Chapter 2

I opened my front door and we walked in. I felt tired my feet aching, my body crying out for a long hot soak in the bath followed by an early night. It had been an emotional roller coaster of a day, the highs the lows the experience of new feelings within me.

I prefer my life to contain ripples not waves I like to be in control of those ripples not to be swept away by the waves. But now my feelings were different I felt I wanted to be pulled out by the wave of today's highs and by Helen. I wasn't sure what this meant. The shopping? The picnic in the park? The walk along the riverbank? Yes certainly all those but something new had happened away from the riverbank, did I want to be taken away by that? Yes I do. No I don't. The two answers boomeranged around my mind, one thing was certain; I didn't know what I wanted. Could I let the boomerang fall to the floor? Allow it to take the decision away from me. How do I do that?

Helen's voice interrupted my thoughts. "Perhaps I should call myself a taxi and call it a day?"

"Sorry Helen no please don't, I promised to cook dinner. I was just wondering what we could have. What do you fancy?" I hoped my little bluff would work.

"Are you sure?" Helen had seen straight through it. "You've been a million miles away since we, or should I say me."

I interrupted her, "What about pasta?"

"Jen, my darling, I'm not stupid. What happened this afternoon was down to me I shouldn't have done it. It wasn't fair on you I know you're still feeling very vulnerable especially today, and I took advantage of you. It's not what a friend does."

"You don't need to apologise Helen. I enjoyed what happened it's just all very new to me. I've never seen a woman masturbate, the only time I've touched another woman's breast was when Sally thought she had found a lump."

"I think most of the women in town touched her breast looking for that nonexistent lump." I laughed at Helen's comment. It wasn't funny at the time it scared Sally, it worried us all but the doctors could not find any evidence. I think we all checked ourselves after that incident.

"I never knew you were like that." Even as I said it I knew my choice of words was wrong.

"Jen, straight gay bisexual people are all the same. Lesbians don't just have two choices in the way they look or act. There is no rule that says you have to be eighteen stone with a shaved head or, as men think, nineteen with blonde hair and big boobs. Nor do I want to jump into bed with every woman that passes me in the street. Okay a few I might want to." Helen gave me a wink. "They're just normal people like you or me, well me anyway." This time I got a smile and a wink.

I smiled back, she was trying to put me at ease, and Helen had that ability with most people, especially me. "I want you to stay for dinner, please, it is my birthday."

"I want to stay too, but perhaps not standing in the hallway all evening." We hadn't moved more than six feet from the front door since we had come in.

I ushered Helen through to the lounge, we sat on either end of the sofa, as Helen put her bags down there was a clink of glass. Opening her bag she pulled out the wine glasses from earlier. Helen looked at me "Whoops we forgot to take the glasses back."

"Not a problem." I replied "I'll take them back tomorrow, I'm sure they've got enough for tonight." What do you want? Tea? Coffee? Wine? Something stronger?"

"I think I fancy a coffee." Helen replied. "Let's get a takeaway? Save you having to cook and me the washing and clearing up. Your birthday so your choice."

"Chinese." I instantly replied as I got up to make the coffee. "Is there a nasty smell in here or is it me?"

"You're right." She replied. Helen looked down to her trousers. "Damn I seem to have picked up something the cows left behind. Oh yuck, I seem to have some on my leg. Do you mind if I wash it off?"

"Of course not." I replied. "Use the en suite in my room, the towels are clean. I'll put your jeans through on a quick wash then the dryer, won't take long to do. Grab something out of my wardrobe to put on."

"Thanks for that, I will."

I put the coffee in the lounge then went through to the laundry room. Helen had put her jeans in the washing machine, I added the detergent and turned the machine on, then ordered the food.

Fifteen minutes later Helen came back down wearing one of my robes. "I hope you don't mind but felt a little chilly when I got out of the shower so grabbed one of your robes to put on."

"Of course I don't, food is ordered will be here soon and your coffee is getting cold." As Helen sat down, it was a little strange seeing her sitting there in my white fluffy robe but somehow it felt comfortable. "I've lit the fire, it is getting chilly in here now."

Helen picked up her coffee. "There's something about a real fire makes me feel romantic"

"Yes." I agreed "And sexy" where had that last bit come from? I'd never said that before. Many times I had made love with my ex in front of the fire on the now gone white rug, but never had I said a fire was sexy.

If Helen had picked up on that word she didn't carry it on. Finishing my coffee the doorbell rang. I answered the door paid for the food, walking into the kitchen Helen had already got the bowls out. "Chopsticks?" She asked.

"Of course." I replied. Let's eat in the lounge, more comfortable than the dining room."

"Warmer as well. Wine Jen?

"Sounds good to me." I picked up my plate and grabbed a bottle of wine. Helen did the same and carried the glasses in.

"That was a lovely." I said finishing the last of my food and picking up my wine glass.

"It was, thank you Jen."

"No thank you for being here to share it with me."

"No thank you for inviting me for feeding me, for letting me use your shower for washing my,"

I interrupted "I think that's enough thank you's for the evening." We both laughed. I looked at the wine bottle it was empty.

"More wine?" I asked.

