Chapter 32: Road to Recovery

I woke with the memory of what Wynne was saying as I fell asleep. What was wrong with Morrigan? Had something happened as they exited the ruins? I groaned as I sat up, and immediately felt an arm wrap around behind me, supporting me.

I turned towards the source of the support. "Aedan? Wha..." I cut off. It wasn't Aedan with his arm around me. It was Alistair. His handsome face looked down at me, closer than I'd ever been, and I was momentarily struck dumb. I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"Your eyebrows are gone." Oh, smooth, Sierra. Why not just ask him if you can have his babies while you're at it?

Said badly singed eyebrows were raised, and he smirked slightly as he responded. "Ah, so that's why you did it. Couldn't stand to see me looking silly without eyebrows?"

I was saved from having to reply to this by the timely arrival of Wynne and Aedan. Alistair backed off and let Wynne check me out, while Aedan supported me and fussed over me.

"How do you feel, Sierra?" Wynne gave her professional, bland smile as she checked my pulse.

"Weak. And hungry. Like I ran a thousand miles and haven't eaten in a month. Where are we?"

"We're still in the Brecilian Forest, on our way back to the Dalish camp. What you are feeling is normal, given what you've been through the past few days."

"And what exactly have I been through? Oh, and what happened to Morrigan?"

Alistair laughed. "You happened to her!"

Wynne shot him a dirty look, and he shut up. "She's fine. She ... well, she's insisted on learning a healing spell. And a mana rejuvenation spell. So you never have an excuse to do that again, or so she said. And she rather ... overdid it, trying to learn. She'll sleep for a while, but she's fine."

I flushed. "For me? Wow. I'll have to thank her. Once she wakes up, that is. You, uh, didn't answer my first question. What exactly happened?"

"You don't remember?" Wynne looked concerned, and her hand went to my forehead.

"I remember the dragon. Nothing after that." Wynne, Alistair, and Aedan exchanged glances. "Now you're freaking me out. Just tell me!"

Aedan spoke. "Sierra, you ... almost died. The dragon almost burned you alive. You distracted it enough that Alistair and Zev were able to kill it. Morrigan put you under with a sleep spell until Wynne recovered and could heal you, but then you wouldn't wake up. We carried you out unconscious."

Alistair cut in. "And my eyebrows will grow back."

Wynne rolled her eyes at him. "Sierra, I very nearly didn't get you back. We're lucky my spirit seems to have taken a liking to you. I'm still not sure why it took so long for you to wake up, though. What, in Andraste's name, were you thinking about, charging a dragon?"

I felt a little bit guilty, looking at the concern written on my friend's faces. I didn't want to die, but given the choices I'd had ... Ferelden needed Alistair. I need Alistair. I just need him to live. Is that too much to ask?

They were all looking at me, Wynne's expression concerned, Alistair's now confused. Oh, I'm supposed to say something? Aedan looked amused, like he knew where my mind had wandered to.

"Um. Sorry?"

I had no idea what the right answer was. Did I feel bad for scaring them all? Yes. Did I regret my actions? Not in the least. And I'd do it again, a thousand times, to keep any one of them alive. Especially Alistair. Not that I was hoping I'd have to. Suicide was never something I'd considered.

"Just don't do it again, Sierra."

"I can't promise that, Wynne. If it comes down to it ... if it's life or death ... I'll do it again."

"You could die, child."

I shrugged. I really don't care. Huh. "That's a price I'm willing to pay. I'm ... I won't say expendable, that's not what I mean, but ... I'm not the important one, here. You guys are. If you don't end the blight, a whole lot more people are going to lose their lives. If the cost of keeping you all alive is my life, then I accept that."

There was a veritable explosion of shocked, angry come-backs after that declaration, and Aedan behind me shook me slightly. Alistair stalked off, apparently too angry to even shout at me. Leliana came over, and when she overheard what I had said, she started in as well.

"Hey. I didn't save Duncan and Cailan for Alistair, just to watch him die instead. You might as well stop, because you're never going to convince me it was the wrong thing to do. I'm grateful I survived – I don't want to die, you know – but I won't feel sorry for saving him."

I closed my eyes and let it wash over me, half-reclined against Aedan. I was still hungry, but the fatigue seemed more important, especially when fighting it meant listening to people scold me. It had the intended effect, but not in the way I expected – the scolding stopped, and all of a sudden everyone was falling all over themselves to make me more comfortable. Wynne did some sort of magic thing that tickled – some sort of diagnostic, like a CT scan, I guessed – and Leliana ran off to find me something to eat. I tried to eat it, but my arms were so tired that Aedan actually had to help me finish the soup. Afterwards, I was pleasantly muzzy and slumped back into Aedan's arms, drowsing. Leli sang, something Fereldan for once, and it was nice just to relax.

