The official 2012 Olympics were held in London England. A less official but more entertaining XXX Olympics were held in London, Ontario. The former was broadcast around the world and was considered a great success. The latter XXX live events were even livelier but were held in secret to be made available for public viewing only later via pay-for-porn web sites.

Those games held in the U.K. were the 30th of the Modern Olympics, but the games played in Ontario were, in some sense, truer to the ancient spirit and form of the original games and they were a lot more fun for participants and spectators alike.

As in the ancient Greek Games, most contests demanded all participants play their games in the nude. In XXX, the only exception to the Buck Naked rule was for Stiletto Strutting where foot apparel was necessary to the sport's purpose.

Another difference between the Greek Games of yore and these modern and non-modest games was the fact that all the competitors were young women and girls. Some men took part, but only as necessary aids to the competing women. Men would be dressed, partially clothed, or not clothed at all according to the demands of each game.

Indeed, the games were devised by women who had trained either as amateurs or semi-pros in a variety of fields where they honed their horny, erotic athleticism. Some vulgar critics had termed these noble contests 'Hooker Hellenes' and the participants were sometimes dubbed 'Peloponnesian Prostitutes'. But this was unfair to the spirit of the XXX Games which is having fun via hot sex. Also a majority of the girls were of high school and college age and had yet to ply their wares on street corners. Still, it must be noted that the XXX Olympic Games motto was "Higher, Hornier, Hotter, Harder, Happier"; and the girls sure were!

Unfortunately, due to copyright infringement concerns, photos of the events are not available at this time, but pictures as well as video footage will be made available for a price on several pay-for-porn web sites in the near future. But we can describe the various games and note comparisons to the official games played recently in London, England.

The first comparison between the two London staged event has to do with opening ceremonies. While the XXX Erotic Games did have a queen drop in oversee the Synchronized Sucking Finals, no legitimate royalty were on hand as far as we know; although a chubby redhead looking an awful lot like Sarah Ferguson was spied being chased by paparazzi with long photo lenses. ( At least I think they were lenses.)

There is a second sort of commonality between the two modern games. Alongside the Official Olympics there are Alternate and Special Olympics Games designed to accommodate the various disabilities of athletes. Likewise, the XXX Olympics is followed by the Special ED Senior Games for men aged 65 plus. The challenge for both the elderly male participants and their young girl assistants is to bring them up to the challenge. Neither Viagra nor Cialis is allowed and rigorous blood testing is required. These games, dubbed the Ol-limp-dicks, have a different but still very hopeful motto: " Let's try to be Supermen! Up, Up and Away!"

But let's get back to the fun and games in London, Ontario this year. The games were divided into four main sporting fields of play: Fuck and Field, Gym Nasty ( floor exercises ), Water Sports ( involving naughty bodily fluids ), and Racy Racing.

Fuck and Field

Triathlon Sex

Stimulating Simulating Archery

Shot put in my mouth

Discus tingling feeling

Pent-up-athlon

Triathlon Sex

Each of ten naked female athletes lines up one meter apart on separate lanes at the starting line for the first of three parts of the event. At the starter pistol's firing, they run to the first clothed male official in their lane. Using only one hand, the girls must strip their man naked and proceed to give him a blow-job. They must get him to ejaculate into their mouths but they are not to swallow. Rather, with their mouths full of cum, they move on to their lane's next male official without spilling a drop. Again with only one hand, they must strip their man and, only when he is completely naked, do they lie on their backs, spread their legs and guide his cock into their pussies.

Once he comes, the girl must keep her thighs tight together and hop her way to the third official and with one-hand strip him. Then, with one hand jammed into her pussy to keep the second man's cum inside, she must get to her knees with her arched ass to him and, with her other hand, spread her ass cheeks as best she can to help accommodate his cock into her ass hole.

Once this third official has cum up her ass, the girl must bolt for the finish line with palms blocking both pussy and anus and her lips shut tight. The first wet woman across the finish line is the winner. But judges will check all three holes to make sure a sufficient amount of cum was retained.

