Chapter 4

Monday, August 13, 2007

Liz Slick

The alarm clock woke me up for the first day of school. I got up, sighed, and walked to the shower. I was sure this year would be just like the last year, and the year before that, and the year before that. Boring classes and stupid classmates. And the stupidest one of all, Debbie Palmatier, would do everything in her power to make my life miserable. I don't know what made her start hating me in seventh grade. Maybe it was the fact that I got straight A's and she barely avoided flunking out every year. There was no way she saw me as a romantic rival, with my braces, stick-like figure and frizzy hair.

It wasn't that I wanted attention from boys. I was really close friends with the guys from the Star Trek fan club, but they didn't see me as at all sexual. I don't think they quite realized that I was the same species as the cheerleaders they spent their lunch hours hopelessly ogling. And I didn't want anything to do with the rest of the guys at this school, a bunch of brainless jocks and wannabe jocks who spent their weeks arguing about whatever sport was in season at the time and their weekends getting drunk and banging aforesaid cheerleaders. Debbie, of course, was the lead bangee. I think she went down on half the boys in The Program last year.

Oh shit.

The Program.

My parents had signed me up for it this year, after a very persuasive conference with the new algebra teacher. The Program was this crackpot scheme wherein the school made you go to school stark naked for a week. It was supposed to be some sort of hands on sex-ed thing, but in practice it was an opportunity for the popular kids to get laid in class, and for the unpopular kids to demonstrate for the whole world their inability to do so. Naturally, I was less than excited about it.

I made my way downstairs, poured myself a bowl of cereal, and tried not to roll my eyes at Mom's chirpy predictions that this would be "the best year yet." I walked to the bus stop. The other kids at the stop huddled together while I stood off to one side. When the bus pulled up, I sat down next to Rodney Harmon, who had just gotten the latest issue of 'Ultimate Spider Man.' Leafing through the pages, I had almost cheered up by the time we got to school.

As I walked towards school, I noticed a knot of boys gathered around something. Curiosity compelled me to see what was going on. It turned out they were drooling over some kid's car, which was apparently the greatest thing on four wheels.

"So are you allowed to drive it?" a football player asked.

No, genius, he pushed it here. I thought to myself.

"The driving age in Britain is 15, but the licenses are transferable, so I can drive it here," the boy responded in a British accent.

Good for him, I thought.

I sat down in my first class, English with Mrs. Alvarado. The boy from outside was in it too. In fact he sat down next to me.

Mrs. Alvarado's idea of a great way to start class was to have everyone come to the front of the class, introduce themselves, and say what their favorite book was. Naturally, I was the first one called up.

I stood at the front of the class and looked down.

"Hi, my name is Liz Slick. I'm the President of the Star Trek fan club and my favorite book is The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy."

Someone coughed while yelling "Nerd!" but Mrs. Alvarado didn't seem to hear.

"Does anyone have any questions for Liz?"