Chapter 190: Still Alive

I watched the four people in my great hall – Leandra Amell and her youngest two children, and Karl Thekla, Anders’ ex-boyfriend – stiffen as I called them by name. Carver and Bethany exchanged wide-eyed looks, and Leandra blanched. I immediately realised my mistake, and winced. Maybe I can distract them with my wit? Nah, that only works for Alistair. Regardless, it was done, and I’d have to roll with it, no matter how weird it felt. I cleared my throat and tried to project confidence, interrupting the young man before he could lose his temper, which, if his red face was anything to go by, was a near thing.

“I am Sierra, the Steward of Soldier’s Peak. You must be tired after your journey. I think it’s important we talk first, briefly, but then we can provide you with rooms and whatever you need after that. Would that be acceptable?”

They all exchanged weighted looks, and I knew they couldn’t figure out what to think of me. Finally, they agreed, and I turned to lead them out into the hallway with Alistair following me. I had a sitting room on the main floor for just this sort of thing – it was private and more intimate than trying to have a conversation in the main hall, and more comfortable too.

It was incredibly surreal, walking down the corridor with four living ghosts following in my wake. I’d only played the second Dragon Age game all the way through once, but I remembered these people like they were close friends – and their deaths were still vivid after all this time. I’d played a mage in the game, so Bethany had died early; even though it had been a game to me, I still held some of the horror and guilt from her death. Carver had frustrated me to no end, and he’d died in the Deep Roads leaving me feeling deeply conflicted – as a player, I didn’t particularly want him around whining, but it was a terrible way to die, and even as a fictional character I felt guilty for disliking him so much. I wondered how it was that both Hawke siblings had survived, and knew I’d have to make an effort not to jump straight to interrogating them about it.

It was equally strange to have Leandra here; the horror of her death had haunted me long after I’d finished the game, and knowing she would be safe here made me almost giddy with relief. For all that I’d written to Varric and sent Anders and Solona to Kirkwall with a certain amount of knowledge about the future, I hadn’t honestly believed that any of the Hawkes would listen to my suggestions. And I could hardly blame them; having someone claim they were a seer and give mysterious warnings must have been more than a little suspicious.

Karl was an even bigger surprise. I’d hoped Anders would manage to save him from Alrik’s plan to make him Tranquil, but I’d never dreamed he’d send the mage to us. For all that I liked Anders, he wasn’t exactly dedicated to the Wardens, seeing it as little more than another form of imprisonment; he had his reasons – and what had happened to Solona certainly hadn’t helped – but he wasn’t committed to our cause the way the rest of our Wardens were. I would not have expected him to even suggest us to his friend and first lover. Not that I’m certain becoming a Warden was what Anders had in mind for Karl.

I tried to ignore the whispered conversation between the four as they followed me down the hall. It wasn’t surprising they wanted to talk amongst themselves; they’d just been thrown for a loop by being greeted by name before introducing themselves, after all, and I wondered if Leandra was reminding Carver to put a lid on his temper. I figured it was only a matter of time before he’d be yelling at me anyway.

I turned into the sitting room and gestured to the assorted chairs and sofas. Avanna gave me a hard look, and I shook my head, smiling reassuringly; she waited outside with Alistair’s guard, though reluctantly. It would be difficult to explain that I knew, without a doubt, that these four people posed no danger to me or Alistair. Our guards had no doubt heard some of my secrets since coming to work for me, but I’d never sat and explained everything in detail. I settled on a sofa with Alistair beside me; Carver and Karl chose armchairs, and Bethany and Leandra sat together in a sofa facing me.

I waited a moment to see if any of them would want to begin, but it seemed they must have had an unspoken agreement to wait and see what I said. Either that or they’re too stunned to speak. I forced a smile onto my face and tried to sound calm.

“I’ll start. As I said, I’m Sierra Theirin, the Steward of Soldier’s Peak. This is my husband Alistair, the Warden Commander of Ferelden.” I stifled a smirk when Leandra’s eyes widened; I assumed she’d just realised she was sitting across from the Prince of Ferelden. It would have been funnier if it didn’t make me a princess. I turned and gestured while looking at Alistair. “This is Lady Leandra Amell – her cousin was Solona’s mother.” Alistair nodded and bowed his head to her respectfully, even as I heard an indignant mutter of ‘Hawke’ from Carver. “These are two of her children, Carver and Bethany Hawke.”

Alistair nodded at Carver, and then turned to Bethany. “Warden.”

Bethany almost squeaked, and Alistair smiled kindly. “I take it your Joining was recent?”

She nodded. “Three weeks.”

“We’ll talk more later, but you’ll find that, after a while, Wardens can identify another Warden as easily as we can sense darkspawn.”

She nodded again, though she didn’t really look any less confused.

I pointed at the last of the group, drawing attention away from the blushing Warden. “And this is Enchanter Karl Thekla. Do you remember Anders talking about him, love?” Alistair flashed another smile.

I looked between the four of them, and suddenly couldn’t repress my smile. “You are all very welcome here. When I issued the invitation through Varric, I didn’t really think you’d all accept, but I’m delighted you have.”

