Chapter 4

As the house quieted down and Paul was asleep, Sally and Ed sat and talked. Sally told him about her life growing up. Her father was overbearing with both her and her mother. He wanted both sons to follow him in law enforcement, but Bob said he wasn't going to strut around in a monkey suit with a gun on his belt.

An uneasy truce existed until he found Bob had been picked up for drunkenness. He did live at home now, but hated it for he was directly under his father just like when he was growing up. Sally felt sorry for her brother, but Bob couldn't seem to stop picking on Paul and she didn't let him near him.

As for herself, she had been on her own since she was nineteen when she married Paul's father. Sally realized that she had married young to get out and away from her father. He knew that and had immediately disowned his only daughter.

She was so happy when Paul was born and it was a couple of years before Paul was diagnosed with autism. By that time her young husband had tired of the responsibilities of family life and had left. She had divorced and Paul was a burden, but he also was her greatest joy.

Sometimes though she felt that life had passed her by when she thought of the years stretching ahead into the future. "So I just don't think about that and take things day by day. Paul's future isn't all that certain, because I have read where sometimes these children's life-span isn't all that long. I don't know what I will do if I lose him. Even worse, what if he outlives me? What happens to him then? This is why I try not to think about it too much."

Ed's heart went out to this woman whose life looked so bleak. "Is there anything immediate that I can help you with?'

"Oh no, I'm fine. Really. I don't often talk to anyone like this. I don't know why I have said as much as I have to you. Let's talk about you. Penny is my friend and I want to know all about how you found her and why you are doing so much for her."

Ed told her just like it happened. He even told how he had to get Penny up and back into bed when she couldn't do that by herself. He admitted that he hadn't been with a woman for two years and being that close to Penny in her nightclothes stirred feelings in him.

"So, have you acted on those feelings?"

"No and I don't see that I ever will."

"Why not? I can't believe that Penny would turn you down."

"She probably wouldn't, but she might, too. Sometimes I think I make life too complicated for myself. The way I see things, Penny is just coming from an unhappy relationship. I feel I would be taking advantage of her vulnerability. Another thing, I have been very helpful to her and Cindy. I wouldn't want her to feel that she had to love me out of gratitude either."

Ed had never discussed how he felt about his wife to anyone since her death. Why he did now he didn't want to consider. "Penny probably told you that my wife died while she was on a tryst with another man. That fact is well substantiated. I loved Alice so much. More than I should have, maybe. She had been spoiled by her father all her life and I guess I did the same. I wanted her to have all the things she wanted. I just didn't know that what she wanted was going to be another man.

"I have a little problem now with trusting women. I love helping people and making them feel good. This is why I am helping Penny and Cindy. I've given Penny some help and a place to stay so she can get back on her feet. If she took what I gave and ran, that would be fine with me. That's just something material. If I became involved with her beyond what I have, then if she left, she would be taking part of me with her just like Alice did. I couldn't handle that again."

Ed reflected about Penny before continuing, "Penny is a strong person and getting stronger. She admits she has made some bad choices. It is curious that she doesn't regret making the choice to live with your brother. The wrong choice was her decision to stay with him beyond when she should have left. That won't happen again. I think she knows that there is someone out there for her who will make her happy. I feel I am helping her to regroup and be safe until she finds him."

"What if Penny decides that you are that person? It could easily happen, you know?"

"I don't think it will be. I'm not really looking for someone, but when that person shows up in my sights, I will know. It will be a person who makes me feel like I did about Alice. So far Penny hasn't made me feel that way, and I admit she has a lot going for her. She's pretty, she's smart, she is honest, and she has Cindy. I think Cindy's the most beautiful kid on earth. I could be a father to her any time, but if I didn't love her mother we would all lose."

Sally looked at Ed, "I think you are wrong. Penny might want to give you a gift of herself and not expect more. Why would you want to turn away from that?"

Ed didn't answer and abruptly changed the subject. "What do you do on Sundays? Anything special?"

"No, nothing special. When we had a car and had the money we used to ride through the drive-through at McDonalds for breakfast. We haven't done that for a while. When I have someone to sit with Paul, I go to church. The minister said it is okay to bring him, but people stare at us so I don't do that. That's about it. The rest of the day I get my clothes washed and things ready for the next week."

"Let's do all those things tomorrow and make it fun. If you will get Paul ready to go out, I will take him and get breakfast for all of us. I have a couple of errands to do and there is no reason Paul can't go with me. We will be gone more than an hour, so why don't you crawl back into bed and let all your troubles leave with us. For a whole hour daydream whatever you want to. Think back to the happiest day of your life and go there.

