Chapter 6

I slept surprisingly sound that night. I didn't know if I'd ever get to the point where I might chance settling down with Shiloh, but for the moment I'd settle to just go with the flow and see where I ended up. Those were the thoughts I awoke with on Saturday morning.

I laid there hovering at the edge of sleep and wakefulness for a little while. I finally decided to roll out of bed and when I did, I almost stepped on Shiloh. She was leaned up against my bed and my nightstand, head on her folded arms, asleep. Even in what had to be an uncomfortable position, she looked like an angel. I carefully got out of bed and went into the bathroom. Bladder empty, I came back out and saw that she was still zonked out.

I quietly went over and sat next to her. I carefully pulled her to me and she slowly woke up. She snuggled into me and laid her head on my chest.

"Morning," I softly said.

"Morning," she sleepily replied. "If I'm dreaming, don't wake me."

I kissed her the top of her head. "No, beautiful, you're not dreaming. But, uh, why are you sleeping on the floor in my room?"

"Mmm..." she purred and snuggled closer. "I wanted us to talk and was afraid I'd lose my nerve."

"About us," I said, more statement than question.

"Yeah," she replied, pulling her knees to her chest and leaning against me a little more. "I want you to know that I truly do care for you, Gary. It's not some schoolgirl crush or anything silly like that. That's not me. You're the first guy I've ever felt this feeling for."

"What feeling is that, babe?" I asked. I had a pretty good idea what it was, but I wanted, needed, to hear her say it. I didn't want to misread anything with her; doing so could end with me going to jail—something I deemed worthy of avoiding.

"That I love you. You, Gary. I love you and it scares me to death. I've never loved another guy that wasn't a relative, so I don't know what to do or what to say. I'm afraid that what I'm feeling won't be reciprocated by the guy I love—you. I don't even know if I deserve to love you; you've done nothing but give of yourself and have asked for nothing in return. I know you're a good man; you could've taken advantage of me, yet you didn't.

"Your daughter is one of my best friends, and I've only known her a few days. She's not judged me or avoided listening when I needed to talk. She held me and let me cry on her shoulder yesterday before you got home. That tells me that you've raised her right and that you're a good man."

She was baring her soul to me, so I felt I should, would, do no less. "Baby, I do care for you. Do I love you? I don't know, at least not yet anyway. I don't know if I can settle down and have a serious relationship." She stiffened in my arms in alarm. "But I want to try. I want to believe that I can love you in the way you deserve. But you need to realize that this is serious to me. When I say 'I love you', I mean it wholeheartedly, without reservation and until the day I die.

"But..." I paused, unsure and hesitant to tell her about my PTSD and the effect it had on my life. My family knew about it, just not how bad it truly was. Kaitlyn, by far, knew the most. But how would Shiloh take the revelation? Would she push me away and simply remain a friend? Would she run terrified from the room and completely out of my life? Or would she be understanding? Looking back, I should've known the answer right away, but at the time I was on the verge of telling her my deepest, darkest secret and was, honestly, terrified that she'd take it negatively.

"But?" she softly replied. Her hand was slowly rubbing my chest. It served to relax me some and give me a tiny bit of hope.

I sat back, drew a deep breath and exhaled. I'd made my decision. I had to tell her simply because she'd find out sooner or later just how bad off I was. About the nightmares. About the self-doubt and recrimination. She deserved to know the truth before committing herself to a long-term relationship with a guy that was old enough to be her dad. To not tell her would be akin to lying or cheating on her, at least in my mind. I felt that I could no more lie to her than I could to Kaitlyn.

"But there is something you need to know about me. Something that very few people know. Something that tends to changes people's opinions about a person when they find out."

Shiloh craned her neck up at me and simply said, "You can tell me, Gary."

So I told her. Everything. From the shoot-down to the kidnapping to the torture. I spared no detail, something I'd not done with anyone outside of the official debriefings in the days and months after the incident. I told her about the self-doubt and loathing I had for myself regarding my divorce. About the doubts, as stupid as they were, about being a good father to Kaitlyn. How I seriously and how often I'd considered suicide. I bared my soul to her like I had with no other person and to her credit she didn't push me away or run from the room. But her eyes were shimmery, on the verge of tears.

"And that's why I'm scared of settling down, little one. You deserve someone better than me. Someone who doesn't have all the baggage I have," I concluded, tears streaming down my cheeks.

Surprisingly, to me anyway, Shiloh pulled in tight to me. "Gary, oh Gary. We all have baggage. You know what mine is and that hasn't scared you off, so why would your baggage scare me off? Everyone has their bad times," she said softly. Now her tears were flowing freely. "Part of a relationship is taking the bad days with the good and dealing with them. Together.

"What you've told me hasn't changed my mind or my opinion of you one bit. It just means that you have problems like I have problems. I want to be there for you to help you with your problems, like you've helped me. Let me help you, Gary," she whispered and laid her head against my chest again.

I rested my cheek against the top of her head. "Are you sure, sweetie?" I whispered back.

