"Wendy," Josh whispered. "Hey. Wake up. I want to show you something."
"What?" I blinked at him. "Get out of my room!"
"You jerk!" I realized my blanket had been pulled down. He knew I liked to sleep naked.
"Quiet," he said, grinning down at me. "You're gonna wake up Mom and Dad."
"Good!" I yanked the blanket up to my chin. "Get out of here, you perv!"
"I want to show you something."
He held up his camera, a Sony Cybershot I'd given him for his birthday. I hadn't wanted to give him anything, but we had to pretend for our parents. I'd used Daddy's credit card anyway, so I didn't really care.
"What?" I huffed, wondering why my sick brother had to wake me up in the middle of the night. He could have just jerked off in my panties like he usually did.
"Check it out," he sighed, sounding way too happy.
I glanced at the small screen and then did a cartoon double-take, staring as Josh paged through the images one by one. I could barely breathe. I wanted to puke. I wanted to grab the camera and smash it into a million pieces, but I couldn't move.
"That's you, right?" he asked. "Oh! Look at that one, Wendy. I can't believe you'd suck off a dog. What's that stuff taste like anyway?"
He'd taken pictures of me playing with Ms. Robison's dog, a black lab named Muddy. I'd been babysitting and bored, and it hadn't been the first time. My brother must have climbed a tree or something and I couldn't believe I hadn't closed the blinds. That's the stupid thought that popped into my head. Why hadn't I closed the blinds? Because, silly ... Who the heck is gonna climb a tree?
Josh, that's who. My personal stalker and now he had me good.
"I made a movie too," he said, actually laughing. "This camera is so excellent, Wendy. No sound though, sorry about that."
A movie started playing, Muddy mounting me from behind. I arched my back, wincing as I looked over my shoulder, and then he was in. The dog was fucking me like crazy and for just a second I looked right at the window, seeing nothing but the room's reflection, and the look on my face was pure ecstasy.
"I got the end too," Josh said. "Here ... I almost missed it."
Another clip started and it wasn't any longer than the first, only about two minutes, but he'd caught Muddy pulling his cock out of me. The knot looked red and shiny, like the animal's swollen penis, and it looked painful on the camera. I remembered it though, and I'd been feeling nothing but good at the time. My pussy stretched wide and the dog's cock fell out with a wash of cum, his and mine, soaking into the comforter I'd put on the floor. I collapsed onto my tummy, smiling and gasping for air, and then the movie ended.
"The hottest girl in school fucking her math teacher's dog," Josh said. "What do you think? YouTube? Friendster? Or should I just email it to everybody you know?"
"What do you want?" I breathed.
"A lot," he told me, nodding his head and smiling. "I want everything, Wendy."
"Just delete that stuff," I said. "Please? Just erase it, okay? I'll do anything, just..."
"Right!" He grinned at me. "Like I believe that? No, I made a lot of copies, you don't have to worry about that."
"Josh!" I blinked at the wetness suddenly filling my eyes.
"You know, everybody thinks you're a dyke," he said. "But I knew better. You don't hate cock, you just don't like boys. Is that it?"
"It's not like that," I whispered, trying to keep my voice steady. I was going to lose it any second. The shock had worn off and panic was setting in.
"You'd rather fuck a dog, than a man," he told me. "Say it. Tell me the truth, Wendy. You'd rather fuck a dog, wouldn't you?"
"Yes," I sobbed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what?" he wondered, taunting me as the tears rolled down my cheeks. "For being a cocktease?"
"Sorry for being a bitch all the time?"
"Please," I begged him. "Don't do this to me!"
"I haven't done anything to you yet," Josh whispered, bending close enough to touch my nose with his. "You think about it, Wendy. Think about how fucked you'll be if you don't keep me happy from now on."
"Nummph!" I gasped as he covered my mouth with his, grabbing my pussy through the blanket and squeezing me down there. His tongue filled me and I felt his fingers digging at my sex. He kissed me like that for an eternity it seemed and I didn't even try to push him away, I only choked on muffled sobs of humiliation.
"You're lucky I'm your brother," he breathed, licking his lips. "If anyone else found out about this..."
"I'm sorry," I whimpered. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
After he left, I couldn't sleep. I curled up in the dark and cried, wishing it had all been a dream. I cursed myself for having sex with a dog. I hated myself for it, and God as well, asking him why He had to make me that way. I hadn't wanted to like it, I just did. Doing things, sexual things with that animal had felt normal. I felt an attraction for Muddy that I should have felt for boys, but didn't. I prayed to God and all His angels asking them to help me. I promised I'd never do it again, if they saved me from my brother. I'd do anything God wanted if He'd just make this nightmare go away.
