Chapter 7

"Bobby?"

"Mmmm..."

"Darling?"

"Huh?" I blinked at the morning sun pouring through the bedroom windows.

"Why is my ass full of cum?" Shelly asked, and that woke me up pretty damn quick.

"Oh, uh..." I licked my lips and slowly turned my head to face the music.

"I must have been pretty drunk, huh?"

"Yeah, a little bit," I agreed. "How do you feel?"

"A little queasy," Shelly admitted, making a face as she played with her butt. "How many times did we do it?"

"Twice." I cleared my throat and rolled over. "I mean, the second time was kind of an accident."

"It was?" She actually smiled.

"I woke up and, um..." I shrugged. "You were sorta moving your, uh ... butt and my dick was hard, so..."

"I bet!" My fiancé giggled. "Well, I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later."

"I guess so," I replied, relieved that she didn't want to cut my balls off. "You were pretty wasted last night."

"Was I?" Shelly frowned. "I shouldn't drink like that. Thank you for taking care of me, Bobby. I hope you don't think I'm an idiot or something."

"What? No!" I protested. "Mostly you just giggled a lot and we went to bed and, um ... We sort of ... fucked."

"Twice!" She rolled her bright blue eyes and laughed, but only for a second. "Oh! I think I'm going to be sick."

Shelly covered her mouth, practically running to the bathroom. I could hear her throwing up and I did feel bad about lying to her. She'd been totally passed out, both times, and I'd taken advantage of her. At least she wasn't mad at me. Thank God for small favors, right? Maybe she'd let me fuck her all the time. Now that we'd done it, I couldn't really imagine Shelly refusing. I wondered if she'd be willing to suck my cock as well. I'd blown her hundreds of times, or at least many dozens, but I had yet to know the joy of getting a blowjob myself.

"Here..." I handed her a glass of water as Shelly picked herself up from the floor. "Do you want some aspirin or anything?"

"No," she replied, rinsing out her mouth. "I think I need some crackers."

"Crackers?"

"A big box," she said. "And, um ... A hamburger."

"What?" I smiled at her. "I can make you some breakfast. How about pancakes?"

"With peanut butter," she continued, ignoring my suggestion completely. "Don't just stand there! Go!"

"Uh..." I hadn't expected her to yell like that.

"Sorry," she sighed. "I'm just a little sick. Crackers, hamburger, and peanut butter. Okay?"

"Sure," I agreed. "I'll be right back."

I wasn't going to find a hamburger at six o'clock on a Tuesday morning, but the corner grocery store sold frozen patties and buns. Not knowing the peanut butter situation at home, I grabbed a jar of Skippy, the creamy kind, and a box of Saltines. Shelly must have had a real bad hangover, I thought.

"Hurry up!" she said. "Cook faster!"

"It's cooking as fast as it can," I told her, frying up a hamburger on the stove. I glanced at the clock and I really needed to get ready for work, but I didn't need Shelly to melt down on me either.

"Oh, that smells so gross!" She ran to the bathroom.

"Try eating some crackers," I suggested, but she probably couldn't hear me. The poor girl was busy puking.

"I feel lot better now," Shelly said, smiling weakly as she walked into the kitchen.

"Breakfast is served," I told her, holding her hamburger on a plate. "I didn't know if you wanted ketchup or anything."

"I'm not hungry," she said, turning on her heels and walking towards the bedroom. "Are you coming or not?"

"Uh..." I wasn't exactly sure what that meant, but I followed her anyway.

"I want to sixty-nine," she decided. "Take off your clothes."

"You do?" I blinked at her. She'd never sucked my cock, not once, as I was lamenting earlier. "I'm going to be late for work though."

"Don't worry about it," she sighed, getting comfortable on the bed. "I hope you have a lot of sperm in those sexy balls of yours."

"Yeah," I said, unbuckling my belt. "Me too."

I didn't know how I'd explain this to my boss, but that was a problem for later. Just then I was undressing in record time, watching Shelly stroke her already swollen cock. She squeezed a dollop of clear precum from the tip, smiling at me as I climbed onto the bed. Wow! Sixty-nine ... I'd never tried that before, but it sounded like fun.

"Wait," Shelly said, blocking me with her hands. "You smell bad."

"I do?"

"Take a shower first."

"Okay," I agreed, thinking I probably did stink a little bit. I mean, I hadn't taken shower yet and we'd had a lot of sex the night before.

"Where's my hamburger?" she asked, before I even had a chance to turn around.

"Uh ... In the kitchen?"

"You didn't bring it with you?" Shelly burst into tears. "How can you be so selfish all the time? I hate you!"

"What?"

"I'm sorry," she said quickly, pulling me into a hug and kissing my face. "I didn't mean that. It's just my hormones. I can't help it, Bobby."

"Well, I'd better go to work," I decided, because my girlfriend was really starting to freak me out.

"Okay. yeah," she agreed. "That would be good. Just, um ... Go to work. I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" I asked, feeling concerned as well as confused. "Maybe you should see a doctor or something."

"Heh!" Shelly managed to laugh. "That would be pretty funny."

"It would?"

