Chapter 465: Lesson Plans

Oh damn, I have homework too. Do I have to do lesson plans?

The dean emailed me to say I had to scale back to only three foreign languages in the freshman AP class because their parents were all up in arms about it. I had even more complaints about Sanskrit for many crazy reasons.

Three languages are probably enough, anyway.

After working up the next two weeks of teaching the two language classes, I shot the Freshman class’s parents an email. I explained that the students were required to do the other three languages, but Sanskrit was no longer part of the course. I would use part of the Friday language lab teaching Sanskrit to any kids curious about it.

That was how it went as we got to Halloween.

The AP Honor’s class could now read, speak, and write in Egyptian, Japanese, Portuguese, and Greek at about a ten-year-old level. The freshman class was already up to an eight-year-old level.

“I am going to piss off most of the parents of my freshman language class, just so you know it is coming,” I told the dean. “Those kids have busted their butts learning to speak Gaelic, Basque, and Dutch. After the test they took today, they are at least on par with an average eight-year-old who lives in the three countries. Most choose to speak those three languages outside of class. I’ve heard words I know I haven’t taught them yet, so they are learning them outside class. I do correct any pronunciation or grammar if I hear it.”

He laughed and told me, “You already pissed them off because they can’t eavesdrop on their kids anymore. Some have taught their siblings a few simple things to talk about, so their parents don’t know what they are saying. What are you going to do now?”

“Well, since I am licensed to take any kid into protective custody, for any reason, I’m kidnapping their kids the Friday afternoon after school lets out for Thanksgiving break. I’m taking them to Barcelona, Ireland, and Belgium,” I told him. “Parents can come along to chaperone if they want, but I will have plenty who are fluent in all three languages and trained as bodyguards. None of them look over eighteen, and some won’t be. There is no cost to any of my students or their families. I’m willing to take siblings if the parents are willing to work to get them to language classes every weeknight for two hours between November first and that Friday we are leaving.”

“Can I come, in an official capacity, of course? I’m a bit rusty, but I’ve understood most of what the kids in your freshman class are saying,” the assistant dean asked.

“Sure. Do you need a new passport, or is yours current?” I asked.

She needed a new one.

My email didn’t cause the stir I expected. I had parents calling me in a panic, asking where to take the student’s siblings for the language classes, and freaking out about all the stuff they thought they needed to happen. I had to call the parents to a meeting on the weekend to get things straight for them.

“Before you all start asking tons of questions, let me lay it all out first, ok?” I asked.

When they quieted down, I told them, “I own five-star, all-inclusive resorts at each destination. There is no cost to any of you for room and board. Those coming along will be helping me test out how well the resorts operate. I’m a licensed commercial pilot with planes big enough to take us all to our destinations in full first-class comfort. I will have pilots flying us there, but I can do it if there is any need or emergency. We will need cold-weather clothes on the trip. To be fair to all the students in the school, everyone will be getting at least one set of what the kids on the trip will need. Those going on this trip will get more. I know some of your children take meds for a range of reasons. I’ve gotten all the details on their medications and will have them available on the trip for my students and any siblings coming with us. Two pediatricians will be part of the group of chaperones should anything come up. We will leave after school on the Friday before Thanksgiving break and return the Sunday before school starts back. The pediatricians will give them sedatives on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights to reset their schedule and reduce jet lag. The only costs are for any souvenirs they get that doesn’t come from the resorts. I do need a list of those who are joining the trip. Even with the right connections and expedited, the passports will take a bit of time.”

“Just so I’m on the same page,” a man said. “You will take my children, at least those who take the language classes, on a business trip to check out properties in these countries. Everything is free except trinkets that they get outside of the place they stay.”

“Yes,” I replied.

He then asked, “I can’t be the only one to ask. Why?”

“Because I told you children if they could speak, read, and write all three languages as good as a ten-year-old who has these as their primary language, I would take them there to see how they did. I keep my word. I wasn’t kidding about kidnapping them, in a matter of speaking. I can take your children into my custody for no reason at all, and unless I give them back, or they leave the foster care complex on their own, you have to come to court to get them,” I told him. “I don’t know any of you or how you raise your children at home. I know that on the first full day of school, I had them singing Row-Row-Row Your Boat in all three languages. It was a rough start, but I had to make them stop so they weren’t late for their next class. Each student comes in ready to learn how to do something they already knew but now in three different languages. Kids don’t start conjugating verbs or getting specific on grammar when they are young. They learn to speak, read, and write. I expect them to be past the ten-year-old level in a few weeks. Your younger children will come up to speed quickly.”

“You are telling me you can get my nine-year-old to speak all three languages at least as good as a younger child in that country?” a woman asked.

