Chapter 5: Keeping Secrets

Theron cleared his throat after a few awkward minutes.

"One more question. In this ... performance, do you ever find out why? Why did Loghain betray me?"

"Not precisely. There's a lot of debate over that issue, actually, between different people who pl ... watched the performance. Some say Loghain just went mad. Power hungry. Some figured that he hated you, because of some weird issue between him and your parents. Some thought he truly did the best he could when he saw the overwhelming odds against you at Ostagar, and then went mad with guilt. Others thought that perhaps..." I hesitated. What the hell, I'm curious too. " ... the battle didn't, uh, go according to plan, and between your line moving up too far and the beacon being lit too late, he could see that there was no chance to save you." I could see Theron milling that over, trying to understand what I meant. Duncan caught on quicker, his eyes flickering to my face, and he gave his head a small shake.

Huh. Thought not. I always knew Loghain was a jerk.

"Personally? I think it's because of what's in those papers you recovered from your chest at Ostagar." Now it was Tomas' turn to look confused, and Theron's turn to be surprised by what I knew. I had noticed that Theron didn't let either me or Tomas get a look at the contents of the chest. The secrets were starting to get difficult to work around. Remembering to say (nevermind think) the correct aliases was also difficult.

I sighed. "Look. I think both of you have questions, or want to talk about things, that the other shouldn't know. You know, Grey Warden Secrets, Crown secrets, that sort of thing. And I'm sure you both want to test my knowledge of said secrets, to better determine if I'm telling the truth. I'm thinking that either you both agree that I can spill all of the ones I know in front of both of you," I forestalled Tomas who opened his mouth, "just wait, I didn't say that was my preferred option! - or you agree to go for a walk for a while so I can talk to you one at a time. What do you think?"

Both men studiously avoided looking at each other and agreed with the latter. It's amazing how easy it is to see what people's expressions mean when you know all their secrets! But first Du ... Tomas requested that before we did that, I recount the battle for him, again.

I tried to describe my horror during the battle, my fear, but my determination to figure out some way not to leave Alistair and Aedan alone to combat the Blight. I tried to leave out my ridiculous attachment to Alistair, and I think they both were too caught up in the details to notice. I hope. Tomas asked a lot of pointed questions about what and who I saw, the ratio of men to darkspawn, and that sort of thing. I tried to answer as honestly as I could, but I truly hadn't been paying attention to the details at the time. I described seeing Cailan picked up and then thrown by the ogre, Duncan get delayed by a very large hurlock, screaming a lot, hearing the Emissaries chanting, the ground rumbling below me as darkspawn started dropping dead, and then passing out.

"We're missing something. I don't understand. Why would you being there, the only thing that changed between your performance and the reality, mean that Cailan and I lived? And from what I could see as we picked our way off the field, there were several squads of human corpses missing from the battlefield. I think somehow, some of the squads were actually able to successfully escape, which from what you've said, also didn't happen in your performance. Whatever that rumbling was, I think it was effective enough that the front lines held so some of the back lines were able to retreat. But the rumbling ... there were no mage corpses that I saw, and with so few mages marching with us, there shouldn't have been any near enough the front lines to do that sort of damage. I've never seen anything like that blast pattern near where we woke.

"I have to ask, Sierra, though I'm sincerely hoping you would have told us by now if you were, but ... are you a mage?" My jaw dropped, and I let out a decidedly unladylike snort.

"Me? You must be joking. I'm from a world without magic. Any magic. How would I have been born a mage? And surely I'd know if I cast some sort of spell. Wouldn't I?"

"I don't know, my lady. No, no, I believe you. If you have magic, it's as much a surprise to you as it is to us. Perhaps we will find the explanation later. For now, I feel the need to go for a walk. Your m ... Theron, perhaps when you are done talking to Lady Sierra, you'd be so kind as to whistle or something?" Theron nodded, and Tomas sprang up and walked out into the night.

Theron looked at me thoughtfully while we waited for Tomas to get far enough away. I expected him to test me, and I wasn't wrong.

"So ... tell me about the contents of the chest."

I nodded. "Correspondence with the Empress of Orlais, if I recall correctly. Pledging military aid, Chevaliers, and Grey Wardens on request. You were forging peace with the Orlesians."

"And why would that make Loghain betray me?"

"Well, in isolation, it might not. Although maybe it would. It's no secret that Loghain hates Orlesians with an unholy dedication. He's the Hero of River Dane, after all. He sees conspiracies and invasion plans everywhere, and nothing you or anyone else says will ever change his mind. To him, the darkspawn and civil war are a minor threat when compared to Orlais. If he thought you were going to so much as show weakness in front of Empress Celene, never mind invite parts of her military into Ferelden, there's no doubt in my mind he'd betray you. He'd either assume you were crazy, or a traitor yourself. Add that to the rumours about Anora..."

"Rumours?" His eyes were hard now, glittering in the firelight.

"Hey, don't shoot the messenger. I'm just repeating what I've heard. There was a rumour circulating that you were going to put Anora aside for being barren. And I know Arl Eamon was pushing you to do just that. The performance never confirmed whether you were going to go ahead with it. But even the rumours ... it would have been a huge blow to Loghain, both personally and politically. And he would have had much less influence on you suddenly, fewer ways to keep the Orlesians out of Ferelden.