I woke up frightened. As if someone had thrown a bucket of cold water on me, I jerked wide awake with the expectation of seeing Josh standing at the foot of my bed. Maybe I'd been dreaming, but I couldn't remember, my only thought was that sleep was dangerous. I had an enemy now.
Usually I put on a t-shirt, a long sleepy-t that I took off every night, just to cover my body when I went to the bathroom. But this morning I dressed completely. I put on my panties and bra, pulled on a pair of jeans, tugged a sweater over my head, and tip-toed across the hallway. I locked the bathroom door and undressed, taking it all off.
My face looked swollen in the mirror, pale and sad. That bleak reflection seemed so very unlike me that I could barely stand to look at it. My puffy eyes were red, my nose as well, and my cheeks were bruised with a lack of sleep. I washed my face and brushed my teeth, feeling like I wanted to puke. A soft rapping at the door made me jump, but it was only my mother.
"Good morning, sunshine," she sang. "Don't take too long in there."
Mom loved mornings. She loved me, and the idea that Josh would show her the pictures, the movies of me with a dog, filled my mouth with bile. I dropped to my knees, retching into the toilet.
"Wendy?" She knocked again. "Are you alright?"
"Fine," I gasped, but she wasn't going to accept that.
"Open the door. What's wrong?"
I made her wait while I rinsed out my mouth and wrapped a towel around my naked body.
"You look terrible," she said, putting a hand to my forehead. "We're you sick last night? Get back into bed."
"I'm okay," I protested.
"Maybe she's pregnant," Josh said with a grin.
He stood behind our mom, looking over her shoulder, and I couldn't bear the sight of him. I looked down, hugging the towel to my breasts with crossed arms.
"That isn't funny," Mom told him. "Use the other bathroom. We're running late this morning."
She put me in bed, towel and all, wondering if she should take me to the doctor.
"I just have an upset stomach," I told her. "I'm tired."
Mom had to go to work and taking time off wouldn't be a big deal, but she didn't like to do it unless absolutely necessary. My mother had always been a practical woman, although rather high-strung and prone to making too much out of too little, I sometimes thought. Daddy had already gone to work. He left about the time the rest of us were waking up.
"Well, you don't have a fever," she said a few minutes later, reading the thermometer. "When did you have your last period?"
"What?" I blinked at her. "I'm not pregnant, Mom."
She knew when I got my period, but I suppose that looking like I did, being nauseas first thing in the morning ... I was sixteen and very pretty, very popular with the boys, as she liked to say. That made me a suspect, even though I'd never even gone out on a date. I'd never had a boyfriend, but being pragmatic, Mom probably didn't believe that. She couldn't afford to, I saw it in her eyes.
"I got my period last week, remember?" I sighed, rolling over to face the wall. "I don't even have a boyfriend."
"Wendy, you know I want to respect your privacy, but..."
"I'm still a virgin, okay?" I felt her hand on my back, glad she couldn't see my face.
I'd always been the world's worst liar, but that was only half a lie anyway. I hadn't had sex with a boy Maybe she believed me, maybe not, but at least Mom decided to drop the subject. She called the school and told them I'd be staying home. I half expected her to make an appointment for me with her gynecologist, but maybe that was coming. Like I said, Mom could find a crisis without even trying.
"See ya later, Wendy," Josh said, smiling from the doorway. He held his camera by the strap, letting it swing like a pendulum.
I'd thought about searching his room, but that's what he was telling me - Don't bother. I seriously doubted his camera was the only place he kept the evidence. If Josh was smart, as I had to assume he was, he would have uploaded the files to someplace on the internet. One of those sites offering free storage to anyone with an email address, promising that the files would be available anytime, anywhere, to anyone who knew where to find them.
I looked anyway, checking the browsing history and bookmarks on my brother's computer. That didn't help and even if I'd found something, I didn't know his passwords or anything. I felt desperate and frustrated, but no longer sick, thank God. I couldn't eat anything, however, and I just went back to bed.
Maybe he wouldn't do anything. My brother was a real jerk, I knew that, and even before I'd hit puberty he'd been watching me. Josh was about a year and half older than me, almost 18 and a senior, and he loved me the way a brother shouldn't. Mom and Dad thought he paid so much attention to me because he wanted to be protective. They were actually proud of that, telling me how lucky I was to have him, but I knew it was only jealousy. He'd beat up a boy once, this guy in seventh grade who had a crush on me and wrote me stupid poems. Josh found out and I still felt bad about it, like it had been my fault.