I laughed and said, in Irish, “Have you already gotten so used to hearing all three languages that you don’t even notice them switching between?”

“How about anyone else with other children,” I asked the rest in Dutch.

“My kids are too stubborn,” she replied in Irish.

“Anyone else?” I asked in Basque.

A man replied, in Basque, “Mine won’t shut up.”

That got them all speaking to each other about their children singing and talking in the three languages.

“Everyone,” I said in English.

They quieted down, and I said, “The joke is on you, it seems. You didn’t even notice me changing between three languages or you speaking amongst yourselves using them.”

One of the mothers let off a string of curses in Dutch, making the others laugh.

“I know I didn’t teach any of them those words. That is on you,” I teased.

“Look, David, if my wife didn’t have brains, we would live in a trailer somewhere. It is no secret that I had an accident that scrambled my brain right after our last child. Since then, I’ve been working to stay ahead of my younger two as I relearn everything. Now you tell me that I know three different languages as good as six to eight-year-old in those countries?” he asked.

“Yes. Reading and writing it takes more work,” I explained. “How I am teaching your children and how they taught you and their siblings are how I learned so many languages. It was easier for me because I somehow have a natural ability to learn languages quickly. Most eight-year-olds in those countries can barely write legibly, can’t spell worth a damn, and their reading isn’t much better. You did the nursery rhymes right along with them. When they were talking, you wanted to understand what they were saying. You know your children, and how they spoke in English, so you started picking up the words from the nursery rhymes. From there, you figured out the grammar. In your case, it proves that the technique works for those with traumatic brain injuries as designed.”

A guy at the back said, “I took four years of French in high school and four more in college. In French, the best I can do is call people nasty things, maybe get a glass of wine, say hello, and goodbye. As you said, we are doing it without even knowing it. Given their recent behavior, I would tell you to kidnap them now and keep them, but I would miss them terribly. You’ve proven your point to me.”

“If you want, I can have some people teach you while I teach your children. You will have to make the time,” I told them.

Some would be able to come on the trip. We decided to put the age cutoff at ten for children who couldn’t have one parent come on the trip. It was up to them if they felt comfortable bringing children under eight.

“One last thing. I have a friend who pairs kids she has taken in with kids their age as companions. There are those in the world where it is too dangerous for their children to have friends or go to town to attend a school or have kids over for playdates,” I told them. “While not quite the same, think of a president with school-aged children. They can’t just bring kids home after school to do homework and go to someone’s house to hang out. The companions with my freshman students are trained as bodyguards, have worked for families in all three areas we are visiting and are fluent in all three languages. They will be on vacation with us, so they can have time being kids too. There will be ones around your other children’s ages as well.”

“I guess we have no choice with our children in your class going, so I might as well have my others out of the house too,” a man joked in Basque.

Ellen, April, Crimilda, Dee, Tee, Vicky, Chris, Ronny, Bambi, Bart, and half of Molly’s younger siblings were all in the language classes. Of course, April already spoke all of them at a four-and-a-half-year-old level, which was not bad for a three-year-old.

Molly’s parents were coming along as a bit of a vacation. They were getting their language lesson Molly style.

I called Yuki when I got home and asked her, “So, how many of your kids can I kidnap to take on vacation? Your kids enjoyed being off the clock at the amusement park, so I wanted to do something nice for others. Can you believe I let Ellen and Crimilda’s school talk me into being a substitute teacher? I have a freshman honor’s language class I promised to take to Barcelona, Ireland, and Belgium to see if they learned to speak as well as a local ten-year-old. They are bringing along some parents and siblings. They get to be kids in exchange for knowing what to do on the trip for the kids if something happens. I don’t expect any trouble, and I’m sure the government will know I’m there.”

“You are still the best man I know in the world, David. It isn’t like either of us has to worry about the money involved,” she said happily.

We worked out the details. The man-in-the-machine got “magic” passports for all her kids so they could move freely between countries with us without being tracked. Yuki knew those were worth more than I would pay to have the kids be companions for all those going on the trip. She just accepted that I had a source that none of the elite families have ever been able to buy for any amount of money.

My mom decided that she and dad were coming along with my siblings. Both agreed to try the method used to help traumatic brain patients.

I didn’t pull them into the time bubble or make them forget they were ever there. It only did what would be three months of full immersion in those languages over two weeks.

The closer we got to the Thanksgiving break, the more the excitement grew for everyone in the school.

