Chapter 1

I miss my mom. And my dad. It's been exactly 1 year, 3 months and 18 days since the crash. Since my life changed forever. Gosh, I can't believe I've been living with my brother, Jason, that long already. He's a 28 year old slug who spends his days sleeping and his nights drinking, partying, and gambling. He doesn't work. He doesn't have to. Our parents left us a lot of money in the will. Money that I'd gladly give back if I could just spend one more day with them. We're still living in the house I grew up in. At least with almost 6,000 square feet, he's a little easier to avoid.

My name is Lily. It was my mom's favorite flower. I'm 18 and have about 5 more months to go before I graduate; 7 before I can move out forever. I can't wait. When I leave for college, I'm not looking back. No more babysitting my older brother, cooking, cleaning, picking up after his parties. Basically, no more doing what he tells me to do just because he's "the authority" (in his words, not mine). And no more harassing comments from his friends when I walk through a room, who if you ask me, just hang out with him for the free ride, not to mention the girls who tend to follow him everywhere he goes. According to Lori and Willa, my two best friends, Jason is hot. I wouldn't be a very good judge of that. Personally, I find him completely self centered and self serving.

Jason and I have never been particularly close (a 10 year age difference will do that), but we used to hang out more, especially those first few months after the funeral. Now he just yells at me when he needs something, like make him a sandwich or bring him a beer. The hitting that began to accompany such demands started six months ago when his gambling habit went into high gear and he started drinking more. Jason usually hits when he's drunk, although this last time he simply must have been having a bad day because he hadn't been drinking anything. I guess in hindsight I could have passed him the tv remote control the first time he asked.

Sometimes after he hits me Jason stands there, looking over me for what feels like a little too long. Lingering. Contemplating ... something. I keep catching him staring at me, too. It's beginning to make me feel uncomfortable. At first I thought he was gawking at Willa because I only noticed him doing that when we laid out by the pool, but it's been happening more frequently lately, even when my friends aren't with me. It was only a few days ago that I turned around and caught him checking me out from behind with his head cocked to the side. And then yesterday I was standing in the kitchen, talking on the phone when I looked up and saw that he was totally staring at my breasts, zoning out and biting his lip. Ok, so they've gotten bigger in the last couple months. Still. I expect it from his friends. Not him.

It's 4:00pm. School's been out for about an hour and a half. I just got home from my run. My hair is tied back. The dark brown color now looks black on the ends from the sweat. I'm dripping and in need of a glass of water. I can only assume I'm the only one home. It's quiet. Finally. His friends are always over. It's nice to have a moment alone.

"Mmmm, lookin' HOT!" Jason's friend, Ryan, just walked into the room, startling me. Nice pun, I think to myself sarcastically, rolling my eyes. How original. Had I realized people were over, I would not have stopped for that glass of water in the kitchen and instead gone straight to my room. They must be hanging out down in the other wing.

"So why don't I ever get to see you this wet?" He's on the other side of the room and already feels too close. "Need any help drying off? Or I could help you get out of your dirty, wet clothes," he sneers as he walks toward me.

"You're disgusting, Ryan."

"Oh, I know you love it, baby."

Maybe I liked the attention the first few times, but now it's just icky, for lack of a better word. All of Jason's friends make me feel like an object. I hate it when they ogle me. I ignore him and turn to leave the room, heading down the hall toward the back stairs. He catches up with me.

"Hey! Where you goin'?" He darts around me and puts his right arm on the wall so I can't get by. Without making eye contact I calmly try going around him the other way. He takes a step in the other direction, blocking me.

Finally looking at him, I say "Let me by, Ryan."

"Now why would I want to do a thing like that?", he asks as he infringes on my space, pushing me against the wall without actually touching me. Both of his hands now on either side of me as he begins to lean in. He's smiling, but he doesn't look kind. I feel my stomach flip and my heart is beating faster. "Why are you in such a rush?", he asks. I don't like his tone. His face is so close to mine. I can feel his warm breath. He closes his eyes, leaning in even closer, and takes a deep, audible breath through his nose. Then exhaling, "Aaaahh, you smell so good." Opening his eyes, he brings his left hand to the neck of my tank top, hooks it with his index finger and starts to pull it open as he looks down my shirt.