"You go," she insisted. "I'll be better by the time you get home. I'll cook you something special for dinner, okay?"

A few hours later, just as I was about to take an important conference call, my phone rang.

"Mom?" I frowned. She never called me at work. "What's wrong? Are you okay"

"Me?" she snapped. "What's wrong with you, Robert?"

"Uh..."

"Poor Shelly is here all by herself and you're off playing golf?"

"Golf?" I almost laughed. "Wait. Where are you?"

"I'm with Shelly," she said, as if that explained it. "She's been crying all morning."

"Crying?" I really frowned at that. "Why? What happened? Is she okay?"

"She's not okay, she's pregnant!" Mom told me. "She needs you ... Hold on ... Oh, and pick up some vinegar on the way home."

"Vinegar?" I looked at the phone, but she'd already hung up on me.

Whatever was wrong with Shelly, I knew she wasn't pregnant, but watching her drink a glass of vinegar almost convinced me otherwise.

"That's good vinegar," she decided, licking her lips and smiling. "Thank you."

"What's going on?" I asked, glancing at my mom. "Could we have a little privacy?"

"Hmph!" she snorted, giving me the evil eye. Mom softened when she looked at Shelly, however, giving my girlfriend a kiss on the cheek and whispering words of encouragement. She didn't know Shelly had boy parts.

"It's my body," Shelly explained once we were alone in the bedroom. "I'm changing and my hormones are sort of going crazy."

"Changing?" I narrowed my eyes.

"For the baby," she explained. "I'm pregnant."

"Right." I cleared my throat. "You're a transsexual, remember? A shemale? A chick with a dick?"

"Actually, um..." Shelly made face. "I'm Karnasian."

"You're a flower?" I tried not to smile. My fiancé was going crazy with our wedding just four days away and I thought maybe I should humor her, you know?

"Not carnation," she said with a roll of her eyes. "Karnasian, as in I'm from the planet Karnas Prime. It's the capital of the Karn System."

"Ahhh..." I nodded. "Emerson, Lake, and Palmer."

"What? I'm serious, Bobby!"

"You're just under a lot of stress," I decided, putting my arm around her shoulders and kissing her hair. "I understand, believe me. You've been so busy with the wedding and..."

"Does this look like stress to you?" Shelly asked, lifting the skirt she wore.

"What happened to your, uh ... balls?"

"My body stopped making male hormones," she said, both of us looking down at the very small scrotum hanging beneath a much smaller penis than I remembered.

"But..."

"I'm pumping out female hormones by the gallon now. That's why I'm so moody."

"The gallon?" I grinned stupidly.

"Figure of speech," she sighed. "My testes are being ingested by my ovary, pretty soon I won't have any at all."

"That's kinda crazy," I said slowly, thinking it was a lot crazy. "You can't get pregnant through your butt."

"I can," she told me. "Once your sperm is absorbed into my blood stream ... never mind. Not everyone in the galaxy reproduces like humans do."

"You need a doctor."

"I'll see one next week," she said. "That's the other thing I have to tell you."

"What other thing?"

"We have to leave this planet."

"Okay." I stood up, smiling. "I'll, uh ... be right back."

"Where are you going?"

"You need help, Shelly."

"No, I just need vinegar and ... Does your mom have any relatives she can stay with?"

"What?"

"We could bring her with us, but it I'm not sure she'd like it."

"We're not going anywhere," I told her. "We're getting married on Saturday and you'll feel a lot better, I promise."

"Bobby..."

"Why don't you just lie down for a little bit."

"You don't understand," she sighed, falling onto the pillow and shaking her head.

That was probably the understatement of the year, I thought.

I decided it would be better just to lie to my mom. She thought Shelly was a girl, a pregnant one, and that seemed like a good excuse. The hard part was getting her to stop nursing my girlfriend and go home.

"She needs me, Robert," Mom insisted. "I'm not going anywhere."

That was the extent of our conversation and I retreated into the kitchen, wondering how hard it would be to get a doctor to make a house call. Probably next to impossible since my last name wasn't Trump. Shelly wouldn't agree to visit a hospital either, I knew that. Why did I have to end up with a psycho shemale girlfriend? That's what I wanted to know.

"At least you're normal," I sighed, opening a can of tuna for Mr. Tibbs, the gray Siamese cat that had moved in with Shelly.

"You should listen to her," he said, and that's the last thing I remember for awhile.

"Really?" Mom said. "And you've been living here all this time?"

"Only five years," Shelly said. "I've really fallen in love with this place. I hate to leave, but ... Oh! Look who's awake."

"Robert," my mother clucked her tongue. "You gave me such a scare!"

"Sorry," I said, wincing as I sat up. I rubbed the back of my head and found a bruised knot that instantly began to throb painfully.

"Why didn't you tell me your girlfriend is an alien?"

"Huh?" I blinked at her.

"He didn't really know," Shelly said. "I didn't want to scare him."

"Well, you should have told him," Mom said, patting Shelly's knee. "It would have saved him from a headache."

"I'm sorry," my girlfriend sighed, moving to the sofa where I was laying. She stroked my hair and kissed my forehead. "Do you want some aspirin?"