Chapter 4

Eleanor walked slowly toward her apartment. Looking back along the hallway, she smiled a dry, wry smile. She hadn't even entertained the thought that she would flirt with a man, especially not tonight. Yet, Roger was not an ordinary man. He wasn't tall or brutally handsome or even terribly sexy and yet he held a certain fascination for her. He was composed and bright and a good conversationalist. He was trim and well dressed without being a rake or a poseur. She thought back to her first encounter with Robert and she remembered the most important feature of him was his genuineness. In that one respect, Roger reminded her of him. She unlocked her door and walked into her apartment, closing the door slowly and softly behind her. Was this the beginning of something or was she just frustrated and maybe, with the aid of alcohol, a bit randy?

Roger drifted down the hallway toward his apartment and had to stop for a moment to remember which unit was his. He fumbled with his key and, after a couple of futile stabs, he finally unlocked the door and stepped inside. He snapped the door shut and muttered an expletive under his breath. Mr. "Joe Cool" had surely played his best hand tonight. All those hours of looking for a suitable date in this building and when he finally found one, he almost cast away the opportunity. Luckily, he instinctively recognized that she would spot a phony savior-faire act. He decided she would more likely respond to an honest approach. Within minutes of meeting her he was patting himself on the back for his change in plan. She would not suffer fools gladly and would have sussed out any phony ploy in no time at all. In truth, he was much happier that she was such a straightforward and open person. He was immediately put at ease and enjoyed every second of their time together. He was also encouraged that she seemed to feel the same. And then, that kiss! Something needed to be done.

"Hello?" Eleanor answered on the third ring.

"Hello Eleanor, it's Roger. I just called to tell you how much I enjoyed our time together this afternoon."

"I did too, Roger. Thank you for calling. I think if you hadn't been there, I would have left after that first glass of wine."

"Eleanor, I have a confession to make."

"Oh ... what's that?" she asked cautiously.

"I have been trying to find a reason to meet you and talk to you since we met in the lobby ... the dreaded mailbox incident," he chuckled

"Well, that's very flattering. But, Roger, am I that unapproachable?" she said with a hint of sarcasm.

"I wasn't really sure and I'm afraid that I'm not much of a ... a ... smooth talker. I guess I was worried that I would get the brush off," he confessed.

"Well, you did all right in the reception as I recall, Roger. You didn't waste any time finding a way to talk to me then," she said with a more sincere tone.

"You made it easy for me. I was surprised. You were easy to talk to. I guess I wasn't expecting that."

There was a pause in the conversation before Eleanor spoke again.

"Roger, would you like a coffee and a brandy? It's still early," she suggested softly.

"That would be ... very nice. Where would you like to meet?"

"Why don't you come down here? I'll put the coffee on and we can continue to get to know each other."

"Uh ... yes ... of course. Well, that sounds wonder ... I mean ... I'd love to. Thank you for the invitation. I'll be there ... well, when would you like me to come?" he stumbled.

"There's no time like the present. Come when you're ready," she said with a laugh.

"I won't be long," he promised.

He looked at himself in the mirror and wondered if he should change. Something told him that she was comfortable with him as he was and there wasn't any need to change. He walked into the bathroom and quickly brushed his teeth and combed his hair. He looked at his watch and realized it had been less than an hour since they had left the reception. Less than an hour since she had kissed him on the cheek. He could feel the stirrings in his groin and hoped that he wouldn't embarrass himself in the next few minutes. He had a date. A date with a very interesting, attractive woman and it was in her apartment. Coffee and brandy, indeed.

When Roger softly knocked on her door, it opened within a couple of seconds and he was taken aback by Eleanor's appearance. She was wearing a black kimono-like robe with red and silver trim. It gave Roger an oriental impression and he was immediately struck by how well it suited her. She was barefoot and Roger noticed that she was no longer wearing makeup. Even without it though, he thought she looked stunning.

"Come in," she said with a smile.

"Thanks ... you look lovely. I feel like I should have changed," he said.

"You can always take off your jacket you know."

"I think I will ... thanks." Roger looked around the apartment as he removed his blazer and realized it was much different in décor than his. "You've done a great job of decorating, Eleanor."

"Thank you. I brought most of it with me from Calgary."

"Not too many bad memories, I hope?" Roger asked and then immediately regretted the question.

"No ... just the good ones, Roger."

"I'm sorry, Eleanor. It was a thoughtless thing for me to say."

"Don't apologize, Roger. Both of us have to live our lives today and not yesterday. Don't be so ... oh I don't know. Just don't. OK?"

"I understand. I'll try not to be so ... oh ... I don't know either," he laughed.

She stepped toward him and with a light hand on his shoulder, kissed him on the cheek ... again. She turned and walked toward the kitchen and picked up the coffee urn and poured two cups. She placed the cups on a tray with the sugar and cream and then placed two snifters of brandy, already poured, on the tray and returned to the living room.

When Roger recovered from the unexpected intimacy, he was uncertain where to sit but quickly decided on the sofa. Eleanor placed the silver serving tray on the coffee table in front of him and sat beside him. He was still a bit unbalanced from her casual appearance and, of course, the kiss.

"Cream and sugar?" she asked.

"Cream only, please," he answered looking at her face in profile.

Eleanor was having a déjà vu experience. She wasn't sure, but she thought this scenario was a carbon copy of her first evening with Robert. It was disconcerting and yet exciting at the same time. Roger had nothing in common with Robert and yet he was similar in his simple, honest style. She turned and looked at him as she passed him his coffee. He was looking at her at the same time and Eleanor could feel the electricity of the moment. She had found another man. It seemed so improbable, but she had found another man.

"Eleanor, have you made many acquaintances since you moved here?"