"That would be lovely." Helen replied. I opened another bottle and refilled the glasses. "Happy birthday to a beautiful Lady and a very good friend."

I raised my glass "To a wonderful friend without which I'm not sure I would have made it through the last few months."

Helen took a sip of wine and put her glass down reached down and took out a beautiful wrapped parcel. "I have a birthday present for you, I'm sorry I forgot before, but wanted to get something for you.

"Helen you didn't need to buy me anything." I replied.

"It's not what I needed to do, it's what I wanted to do. I bought it earlier after a comment you made to Sally when we were shopping. I want to say before I give it to you, when I bought it earlier I had no ulterior motive in mind."

Helen handed me the present, I carefully removed the wrapping to find a jet black box with a pink lace trimming around the top. I had a good idea of where she had bought it. As I opened the box there was a hint of white musk fragrance, layers of near opaque pink lace tissue paper obscuring the immaculately folded gift inside. I removed the paper. "What was it?" I thought. I took hold of the two thin straps and as I removed it from the box a beautiful black sheer babydoll with a black ruffle neckline. I gasped. "Helen it's beautiful, it truly is. Why for me?"

"You said to Sally that you had thrown away a lot of your lingerie. Sally told me how much you had loved it. I thought I could start off a new collection for you, something for when a new man in your life comes along but more importantly something to make you feel good, feel sexy.

"Thank you Helen, but, I don't know, just thank you." I leant over and gave Helen a kiss on her lips. "Thank you again." I pulled away from Helen; she looked a little distant a little upset her eyes a little reddened.

"Helen, are you okay?" I asked.

"Yes of course I am, I'm glad you like it."

I suddenly felt serious. "Helen, what is it? Tell me please."

"I'm fine Jen we've had a lot to drink, just the wine taking its toll."

"You didn't believe me earlier when I used that excuse and I don't believe you now?"

"True." She replied. "I truly bought that for you this morning because of what I said before, but that was this morning, a lot has changed within me since then."

Helen paused., Pleading with her. "Please go on."

"When we were having lunch I thought about it again. I thought about you wearing it for the first time in front of the lucky guy, and that felt nice. Then after what happened on the walk back I thought of you wearing it again but not for him."

Helen stopped I knew she was struggling to say something. I knew what she wanted to say but couldn't say it to me. I said it for her "You thought about me wearing it for you Helen?"

"Yes Jen, I did and do now, ever since we've gotten back. That's why I thought I should leave. I had a vision a fantasy in my head. I know you're vulnerable and that's not fair on either of us. What happened on the walk, I wasn't trying to seduce you, it's more about me than you. You see I have this exhibitionist streak in me; sometimes I love to do what I did in front of others. I didn't expect you to do the same and I certainly didn't expect you to touch me. I wanted you to but didn't expect it."

Helen emptied her full glass of wine. I did the same, we both needed it, and we both needed more.

Helen carried on. "I thought about not giving it to you, that way it would make the situation go away but I wanted you to have it so so much."

I picked up my glass of wine, not because I wanted a drink, I needed to think. Where was this going? Helen had been honest with me; I needed to be honest with myself. I wasn't a lesbian; I'd never had a sexual experience with another woman. Yes the ex has fantasised about it, but it was only ever a fantasy not a reality. It never entered my head. Helen wanted me to wear it for her, but then what, I knew then what. Did I want to? Did the idea repulse me? No it didn't. What did two women do together? Yes I'd seen the odd porn film but that wasn't reality.

Helen stood up "Just going to visit the bathroom." She said. This gave me some more time, would I wear it for her? Yes I would. What about the next step? My mind didn't say no but it didn't say yes. I looked into the box and noticed it had a matching thong. I wasn't sure how this was helping my thoughts but kept looking at it. I didn't have long Helen would be back in seconds. What if I got it all wrong? Didn't do the right things? Say the right things? I was a virgin once; did I get it right with him the first time? I remember a lot of fumbling but I also remember having the desired effect on him. So what am I thinking now? Yes I would, but worried about getting it all wrong? So have I decided yes? I feel I'm not in control of the decision. Perhaps this is the best way? Then I can't be accused. But accused by whom? The only one who can accuse me is myself. This is getting stupid, carry on like this I won't even know my own name.

I heard the lock on the bathroom door; I grabbed Helen's present and with the box headed to the laundry room.

"Won't be a second, forgot about your trousers, putting them in the dryer now."

"Okay." Helen called out. "I'll refill the glasses."

I stood in the laundry room it was now or never. I opened the top button of my dress, and then stopped at the second. I looked at the babydoll and thong sitting on the worktop; I hadn't put Helen's trousers in the dryer. This was an excuse; I was allowed one I decided. With the trousers in the dryer I turned it on, no more excuses no more playing for time. Fumbling I undid the remaining buttons of my dress letting it fall to the floor. I unhooked my bra and it joined the dress, quickly followed by my knickers. Picking up the thong I put it on, it fitted as comfy as a thong can fit, finally I slipped the babydoll over my head. I looked in the mirror; it looked nice, hiding none of my modesty, I felt sexy. I only hoped Helen would think the same.