But if Josh really loved me, if he imagined I could ever love him back somehow, would he really tell everyone what I'd done? I didn't want to think so, but there's a fine line between love and hate and I wasn't sure he knew the difference. He was big and strong, even smart in a cunning sort of way, I thought, but decidedly immature when it came to his emotions. My brother would hurt me, I decided. If he couldn't have me, he'd make me suffer for it. I believed that.
"Wake up," he said, and I bolted upright with a scream.
"What are you doing here?" I whispered, pulling my knees to my breasts and hugging them through the blanket. My heart was pounding and the adrenalin made me shiver.
"I figured I'd skip out," Josh said, reaching for my face. "Since you're here all by yourself and everything."
"Don't touch me!" I winced as I felt his fingers on my cheek, brushing the hair out of my eyes.
"Oh, I'm gonna touch you, Wendy." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I'm gonna touch you all over."
"No!" I slapped his hand away, but Josh grabbed my shoulders and pushed me down. I kicked beneath the blanket as he got on top of me.
"Stop it," he said, squeezing my wrists and jerking my arms above my head. "You want me to show those pictures to everybody?"
"No," I breathed, grunting the word beneath his weight. My brother's knees straddled my hips and his chest pressed heavily upon my breasts.
"So be nice," he told me. "I just want to kiss you a little, that's all."
"Ummph!" I gagged on his tongue as it filled my mouth. I thought about biting him, but I was too frightened for that. I couldn't even push him off me. We were alone in the house and I had no idea what time it was, but probably early. Josh had all day to torment me and I couldn't do anything but lay there and cry while he did it.
"Kiss me back," he breathed. "Kiss me like you kissed that fucking dog, Wendy."
"Noooo..." I moaned, shaking my head as I wept. "Please, don't do this to me."
My nose was full of snot, my mouth pasty and my body burning with humiliation. I couldn't feel anything else, not anger or sadness, not even fear, just the self-loathing of surrender. I hated myself for not fighting him enough. When his tongue forced its way between my lips, I touched it with my own, just a tiny, tentative wriggle in response. I retched, feeling my tummy tight and churning, pushing bitter bile into the back of my mouth.
That didn't stop Josh, perhaps he wasn't even aware of it. He kissed me as if we were lovers, exploring me with his tongue. He let go of my wrists and moved his body, tugging the blanket out from under him. I was naked, having no reason to believe I wouldn't be alone all day long. I should have put on every piece of clothing I owned, but I hadn't. I'd gone to sleep imagining I was safe, but I wasn't. Josh's hand found my left breast and he squeezed it painfully, making me gasp into his mouth.
"Love your fuckin' tits," he whispered, kissing my cheeks, my nose and eyes. He licked my skin and fumbled with his pants.
I stared at my snow globe while he raped me. My brother had gotten undressed and I hadn't even tried to get away. I could have, I thought. Maybe. I could have hit him or kicked him. I might have run to the bathroom and locked myself in. I could have gone to my parents' bedroom and used the phone to call someone. Mom or Dad, or the police maybe, but I hadn't done any of that.
When Josh pushed his penis inside me it hurt a lot. I wasn't wet and much too tight for sex, but he pushed himself into my vagina anyway. I jerked beneath his thrusts, stiff and not moving at all. My arms were limp at my sides, my legs straight and spread around him as he covered my body with his. The whole bed jerked, hitting the wall with a sharp thud every few seconds. He didn't do it very quickly, but only slowly and as deeply as possible. I felt him like a burning knife reaching for my womb.
"Wake up," he groaned. "Fuck me back, Wendy. Move your ass."
I couldn't move and it didn't matter anyway. I tried to think about something else. Disney World and the best time we'd ever had together as a family. Dad had bought me a snow globe. Ariel sat on some coral and Flounder would swim around in the glitter when I shook it up. I'd kept it close to my bed all those years and now it was the only memory I had of a time before today. Everything else was like a dream.
"I'm gonna cum," Josh groaned. "Right ... There!"
He grunted, lunging one last time into my torn sex as his cock pulsed rapidly. I could feel his ejaculate, his incestuous semen filling my pussy. I opened my eyes only to see my brother's flushed, leering face and I choked back a sob. There are no words to describe how dirty I felt. The realization that my own brother had raped me, had dumped his sick seed inside my body, filled me with such shame ... I wanted to die. I really did.
