Chapter 2

By the time Claire got home she felt she had dismissed the silly notions she had been entertaining since leaving the therapist's office. Perhaps she had gotten a rush here and there from the way her son looked at her, and touched her. But did that mean anything, really? Of course not.

And even though it briefly crossed her mind that she might actually call the number Dr. Mason had given her, she decided that there was nothing more to even consider. She didn't have any feelings she needed to explore. Her feelings for her son, and his for her, were nothing out of the ordinary. There was no more to say on the subject. And then Bob came home.

"So, did you go?"

"I assume you mean to the counselor? Yes, I did Bob."

"And did he tell you that your son has you all twisted up and acting goofy?"

"No, he did not. But what he did say had more to do with you and me than with Peter. Doctor Mason said that..."

Claire knew she was distorting the facts.

"Did you tell him that your son can't stop looking at you, and that he's always touching you and kissing you? It's not normal, Claire."

"Bob, please listen to me. Doctor Mason suggested ... What do you mean he's always touching and kissing me? That's ridiculous."

"It is not ridiculous. Do you not even realize that he's doing it? And I don't know what the two of you do when you get under a blanket together when you're watching TV. But I'm sure plenty of touching goes on there too."

"Look, I went to the counselor because I thought it would prove to you that I would at least consider your point of view. Doctor Mason said you and I need to work on issues in our marriage. Will you stop making it about Peter?"

"I'm not the one who's making it about him, Claire. You're always walking around half naked in front of him. It's like you enjoy seeing him ogle you and get a hard-on. It's just plain sick."

Claire recalled suggesting to Doctor Mason that she had noticed her son with an erection once in a while. Since then she told herself that she had probably imagined it. But the last thing she wanted to do at that point was to acknowledge any of her husband's jealous suspicions.

"You're the one who's sick to even think of such a thing, Bob. And one thing I did tell Doctor Mason that he thought was very important was the fact that you never want to look at me or touch me anymore. Maybe if I thought my husband found me attractive I wouldn't..."

"That's not my fault either, Claire. Can I help it that you don't care about what you eat, that you don't work out anymore?"

"You really are an idiot, you know that? You used to love my body. Have you forgotten that? You loved how curvy I was."

"What was that, a hundred pounds ago, Claire?"

"A hundred pounds? You are such a jerk. Even the doctor said that there was nothing wrong with me. He said I was an attractive woman."

"Of course he did. You're paying him."

"Why don't you just leave then? If I'm such a fat pig, if you don't find me attractive..."

"Stop being so dramatic, Claire. Besides, how does the way I do or do not look at you have anything to do with the fact that your son wants to do you?"

Claire rolled her eyes and scoffed.

"Do me? I take it back, Bob. You're the pig here."

Bob shook his head, got up and left the house. Minutes after watching her husband pull out of the driveway, not sure if he would be coming back, Claire was on the phone.

"Yes, I was referred to you by ... well, am I supposed to tell you my doctor's name?"

"It's not necessary, Ma'am. Just give me a sense of what it is that you need."

"Well, you have therapists, right?"

"Yes, we're a group counselors. What's your name, by the way?"

"It's Claire."

"Great. Hi Claire. My name's Annette. So, how can we help you?"

"Um ... my doctor said that you ... that your therapists ... Well, that you specialize in... family issues. Do you know what I'm referring to?"

"Yes Claire, that's correct. And yes, I do know what you're referring to. Now, we prefer not to take too many details over the phone, but rather get into the specifics when you come in for your first visit. But if you would, can you just tell me in basic terms what you're hoping we can help with ... starting with who's involved?"

"Sure. Well, I don't know exactly if it's my husband ... he's my second husband ... and me, or my son Peter ... he's fifteen ... or Peter and me ... I'm not exactly sure."

"That's OK Claire. Like I said, just the basics. So you want help with some aspects of the relationship between yourself, your husband and your son. Peter is your husband's stepson, right? And you're Peter's biological mother?"

"Yes, that's right."

"Any other siblings, other family members involved in the situation, anything else like that we should be aware of?"

"No, that's everybody."

"OK, I really don't need any more than that, Claire, except for getting your phone number and setting up the appointment time."

"Should it be just me that comes the first time, or should I bring my husband and my son ... well, my husband wouldn't come. He thinks it's all my problem. But should I bring Peter with me?"

"We'll leave that up to you, Claire. We'll start at the beginning and work with whomever comes along."

"Wow. Well, thank you so much, Annette. I thought this would be a lot harder of a call to make."

"I'm glad it felt comfortable, Claire. Whatever your situation is, I promise that we'll explore it to whatever level you need, we won't make any judgments, and there's a chance that one or more of our therapists have been there already."

"That is comforting."

In the next few minutes Annette got a little more information from Claire, settled on an appointment time, gave Claire the specifics, and briefed her on the importance of confidentiality in all their future interactions.

At first Claire felt relieved. It was clear that her visit to Dr. Mason wasn't going to help with Bob in any way. She needed more direction from people who understood her situation. She didn't know exactly how the therapists knew about this kind of thing, but she had a peace about that part.

But after a while the things she had revealed to Dr. Mason came back into her mind and she began questioning her sanity once more. Had she really admitted, just that morning, that she actually had thoughts of intimacy related to her son? How could that be? Was she really sick, as Bob called her?

And was Peter actually ... desiring her? Bob said he had noticed Peter getting erect when she was ... walking around half naked! Claire knew she was never actually half naked in front of her son. But she wondered if she had been showing off for him more than she realized.

Claire heard the back door open and assumed Bob had returned. But rather it was Peter. She felt both relieved and nervous at the same time. She was always glad to see her son. And of late, not all that glad to see her husband. But how would she face him when she was entertaining such scandalous thoughts ... involving him? Would he know what she was thinking? But she had no more time to consider any of it, because Peter was home.

"Hey Mom!" Peter said in his usual enthusiastic manner.

"Hi Sweetie," Claire replied as she received what seemed like a totally normal mother-son kiss from him.