Stimulating simulating archery

This is a matter of form and function. The naked girl athletes perform one after the other in a series of trials. On a grassy field before many male judges, each girl assumes a position on the ground with her legs akimbo in imitation of a bent bow. The soles of her bare feet clamp between them a long, arrow-shaped dildo ( regulation size is one meter long and ten cm's thick. )

The target for this woman-wielding weapon of phallic form is the girl's clitoris and wide open pussy. Obviously, the more swollen the clit, the easier to hit her mark. So, well seasoned sluts have a distinct advantage over newcomer competitors ( known among the pros as neophyte nukkies ). The point of the game is obvious: to fuck yourself with this enormous spear-like dildo repeatedly and forcefully to achieve the most intense and most number of orgasms.

The difficulty designed into the game is that, like soccer, it's a no-hands-allowed event. The arrow dildo must be thrust by the force of the bowed legs alone and be held only by the feet. If the arrow is dropped, it's game over for the competitor and she must leave the field of play unsatisfied and in disgrace. As well, such a loser must pay a spanking penalty at the hands of six off-field officials wielding ping-pong paddles. Stimulating Simulating Archery is judged on time, intensity and artistic merit.

Time points go both ways; that is, reaching orgasm faster earns the athlete points, but so does stretching the pleasure out over time with multiple orgasms.

Points for intensity are measured by facial expression, degree of sweat, volume of moans and screams, etc. Some cheating inevitably happens, but, as in diving in hockey and exaggerated injury in soccer, the male judges can spot a faker a kilometre away. Disqualification for faking an orgasm is immediate and is accompanied by the harshest of penalties ( we're not talking Yellow or Red Cards ) consisting of OTK spankings delivered by each of the archery judges and her aggrieved contestant competitors. As well, flagrant faking earns a ferocious flogging of the buttocks, thighs, breasts and pussy on the Gym Nasty Rings ( see below. ) Only sexual masochists would tempt that fate.

Lastly, artistic merit is very subjective and is judged with an eye towards beauty and grace. A girl's leg formation must resemble a tightly pulled bow. Her arrow must be straight and entry must be smooth; it must generate visible signs of arousal (vaginal fluid flow) and an erotic aroma of pussy scent. Genuine melodic and erotic moaning will add points if it blends in artistically with body motion (i.e. humping ).

Shot put in my mouth

The name says it all, doesn't it? Lined up in twelve lanes, a dozen naked girls with their hands tied behind their backs and wearing sleep-mask blindfolds kneel before a line-up of ten men who slowly masturbate to maintain their erections until it is their turn to shot put in her mouth. Each man at the front of the line tires to cum as quickly as possible. The naked, kneeling girl meantime, deprived of sight or use of her hands to guide, must guess by slurping sex sound and sensuous scent where the man's cock is and she must try to catch as much ejaculated cum into her open mouth as she can. Once a man finishes his cum task, the next in line takes his turn and so on until all ten have had their cum shots put into the contestant's mouth.

The girl with the greatest amount of cum ( by volume ) is declared the winner. In case of a tie, there must be a double blind runoff of penalty shots whereby both male and female participants are blindfolded and the girl is given five goes ( the guys get five comes LOL ) to become the champ.

Discus tingly feeling

Once again naked, blindfolded and bound, the girls compete to see who can reach orgasm first. This time the challenge is to cum without puking. The reason for that is the girls are informed about what exactly will be rubbing against, entering into or licking at their clits and spread-eagle open pussies. So as not to give away game methods and to assure animal lovers everywhere, we'll just say no snakes, slugs, eels, trout or Dobermans were injured during these games ... But they certainly were put to good use.

Pent-up-athlon

This is most gruelling and perhaps cruellest of sporting events for the girls who prepare for months by ... doing nothing. And how hard that is! No sex, no masturbating, no direct stimulation of any kind to achieve a state of mind and body which will produce the greatest eruption of pent up sexual release. Originally introduced in 2000 at the Cum-in-wealth Games in Calgary, the Pent-up-athon Gold Medal has traditionally been held by British Public School or Catholic School Girls. But last time a JAP ( Jewish American Princess ) won top honours.

Gym Nasty