Chapter 165: Amgeforn

The letter came by Raven; Levi puffed into my office, a sheaf of rolled parchment clutched in his fist. “Lady Sierra! Where is Commander Alistair?” Levi had quickly learned that the fastest way to find a particular Warden was generally to ask another Warden – or me. I wondered what he thought about that. It’s a bit surprising that no one ever asks, honestly.

“Levi? I think Alistair’s outside training. Why? What do you have there?”

“An urgent letter from Teyrn Fergus for the Commander. Well, it’s addressed to Commander Aedan, but it looks to be official Warden business, not personal. It’s sealed.”

I stood and popped my head out into the hallway, asking my bodyguards to send someone outside to bring Alistair in – “Urgently, yes?” A nearby servant was pressed into messenger service, and Levi and I settled into chairs to wait. I was tempted to break the seal myself; Alistair would tell me what the message was, and I doubted he’d be seriously upset with me – but it wasn’t my place. I wasn’t a Warden, at least officially, and acting like I had some authority over them wouldn’t help Alistair or me.

I could feel sunshine before I heard the pounding steps of a heavily armoured man hurrying down the hallway. I smiled towards the door almost involuntarily, just as Alistair’s handsome face poked around the open door frame, looking from me to Levi quickly before the rest of him followed into my small study and closed the door behind himself.

He came over and perched on the couch beside me, reaching out to take my hand. He was red-faced and sweaty, and I guessed he’d been pulled out of the middle of a sparring session – but his hair was perfect anyway. I could feel my eyes crinkle with fond amusement as I squeezed his hand.

“Okay?” he whispered to me, not that Levi wouldn’t have heard it clearly, sitting only a few feet away.

I nodded. “You’ve got mail,” I quipped, gesturing to Levi with a tilted head.

My seneschal reached out and handed the roll of parchment to my husband. “This came by Raven, for Commander Aedan. It didn’t look like it could wait until he returned.”

Alistair examined the seal – a Cousland laurel – with a frown. The word ‘urgent’ was clearly visible in a messy scrawl on the outside of the scroll. He glanced at Levi. “You have no idea what this is about?”

“Oh, for Maker’s sake, I’m dying of curiosity here. Open it, please? He wouldn’t have written ‘urgent’ on a personal letter, and Aedan told him he was going into the Deep Roads. It’s got to be Warden business.”

With a reluctant sigh, he cracked the seal with his thumb. “I just can’t help but think I’m going to wish that raven hadn’t made it.” He fell silent for a minute, eyes jumping across the page as he read quickly. “Andraste’s ashes! Well, we’re both right – it couldn’t wait, and I am definitely going to regret ever opening this.”

“What is it?” I took the scroll as Alistair handed it to me; I was hoping for him to summarise what he’d just read for both Levi and I.

“There’s been some sort of collapse around the cliffs near Highever, and it uncovered an entrance to the Deep Roads. There’s been a few darkspawn attacks. Fergus is taking most of his forces to contain it, but he needs Wardens to go in and find a way to close it off. It wouldn’t go amiss if we brought some of your soldiers too, Love.”

I nodded, jumping up and calling out into the hallway for someone to bring me Mhairi. “All right, who do we have available? Loghain, Sigrun, Oghren, Justice ... Maker’s sake, why did we leave all the warriors here? Jowan will have to come too, I think.”

“Sierra...” Alistair’s tone was cautious. “You need to stay here.” Levi nodded his agreement.

“Not a chance!” I objected. “I—”

He stopped me, a serious expression on his face. “It’s not about your abilities or your safety, Sierra. But we’re going to leave the Peak without Wardens. We can’t do that – not with...” He waggled his head, trying not to gesture in the direction of the basement and our own Deep Roads entrance – and our entombed ‘guest’. “We need someone here who can sense darkspawn and deal with problems, if they arise.” His face was pale, and I knew he was thinking about the Architect. “You’re needed here.”

I scowled at my husband, but his expression was sincere, and he wasn’t wrong. I scratched my nose, thinking furiously. There’s got to be some way... “Faren! He’s not fully healed. He can stay.”

Alistair nodded, approaching me cautiously, reaching out to put his hands on my shoulders. Levi turned away, granting us the illusion of privacy. “You’re right – but he can’t do what you do. He’s injured. What’s he going to do if darkspawn attack the tunnel?” He lifted my chin until I met his gaze. “Please. It’s not about me protecting you.”

I nodded reluctantly, unable to dispute his logic, but still not happy about what it meant. He pulled me closer, pressing our foreheads together; we stayed like that until Mhairi bustled into the room, followed by a worried Avanna. I pulled away from Alistair and turned to the two women who led my soldiers.

“Captains, there’s been a darkspawn attack in Highever, and Lord Fergus is calling for aid. How many soldiers can you have ready to leave at daybreak?”

