Chapter 20

None of your fuckin' business. Ok? Suffice it to say ... they had a really, really, really good time in the giant shower and later on in the big bed. They were inventive people, Ok? That's all you get.

They went from a couple to a trio ... and nobody in town had a clue. Missy was mostly right, after finding out what assholes the European rulers were, the Kaulocamloes decided New Orleans in 1804 was a pretty decent place to start adventuring. The United States had bought the place the year before ... the Kaulocamloes already spoke the language.

The move became a mission, the mission became a project. Contracts were let and Gypsy wagons were built. The clan gathered ... everyone wanted the freedom of the road. Wikipedia was consulted by all the men ... while they were arguing, the women decided.

Dray animals were procured and riding horses, too. Instruments were tuned and the old songs practiced. A few sheep ... some dogs ... a cat for the mice. Missy trained one of the prettier girls in the use of cards, ball and tea-leaves. Last ... just before they left ... a Vet supplied them with horse ... and human ... doctoring supplies. They didn't get caught while he was volunteering his medications at midnight.

Their Gypsy wagons were 'improved' before they left Michigan. Much better springs and a nifty electric motor/generator helped keep their horses from tiring out after a hill or two. It charged a set of 24 volt batteries on the downhills and the flats and assisted the horses on the way up. The wagons had tongue hooks and a tow hitch on the back.

Ed, Missy and Seph delivered the clan just outside of town one dark and stormy night ... and right into the middle of a kidnapping. A refuge French Aristo family was returning to town and evidently the daughter had caught the eye of one of the many pirates that frequented the bayous and the river. It could be said that she caught his eye but she wasn't hiding from it. He was a handsome bastard ... square chin and a dimple in it.

His crew had accosted the family earlier in the day ... before the weather turned sour ... in the affray, Comte LeToureneau had succeeded in pinking two of the members before the villains fled. Now, he lay wounded in the mud of the road and Vivienne, the daughter, was struggling in the arms of the pirate chieftain. Handsome he may be, but he was, besides a bastard of the bar, a dastard of the first water.

Suddenly, it wasn't raining. The watch had a rain shield ... it couldn't be seen but it wasn't raining inside it. Missy's oldest brother, Andrzej, "Call me Andy," Kaulocamloes leapt from his wagon and flattened the pirate. The best that could be said for the rest of the pirate crew is that they were on the receiving end of several tons of wagons and horses.

"Pa'pa," Vivienne cried. Disregarding the mud ... and not a few road-apples ... she flung herself on his recumbent form ... dislodging her mother who was attempting the stem the flow of blood.

Vivienne might be an eyeful but she was sadly lacking in sense. Not that it mattered to Andy ... and evidently not to Vivienne's mother. She was very used to her overly emotional offspring. 'It's damn well past time she got married, ' Ma'ma thought, 'A little push push will settle her down.'

A shot rang out ... distracting enough to enable Madam Contessa to remove her daughter from the muddy form of her husband. Comte LeToureneau, recovering his wits after being grazed on the temple by the pirates' inaccurate shot, exclaimed, "Who fired that shot?"

"I did," said Poppa Kaulocamloes, possessor of the smoking pistole. It was aimed at the pirate captain ... a flintlock pistol splashed in the mud. He was in the midst of deciding where to fall ... the entire road looked unappealing ... when darkness and death made the decision for him.

The family immediately removed their wagons from the pirate crew and looted the bodies ... it's in all the best books, don't you know. The denuded bodies were hauled off into the woods and left as lunch for the bears, cougars and wolves.

A little ... well ... a lot ... of cleaning, a bandaged head, a cup or two of strong coffee along with a shot of brandy and everyone was right as rain. Andy and Vivienne had their heads together in a corner ... keeping out of the way ... while Momma K and Ma'ma Contessa heated water and food and cleaned and consoled.

Everyone was finally dry ... the dead removed from the road. To replace the dead horse the captain volunteered his ... not that he was in any condition to complain. The new horse was harnessed in the traces of the Comte's carriage.