Chapter 4

"Where is this 'Princessapality?'" he blasted. "How dare they mock me? I'm the very symbol and fountainhead of my Party." He struck a noble pose, "the party of Americans!"

"Mr President, the 'Princessapality', is a sovereign island between the United States and Canada."

"Canada? You mean that wasteland of polar bears and Eskimos? Isn't Canada part of Montana." The man had questioned his education. "I'll have you know I remember my geography, Sir."

"Canada is the country north of the 49th parallel ... Equidistant lines on the sphere are called parallels of latitude in analog to latitude lines on a globe. Parallel lines in Euclidean space are straight lines; equidistant lines are not geodesics and therefore are not directly analogous to straight lines in the Euclidean space." The outgoing Secretary of the Interior explained

"Huh?" He didn't understand a word of that.

"Parallel lines are arbitrary and invisible lines on the sphere." The junior intern from the Office of the Secretary of Defense spoke up when no one else would or could. She got a look.

"Sphere?"

"Yes, Sir, Mr. President."

"Show me, young woman."

"Yes, Sir, Mr. President. If you'd walk this way..."

"Leave my throne?"

"Yes, Sir." She explained, "there's a globe in your office."

"Can't I have it brought in here?"

"You could, I suppose. But it's very expensive."

He bent forward and motioned her to come closer. She looked at her boss. He made little shooing motions with his hand and jerked his head, she stepped forward.

"Closer."

Another step. She bent forward.

"I don't suppose I could get you to call me, Your Excellency, could you?" he whispered. "None of these idiots have the proper respect. You wouldn't know why, would you?"

The out going Cabinet members strained to hear the conversation.

"Yes, Your Excellency, I do know ... they're all from the previous administration."

"Why are they still here?"

"Excellency, you have to appoint a cabinet. They are here for the changing of the guard ... so to speak."

"What for?"

"They are to help you run the country until you get your own crew."

"Oh ... would you like the job?"

"Job? You'll need several people to help. I couldn't do it alone." 'Oh my God! He really IS an idiot!'

"Do you know anyone else who could help?"

"Excellence, it's customary for you to pick older and wiser heads."

"Do you imagine that being older makes one wiser? You're in College."

'Oh my God! This could be fun!' "Sure, I know several. My Political Science class would love to help..." 'even if we did vote for the other guy.' "I doubt Congress will agree but, Yes, Your Excellency. I'd love to work with you."

"Well then," he raised his voice ... and hemmed, "Ahem ... you're all fired. Bye, don't let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya."

The black suits with the sunglasses and coilly things in their ears stayed.

"Now, young person ... show me where this Princessapality is located. A globe you say?"

"Yes, your Excellency, it's in the Oval Office."

"Oh, I've heard of that ... it's here in my palace ... somewhere."

"Yes, your Excellency. It's through this door and outside and through this other door."

"That's very inconvenient, something should be done." He turned to the head of the Detail, "Here, you. Peasant. I need a door ... to the Office. Quickly!"

"Ah, Sir. Mr. President..."

'There's one who'll have to go.' He turned to his new Secretary of Defense and whispered, "make a list, check it twice. He's naughty. He'll have to go. Get some one nice." He chuckled ... she giggled.

"Yes, your Excellency." She whipped out her ever present note pad and pulled a pencil from her hair bun ... her magnificent mane of auburn hair cascaded around her shoulders and tumbled to her butt.

'Oh yes, I like this young peasant ... proper respect.' He grinned, 'Nice butt.'

"Thank you," he said, 'Daddy always said, "Be nice to the hired help, they know all the secrets."'

She asked the Secret Service man his name and ID. She wrote it down on her pad.

"What's that for?" he whispered.

She whispered back, "you're outta here. His Excellency doesn't like you. No respect." She wrote 'Call me' on the pad. Naturally, the SS knew her number ... probably tapped her line too.

"Are you sure you can't bring the globe," 'what ever that is' "in here?"

"Actually, your Excellency, this is the press conference room."

"Not my throne room?"

"No, your Excellency. I suppose we could make it so. The press could meet you somewhere else."

"Why would I meet the press? They're all a bunch of pinko commies ... rabble rousers, every one of them ought to be taken out and shot!"

'How did this idiot get elected?'

Just then, a group of White House cleaning staff staggered in with the old walnut and maple globe stand. The White House Geographer followed in, cradling the globe. He placed it gently in the stand and laid on his back to adjust the tilt.

"What's he doing?" He whispered, "why is the ball tilted?"

"Excuse me, your Excellency. Perhaps it would be more explanatory if we allowed the Geographer to tell you." 'Missed that bullet!'

In the next hour, the new Sec Def had composed a list of discharges as long as her arm. It soon became very clear to all and sundry that this President liked things explained in words of three syllables or less and the fewer words of that length the better. Eventually, explaining that the state that looked like a left handed mitten with a little finger pouch was the State of Michigan and the land on the thumb side was Canada..."That much?" ... she was able to point out the 'Princessapality.