Chapter 1

"Jakasan."

Mostly asleep, Ian Jackson wasn't sure if the feminine voice was coming from the waking world or his dreams.

"Ian Jakasan."

"Fuck off," Jackson said. He tried to bury his head deeper into his pillow.

A lightning bolt came out of the blue and grounded through Jackson's dozing form. He jumped about a foot off the mattress. His sheets slipped off his convulsing form. His hair stood on end and his teeth clenched together so hard they would have bitten off the end of his tongue had it not already been turned back on itself like a slug dipped in salt.

It also woke him up.

After his body stopped twitching uncontrollably he took stock of his surroundings. It wasn't the bed he'd gone to sleep in. It looked similar, but this was a different plain little bed in a different plain little bedroom. It had a single bookcase and single wardrobe, same as the plain little bedroom he'd fallen asleep in, but they were in different positions. Like the other bedroom, the room looked a prop department's idea of what a plain little peasant's bedroom should look like rather than a room someone actually lived in. That was because it wasn't real. It was part of a computer game and Jackson was stuck inside it.

There was an angel floating at the foot of his bed. She had massive tits.

She smiled beatifically at Jackson like a mother to her brainless brat. She might have had a kind, maternal face, but the rest of her body was one hundred percent MILF, with the emphasis on the F. Her white dress was slinky rather than saintly. It hugged her shapely figure like a second skin and a split down the sides exposed the creamy-white flesh of her thighs. A pendant with a large red stone drew attention to her neck and the deep creamy valley of her cleavage beneath it.

Doubtless the Bible Belt would not approve of this depiction of an angel. Jackson supposed it could have been worse. At least she wasn't blindfolded and tied up with bondage chains.

Jackson was too busy ogling her babelicious figure to notice she'd opened her mouth and was speaking to him. Not that it mattered. He couldn't understand a word she was saying.

This was a first. Before, it hadn't mattered where Jackson had been or who he'd talked to, everyone had spoken English back at him. Was this some kind of glitch or bug?

"I don't understand," he said to the angel in white.

She paused and asked him what he guessed was a question from the intonation of her voice. Jackson shrugged. He hadn't understood that either.

The angel nodded and then carried on with her spiel in a language that was incomprehensible to Jackson.

Not carry on, repeat, he realized. He recognized some words. It sounded a lot like the same speech she'd tried to give him earlier.

"I don't understand," Jackson interrupted, growing frustrated.

The angel paused and asked him another, or even the same, question. Jackson didn't understand, so he shrugged again. This time he was sure the angel was repeating the same speech right from the beginning.

Stupid game. It must have got stuck on the wrong language.

This time when the angel asked the question again he smiled brightly and nodded. If he didn't the angel would just keep repeating the same piece over and over. Besides, he didn't need to understand what she was saying, it was the same usual shit every JRPG started with.

I, angel of the giant mammaries, have chosen you to save the world/princess from the evil dragon/sorcerer/demon king. You, of all the stupid-haired kids with unfeasibly large swords, are the most likely to complete this arduous quest despite currently being a level one weakling who'd immediately expire if the wild dogs roaming around the second village so much as sneezed on you. Now go, achieve your destiny, slaughter all the wildlife between here and the final castle while amassing enough to gold to crash the economies of every kingdom in the land. You will, of course, be able to carry this gold--all of it--around in your pockets.