Chapter 15: Small Pleasures in Dark Times

Once I scrubbed and washed, I dressed with my usual clothes underneath the dress, and opened the door to find the same servant standing outside. She looked surprised to see me, and I started to wonder if she had expected to be required to help me dress. She covered her surprise with an offer to do my hair, which I did take her up on. So I sat while she moved around me, tucking my hair up into an elaborate hairdo with curls that I never usually let loose escaping artfully in places. By the time I got back to my room, Leliana was awake and dressed in her armour, which had also been cleaned, and she beamed as she saw me all fancied up.

We went down to the main hall together, and I was delighted to be served fruit, bread, cheese, and little sausages, instead of porridge. Alistair, Aedan, Morrigan, and Sten were already there, and Theron joined us shortly. There was a beautiful serving woman who blushed every time she even glanced at Theron, and I was able to make an educated guess what he had been up to the night before. I grimaced, disgusted, and both Leliana and Aedan narrowed their eyes at him. Bann Teagan wandered in just as we were finishing, looking at least slightly more rested. He smiled gratefully at everyone. He came over to bow over my hand, kissing my knuckles, and I heard Leliana cover a snort with a cough; once Teagan released me, I kicked the bard's shin under the table mercilessly. She jumped and grinned at me, unrepentant. Theron glared daggers at Teagan's back the entire time, and Leliana started choking again, meeting my gaze and rolling her eyes with me.

Everyone enquired about my health, and I tried to brush them all off. Truthfully I had no idea why I had passed out, and wasn't sure I wanted to think about it too carefully. Did it mean there was something wrong with my body back home? Too many other things to think about. Ignore it.

I noticed Isolde didn't join us for breakfast, and assumed she was sitting by her son's or her husband's bed. And avoiding Alistair, presumably. I was okay with that – the woman pissed me off on principle, and her voice made my ears bleed. I finally met Jowan, the idiot blood mage, who was being allowed a room in the castle (instead of the dungeon) but was being restricted to the main hall and his own room, and followed everywhere by one of the castle's knights. He had the decency to look no more than slightly resigned at that. Since I figured he was going to end up Tranquil, I figured he'd better get used to it.

Finally everyone had eaten and it was time to plan. We begged leave to borrow a private room to talk in, and Teagan reluctantly walked away after escorting us to the small private library. Aedan checked for people lurking in the hall or outside the window before we started speaking.

The obvious starting point was that the group needed to go to Kinloch Hold. We needed Circle mages and Lyrium to free Connor from his possession. And it couldn't wait - there was only so long anyone was going to be able to keep the demon sedated. Morrigan volunteered to stay in Redcliffe, to help Jowan keep Connor asleep, and also since she was the only one who could keep an eye on the blood mage. She claimed that someone had to be awake at all times with Connor, so two mages were sort of necessary. Once the group agreed to that, she opted to leave to do... I have no idea. Whatever.

Aedan pointed at myself and Theron next. "You two will stay here as well. I don't want you to reveal Theron's identity until Eamon is healed, but I need you safe." Theron argued, but everyone, including me, was on Aedan's side and eventually he backed down. I wondered how long before he tried to order us to do it his way. I didn't want to find out just how many of us would ignore the order, and what that would do to his apparently fragile ego. I myself wasn't thrilled at being left behind, but really, what did he expect? We'd discussed this before we even arrived.

The rest of the group planned to cross Lake Calenhad by boat, and then travel the rest of the way on foot - with the shortcut, it should only take two days to get there. We discussed what to expect - convincing Greagoir, finding Wynne, some demons, blood mages, or abominations in pretty much every room past that point. I reminded them about the sloth demon trapping them in the Fade, and to try to remember that it was only a dream. For those companions whose dreams I was aware of, I'd taken each aside and warned them what to expect. When I played the game, I almost always had Alistair, Morrigan, and Wynne as my companions, so I wasn't much help for Sten or Leliana. Using the Litany of Adralla, rescuing Irving and the others, killing Uldred. Aedan figured it would take a day or two to get through the tower, and then two back to Redcliffe. So all told, approximately a week round trip.

