Chapter 6

I checked over my car thoroughly in the lot, but it didn't appear to have been messed with. I was also careful when I drove out, what with the e.r. nurses' tale of the supposed Quiller trying to impersonate me, but it didn't seem anybody was following me or showing undue interest in me. I said as much to Susan.

"They don't have to," she said. "I'm sure they know where you live, or they will soon. You're even listed in the fucking phone book."

"What's with all the language all of a sudden?" I asked her. "I don't remember you cussing up a storm before."

She laughed, a bit caustically it seemed to me. "This is me under stress, Larry," she said. "And me not trying to be a sweet little flower any more to impress you. Sorry, but when I get worked up I tend to revert. You'll know all about it pretty damn soon anyway."

"Uh," I grunted. "Doesn't bother me, sugar lump, I know all the words. I was just wondering." I put my mind back to work. "Look, back to what you were saying earlier, are you thinking it might not be safe for me to go home?"

"Hmm," she said pensively. "I don't know. Tonight's probably OK, or I'm pretty sure. Walter's had a big evening, and he probably flew in from D.C. just today. He isn't going to want to go after you tired. Tired people make mistakes, and he and Bobby can't afford a mistake right now. They know they're targeted. No, you'll be OK tonight, but it might be a pretty good idea to relocate in the next day or so, at least for a while."

"I'll give it some thought," was as far as I was prepared to go for the moment. "Look, I'm a little tired myself, and while I'm driving isn't the time for deep discussions. But when we get home maybe you could kind of fill me in a little? I'm pretty much in the dark here."

I could hear her sigh unhappily. "Yeah, I know," she said. "I'm sorry, Larry. I'll make sure you get to know everything you need to know. It's just— Aw, fuck it." Damn, she really was getting a little foul-mouthed, wasn't she? Well, I could sympathize; stress can be tough to handle. And when somebody's just tried to kill you and you find out you're going to be laid up for a pretty long time with no guarantees about even the long-term outcome, and meantime you're just a disembodied voice that only one person can hear, yeah, I could see how all that might be a little stressful.

"Hey, I'm sorry, too, sweetheart," I told her. "I'm sorry about what happened to you and everything you're going through. You're not alone, honey. I don't know how this worked out, but we're in this together and we'll get through it together."

To my utter astonishment the only response was a burst of sobs. "Hey," I said, frustrated that I couldn't take her in my arms and give her more immediate comfort. "Hey, hey, honey, it's OK. Well, no it isn't, I know, not now, but it's going to be. I'm here for you, maybe it's not the way you wish but I am. And I'll be here for you, I promise."

I could hear her gulp for control, and she apparently got it. But her mood didn't seem much improved. "Don't make promises you can't keep, Larry," she said harshly. "Dammit, this is even harder than walking out on you the other day. At least then I was leaving you with a nice memory, and I could kid myself that maybe someday ... Even though I knew it wasn't true. Now I don't even get the fantasy, and the only memories you'll have will be food for nightmares."

"The nightmare was you leaving, Susan," I told her flatly. "It doesn't get any worse than that. To have you back, even this way— Jesus, didn't you know how much I fucking loved you?" Now I was talking nasty, too. Oh, yeah, stress'll do it to you.

"Yes, I guess I did." Her voice was abruptly much softer. "And for whatever it's worth, or will be worth, it wasn't a one-way street." In another of those chameleon-like mood swings she suddenly turned practical. "Look, we're just about there. No, don't go back to your spot, let's ring in a change. Go to the other garage." There were two about equidistant from my apartment, in one of which I paid a fairly steep monthly stipend for a permanent parking spot. I said as much.