Chapter 12

Rob's turn:

At least my eyes were working again! The first doc who examined me said he was sure it had been merely a temporary thing – he called it "hysterical blindness", and said it was a result of the blow to my head. But he still wanted me to be sent down for an MRI, to rule out any permanent damage. So they wheeled me down the corridor and around a couple of corners, and left me outside a door with a sign that said "MRI testing in progress – no entry." I could read it! I hoped they would hurry, because I've heard scary stuff about these MRI's, and didn't really know what to expect. I am a little bit claustrophobic, and was not looking forward to being stuffed into a stovepipe! So I waited there for a while, pondering the events of a most improbable weekend. And the face of the most unexpected of all came popping into my mind, and refused to leave. Blond, blue-eyed, an altogether lovely young lady who was nowhere near the cliché those attributes first bring to mind. Kaitlyn! Hers was the only name that came to mind when they asked me to designate a "next of kin." Wow! Should I regard that as prescient? Almost a scary thought there! What if she doesn't... ?

Author's note: Please understand that the ER staff had already given Rob a rather significant painkiller, and it was starting to work pretty well, so perhaps he was a little bit woozy by now. Yeah, maybe that was it. So don't judge him too harshly for his reaction to the events in the MRI room.

The door opened and a technician came out and called my name. "Robert Lister?" At least he didn't do the "rhyme time" game. I had to smile at Faith's temporary discomfort. Not her fault, but Dad and I have both had fun with that one! Then I got a good look at him!

He obviously had never seen Marty Feldman in Young Frankenstein, or he would have tried not to remind me so much of him. Maybe it was the hump. No, just kidding. Anyway, he took me back to another room, asked me more questions, and had me draw pictures of where it hurts. Then he said "They're Ready for you," and the way he said "Ready" made it sound like a completely different word than just plain "ready."

He wheeled me gently in to The Room, and helped me off the gurney. "Be careful not to slip on the tile," he said aloud, and I thought he was just concerned for my safety, but now I know he was really thinking "Don't knock yourself out -- Frau Blucher likes to have you conscious so you feel everything!" Then he offered me a choice of CDs, so I could listen to music during the test. Not much of a choice, but I did spot a favorite Carpenters album, Love Songs, so I chose that.

There were more techs inside, and they laid me down on a sliding rail that wasn't wide enough to support my arms beside me, and asked if I was comfortable. I said yes, so they shifted the blanket under me until I wasn't, then stuck earphones in my ears and put a cage over my face. Then they slid me head-first into a tube not much bigger around than a ziti. Really! This is what the stuffing in cannelloni must feel like! Then they told me to relax. Relax? Where? There's not enough room in here to relax!

My arms still wouldn't come down to my sides. I opened my eyes, and there's the wall (ceiling?) of the tube, about four inches above my face. I closed my eyes again. For a very long time.

Igor had told me I'd hear some thumping or knocking sounds, so when the tapping started I thought that it wasn't going to be all that bad, but I couldn't hear any music. After about five minutes of the tapping somebody hollered in my earphones and asked if I was okay. I told her yes, and she said "Okay. Ze calibwation is done, so ve'll shtart now, und I vill shtart ze CD."

Calibwat... ? Calibration? That tapping was only the calibration? Then what was the thumping or knocking sounds they talked about?

I didn't have to wonder about this for long. The CD started, and Karen got into Top of the World then the JACKHAMMER STARTED! FOR ABOUT FIVE MINUTES I HAD THIS JACKHAMMER TRYING TO BREAK THROUGH THE SIDE OF THE TUBE RIGHT NEXT TO MY EAR! I COULDN'T HEAR A THING BESIDES THAT STUPID JACKhammer. Then it got quiet again, and I could hear Karen start in on Rainy Days and MondAYS AND IT STARTED AGAIN ONLY THIS TIME IT WAS LOUDER!!! AND IT WENT ON AND ON RIGHT THROUGH CLOSE TO YOU!!!

Anyway, you get the idea. It went on like that -- Karen and the JACKHAMMER fighting it out inside my head. And Karen was losing. And I already lost her once, and I don't want to lose her again why did you have to go so soon? I miss you, babe.

Gotta get a grip. Okay now, deathe breeply ... Stop wandering ... think about Kaitlyn. That's better.

All this time my left arm was hurting more and more, like it was going to fall off. Only I would never have known about it because there wasn't room for it to fall anywhere!

Well, this process went on for about four years, and then she said "Okay -- ve just have to redo zhe vun vhere you svallowed, you naughty boy, and zhen ve're finished."