Aedan and Alistair decided to go find Bodahn and grab a couple of tents and some more supplies for the journey, so they all agreed to leave the next day. As most of them had been up late the night before, talking to Teagan and worrying about my unexplained black-out, I was the only one well-rested. They all stumbled off to get some sleep before their journey the next day.

Deciding that being active might tire me out so I could sleep later, I dressed in my linen pants and shirt, and wandered down to find out where the knights spent their time. I found Ser Perth in the courtyard, training with his men. Perfect. I explained to him what I wanted, and he sent me back inside first to find the Redcliffe vault. Running into Teagan on the way, he ushered me to the vault to help as I picked through several sets of armour. I wasn't strong enough for any of the heavy stuff, but we finally found a light enough set of leather armour that would fit, and Teagan handed me a wooden practice sword and escorted me back outside.

I spent part of the morning walking, running, and jumping around in the armour, with Ser Perth's instructions, trying to get used to the weight and the restricted movement. After an hour of that, he had one of the eldest knights of the bunch agree to work with me. Wayne had trained dozens of knights, and despite a dramatic facial scar, was quite grandfatherly. Until the first time he knocked me down, and then it was all business. He gave me pointers on my stance, my swing, and my dodge. He laughed so hard the first time I tried to attack with the practice sword that I actually got a hit, accidental as it was, on his heaving back as he bent over guffawing.

Changing tactics, Wayne had me put down the sword and work for a while on hand-to-hand combat. He informed me that as clueless as I was about fighting in general, giving me a sword was just giving me permission to stab myself. He encouraged me to stop thinking so much - rapping me on the head as I hesitated, trying to think about what to do next - and I finally started using my instincts, a little at least. I had taken a self-defense class as an option in University, and the brawling seemed to build on that a bit. I was able to use my smaller size and my speed to my advantage, learning grabs and throws. He started pitting me against some of the younger knights, and with a bit of work, I was actually able to grapple one to the ground and make him submit. Everyone cheered, and I realised most of my companions had wandered out to watch while I had been distracted. The good-natured lad allowed me to pull him up before saluting me and stumbling off to hide from the ridicule of his peers. I was exhausted, sweaty again, but somewhat happier. I limped – my body, as much better as it was than the one at home, wasn't used to the movements, and I swore I pulled something in my hip when I had made that last throw. Wayne handed me a small vial of red liquid, similar to the poultices I'd seen with Duncan, and smiled as I drank it. I took my leave from the knights, promising to return the next morning.

I wasn't exactly hungry after the exertion - one reason I didn't really exercise at home was it made me nauseous afterwards - but knew I needed something, so Leliana and I found a servant who agreed to bring a platter into the library for us, where we both sat, me exhausted, her thoughtful.

"Teagan's quite attractive, isn't he?" She grinned, eyes sparkling with mischief. I threw an apple at her, which she caught and bit into with relish.

"Am I seriously the only single woman, who isn't obviously an apostate or from Orlais, in all of Ferelden? Honestly, you'd think they all hadn't seen a girl before."

"Well, you are quite beautiful, Sierra. And you blush so prettily every time one of them looks at you! You can't blame them for being besotted."

"Yes I can," I grumbled, and Leliana laughed, her musical voice making even that sound enchanting.

Somehow Leliana managed to draw me into a conversation about shoes - she was horrified that I was wearing my boots under my velvet gown - and that's how the rest of the group found us a while before dinner. Aedan and Alistair were covered in dust from their trek to Bodahn's camp and back, and that turned into a discussion where I bemoaned the lack of indoor plumbing in Ferelden. I explained what showers were, and got a variety of reactions; longing from some, horror at the thought of standing under a spray like that from others. Sten merely wondered if we made showers for anyone his height, as Ferelden definitely didn't make bathtubs with Qunari in mind.

A servant informed us that Bann Teagan awaited us for the evening meal in the main hall, and we all climbed to our feet to join him. Alistair pulled me aside, quickly, a silly grin on his face.

"If I tell you a secret, will you keep it to yourself?"

"Of course. You don't see me spilling your other secrets to anyone, do you?"

"This one is special, though. I know of a place, a way you can have pretty close to a - what did you call it? A shower? - right here in Redcliffe. But you can't tell anyone, okay? I found it when I was young, and I don't want everyone to know."

"A shower? How?"