Shiloh just quickly nodded her head and sniffled. We sat there for a few minutes in silence each lost in our own thoughts. I don't know what she was thinking, but I sure as hell knew what was rolling around in mind.

"I don't know if I'll ever get to the point where I'll want to get married again, baby. Do I love you? I don't know. I think, maybe, I do. I just don't know. But I do know I have trust issues when it comes to relationships now." Shiloh opened her mouth to reply but I cut her off. "I know, you wouldn't betray that trust and understand why I have it. But it's there and it's something I honestly don't know if I can overcome. What Lisa did to me almost destroyed me."

"I know," she whispered into my chest. "Kaitlyn has told me how hard your divorce was on you, Gary. I won't ever do that to you."

"You say that now, babe," I whispered into her red hair.

"Gary, I damned well know what I'm talking about. I know the difference in our ages and that doesn't bother me. However long that gives us together, I'll take it. Ten, twenty, fifty years, I'll take them. I'm yours until either you die or you don't want me anymore. And I know how you feel about the latter of those two prospects, so I know that won't ever happen."

"Baby, Kaitlyn's mom vowed to love me 'til death do us part', but decided that was too long. Words are easily said, easily broken, but difficult to sincerely mean. I can't go through that again."

Shiloh looked up into my face. "Gary, if it takes me running in front of a bus to prove that I love you now and forever, tell me. Just tell me and I'll do it." She shook as a quietly sobbed. "I love you so much, Gary, that it hurts. But it hurts good. Even if we never get married, I'll stick by your side, through thick or thin, until the one or both of us cease to exist."

I squeezed my eyes shut. I didn't deserve to have a woman love me this way, especially one as special as Shiloh. My ex didn't, and that meant to me that I had some serious faults. But this young woman loved me regardless. I just hoped I could love her the same way someday.

I leaned down and kissed her tenderly. She was tentative at first, but soon I felt her tongue tease my lips. I parted them and flicked mine against hers. Our tongues dueled for a few sweet minutes before we separated.

She looked up at me with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face. She laid her head against my chest again and whispered, "I love you, Gary. Don't you ever forget that."

"I won't, babe. I won't," I whispered as I held her tight. We continued to sit against the bed in the predawn light, our morning run forgotten this one sweet day, until the sun had risen well above the horizon. It was the sound of Kaitlyn rummaging around in the kitchen that pulled us out of my bedroom.

Kaitlyn was snickering as we entered the kitchen for breakfast. Shiloh and I swore pinky swears that all we were doing was talking and nothing more. I don't think she believed us. Her continued snickering told me that she didn't buy it for one minute. Oh well, I let her believe what she wanted.

After eating breakfast we went to a museum, then the zoo and finally to lunch. The entire time I had a particular angelic redhead hanging off my arm like we'd been together for years. I didn't mind and it didn't seem to bother my daughter. We finished out the day poolside back at my house lounging and swimming.

Sam called in the early afternoon to appraise me of Rudy's situation. It seemed the judge that was assigned his case was tired of seeing him pass through his courtroom and postponed the bail hearing until Monday. I was glad, that gave Shiloh and her mom at least two full days of a reprieve from the drunk's stupid ass.

Sunday Sam managed to talk to one of his lawyer acquaintances and got Mattie and I in on Sunday—surprise, surprise, some lawyers do have a heart; that surprised me as well—and did a legally binding will naming me as Shiloh's guardian should something to happen to Mattie.

The rest of the day consisted of a barbeque with Mattie, Shiloh, Sam, Sam's family and Juan and his family. Sam pulled me aside at one point and asked me if there was anything going on between me and Shiloh. Even with him being my brother, I was hesitant to say anything. I mean, Shiloh and I had done nothing more than kiss, but Sam was a cop, after all.

I shouldn't have worried. He told me, one, he was asking as my brother and not as a cop; two, even if something was going on, he knew how I was and wouldn't report it, even from the standpoint of his duties; and three, he said we looked like we were meant for each other.

I breathed a sigh of relief and told him that, sexually, nothing was going on. Was there an attraction, sure, but I wasn't rushing into anything. I told him that I cared for her, but wasn't sure if I could love her considering my recent past and the PTSD. I also told him how Shiloh swore to be by my side, married or unmarried, until the day that I died or didn't want her anymore.

Sam just clapped me on the shoulder and returned to the grill. Shiloh walked over and asked if everything was alright. I told her about the conversation I'd just had with Sam and how he seemed alright with our relationship. She smiled at me and gave me a kiss. This drew an odd look from my sister-in-law, but that was quickly rectified by my brother. Juan just grinned at me and gave me the thumbs-up. His wife elbowed him in the ribs and waved at me. Me? Hell, I had a stupid grin on my face. Kaitlyn, well, she dumped a bucket of cold water on us from the window above us and then told us to get a room. My daughter, the comedienne.