"I'm curious. Had you decided... ?" He shook his head, his expression conflicted. That jived with the game - it at least implied that he loved Anora, although I couldn't imagine why anyone would love that backstabbing bitch. Here's hoping he lives to see what she's really like. I knew, at some point, I was going to end up getting myself in trouble by throwing my two cents in to the Royal Heir debate, but I decided to wait until I had spoken to Alistair, at least.

"And it's not just you that he betrayed - he will arrange to have Arl Eamon poisoned, put a bounty on the heads of any surviving Grey Wardens, hire the Antivan Crows to assassinate Alistair and Aedan, and not stop Arl Howe from imprisoning and torturing Grey Wardens, templars, and nobles alike. He is fomenting rebellion among the Circle, which will result in the loss of half the mages in Ferelden. He will sell the elves from the Denerim Alienage into slavery to the Tevinters. And when he loses in the Landsmeet, he will attempt to slaughter Alistair, Aedan, Eamon, and anyone else who would dare to stand up to him. If he learns you are alive ... I have no doubt that the bounty on your head will be truly breathtaking."

Theron swore, and I learned a few new good Ferelden curses. "By the way. Duncan," Tomas, "knows most of this stuff. Not necessarily the details of the correspondence with Celene, but ... he's not stupid. And you can trust him. You might as well just tell him. The same goes for Alistair, and likely Aedan too." He nodded thoughtfully, and finally whistled, loudly, and Tomas sauntered back up. He suggested that Theron go sit by the stream, pointing off a little ways north, and then settled down onto his haunches, watching me as we waited for Theron to walk away. I'm not getting any better at remembering their names correctly. Yay me!

I spoke first.

"I want to thank you." Tomas just silently raised his eyebrows, so I continued. "I know who I need to have trust me if I'm going to get through this. I can't fight, I can't take care of myself, and I haven't earned your trust ... yet. I have no friends, no family, and no reliable way home. I am grateful that you are allowing me to attempt to prove myself. I know that if you thought I was a threat, you'd have killed me the moment your eyes opened. So ... thanks." He nodded, looking thoughtful. "Anyways. Go ahead and test me."

"Tell me about Alistair."

"Ah, Alistair. Let me see. Ex-templar-in-training. Bastard son of Maric, via an elven Grey Warden named Fiona. Raised by Eamon, told his mother was a serving woman in Redcliffe Castle. Treated abominably by Isolde, and finally sent to the Chantry as a child when she wouldn't put up with the rumour mill anymore. Rescued by you, requiring the Right of Conscription, before he took his vows and became addicted to Lyrium." Duncan kept the mask on the entire time I spoke, but I saw his eye twitch when I mentioned Fiona. Haha, thank you David Gaider. "Does Cailan know about him?" Duncan twitched his head, a look I interpreted to mean he had no idea.

"He has a minor obsession with his hair, which would appear to be hereditary," I grinned, and Duncan nodded, "an unholy obsession with cheese, thinks swooping is bad, uses jokes to avoid discussing virtually anything personal, and has a tendency to make both mages and Revered Mothers want to rip out their hair in aggravation. He has an overwhelming need to do what is right, no matter the cost, a sense of duty I wish was more common, both in Ferelden and in my world, and yet somehow remains a sweet, somewhat naive, optimist. He makes a much better King than Cailan ever could, despite never ever wanting to be one. Oh, and he's a virgin. Did I miss anything?" Duncan levelled that speculative gaze at me again, and I suddenly realised I must have sounded like an obsessive stalker. God help me, it's pretty much what I am, isn't it?

"You may have missed handsome and charismatic. But otherwise, no, I'd say you got it all in one." He smirked as I blushed and hid my face in my hands. Giving me a moment to recover, he started again. "Tell me about Aedan."

"I actually know less about Aedan than you would think, because for the performance, you're sort of ... looking through his eyes, in a way. So he doesn't really describe himself or give away his personality much. But ... well, he's the youngest son of Teyrn Bryce Cousland. He grew up in Highever Castle, training with his brother Fergus in combat, although the Teyrn hoped he'd be more inclined to learn about ruling than fighting. He has a mabari, who drives Nan nuts. Mother Mallol ran the chapel, and a scholar named Aldous was his tutor. On the day you met, Arl Howe was in Highever, and claimed his troops were delayed. You were there to look into recruiting Ser Gilmore, or possibly Aedan himself. The Teyrn sent Fergus to Ostagar with most of his men, planning to follow the next day once Howe's troops arrived. That night, Howe attacked, killing Fergus' wife Orianna, his son Oren, and virtually every other inhabitant of the castle. Eleanor Cousland and Aedan fought their way through the castle, finally finding the Teyrn fatally wounded. In the end, Bryce pledged Aedan to the Grey Wardens in return for your assurances that you would help Aedan escape, and bring word to Cailan about what had happened. And Eleanor stayed behind to protect your escape." Duncan nodded, seeming satisfied.