Call this a memoir or call it fiction filtered through the eyes growing old and looking back over a life misunderstood from conception.

My latest lover is a forty-five year old hard-bodied physical therapist to whom I was sent to receive treatment for an arthritic hip. The non-arthritic parts of me soon had Pam enthralled and the tight unitard she was wearing saturated from more than perspiration. It was because of her that I thought back to my early days of training, as my nose bumped her clitoris and my tongue invaded her love canal.

I grew up summering at the seashore. The family owned a large house just off the dunes on the ocean side of a peninsula. I am the only male cousin in a large extended family of females. These range from ten years to four years older than I and from six years to ten years younger.

As soon as school let out in the spring, the clan would gather at the shore house. All the cousins and aunts would be dropped off by the adult males who would commute to the house on weekends and spend time during the two weeks of vacation they were allotted by their employers. Of the eighteen weeks the house was open; at least fourteen weeks saw no male whatsoever in the home except for me.

From the age of six [the earliest real memories I have] to the age of eighteen this was my life during the summer months. As soon as the men left and the unpacking began, I was 'fitted' for my wardrobe for the summer. I was allowed one pair of swim briefs and one T-shirt and a pair of sandals. As wet swimsuits and clothing were not allowed in the shore house, quite often I was padding around the house nude. The girls all had three or four suits that they would wear to the beach, remove in the shower, and immediately replace with a dry one. I would leave my suit on the line and hope it would dry in time for me to don it to go play on the beach in the afternoon. I was not permitted to put on a damp or wet suit. I would be allowed to go into the yard, as the dunes were quite high, and play in the sand there, if I had nothing dry to wear onto the beach.

A few times I remember being seen by other kids in the neighborhood and hearing the girls giggle at my exposure. One of my friends asked if he could come play with me in the yard on one occasion and my aunt, who was in charge that week as the house parent, Okayed it only if he followed the same house rules as I had to obey. We spent a glorious nude afternoon making castles in the sand. His mother visited my aunt the next day and there was much low voiced discussion. After which Craig was allowed to spend as much time as he wanted at our house, when his mom ran errands or wanted alone time at the beach. The lifeguards went off duty at four p.m., and usually by four thirty which ever aunt was in charge that week would call out, "Boys, if you want to eat you'd best get that sand washed off your bodies," that was our cue to make a dash over the dunes and into the tidal pool by the rock jetty. No sand was allowed in the house and the only shower was far enough inside the back door that we would have tracked sand into it. So, totally bare bottomed and ignoring the stares of the late lingering people on the beach we would wash off and then wait at the back door to rinse our feet to come in and eat. We were nude, of course, in the presence of two generations of females in various states of dress and undress.

I might clarify here that the girls were only allowed bottoms until they reached menstruation or their breasts developed, whichever came first. Even after that it would take most of the girls a season or two to remember, or to feel comfortable in, a top. So, the cousins younger than I was would be in panties, shorts or the bottom of a little girl two-piece swimsuit and the ones older than me would be in bras, panties or some combination of dress that reflected a non air conditioned beach bungalow in the late nineteen forties early nineteen fifties. Aunt Grace was the least restrictive for the girls, her oldest, Connie, on one particularly sweltering stretch of 1952, pointed out that the girls were causing so much extra wash due to sweating through their clothing that it would be better for the washing machine [and Connie who had laundry duty that week] if all the girls under thirteen were nude and the girls over thirteen in panties or swim suit bottoms. Aunt Grace agreed with her daughter and for the next ten days until the daytime temperature dipped below ninety for the first time, that is how everyone dressed. When my mother, Aunt Janet and Aunt Dorothy arrived for the month of August and were briefed by Aunt Grace as to the prevailing dress code, the women concurred that the status should remain in place for the balance of the summer, until the men were due to arrive for the Labor Day week.

My mother, in fact, gathered the cousins together and informed them that all unmarried women and girls in the house would be permitted the right to remain nude while in the house or yard and that sundown swim on the beach would also be clothing optional for everyone effective immediately. Connie was the first one out of her clothes and would remain that way until I left to return to school the second week of September. The rest of the cousins followed suit, only on the days when menstruation prevented the women to be bottomless were any stitches of clothing to be found on any of the cousins.