We found out the next day that the judge presiding over Rudy's case assigned him a very hefty bail amount and issued a restraining order forbidding him from contact with Shiloh or Mattie. His folks, of course, bailed him out yet again, but we didn't see hide nor hair of him through the next week.

The Fourth of July weekend rolled around and Kaitlyn and I's plans were to head up to Sam's cabin in the mountains. We packed a few changes of clothes, a tent, a couple sleeping bags and a couple coolers full of food and assorted beverages the night before we were to head to the cabin. All that remained was to stop by my dad's place to get my ATV and our helmets.

Kaitlyn went next door to see if Shiloh wanted to come over and lounge around the pool. I changed into my trunks, grabbed my Kindle and planted myself in a lawn chair by the pool. Soon the girls came back, giggling and talking about whatever teenaged girls talk about.

"Dad," Kaitlyn asked and I looked up. "Can Shiloh come with us to Uncle Sam's? She's never been up to the mountains."

While I wouldn't mind Shiloh's companionship, yes, even the companionship of a sixteen year-old young woman, most of my entire family and extended family would be up there for the weekend. While Sam and Elizabeth, his wife, and their kids knew about Shiloh and I, the rest didn't and I didn't know how they would react. Family is very important to me and I was worried they wouldn't, or refused to, understand. But on the other hand, they'd find out sooner or later; Shiloh was to be around for a very long time. Might as well make it sooner and get the pre-holiday fireworks over with that were no doubt to ensue.

"Yeah, she can. Just make sure it's alright with her mom."

"It is! I asked when I went over there just now. Thanks daddy!" She kissed me on the cheek and then said, "Besides, she needs to meet the rest of our crazy clan sometime. Might as well be now since we'll all be there." My daughter spooked me sometimes; we thought alike a lot. I like to think I've done at least one thing right in my life—raising Kaitlyn.

"My thoughts exactly, kiddo."

Kaitlyn went and dove into the pool. Shiloh, having been standing in the background these last couple minutes came over and sat on my lap. She wrapped her arms around my neck and put her forehead to mine. "You nervous, baby?"

"I'd be lying if I wasn't," I replied.

"Kaitlyn said you would be, what with your family being there and all." I nodded. "She also said that you shouldn't worry because she thought they would be happy for you. If not, they would eventually come around. Says that your family is close, loving and understanding." Sometimes my daughter amazes me in her maturity and logic.

"I hope that she's right, babe. Our ... relationship ... isn't normal, that's for sure. They may not be as understanding as Sam and Elizabeth."

"Well, if they're as good as Sam, Elizabeth and Kaitlyn, I don't think we have anything to worry about. I mean, we haven't done anything." She wiggled her butt in my lap. "Yet."

I groaned. I'd been hard as steel the moment she'd sat on my lap. This wiggling only served to tease me and she knew it. She traced her fingertips down my chest. I'm not a hairy guy and had gained a respectable tan from my time by the pool so far this summer. Shiloh had commented before how she liked the fact I wasn't a "hairy grizzly bear"—her words.

I hissed when one of her fingernails drug across one of my nipples. She arched a thin red eyebrow. "Like that, I see," she murmured in observation. I just nodded and swallowed. "Do you like this?" she asked as she took my hand and placed it on one of her bikini-clad breasts. My mouth was dry and I swallowed. I nodded as I lightly squeezed and massaged it. She smiled with her eyes closed and purred. "I like that too. And this as well," she murmured as she wiggled on my dick. This elicited another groan on my part.

"Uh, guys! Jeez! Kids are present!" Kaitlyn chided in mock anger.

Shiloh just winked at me, grinned wickedly and got up. I covered my hard-on as best I could with my Kindle as Shiloh went and dove into the pool. This was going to be a long six months if Shiloh kept that teasing up. I decided to join them in the pool and cannonballed in.

We horsed around in the pool for a while before getting out for lunch. While the girls were fixing sandwiches for us, I went and pulled down an additional sleeping bag for Shiloh. Later we made a run to one of the local Wal-Mart's to get a few needed items we were lacking.

After we got back, Shiloh and Kaitlyn went to Shiloh's house to get her stuff for the weekend. I loaded our supplies into my truck in preparation for our early morning departure. Soon the girls came back and I loaded Shiloh's stuff in the truck as well.

We spent the rest of the evening watching movies. Kaitlyn swiped my spot in the recliner while Shiloh and I stretched out on the couch spooning. I'd changed into gym shorts and a t-shirt. The girls had changed into nightshirts.

More delightfully excruciating teasing on Shiloh's part as she wiggled against my body. I kept some sense of decorum and just put one of my arms around Shiloh's waist; my other was being used as a pillow by her. I kissed the back of her neck and she shuddered and broke out in goose bumps.

"I could get used to this babe," I whispered.

She answered by pulling my arm around her waist up to her chest and holding it tightly against her. This placed my hand on her right B-cup titty—she wasn't wearing a bra. I rubbed my fingertip over her nipple and it hardened, tenting her nightshirt slightly. She sucked in her breath and dug her fingernails into my forearm.