Chapter 9

The nurse and I stood aghast. Not exactly ... She stood ... I was still on the SHC bed. But we were both aghast. (In case you don't know what aghast means ... it's flabbergasted, horrified, dismayed, chickenhearted, fainthearted, fearsome, shrinking, shy, timid, timorous, tremulant, agitated, anxious, apprehensive, disconcerted, disturbed, panic-stricken. and a lot more.)

All I could think was, 'We're fucked.'

But we weren't. The Dean came to our rescue. I didn't get to hear what was said but rumor had it that Dr. Gnocchi was called on the carpet ... and the words, 'One million dollars from an alumnus' were spoken The other rumor, 'They stand on their own two feet ... or four feet ... there being two of them ... but, you ... will ... not ... obstruct ... them ... with ... petty ... bullshit. The two of them are smarter than half the professors on campus.'

(Rumor being Kathy Nugent ... Deans secretary. Ms Nugent had a genius of her own to deal with. Dr. Gnocchi didn't like geniuses.)

He still didn't want to deal with us and asked that we be assigned a younger more personal adviser.

Somehow, we managed. There we were stuck in freshman classes simply because Dr. Gnocchi didn't like kids ... smart kids were the bane of his existence. We thought we might be through with high school, but, to be honest, Michigan State wasn't much better. Grace and I both referred to freshman classes as the thirteenth grade.

All those fancy people ... they thought ... discovered that a professorship trumped a businessman, or a sheriff, or a city mayor. Having gone through life with one foot in the principal's ass didn't matter much when the paper due in Literature 101 had to be more than 'What I did over the summer.' Five pages, TYPED, meant five pages after the cover page and the synopsis. The ability to throw a football fifty yards meant you either passed the simple 101 class or lost your scholarship.

"Why would I waste valuable party hours studying? I'll just bully someone to do the work for me," might have worked as a Senior in high school but the kids who might condescend to tutor charged money to HELP you write a paper ... party money.

Eventually, the idiots dropped out, went home, and went to work for Daddy.

Grace and I chugged along being bored. Our papers became ... whimsical ... the discussions in class ... interesting ... but only to the professor who had to confess that, yes ... Bone was pronounced boon in 14th century England, and that changed the entire meaning of this sonnet or that play. "I never considered..." was a phrase we heard quite often.

Publish or Perish was the bane of existence for assistant professors but soon, a recurring line was appearing in scholastic journals, "I had my eyes opened to a new interpretation of John Donne's sonnet ... so and such ... by a brilliant new student."

A recurring theme we heard, was, "What are you two children doing in this class? You need more than I can teach you. Let's take a walk to the Deans office."

You Can test out of classes ... you have to pay for the class, the test and the monitor, but it is possible.

I had loads of money ... Grace and I signed up ... paid for a quarter's worth of credits and tested out ... time after time after ... well, lookie here, just thirteen and we're blessed with a parchment. It never occurred to either of us to stop ... school was a minimum eighteen years old ... twelve years at home ... but we were in college. Still, the problems with truant officers ... we were graduate students ... masters candidates ... teaching 101 ... and thirteen. A thesis presented itself ... we checked ... no one had ever presented ... so ... a month of concerted effort ... a presentation ... an oral defense ... a second parchment.

"Are we there, yet?"

Sadly, No...

"But they're thirteen. We have no place for them on campus."

"They're here for their Doctorate."

"Financing... ?"

"They have that."

"A faculty sponsor... ?"

"Professor Emeritus Johnson..."

"Where will they live?"

"The boy bought a house."

"He's THIRTEEN!! Where will SHE live?"

"With him."

"Aren't you the tiniest bit suspicious?"

"They're TWINS for God sake. Besides, they have nineteen other universities howling at the moon just to get them ... Paris, Prague, London, Stockholm, Copenhagen, Harvard, Berkeley. They want to come here."

"Why?"

"It's close to home."

"They can't even drive yet."

"True ... but they can fly."

Suddenly, English wasn't as much fun ... it was time for a change.