"See?" he breathed a minute later. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"
"Let me go now, please?" I whispered, but he wasn't going to do that.
Josh hadn't lost his erection and he began rocking his hips again, sliding his cock back and forth along the well-greased throat of my sex. He'd been dreaming of this moment for years, banking his lust for the day when he would own me completely. I could see the satisfaction in his eyes. He intended to fuck me until his balls were empty and his penis shriveled with exhaustion. It didn't matter if I did anything or not, so long as I remained beneath him. So far as my brother was concerned, I wasn't even a real person, just a toy for his perverse amusement.
"Get your legs up," Josh said, gripping me behind the knees and forcing me over his shoulders. "That's better. Oh fuck, you feel good, Wendy."
He liked to talk to me, saying the most disgusting things imaginable. He told me his plans for the future, how he would fuck me every day, before school and after. How we'd sleep together every night. He wanted me to suck his cock. He wanted to fuck me in the ass. But today he only wanted to fuck my pussy.
"I'm gonna knock you up," he panted, leaning into me with my knees touching my shoulders. "You like that? Huh? Fuck a baby in your cunt, Wendy?"
"Nuhhh!" I grunted, wincing as Josh drove his cock into the very bottom of my vagina.
I wasn't long enough inside and I felt bruised and battered, not aroused at all. I felt no pleasure, believe me, even after the sharp burning of his first penetration had faded. Perhaps my pussy grew slick with natural lubricant, I couldn't know, but any betrayal of my body wouldn't be my fault. I wasn't going to orgasm, not even close, and my mind didn't wander to anything but self-pity.
He'd rolled my ass off the bed, bending my body nearly vertical, and his balls slapped my butt with a damp, sticky sound that I detested. We were both hot and sweating, the remains of his first orgasm spilling around his penis to drip down my tummy. I could see it, that was the worst. I watched my brother's cock sliding easily back and forth with my pinkish labia clasped around the shaft, the pale froth of his semen clinging to my pubic hair, cooling on my trembling flesh.
"Ohhhh..." Josh smiled, almost giggling like a little boy as he climaxed a second time. He bent his head and kissed my forehead.
I felt numb when he pulled out, letting my legs fall off his shoulders as he sat back on his heels. I wasn't crying anymore. There weren't enough tears left inside me, I didn't think. I just lay there staring at the ceiling, thinking about nothing except how stupid I was. How ugly and dirty and sick my life had become.
"Say cum," Josh teased, taking another picture of my raw, gaping pussy and the semen oozing out of it. He laughed and took another picture. "And you told Mom you're a virgin? Wait until she sees this!"
"Shut-up!" I screamed, but it wasn't me. Someone else kicked the camera out of his hand and my other foot caught him in the ribs. I kicked my legs as if I was riding a bicycle and my arms flailed as I tried to sit up and reach for something to throw at him.
"Stop it!" Josh yelled, and he was too big and too strong. I hadn't really hurt him at all.
He forced me onto my stomach, holding me down with his weight. I felt his hot breath in my ear and his swollen cock pressing against my ass. He fucked me a third time, raping me from behind and I tried to keep him out. I kept my legs together and squeezed with every muscle I could find, but my pussy was too wet and too loose. His cock found my vagina easily and he jammed his prick inside me with something like a growl.
As quickly as it had started, my resistance died. Josh had his cock inside my body again. He was raping me again. He covered me completely, the pressure making my breasts ache painfully. I could hardly breath and I panted for air, drooling spittle onto the bed as my brother rode me hard and fast, and for a very long time. It took him forever to cum a third time and at the end of it, when his semen rushed into my worn and weary cunt, I was finished. There was nothing left.
"Man, I really put a lot in there, huh?" My brother had replaced his cock with his fingers, two and then three of them pumping my cum soaked pussy. "Maybe you're gonna have twins, Wendy. Are you hungry?"
Even after he left the room, I lay there unmoving. I cried myself to sleep in a cooling puddle of semen and dreamt of terrible things.
I changed the sheets on my bed and scrubbed the stains out of my mattress. I opened all the windows, moving mechanically. It was just a reflex, automatic and emotionless self-preservation. My parents couldn't find out what had happened. Nobody could. I'd been raped and the only thing that could possibly be worse would be if someone found out. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror and when I took a bath, I refused to examine my body. I looked anywhere but at myself. I didn't even want to touch my pussy, but I had to clean Josh out of me ... As if I ever could?
