Chapter 2

A blue splodge jumped out into the centre of the path and wobbled like an oversized plate of jelly.

Of course, he should have known. Obviously it was going to be a blue slime. It was always a fucking blue slime.

The blue blob bobbed and quivered. Protoplasm erupted out of the top and formed into the shape of a sexy young woman with humongous, jiggling boobies.

Jackson's mouth fell open.

He'd fought blue slimes before. They were bouncing teardrops with googly eyes that looked like they'd been drawn by a five-year-old. This ... didn't.

She--and it was definitely a she--was the same height as him. She was bright blue and partially transparent. He could see the bushes and trees behind her through her body. Their shapes were blurry and distorted by her curves.

She had curves--wow did she have curves--and they were in all the right places. Her figure reminded Jackson of the high school cheerleaders he'd lusted after even though he'd known he never stood a chance. She jiggled and wobbled on the path as if she'd been freshly popped from a mold taken from the body cast of a curvaceous glamour model. A babe made out of jello. A jello babe.

Fucking game developers again, Jackson thought. Always obsessed with the T & A because they couldn't get any in the real world. He gripped the hilt of his shitty starting sword. It was a damn shame, but he was going to have to dice Ms. Jello 2013 into little cubes.

The slime girl said something to him in moonspeak.

Don't understand, don't care, Jackson thought. He lifted up his sword and...

... found himself standing on a featureless cloudy plane with the big tits angel floating in front of him.

Great, the battle tutorial.

The angel asked him some questions in moonspeak. Jackson smiled, nodded his head and pretended to understand. Obviously he didn't, but if he told the big tits angel that then she'd repeat the instructions over and over until he collapsed of old age.

He didn't need the instructions anyway. It was a stupid JRPG. They were all the same. They all had the same commands. Attack, Magic, Item, Run Away. It was the same every fucking time. So Jackson smiled, nodded his head and waited for the big tits angel to send him back so he could splatter Ms. Jelly Tits all over the pre-rendered backdrops exactly the same as he'd done to all the other bouncing blue retards.

The angel finished her piece and Jackson was sent back to the path. The blue girl stood in front of him with her hands on her hips. Naked blue girl, Jackson amended. Naked blue girl with a level of anatomical detail that would usually get a game artist into a lot of trouble.

The blue girl smiled at him and asked him yet another question he didn't understand. Annoyed at being teleported all over the place and having to listen to people jabber moonspeak at him, Jackson finally snapped.

"Doesn't anyone speak American in this stupid fucking game!" he yelled at the sky.

"Oh," the slime girl said. "A Westerner. What are you doing playing an Eastern game in the original nihongo?" she asked in perfect English.

Jackson gawped at her.

"It's okay, I know why," she said. "They don't allow you to make games like this in the West because they're afraid children might get their hands on them and grow up crazy. It's so unfortunate to have to live in such a repressive regime. If you want a little harmless fun you have to seek it out elsewhere. And..."

She pressed her ample boobs together and leaned forward to fully emphasize her jaw-dropping cleavage.

" ... pictures are the universal language."

Jackson's jaw dropped.

"Lucky for you I speak American," the slime girl continued. "That's why they made my scene part of the trial," she added proudly.

Jackson continued to stare at her tits. That was some pair, even if they were blue and see-through.

She squished them closer together. They looked a little more ... elastic than a normal girl's. "Are these fine?" she asked. "Would you like them bigger? Or smaller? Is this height okay? I know some Western boys get a little intimidated if the girl is taller than them. I can change to be shorter if that's what you prefer."

Jackson stared at her in bafflement. He might understand the words now, but he still had no fucking clue what she was talking about.

"Aren't we supposed to be fighting?" he asked.

"Oh yes, the 'fight'." She even signaled the inverted commas like an MTV Valley Girl. "Okay. It's my surprise attack so I get to go first."

Jackson felt something wet and sticky squish up between his toes. He looked down and saw the slime girl had formed a puddle beneath his feet and he was standing right in the middle of it. He tried to lift a foot and managed only a couple of inches. It was like standing on a glue trap.

"Suraimo Torapo," the girl said. "I've got you now."

Jackson couldn't pull free. The slime oozed up over his feet and ankles, forming a thick elastic sheath that kept his feet stuck together.

"Up I go," the slime girl teased.

The rising sheath of slime crawled up to his thighs. Then it stopped. Jackson twisted and squirmed, but couldn't break through. Smiling, the slime girl watched him...