They shared looks again, and finally Leandra spoke. “Your Highness.” I was relieved she didn’t try to curtsy or something equally silly, though she ducked her head respectfully. “So it was you who wrote to Varric? Anders said he thought that would be the case, but we weren’t sure.”

“Yes.”

Carver finally joined the conversation, leaping from the chair red-faced, a vein pulsing in his forehead. “How do you know us? Our names? What do you know? Have you been ... watching us?” His volume increased with every question, though Leandra tried unsuccessfully to shush him. Finally Bethany cracked him across the shins with her staff – something I could completely picture me doing to Aedan, and I struggled not to laugh – and he collapsed back into his chair with an oath.

“I assure you, I mean none of you any harm, and I have not been watching you. It would probably be easiest if I start at the beginning. But this is ... complicated. I will do my best but it’s going to be hard to understand.” I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to decide how to explain things – without explaining everything. “I came into some knowledge, back around the start of the Blight. I ... learned some things about the future.”

Several of them responded at once, making it impossible to follow everyone.

“So, you’re the seer Anders mentioned?” Karl looked fascinated. “You don’t look like ... well.” I almost giggled, wondering exactly what he thought a seer would look like.

“You’re a mage?” Bethany was clearly fascinated by a different detail. “And a Princess?”

“No, no.” I chuckled. “Not me. I got my information from ... someone else.” Technically true, if misleading. “It was easier to call me a seer, because explaining how I know what I do is ... complicated. It’s a long story and I can’t tell you all of it.” When Carver scowled, I held up my hand. “I said can’t, not won’t. Some of the things I know are dangerous, or aren’t my secrets to tell. Suffice it to say, I learned about the defeat at Ostagar and some of the things that would happen during the Blight – and then some of what would happen in Kirkwall for several years after. Once I was able, I set about trying to change things.”

Alistair cleared his throat and took my hand. “She means improve things. She saved the King’s life, and helped us Wardens to make sure we defeated the Archdemon as quickly as possible, with minimum casualties.” He smiled at me, and I could feel myself flush.

“Anyway,” I turned back to the Hawke family, trying to stay calm, “part of what I learned about was a family from Lothering who would flee to Kirkwall after Ostagar, and become an important part of Kirkwall’s events over the next decade.”

“If we’re so important, why did you call us here?” Carver growled.

I winced. “Did Varric show you the letter I wrote to him?” The Hawkes all shook their heads, but with a pensive frown, Karl reluctantly held one hand up slightly and nodded. Carver turned his glare on the mage, and even Bethany and Leandra looked askance.

Karl’s wince echoed mine. “Anders convinced him to show me,” he ventured cautiously. “He’d told me a bit about you and I was ... reluctant to believe it. Seeing a letter that predicted ... sent well before the expedition ... it helped.”

I nodded eagerly. “The expedition?” I sat forward in my seat. “And what—”

“You may be getting a little bit off topic, my dear.” Alistair put a hand on my shoulder and pulled me back, and I went – if reluctantly. I was intensely curious what had actually happened in the Thaig since they’d had some warning of what could happen, but I knew Alistair was right – it wasn’t the time. These people had travelled across Thedas because of me, and the least I could do was hold my curiosity until they had an explanation.

“Right.” I ran one hand through my hair as I refocused. “Right. Sorry. Um ... look, there’s no easy way to say this. But...” I gulped, eyed the four tired travellers, and then looked away. “It’s Marian who is important in Kirkwall. Now that she’s got the treasure from the expedition,” Bethany nodded at me, even though Carver scowled and Leandra looked upset, “she was supposed to end up being a bit of a ... mediator and general fixer, I guess. The Qunari, the templars, the mages – all of them will come to respect her and Kirkwall will need her to navigate through what’s coming.” Or at least, what was supposed to come – I internally groaned at recent events that had left me blind to the future.

Carver was grumbling from the moment I mentioned his older sister, and when I stopped talking, he burst out, “Marian is important? Just Marian? And what about us?”

I saw Karl close his eyes as though in pain, and I wanted to copy the action, but knew I couldn’t. My pause must have been too long, though, because Bethany paled and put a hand over her heart. “Oh.”

I sighed and pointed at the siblings. “One of you was supposed to die in the escape from Lothering. I really do want to hear the story of your escape, at some point...” None of them responded, and I took another deep breath. “One of you could become a Warden, which clearly still happened – but the alternative was either dying in the Deep Roads, Bethany getting captured by templars and taken to the gallows, or Carver joining the templars.”

I expected Carver to be angry that I’d insinuate such a thing when he clearly hadn’t done it, but he just flushed and looked away. Bethany’s colour hadn’t improved, and she looked as though she might be sick. I couldn’t even glance at Leandra, too nervous to see her expression as I laid out the terrible potential futures for her children.

“And Mistress Hawke?” Karl prompted, when I didn’t say anything else. His expression was distant and carefully neutral, though not unkind – but I could see curiosity lurking there too.

I looked down and picked at a fingernail anxiously. “I’d ... rather not say.” When I heard someone take in a breath as though to object, I held up my hand again. “Some things you can’t unhear, okay? If you all think about it for a while and you ask me again later, I’ll tell you. But you need to be sure.”