My Best Excuse for No Output Lately

by cmsix

Copyright© 2013 by cmsix

: This a short ramble trying to partialy explain why I haven't weitten anything lately.

Tags: True Story  

The RECENT, mostly boring, history of the life and times of cmsix.

Where do I begin? At the begining? Well I guess I could. Not from personal memories of course but I have heard a few things since then.

For instance, once, on November second 1948, they held an election and the Chicago Tribune's banner headline the next day proclaimed DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN. What the tribune's reporters failed to make note of was my arrival around eleven PM that fateful November second evening, after what my mother swore to her dying day was eleven months of pregnancy. I came out in a rush and so did several vote counts in southern Illinois. As eveyone knew within hours, Dewey did not defeat Truman, and apparently the tide turned shortly after my arrival. Coincidence? Shurely you jest. Sadly I've been unable to pull any other electoral miracles. For instance I refuse to take any responsability for dumbass W.

It seems my luck was stretched pretty thin getting me here intact. I arrived during my first asthma attack and apparently the doctors were alarmed to discover I was also allergic to the benedryl they injrcted to calm the attack. Oh well, shit happens, and it isnlt always good shit. Personaly I've always been suspicious of Republican doctors.

Asthma was pretty much a pain my ass until I graduated from highschool in 1967, when I'm pretty sure it saved mt life. You may or may not remember what our enlightened government was up to around that time. Lo and behold my local draft board sent me an invitation to a war against people I wasn't personally mad at. Apparaently the head man of the local draft board wasn't as excited about me hiding the weenie with his daughter as she seened to be at the time. Alas the 1A rating he helped me earn was changed to a 4F, this meant they'd take the women and children first, when I voluntered. It wasn't common knowledge at the time, but apparently the doctors took a lot closer look at you when you were stupid enough to sign up unprompted.

When my new draft-card arrived with a 4F stamped on the front in a prominent place, it not only ruined my chances for a GI loan, it served as an end to my college career. I invited the old cocksucker's daughter out for abother date but just in case I was careful to wear my raincoat all three times. I was also careful to ring her chime on all occasions. After all, there is no sense in pissing off any owner of good pussy.

Things rocked along swimmingly after that, for years in fact. I pulled a fast one on my best friend a couple of yeaes later and stole his girlfriend and then married her. We had a beautiful daughter later and due to some foolish financial moves on my part we drifted apart. As in, she ran my dumb ass off. Hell, I couldn't even fault her for it. At least I hung around unti she finished her education amd became an all level certified reading specialist. She also got qualified as an administrator and moved on to become a princjpal and later a superintendant. Later she gave that up for a job in state government.

After we split I also furthered my education at Disel Driving Academy. During the last two weeks recruitors showed up early and often and when Schneider National Carriers, the largest fortyeight state irregular route carrier ran up their flag, I saluted. It wasn't because of their beautiful trucks though. A cornbinder cabover ain't much on astetics. The main thing that drew me to Schneider was the pay. At that time it was twentyfive cents per mile with up to a six cent per mile bonus. You do the math. I could basically fuck off and do 2500 miles per week.

Another advantage to me came about in a stealth mode. Their are thousands of truckdrivers who like to spend their money sprucing up their trucks. I know you've seen them on the road. They'll buy everything from chrome exhaust stacks to chrome lugnut covers to try and pretty up their trucks. Does the phrase, lipstick on a pig, mean anything to you? The only thing that would make a babbon ass orange Schneider truck look any better would be Jaime Lee Curtis lying naked in the sleeper...

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