Chapter 21

LADY ADELAIDE'S STORY CONTINUED

My marriage was a farce. I made vows to my husband, as he did to me, knowing that at the first opportunity I would break those vows. The man who would assist me in breaking those vows stood as my husband's best man. Sir Dashwood was some twenty-five years older than me, the same age as my father. For a brief moment I gave thought to his being unmarried at such an advanced age. My father gave me away with, I am sure, mixed feelings. The idea of his daughter becoming a mistress was tempered by the fact that I would become Lady Adelaide, wife to a Baronet. Rupert had assured me that Dashwood would not attempt intimacy with me. I was worldly-wise enough to believe differently. Imagine my surprise when Dashwood made no attempt to join me in bed. In time I discovered that he assuaged his lust with doxies at a house of ill-repute in Colchester.

We were favoured with invitations for weekends at quite a few great houses. Dashwood would escort me to these houses, but would plead urgent business to excuse himself. No one urged him to stay. My initial exposure to these society events had me in a quivering ball of nerves. First the dress I wore exposed more of me that any dress I had ever worn, my shoulders were completely bare and the bodice hardly covered my bosom. The dress fell simply at the front yet the back was adorned with sumptuous frills and ruffles so much so that the only way to sit was to perch on the very front of the seat, a most uncomfortable way to spend an evening. I was relieved when I noticed the other ladies who were present, some of whose dresses revealed even more than mine. At dinner I sat quietly and studied the manners of my fellow guests. The etiquette of formal dining was to take small amounts on the fork and then whilst chewing that morsel put the knife and fork down and let your hands fall to your lap. No wonder these meals went on for ages! Of course Rupert would be there and in the manner of things his bedroom would be close to mine. At one weekend I was all a quiver when I was introduced to Rupert's wife. She greeted me kindly and after dinner in the drawing room she made a point to talk with me. "Lady Adelaide, or may I call you Adelaide." I nodded in agreement. "I am Clementine, but please call me Clemmy. I am so pleased to meet you. Rupert had been a much happier man for having you in his life. I can understand why, you are very beautiful."

"I do not know what to say, Countess Clementine. I would have thought that my friendship with the Earl would upset you."

"Not at all, Adelaide, and it is Clemmy. Rupert and I were promised to each other by our families when we were quite young. We were friends but there was never any passion between us. Nevertheless family pressure was applied and with misgivings we acquiesced. I have given him an heir and a daughter and then we agreed that we could live our own lives discreetly. I have the man I always loved but had to deny to marry Rupert. Rupert knows my lover and they get on well. Now I can know Rupert's lover and I hope that we shall get on well also. So you see, there is no jealousy, no hints of honour betrayed."

"You have put my mind at rest, Clemmy. Knowing that I was to meet you, disturbed my sleep for many a night."

"Oh, I am so sorry. However, perhaps you do not view me as an ogre now."

"Not at all, Clemmy."

"Good, we shall be friends ... Oh look, the gentlemen are joining us. You see the man Rupert is talking to?" I nodded. "He is Alfred, Viscount Standing. My lover. See it is all quite civilized."

Thus was my life, living at Chetford House with a husband who wasn't a husband, and another husband who wasn't a husband who nonetheless gave me more of love and tenderness than most husbands would offer their wives. I birthed four children, all of them by Rupert. Danbury the eldest was a model that shamed Dashwood. He worked hard at his studies, he was keen to understand how the estate worked and what crops should be sown. His decision to join the army was understandable, as Dashwood would sneer at his ambitions. "You will be Sir Danbury, Baronet. What more do you need?" was a frequent refrain from Dashwood. Then there was Rose who became very good pianist and had a sweet singing voice to accompany herself. Then my poor Alice, who died at six months from the croup. Last came Robert, and with Robert, Dashwood decided that he wouldn't acknowledge Robert as his son unless Rupert gave him a lot more money. After all these years I knew that Rupert was sustaining Dashwood with frequent gifts of money. Dashwood was a sponge that soaked up money and then let it flood away haphazardly. Rupert bought some land from Dashwood when we married, a ruse to give Dashwood some capital, and gave it back to him at this time. Dashwood immediately sold it to a neighbour, George Swinson. Swinson was a very successful grocer and Dashwood would not receive him in the house because he was trade, yet was quite happy to take his money.

Sir Dashwood Chandler according to Debretts was a gentleman. The Dashwood I knew was nothing of the sort. He was uncouth, foul-mouthed and lazy. His coterie of friends seemed to be cut from the same cloth. As lady of the house I had to entertain his friends and their 'wives'. It became quite clear to me that the 'wives' were nothing of the sort. The first time I entertained I was shocked by these heavily painted women, whose language seemed to come from the gutter. When one, emboldened by wine raised her skirts to reveal a male appendage it all came clear to me. It explained why Dashwood was unmarried at forty-five, it also explained why he had never tried to join me in my bedroom. It was a shock and a comfort at the same time. I would never be in danger from Dashwood, nor he from me, as I would never reveal his secrets, which gave me a little power over my husband as homosexual acts were illegal. Once the Dower House was finished these revels were conducted there, and my presence was not required. Such was my life until Dashwood took against Robert. I had been the object of derision from Dashwood for many years. He had a vicious tongue and the filth that would spill out of that mouth was at first very hurtful, however I had endured and in some way learned how to close my ears to his diatribes. When he turned his obscene tongue upon Robert I had to do something. Robert was but seven years and couldn't defend himself.

Rupert had gifted my father the deeds of Upton Lodge, therefore no one would consider anything odd of my going to visit my father, and if Rupert happened to be there as a friend of the family at the same time none could cast a slur. I was laying abed with Rupert, when he suggested that with the treatment of Robert by Dashwood, we should bring the whole charade to an end. Now that Rose was married and Danbury was in the army, it was the time for me to move into Upton Lodge bringing Robert with me. "Your father will make Upton a bequest to Robert. Thus you will have a home that Dashwood cannot touch. Your father has invested the money I settled on him for you wisely and at four percent it will allow you a good living. That settles my worries for you if anything were to happen to me."

"Don't say that my dearest. Without you I have no life."

"Without you there is no life, my wonderful Adelaide."

I reached down and found a member that seemed to be showing interest again. "Do you think?..."

"I do think indeed." Later he relaxed breathing deeply. "Not bad for an old man."

"Old man? Every time it's the same as the first time. I am taken to paradise.

I left Chetford House in eighteen ninety-six, just after Danbury had joined the army. My father, who still kept his Drapers business happily welcomed us. He was now accepting of my rather unusual life and he was close to Robert. Indeed he took Robert with him to work and inducted him into the mysteries of the trade. "He learns quickly, Adelaide. I like to think that he may take over the business when I am not able to work." Robert was not the scholar that Danbury was, yet in many ways he was my favourite, possibly because I saw much more of him than I did of Danbury. Danbury had much more of Rupert. As he had grown I was struck by the remarkable similarity to Rupert. It was uncanny that his looks and character should be so much the same. Should others see them together there would be no doubt of his paternity, but that never happened and Danbury would be kept out of the secret for all time.