matt, don’t talk that way about your principal,” Melissa scolded, though there was no heat in her voice at all.

“I’m sorry we got you all excited about them coming,” Sarah said, wiping her eyes. “I guess we didn’t really think about the situation before we jumped in.”

“But there’s still a chance, right?” I asked, hopeful.

“Unless I can convince Dr. Kendall, probably not.”

Lara huffed. “Who are they going to stay with?”

“There’s a few other families who are interested. Brian’s family is one,” Sarah said, looking at me.

I felt a twitch of jealousy. Brian was going to get to hang out with them. Spend all that time with Tommy and Muireann. I didn’t even know them yet, but it seemed like they were being taken away from us.

“Is his family one of the ones that’s complaining?” Lara asked.

That was unlikely, since our parents got along just fine.

“I don’t think so. I don’t know who it is, but I doubt it’s them,” Sarah said. “They’re just trying to help out without making a bigger deal about it.”

She was probably right. But it still felt wrong for the Irish twins to suddenly not be staying with us. Something had to be done.

The next morning I made an appointment to visit Dr. Kendall during a study hall period. I wanted to go with Lara, but she was sick and hadn’t come to school that day. My mom wasn’t meeting the principal until the afternoon. I got to the administrative office a few minutes early and the secretary told me to have a seat. I had no idea what I was going to say in there. My mom thought he was on the fence, though. Maybe I could push him over to our side a little.

“Matt,” Dr. Kendall called out, popping his head out of his office. “Come in.”

I settled into one of the chairs that faced his desk.

“How can I help you today?”

“Uh, I guess you know why I’m here,” I started.

“If it’s about the exchange students, then there’s not much to say.”

“What do you mean?”

“The committee made their decision already.”

“But you haven’t even talked to my mom! She’s coming this afternoon!”

“Yes, I realize that, but I didn’t need to wait to give my recommendation,” he said.

I looked at him for a moment, not believing what I heard. I always thought Dr. Kendall was pretty cool, but right now I felt resentment simmering up and it was coming too fast to stop it. “I can’t believe that you’d do this. You didn’t even give my mom a chance to talk to you!”

Dr. Kendall smiled incongruously. “Matt, listen, I’m not going to discuss this with you. At this point the decision is done, and—”

Now I was angry.

“No, you are going to listen to me,” I interrupted. “You see, this whole thing is a bunch of bullshit! Tell me why my family can’t host these kids? Tell me, right now, to my face!”

Dr. Kendall held his hand up after staring at me during the outburst. “Matt, please calm down—”

I ignored it and continued my unplanned rant. “See, you can’t. All these people who’ve complained about my parents and what their relationship is, what right do they have to judge my family? You don’t even know us. My mothers love each other more than you’ll ever know. They’re so much better than any other family you could come up with, especially these stupid people who complained to you. I can’t believe that just because both my parents are female, you chose to take the easy way out. Do you think it’s easy being in their situation? Well, it’s not, and when people like you do stuff like this it doesn’t make it any easier. Do you think I like coming home and seeing my mom crying? Because someone has decided that they know better about who she is, when really they don’t know shit?”

Dr. Kendall was watching me, hands folded on his desk. I found that I was standing, somehow. I abruptly realized I’d just yelled and cursed at the principal. My long period of feeling detached from events at hand was at a sudden and scary end as I was slapped back to reality right at that instant. Major panic set in. Before he could say anything, I rushed out of his office and flew outside into the courtyard.

“Stupid, stupid!” I muttered to myself.

I was dead now. I was surely going to face five years of detention for that eruption. My heart was pounding. I kept glancing at the school, expecting Dr. Kendall to come running out to tell me to get back in his office.

After a while, I regained some composure and returned to the building. No one was in the halls searching for me, so I returned to study hall since my stuff was still there. No one said anything as I took my seat again. I was sure that at any moment I would be called to the office. But it never happened. The bell rang, we shuffled out to our next class. As the day went on, I got progressively more worried. My mom was going to be in there soon. Then the shit would really hit the fan. Forget the twins staying with us; I’d be lucky if I wasn’t expelled.

I returned to the office between classes in desperation, asking to talk to Dr. Kendall, ready to turn myself in and face the punishment. The secretary told me he was occupied. Speaking with my mom, in fact. Her demeanor was quite serious. I looked at the closed door, petrified, wondering what my fate was going to be. My mom was surely getting the full account of my uncontrolled actions. There was nothing else I could do now.

When I got off the bus after school, I was pretty frazzled. I walked slowly down the driveway, wondering what awaited me at home. Melissa’s car was in the drive again. That was a bad sign. She only skipped out of work if something important was going on. When I went inside, my parents and Lara were sitting at the table. Lara looked a mix of misery and happiness, sipping a hot tea while wrapped in a blanket.

“Matt, come and sit,” Sarah said, smiling warmly.

She’s smiling? What?

I approached warily. Maybe we’d won the lottery. That was about the only thing that could trump the repercussions of an outburst like the one I’d had.

“They’re coming!” Lara announced with as much glee as she could muster given her sore throat.

“Huh?”

“Muireann and Tommy, they’re going to stay with us!”

I felt like I was in a strange dream. “B-but, I thought...”

“It turns out Dr. Kendall wasn’t really on the fence,” Sarah said with a smile.

“What?” I blurted out, still dumbstruck.

“Are you all right, Matt?” Melissa asked. “You don’t seem very excited.”

“I am ... excited...” I shook myself out of the whirl of thoughts that were flashing through my head. “Yes, of course I am. I’m just really surprised! I thought it was over.”

“No! Yesterday afternoon, Dr. Kendall told the committee that we should be the host family. They went with his recommendation today!”

“Yesterday? Yesterday afternoon?”

I looked at my watch. Indeed, yesterday afternoon was definitely before this morning. Before my outburst. Oh shit. The whole time, the committee had already decided to have them stay with us. And then I went in there and... Oh shit!

“Yes, Matt. Anyway, they will be coming for the spring. Sorry that you had to get dragged into the mess, but it’s all okay now.”

I nodded, my heart beating a thousand pulses per minute. “Cool.” I took a few calming breaths as I started for my room.