"No ... in fact ... you're the first. I don't think I was in a very social mood for a while and I guess I got on with my own life without much thought to those who lived nearby. Almost all my associations are related to my business."

"Well, I feel quite honored then," he smiled. "It's taken me quite a while to develop any friendships here. Perhaps because even though we're in the same building, we don't see each other very often."

"I think I've been in hiding a bit," Eleanor said. "I had to ... get through my past and find something to push me into a new beginning. Does that make sense?"

"Oh yes," Roger nodded. "When I came here, it wasn't my home, it was a new job and I had no one for moral support. I'm sure divorce is not the same as a death, but it seemed like it at the time."

"Yes. I'm sure it must have," she said sympathetically. "But it's been six years for you and you seem to have weathered it well."

"I've been very cautious. I guess once bitten ... twice shy." He looked at her and smiled. "You seem to have helped me get past that," he said brightly.

"Well, I'm glad I could be of help ... even if I didn't know I was helping," she laughed lightly.

Roger leaned back into the sofa, sipped his coffee and allowed himself to imagine what it would be like to make love to a beautiful woman like Eleanor. She had a flawless complexion, a voluptuous body and a marvelous personality. She was truly worthy of the effort and he swore to himself that he would make the effort. By herself, she was energizing his libido and revitalizing his self esteem. It was an excitement he hadn't felt since he was courting Marnie, many years ago.

Eleanor was fully aware of the looks that Roger was surreptitiously stealing as he sat near her on the sofa. She was flattered and yet she knew she must be careful. If there was to be a relationship, it would not happen tonight and not likely soon. She was conflicted. She had nagging feelings of unfaithfulness toward her late husband that she could not shake. It was as if he was still alive and she was somehow betraying her vows. Perhaps she was betraying his memory. She was uncertain and until she could reconcile those feelings, her possible relationship with Roger would have to wait. She hoped he would understand. She knew it was something she was obligated to tell him. She also knew that Roger was someone who might be an important part of her new life.

Eleanor and Roger dated regularly over the next few months. Eleanor had confided to him her discomfort about their friendship becoming more intimate. She asked for time to work out a personal resolution. Roger, although disappointed, understood her concern and vowed to both her and himself that he would be patient. His reward was a platonic relationship with some minor intimacy. She had invited him to call her Ellie, something she usually reserved only for family and close friends. They would hold hands, kiss lightly, arms around each other occasionally and generally enjoy each other's company wherever they were. They frequently went to the theatre, enjoying light entertainment as opposed to the 'kitchen sink' realism and downbeat nature of some plays. They went to concerts, both indoor and outdoor. They walked along the waterfront near their building on warm summer evenings or in the afternoons on fall or winter days.

They dined out early in their relationship. When Eleanor suggested he have dinner with her in her apartment, he was delighted, and it became a weekly occurrence. It offered them the privacy and familiarity that made their time together so pleasant. Eleanor was a fine cook with a good sense of what Roger would enjoy. In fact, it was almost as if they were married. She anticipated the things he would like and he secretly celebrated her willingness to please him.

They continued to share the secrets and history of their past lives with each other. Eleanor told him of her disastrous first marriage to George and Roger shared with her the pain of his discovery of his ex-wife's infidelity. They were comfortable with each other but something continued to hold Eleanor back from taking a further step toward a greater intimacy. She was sure of her feelings toward Roger and now realized it was her past. Her clinging to the past was the obstacle. She wondered how to release herself from this cage and spent many hours wondering when she could cast these feelings aside and invite Roger to her bed.

In the spring of the following year, Roger learned of his son Steve's impending marriage. He was not surprised that Steve and Diana would marry. They had known each other since they were in their mid-teens in high school. They had been living together for some years including their last years of college and had just bought a house in Walnut Creek. Steve had made a great career for himself in the investment world and was earning a substantial income for someone so young. His investment hobby had turned into a business and he was very good at picking winners. Diana was a delightful young woman from a reasonably wealthy family. It would be a good match, he thought. Roger began to make plans to attend the wedding.

Eleanor learned of Roger's trip to California almost as soon as he had hung up from talking to Steve. He apologized that he would be away for a week or so, but was sure she would understand. Eleanor smiled to herself that he would be anxious about her feelings because they would be apart for a while. She recognized the signs that Roger was completely committed to her and was careful to include her in all of the events in his life. He apologized that she wasn't invited to the wedding, but Eleanor knew it was too early to impose someone on his family who they didn't yet know. Time enough for that in the future, she thought.

Roger phoned her each night from California to tell her about the plans for the wedding, the rehearsal, the 'stag party' for his son and the friends and business associates of Steve's that he had met. He was very upbeat about the trip and while he missed her very much and never failed to tell her that when he called, she knew this reconnection with his son was very important. The last night of his visit he called Eleanor and she could tell immediately that it was a different Roger on the phone.

"You don't sound quite as happy as you have the past few nights, Roger. I hope nothing went wrong at the wedding this afternoon?" she inquired cautiously.

"Oh ... no. The wedding went very well. They were the perfect happy couple and the reception was terrific. No, no ... everything was just fine," he said unconvincingly.

"You can't fool me, Roger. I can hear it in your voice. What's wrong?"

There was a long silence at the other end of the line before he spoke. "I saw Marnie today. In fact, we sat beside each other at the wedding. She never said a word to me. She didn't look or act like the Marnie I knew. I felt very sorry for her," he said quietly.

"That must have been difficult for you, dear," she said softly.

"Yes, I think it was but in another way ... I think the ghost is gone. I think it's time I forgot about her. Besides, I ... I only seem to be thinking about you these days, Ellie. I can't wait to get back to ... you."

Eleanor felt a hitch in her voice and a lump in her throat. She wasn't able to respond right away.