Most of the girls in the AP Honors Class had the Freddy versions of One, Two, Buckle My Shoe down to sound close enough to the girls in the movie that they posted it to YouTube with them doing it in Japanese, English, and Portuguese. The Egyptian version didn’t translate well. All the boys had started doing Gregorian Chants in Greek with parodies of children’s songs. It was hard to keep a straight face when it made the girls in the class start giggling so much that the boys couldn’t keep it going. What mattered the most to me was that both language classes had a total blast each day, and they learned a lot.

I didn’t want to kill their excitement, but everyone going on the trip had to get vaccinated for every possible thing they could need on Thursday. They were groggy when they got to school and sleepwalked through the school day. I had already let the administrators and all the teachers know. In my high school gym class, girls going on the trip only wore sweatpants, a t-shirt, and a zip-up sweatshirt. They were so out of it that they would have gone up naked and not had a clue. A few boys did make it up in only a jockstrap, not that any of them needed it, before being sent back down to get on shorts and a t-shirt. None of them could remember someone helping them shower or dress back into their school uniform. Their parents had done the immunizations right after they decided they would come on the trip.

The kids were slightly more alert when we headed to the airport, but not much more.

“Welcome to David Air,” the pilot said from the cockpit. “This is a no-smoking flight. If we see smoke coming off you, we assume you are on fire and respond accordingly. Please listen to the flight attendants as they go over the emergency procedures required by the FAA. If David hasn’t already strapped you in, the flight attendants will ensure you get buckled in safely. Since David doesn’t like slow, lumbering jumbo-jets, our flight time will have us arriving in Donegal at six thirty-nine. You will arrive at the resort by seven-thirty AM, where breakfast will be waiting. Enjoy your flight.”

We were soon in the air. After two hours in the air, the flight attendants began serving a light meal to the kids. The adults got a nice steak, shrimp, and chicken dinner with wine if they wanted. During the movie, they all fell asleep. None of them were awake to get dessert. April was running up and down the aisle, much to the flight attendants’ dismay.

“No running that rabbit’s batteries down. April will climb up in a seat somewhere and sleep at some point. Any sedatives you give her will wire her up that much more. I’ll keep an eye on her. If we need anything, I will get it for us. Why don’t you get some sleep? The pediatricians said the kids would be out all night long. My friend Yuki is meeting us at the airport to help get everyone into bed at the resort. You have about two hours before we land.”

I went in to sit with the pilots. Both flew on carriers under the retired Admiral before deciding they were too old to be fighter pilots and got out to fly private jets.

“You do know you are an asshole, David, right?” the pilot asked.

“Why?” I asked back.

He shook his head and said, “Not only didn’t anyone tell us that we were going to be flying over Mach 3, but this aircraft is also capable of hypersonic flight up to around Mach 7. We can’t go any faster than we are now because too many people are watching.”

“Then I guess it will piss you off knowing that we could have stopped off at the ISS, let everyone use the space toilet, do a half-hour spacewalk, and still land an hour before our expected arrival time,” I told him. “There are too many logistical problems, and this trip is too high profile. Plus, the ISS doesn’t have enough room for more than me, the kids in my class, and the two of you. Then there is the fact that I don’t have any pizza.”

The co-pilot exclaimed, “Fuck! That wasn’t just some joke? Someone brings them hot, fresh pizza when they make a visit that didn’t happen?”

“If it didn’t happen, then no pizza arrived, right?” I joked.

We went “dark” ten minutes after leaving U.S. airspace and landed at a private airport outside Cork County just after one AM. Yuki had people waiting to get everyone off the plane.

As we rode the bus, Yuki explained, “Donegal turned out to not be the best choice of location. The kids said something odd was going on. It doesn’t have anything to do with you. You have a large estate outside Cork County on the coast. Irish is the primary language where we are going, and many students attend primary and secondary schools where they teach only in Irish. It is a much better fit for a school group. The staff is already aware you are on the way. My kids are waiting to help get everyone awake enough to use the bathroom before getting them changed and into bed. If you let any of them, my kids want to express their appreciation for what you do for them.”

She didn’t expect to have April appear out of nowhere to climb into Yuki’s lap to hug her before going to sleep in her arms.

“Well, not the best introduction. That is my daughter April. Watch what you say when she can hear you because she is psychic enough to say something to you that no one else knows. She has gone up to a girl or woman to tell them they have Day-id’s baby in their tummy more than once. Some didn’t even know they were pregnant yet,” I warned.

Yuki smiled and said, “About that.”

“Sssh,” April whispered. “Babies sleeping.”

“Uh,” Yuki said. “Yeah. I see what you mean about April. I only found out I’m carrying twins because I saw the ultrasound before my doctor would let me fly. They’ve been very active all day long. They settled down as soon as she put her head on my stomach.”

Once we put April to bed and sated Yuki’s pregnancy itch, we went down to get something to eat.