Chapter 7

I woke up early - excited about our new ideas for the play. Amy wasn't moving due to our having sex the moment we walked through the front door last night. Our first synchronous dalliance was on the sofa, and we moved to our bedroom for the second, third and fourth times. I finally woke up in the shower - when I turned it to be cold for the last 30 seconds.

As I was heading out the door, I heard a sound and turned to see Amy naked in the bedroom doorway. I grabbed my phone — told them I didn't feel well. I turned towards my fiancé intending to fuck her all day long!

When I say that I never expected to find love, I meant it. With guys, you figure you will meet someone in elementary school or high school at the latest, and you will be with her for the rest of your life.

At 28, I met this fabulous girl, and we can hardly stand to be apart from one another. I may sit her down and explain my real money situation, despite my dad's protestations.

The next rehearsal came along, fine-tuning the scene towards the beginning of the play:

Amy: That was in private. You should wear a shirt in public.

Michael: PUBLIC! You and I are the last two people on earth - public and private mean the same GOD-DAMN thing now! I can see that you're still holding on to all of your hang-ups!

Amy: I want to keep what was good, Michael — and bid a fond adieu to everything that was bad.

Michael: It was more like a paradise ... now that I look back on it.

Amy: Now, we don't need diet pills...

Michael: Or new model sports cars...

Amy: No traffic fatalities, no smog...

Michael: No Bloody Mary's...

Amy: No more hangovers from too many Bloody Mary's

"Nice ad lib, Amy!" Kevin said.

Michael: No more movies or TV...

Amy: No more 'Modern Family' or 'Glee'...

Michael: Hey, I'll miss Glee — Santana was Hot...

"Slap him for that, Amy," Kevin said.

She did, as she went on:

Amy: No more reruns of ... anything...

Michael: No more Teflon-coated stainless steel razor blades...

"Stop!" Kevin said. "You need a different kind of pacing, or this just sounds like a list of things you're going to miss. Go back and try that again, please?"

We did, and it changed, including the slap — which was harder ... So I fell and said the 'Teflon line' from the floor. Amy offered her hand as she went on:

Amy: Those are all ... things Michael. We can get along without the things we had.

Back on my feet, I brushed myself off.

Michael: Sure we can. We can always take up jogging. Might help you last longer when we make love!

"Nice transition, Michael — Hit him back, Amy?"

Amy: We never just made love — when we met, you couldn't keep your fucking hands off me. We fucked like rabbits ... all the time. Until you met — her!

"Great Amy, come on Michael?"

Michael: (I decided to try something unexpected) "Amy... (I started to cry) "Amy — none of the girls before you, meant a single thing to me. I'm sorry you caught me in the arms of your mother!

"Whoa — just a second. Michael, do you want to keep this train of thought going?" Kevin asked.

"I know what's he's doing," Amy said, "I'm OK!"

"OK, back up a little. Whenever you're ready Michael?"

Michael: I'm sorry that you caught me in the arms of your mother!

Amy: Yeah — I take you home to meet her. We all have dinner together. Then, two weeks later, I come home and find you in bed with her — you bastard!

"Fuck!" Kevin said.

Michael: But, it was just that one time. I'm sorry — I'm so sorry Amy! (real tears begin to fall)

Amy: How can I forgive you for that, Michael?"

Michael: I don't think you can, I don't deserve to be forgiven. I even forgot to use a condom.

Amy: You don't mean that, my brother Jeff, was yours?"

"Damn," Kevin said, "You need to get back on track, but this has been remarkable!"

Amy: Michael, I thought you believed in Zero Population Growth?"

Michael: I did, until I fucked your mother. She was you: she wasn't you? She asked me to get into bed with her. That was three years ago. Now. They're all gone. All there is — is me and you!"

"STOP!" Kevin said. "Michael, have you..."

"No, Kevin. We had a discussion a while back ... after I met Amy's mom. She thought I had been flirting too much, so I went off on it just now. Sorry, Amy!"

"No problem ... she'll get a kick out of that, I expect. I didn't hurt you with that slap, did I?"

"I'm fine. Kevin, can we make the scene end right there - presumably with Amy pulling me into the tent for sex. We could come from that to the 'scientist dialogue'. We could kiss for a while, until the lights come up to start a new day."

"We can try that. Can you remember all of that for the next time, you guys?" Kevin asked.