He avoided me that afternoon. Maybe he felt guilty, once he'd cooled down and had a chance to consider what he'd done, but probably not. I didn't think Josh could feel anything.
"Mom's gonna be home pretty soon," he said. "You'd better not say anything. Just keep pretending your sick."
"You raped me," I whispered, but mostly I was talking to myself.
"No, I didn't," Josh snorted. "You wanted it anyway."
Fresh tears flooded my eyes and pulled my blanket over my head. I felt safer in the dark and I wished he would get out of my room and leave me alone.
"You fucked a dog, Wendy," he reminded me. "Nobody's ever gonna believe you got raped."
"Go away," I whimpered. "Please? Just go."
"Don't lock your door tonight either," Josh said. "You're making my dick hard again."
"How are you feeling?" Mom asked, sitting on my bed. I lay on my side with my back to her, but she reached over to feel my forehead.
"Okay," I replied.
"Why is your window open? It smells like Lysol in here."
"I, uh ... got sick before," I lied. "It smelled bad."
"Did you eat today?" Mom wondered, all full of concern. I had to let her baby me for fifteen minutes before Dad arrived.
"How is she?" he asked, and I refused to roll over. I didn't want Mom to see my face, frightened that she would instantly know what had happened.
"I don't know," she sighed. "Maybe we should take her to the doctor."
"I'm fine," I said. "I just want to sleep, okay?"
"You're not fine," Mom chided me.
"You want to take her to the emergency room?" Dad wondered, because this was a mom decision. I was her daughter and therefore her department.
"I don't want to see a doctor," I insisted, shrugging off her hand. "Just leave me alone. Please? I'm tired."
"We're just worried about you," she said, but it was late and emergency rooms were always a hassle, and they'd just gotten home from work...
"Let's see how she feels in the morning," Dad suggested.
"Do you want some soup or something?" Mom asked, and I knew I was safe for the moment.
Despite feeling exhausted physically and emotionally, I couldn't sleep for more than a few minutes at a time. I couldn't even be sure I was sleeping. When I closed my eyes I saw my brother's grinning face looking down at me. I'd get that weird falling sensation and my body would snap as if trying to regain its balance, and my bedroom would be dark and empty ... until it wasn't.
"Still awake?" Josh whispered. "Move over a little."
He crawled naked into my bed, getting under the blanket with me. I'd been expecting him, but that didn't make me feel any better. I recoiled from his hands as he pulled me closer, urging me to turn over and face him.
"Why are you wearing clothes?" he asked. "Take them off. You're supposed to be naked, remember?"
"I'll scream," I told him. "If you don't leave me alone, I'll scream."
"Go ahead," he said. "Maybe you can give Dad a heart attack. Maybe Mom'll kill herself, huh?"
"What?" I stared at him.
"Yeah, you didn't think of that," Josh said. "You know what happens to girls who say they got raped? They find out everything about her."
"They have a trial and everything, you know? And everybody's gonna see you fucking that dog, Wendy."
"No." I shook my head. "You wouldn't do that."
"I'll say you wanted to fuck me," he said. "You're just a slut and when I said no, you said you'd tell everybody I raped you."
"You did rape me!" I sobbed.
"But you fucked a dog," he said, smiling. "See? That's why nobody's gonna believe a word you say. You've got no, um ... What do they call it? Credibility?"
"I hate you," I cried, hugging my stomach because it hurt so bad.
"I don't care," Josh said. "I'm still gonna fuck you."
He did it from behind, playing with my breasts as we spooned beneath the blanket. Josh raped me as carefully as he could, hardly moving at all, except for his hips. The bed didn't even squeak and he kissed my shoulder and neck, buried his face in my hair when he had to let out a deep breath and spurt his semen into my pussy. That hadn't taken very long at all, but like the first time he'd fucked me, Josh didn't pull out.
"I can't believe how good you feel," he whispered. "I love your pussy. I love fucking you. Jeeze, you're so hot inside."
He'd slipped his right arm beneath me and now held both of my tits in his hands. Josh squeezed me gently, almost tenderly, and for some reason his palms felt good against my nipples. I didn't want to feel good, and in my heart I felt nothing but despair, but the human body isn't always a slave to our souls.
I'd suffered for twenty-four hours straight, ever since Josh had woken me up the night before. I was just a girl. I couldn't fight him everywhere at once, not all the time. My mind was confused, exhausted with the effort of finding a way out of his trap. My thoughts were impossible to rein in as I tried to find some logic, some action or argument that would save me and still protect my friends and family.