He proceeded to tell me about a way to get under the castle, wiggle through a place where part of a back wall had caved in, climb over some rocks, and end up somewhere in the foundation of the castle. There was a little room, probably formed by the flowing water over many years, where water from the lake poured down, drained across the floor, and out a hole on the opposite side. And the room, he had figured, was right underneath the kitchens, so it was actually quite warm, even in winter. There was even a little natural ledge to put your clothes. The water was apparently cold, but the water pressure sounded wonderful. I agreed readily to keep his secret, and made plans to visit there as soon as I could. I worked really hard not to picture the body I had accidentally seen in the stream standing under a waterfall - get a grip, Sierra!

At dinner, everyone was still a bit subdued, the horrors of the last several days still fresh, but we had a few laughs. Everyone was astounded at how much Aedan and Alistair could eat, and they were forced to admit it was a Grey Warden thing. When Aedan tried to insist that he didn't eat nearly as much as Alistair, the templar threw a bun at his head. It missed, hitting Sten instead, which caused everyone to absolutely crack up as the Qunari jumped up and challenged Alistair to a duel to the death. Aedan and Leliana stopped laughing long enough to soothe the giant into withdrawing the challenge, with some discussion about how unworthy Alistair was to duel with Sten, and how we really did sort of need all the Grey Wardens we could find to combat the Blight.

Sten stalked off to bed, and Morrigan also excused herself. Isolde hadn't joined us, and Teagan apologised on her behalf, explaining that she was alternating meals between Connor's room and Eamon's. So that left just Teagan, Aedan, Alistair, Theron, Leliana, and I. And Prince, of course, gnawing on a bone in the corner. Teagan offered us wine, which everyone accepted but me. Somewhere, Leliana had found a lute, and with some begging and pleading, she settled onto a stool and played and sang for us. Her voice rang sweet and clear, and we were all mesmerised.

After a couple of songs - played just to showcase her talent, I'm sure - she switched from classical and beautiful to upbeat and funny. She had several of the boys banging the table in time, and finally it was too much. Teagan jumped up from his chair, grabbing my hands to pull me out of mine, and started spinning me around. I had no idea how to dance - I'd never danced on Earth, nevermind in Thedas, and I kept tripping over my heavy boots. When I tried to use them as an excuse, he pushed me back into my chair, knelt in front of me, and pulled off both boots and socks before I could even complain. Grabbing me up again, he spun me and twirled, and I clung to him just to avoid falling over or spinning out of control. When he had me close, he actually convinced me to stand on his own sturdy boots, and showed me the steps. It left me slightly off balance, but his hands were sure, and my reflexes better in this body than I was used to, and before I knew it we were dancing.

Suddenly he let go, and I wobbled around looking for my chair, only to find Aedan standing right behind me. He grabbed me just as Teagan had, and started spinning me again. I began to giggle as I was passed from Aedan, to Theron, and back to Teagan again, spinning wildly around the room, never able to fully catch my breath before the next partner grabbed me again. I spun one final time, and a very hesitant Alistair stood smiling at me hopefully. I took his offered hands and twirled into his arms, and despite neither of us really knowing the steps, it felt ... perfect. We both seemed to know exactly how the other was going to move, and I thought I might even look graceful in spite of myself. My face was red, and I hoped everyone would think it was purely exertion. We finally spun to a stop as Leliana ended the music, and Alistair assisted me to my chair before bowing, slightly formally, both to me and to Bann Teagan, and taking his leave presumably to go get some sleep before tomorrow.

Theron smirked arrogantly at me before also taking his leave, and Teagan kissed my hand again before heading to his own room. Aedan pulled me aside to check what I was going to do for the night, so I asked Leliana if she'd be willing to share with me again. She nodded, a slightly confused look on her face, so I reassured Aedan and followed the bard up to my room. Once the door was closed, she turned, looking slightly concerned.

"Are you unwell?"

"No, I'm fine. Why?"

"I don't understand why you wish me to share your room."

I sighed. "Long story, but basically I find I am unable to sleep here unless I'm either completely exhausted or not alone. Look, if you'd prefer not to..."

"No, it's fine. I don't mind. I just ... expected you to be worried about sharing a bed with me."

"Why? Do you kick in your sleep or something?"