"After breakfast we will get ready for church--all of us. I'm sure Paul won't be any problem, and if people stare at us that's their problem. For Sunday dinner we can go to a restaurant if you wish. Then we will just drive around to let Paul get used to riding for our journey Tuesday."

"That sounds wonderful. It sounds like a lot of work for you, though. Don't you just want to rest? I can keep Paul quiet while you sleep."

"We'll play it by ear then, but we do have to eat. I will get breakfast just like I said and then we can take it from there."

Sally and Ed sat around all evening each telling the other about their childhood years. Sally's life had been one of ease until she rebelled against her father's authority. Ed's had been likewise until he lost his parents. Talked out finally, Sally showed Ed his room and said goodnight.

Ed lay in bed thinking of Paul and the injustice of his disability. Wouldn't it be great if a way could be found for Paul to enter life's stream and be happy and successful? Somehow Ed was going to find out just what his prospects might be and how they could be improved. Then his thoughts turned to Sally. What a waste to have her life sidelined for the last several years. He wondered how she would appear if she had the advantages his wife had in life. His wife had thrown her life away and caused so much pain to him and her family.

Sally lay in her lonely bed thinking of Ed. The unfairness of life, it was nearly unbearable! How could any woman not love this wonderful man? The wife had thrown him away for some excitement and turned him against women. And for a few minutes she resented her friend, Penny. Penny now slept in the same house with him and saw him most every day. Penny now could serve him in every capacity, keeping his home, preparing his meals and yes ... the chance to make him love her. Sally felt that part was inevitable.

Tonight was pity for herself. Tomorrow morning, if she had that hour that was promised, she was going to have a Sally and Ed dream. Ed did say to dream about the happiest day of her life. She hadn't had that day yet, so she would make one up and it would be wonderful. That's what daydreams were for.

Ed could hear Sally getting Paul ready in the morning. She kept saying, "Calm, Paul. You must stay calm. This man is going to take you out in the car and you're going to McDonalds to get breakfast for us, but you have to stay calm. Can you do that for me?"

"Yaakk. Yaakk."

As Ed and Paul left the house heading for the car, Ed asked Sally where the grocery store was. He found out it was up one block and over one street. Paul was disappointed when they didn't go directly to McDonalds and became agitated. Ed said, "Calm, Paul, stay calm." and he placed his hand on the boy's shoulder just like he had seen Sally do. "We are going to get some cereal for tomorrow morning. You can even come in with me to pick out the kind you like. Then we will go get breakfast at McDonalds. Okay?"

The store was just opening as Ed arrived and he and Paul followed the clerks in. Many of the people here knew Paul by sight and had seen him often with their co-worker. He was the center of attention as he pushed the cart up and down the aisles.

Paul knew what they ate at home for he would pause and look when he came to something he had eaten before. That worked until Ed came to some things that he knew wouldn't be on Sally's menu. "Paul, only things you eat at home, okay?" The cart didn't fill as nearly as fast after that. To finish, Ed added a dozen eggs, a pound of bacon and one of sausage.

Things went smoothly at the checkout, although Ed was being looked over very carefully. Smoothly until Paul looked at the grocery slip that was headed for Ed's hand, but Paul grabbed it. He started making serious noises and Ed was puzzled why Paul was so agitated.

Weaving, bobbing and making his usual sounds when agitated, Paul was pointing to a line at the end of the slip. The clerk had keyed in a code for employee discount, but hadn't given it. Paul had seen enough of his mom's receipts so he knew it was supposed to be there.

"Miss, Paul wants his mother's discount. As she is the one who sent him to do the shopping and she still works here, don't you think she should have it?"

"I'll have to ask the manager, sir."

The manager came running over. "What's the problem?" Ed knew that probably he wanted Paul out of his store as quickly as possible because there was no doubt that Paul was a distraction and might create more of a disruption.

Ed and Paul didn't have long to wait before they had the discount in hand and it was nearly enough to buy breakfast. Ed hoped it wouldn't cause problems for either the clerk or Sally herself. Paul couldn't help making a scene, for he knew what was supposed to be. To Ed this was just another indication that Paul had a brain and was capable of using it.

Paul was more reserved when Ed and he reached McDonalds. He picked out the number of the breakfast he wanted and seemed pleased when Ed picked the same one. Sally's was different and Paul pointed to that one. He held all three breakfasts in his lap on the way back to his home.

Sally was not up when Ed set the food down on the kitchen table, but she soon was when Paul went charging into her room. She came out with smiles on her face. "Ed, that was the best hour I have ever spent. I let my mind fly and went to places that I never dared go to before. Thank you so much and I really mean that. How did you make out with having to watch Paul? Was he any trouble?"