It was decided that Mhairi would go with the vast majority of our troops; they’d leave behind enough for basic patrols if everyone worked longer hours and skipped days off. Then Levi and Mhairi rushed off to make arrangements – that many soldiers would need supplies. Alistair followed them out to prepare the Wardens. It left me behind, disconsolate, still holding the roll of parchment, with Avanna, who eyed me sympathetically.

“I’m surprised you’re staying behind.” I’d finally talked her out of calling me ‘my lady’ or ‘your highness’ – at least in private.

I sighed. “No choice. Alistair wants to take all of the Wardens except Faren – which means I need to stay.”

She nodded wryly. “And you look like you’re handling it well.” Her grin was impish.

I rolled my eyes and snorted. “I’d like to be personally present to keep my husband alive when he fights literal monsters. So sue me.” I shook my head at her confused expression. Modern jargon is hard to completely eliminate. “Never mind. But seriously, you get bent out of shape when I leave you behind – and I’m just your boss.”

She laughed at me – then left to help Mhairi with preparing the troops.

The rest of the day passed in a blur; I reorganised patrols for the soldiers remaining behind, touched base with Faren to plan our own Warden patrols while everyone else was gone, and helped the cook organise rations for those leaving. I was impressed with her planning; she had barrels of salted meat, jerky, biscuits, and other rations that stored well and wouldn’t go bad. Clearly someone warned her about Grey Wardens and our urgent trips.

We all ate together – a rushed, distracted affair – and retired early. I tried contacting Aedan through the sending crystal several times, but he never answered.

Back in our rooms, Alistair was solicitous, clearly concerned that I remained irritated with him for leaving me behind. And there was no hiding that I wasn’t happy about it – but I didn’t blame him. It was true that someone needed to stay behind, and Levi and Loghain, amongst others, had made sure to stop in and indicate their approval that I was staying. I couldn’t be angry at him for telling the truth.

However, given my history of over-reacting to his unintentionally condescending behaviour, I knew just saying so wasn’t going to make him stop worrying about it. I contemplated the various things I could say – and felt tired even at the thought of the long, drawn-out discussion that would lead to.

I chose a different tactic: distraction.

I turned to him, where he sat in a chair in front of our hearth looking anxious, staring into the fire pensively. I leaned over and thumbed off the arcane lamp, leaving the room dim, lit only by the low fire. His skin looked golden in the shifting light, his features more chiselled, and I took a moment to just admire him and be thankful that despite everything, we’d found each other.

I reached up to the buttons at my neck – the pant suits I wore had high collars – and flipped one of them open with my thumb. “If you’re leaving at daybreak, husband, you have some duties to fulfill before you leave.”

Alistair whipped his head around to look at me, his eyes widening as he noticed the skin rapidly being bared before him.

He grinned, licking his lips. “As you wish.”

I shivered at the look in his eyes. I never should have told him about ‘The Princess Bride’.

Being alone at the Peak – for the second time – was an unappealing experience. I hated sleeping alone, hated missing my husband’s adorably confused face first thing in the morning every day. It was cold, between the mountainous elevation and the winter, and I couldn’t seem to get warm no matter how much wood I heaped on the fire in my room. I took to using my new cloak as a blanket, relying on the warmth runes to make it through the nights. And I couldn’t shake the anxiety, the feeling of impending doom, that seemed to settle on me. I wasn’t sure if it was some reaction to what had happened to me the last time I was alone – nightmares of my time in the Architect’s strange dungeon plagued me every time I closed my eyes.

I was lonely, missing the touch of my family and the comraderie of my friends. The staff at the Peak were friendly enough, but I was their boss, not their friend. None of them wanted to share meals and card games with their employer, especially one they all insisted on thinking of as a princess. I threw myself into my work, finally catching up on the endless paperwork that Levi presented me with, just to keep busy.

I finally got through to Aedan after Alistair had left; he was concerned by the report from Fergus, and decided to turn back – he was still a month away, even if he started back immediately. They had finally reached tunnels that showed on the maps Shale and Caridin had brought from Orzammar, though there were a number of side-tunnels he was still hoping to explore on the way.

I spoke with Alistair every evening by sending crystal; I was sure that without that little gold lump, I’d have lost my mind entirely. As it was, I was determined not to let Alistair know how miserable I was – he was already feeling guilty enough about leaving me behind. So we chatted about inconsequential things, just relishing the opportunity to talk at all despite being so far apart.

I slept with the sending crystal in my hand, and wore it around my neck every day.

Faren had volunteered to take the night shift, since I had so much Peak business to do during the days; he would do a brief patrol early in the morning before handing off to me, and I’d do another at lunch and supper before meeting with him in the evenings to do a patrol together. He was almost as restless as I was, sick of his limitations, his fatigue, and too many days spent lounging around trying to recover. There was no one to spar with – the soldiers remaining at the Peak were working long shifts to cover for their absent peers, and were simply too tired to train at the end of it. So I took to sparring with him every evening before bed. The exercise might help me sleep, anyway.