After a bit, Morrigan emerged from a tent and came over to the campfire. Her steps were slow, halting, and her posture stooped; she wasn't feeling well, clearly. I struggled to sit up, and grabbed her hand once she sat nearby.

"Morrigan, are you alright? I was worried when Wynne told me what happened."

She looked at me haughtily, but the effect was somewhat spoiled by the dark circles under her eyes. "I doubt that, somehow."

"No, I really was. I don't wish for you to make yourself ill trying to learn new spells." I squeezed her hand lightly. "Thank you. I know healing isn't your preferred type of spell. I want you to know I'm grateful."

She studied my face for a moment, and finally nodded.

I pitched my voice low, so that only Aedan and Morrigan could hear. "How bad was it, honestly? Learning from Wynne?" I almost thought I saw a smile twitch.

"Let's just say the old bat did not miss the opportunity to lecture me on how she has been trying to teach me healing since we met."

I winced. "Thanks for taking one for the team, Morrigan."

Her lips twitched again. "You are welcome. 'Twas lucky it was you who was injured, actually – had it been the Chantry boy, I most certainly wouldn't have bothered ... or perhaps I'd have turned him into a toad when I recovered." She said it loud enough that Alistair, just returning from wherever he'd stormed off to earlier, could hear; he tried to shoot her a dirty look, but wasn't successful due to the audible gulp of fear. I giggled and Aedan snorted.

"Morrigan! You do have a sense of humour!"

Aedan's comment solicited giggles from Leliana and me, and even Alistair smirked, though her joke was at his expense. Morrigan simply sniffed and turned to her own dinner, though I saw her lips twist wryly when she thought no one was looking.

I dozed off, head on Aedan's shoulder, with my friends around me, talking and joking around the campfire. As exhausted as I was, the only thing I could feel was contentment. When I woke, I was in a dark tent, and as always when I woke somewhere I didn't fall asleep, I wondered who had put me there. It was the tent I shared with Aedan, though his bedroll was empty. I figured out why when I heard his voice, whispering outside.

"No."

"Aedan-" Alistair's voice was surprisingly forceful, even if pitched quietly.

"I get it, Alistair. I do. But she's not ready. She can barely feed herself. It's going to have to wait."

They moved off together, and I sighed heavily once they were out of earshot. I wasn't looking forward to the next private conversation with Alistair. I fell asleep again, thankfully not remembering my dreams.

In the morning, we packed up and decided to try to head to the Dalish camp. At first I tried to walk; Alistair took my pack, as usual, and I smiled gratefully at him. It quickly became obvious, however, that even unburdened I wasn't going to get very far. My feet were dragging before I'd gone fifty steps, and at one point I actually fell asleep on my feet, and collapsed, waking with a start when my face hit the dirt. Dreading what was next, I sat huddled into a ball. As I expected, Alistair shifted both my pack and his own to Sten's broad shoulders, then reached down and picked me up. Again. I didn't even protest; I knew I'd just be threatened with being thrown over Sten's shoulder like so much luggage. At least the upside of being carried was that I could eat while we travelled; I found myself quite ravenous.

We stopped for lunch so that Alistair could eat as well; his hands were sort of full, and I was far too embarrassed to even think about feeding him as he carried me. Afterwards, Shale approached me, and to my surprise, offered to carry me for part of the afternoon. I would have declined, but after carrying me for hours, Alistair was rubbing his shoulders and trying to stretch when he thought I wasn't looking, and I couldn't turn down the chance to give him a break, even as I acknowledged I'd be disappointed not to be cradled in his arms for a while. Instead of cradling me, like Alistair did, she placed me up on her shoulder, and then allowed me to brace myself with feet wedged into cracks in the stone.

"Is this how Wilhelm used to force you to carry him?" I took the resulting rumble as a yes. "I'm sorry, Shale. I would never have asked you to carry me."

"I ... believe It means that. I find myself feeling oddly grateful for being treated like a person, in this strange group."

"I can understand that. Although, you are a person, it should just go without saying that you be treated as such."

"I ... would ask a question, if It would permit me."

"Of course. Ask me anything."

"It said ... that I was once a dwarf. A female dwarf."

"Yes. Shayle, a warrior of House Cadash. You volunteered to be made into a golem to try to save your Thaig."

"Does It know ... why golems were created?"

"To fight darkspawn. A long time ago, the Dwarven Kingdom was much larger than it currently is, covering hundreds of miles underground, with roads leading between each Thaig. Then the darkspawn came, and many of the Thaigs were overwhelmed. Those who could, fled eventually to Orzammar. Caridin created the Anvil of the Void to create golems – the ultimate weapon against darkspawn. It started with volunteers, like you, but then the King started forcing criminals and his political enemies into it too. Unfortunately, the golems required activation rods to function, and as the dwarves fighting with them died, the golems became deactivated."