Chapter 34

Sergeant Major Smythe delivered us unscathed to Liverpool Central and saw to our luggage. He also made sure that we were on the right train and wouldn't end up in Hogwarts. The luggage was checked straight through to our hotel in Paris so we wouldn't be responsible for loss in case something dire happened in London.

Besides, the whole kit and caboodle was insured for five times its actual value ... Antique leather luggage.

For his pains ... and our sins ... we greased Smythe's fist with a fifty pound note.

"It's too much, sir."

"Finding the place and unable to speak the language?" He laughed ... but nodded. "You saved us many embarrassing situations, Sergeant Major ... We insist." We all scowled at him fiercely. He chuckled but the note ended up in his purse.

Our tickets were in order ... our first-class compartment reserved. The girls huddled together ... women's secrets I suppose. I had other fish to fry. I walked the loading dock to the front of the train.

I was in ecstasy ... the locomotive was massive, British Green ... and steam!

I was immediately accosted by the Guard.

When he discovered I was a Yank and not a member of active armed forces he settled in for what he referred to as a coze. I had a lesson in UK trains. The Guard, he pointed to himself was holdover from coaching days. The driver drove. The Guard on passenger trains did not have routine responsibilities for ticket inspection or sale. His jobs focused more on safe operation of their trains, timekeeping, handling parcels, and other consignments.

A dedicated 'travelling ticket inspector' handled fare duties

The Guard is responsible for customer care, and "emergency protection" duties, should an emergency arise, along with other operational rules. He trained using emergency kit such as detonators, track circuit clips and flags to prevent other trains colliding with, for example a derailed train. If in a crash the driver became incapacitated, the Guard is the only person left who can protect the train. Other day-to-day duties include operating the public address system and train doors. If the Guard has significant customer contact, the position is usually classified as conductor-guard or conductor. On long-distance expresses, the conductor's title is sometimes enhanced to senior conductor, in line with the implied prestige of operating these trains.

He introduced me to the engine crew and I was admitted to the 'holy of holies' the engine cabin. The crew was most interested in American rail of which I knew a little but not enough to be definitive.

Since I 'knew' I explained that America was easing away from coal and steam and concentrating on Diesel and that I personally expected to see steam be a hobby in a very few years.

Our time was up ... I was requested to sound the all aboard whistle and get aboard. I was thrilled. We shook hands all round and I climbed down from the cabin. I heard the Guard say, "Nice lad, that." and agreement from the engine crew.

I boarded, found our compartment and was quizzed as to "Just where have you been, David."

When I explained ... interest died and the girls turned away.

But to me the smell of wet coal smoke? ... Magic.

"Shut the damn window, David."

(Please feel free to apply that statement to any one of my fellow travelers ... it was said more than once.) (One man's pleasure is a woman's trash.)

We crossed many little and not a few big bridges on the run from Liverpool Central to Crewe.

We lost a few passengers at Crewe but gained several new cars from a Manchester train. We had a few more passengers leave at Tamworth.

Then the run down to Bletchley where we were invaded by victorious Watford FC supporters journeying their way home. Thank God for first class. There was absolutely no place to sit and the corridors were full to impossible. We had many lookers at our corridor pocket slider door. Possessing three beauties I was pleased as punch that mother had the look... Death to you if you try my compartment door.