The summer of 1953 was almost devoid of adult male presence. My father and two of my three uncles were Reservists and had been called up for service due to the Korean hostilities. This left my uncle Carl as the only male adult to visit the shore house and he could only break away for a long weekend during the Fourth of July Week and again on Labor Day weekend. Fewer six days I was the only male in the house, that entire summer.

I turned thirteen that year. I had begun to sprout hair and my voice was cracking, yet, the same rules prevailed as they had for the past seven years. Therefore, I was nude most of the time. Aunt Grace again had the housemother responsibility for the month of July. She made it quite clear to me from day one that a new policy of respect was in place. I found out later my mother and the rest of my aunts had come to this decision mutually.

First, I was no longer to sleep on the couch in the living room. I was to move into the teen-age bedroom upstairs in the house. This meant I was sleeping in the same room as Connie, Tina and Eloise my older cousins. Second, they were in complete charge of me while I was in the room. I was to politely do what they told me to do, so that I might learn to be a respectful male in the family.

I was, already, their beast of burden, toting their chairs, umbrellas, blankets, radios coolers and toys to the beach every morning; just to win the few hours of time I could spend in the surf. Of course when I came home it was wet suit off and naked boy became the wish is my command fetcher and carrier for the afternoon. Now, additionally, I made the three cousins beds, swept and mopped the bedroom, cleaned their bathroom, and attended to their personal needs. Brushing hair, rubbing backs, folding laundry and placing it away and as my final added duty performing the good night kiss on each of them.

Yes, the French kiss on the lips with minor tongue had become a nightly ritual even when I was younger. This year was added the kiss on the nether lips, where I was taught to nurse and suckle the labia and clitoris of each of the cousins until they cried out in what I thought to be pain, but which turned out to be ecstasy. Connie and Tina mentioned this to Aunt Grace during the second week of July. Aunt Grace added herself to the nightly kiss routine the next evening.

My friend Craig was spending as much time as he could at our house this year as well. His Mom was ill and spent most of the time in her bungalow out of the sun and his Dad was in the same Reservist outfit as my father. Craig's Sister Rachel, who was a year younger than Craig and I, would also tag along to our place. She loved being with Aunt Grace and Connie and Tina treated her as a sister, cousin Eloise, Aunt Dorothy's daughter, went along as she worshipped Connie and followed every lead Connie put out.

Craig and Rachel started spending sleep over nights at our house. Aunt Grace got their mother's okay to have them stay with me in the room I shared with the three girls. House rules applied, and soon Craig was doing the same chores I had to perform and Rachel was added to the nightly good night kisses. Connie thought it would be cute if Craig and I also had to share good night kisses and arranged it so we were forced to sleep with our faces in ach others crotch. We did kiss each other's penis, but that year neither of us achieved an erection nor ejaculated.

July came to an end and Aunt Grace's tenure as housemother drew to a close. Aunt Janet, Aunt Dorothy and my mom came down to take the duty responsibility for the month of August and Aunt Grace fully vetted them as to how 'polite a young man' I had become.

Aunt Janet, the youngest of my mother's sisters, couldn't wait for her good night kiss until that night. She stripped off her skirt and panties and called me over and told me to show everyone what a good kisser I was. With her perched upon the dining room table and me on my knees in front of her I kissed her until she was beating my shoulders with her fists and begging for more. Aunt Janet was the first woman who ever ejaculated when I kissed her clitoris. I did such a good job on Aunt Janet that in less than ten minutes I was working on Aunt Dorothy and a few minutes after that on my own mother.

Craig, in the same time frame, was administering his attentions to the women I had already been with.

My mother, Aunt Grace and Aunt Janet convinced Aunt Dorothy that the younger girls should also be receiving good night kisses. After All, Rachel was not yet a teenager, but got the privileges of one because she slept over in Connie's bedroom. So it was that during August we began the ritual of every girl getting a kiss on the lips and a peck on the vagina before they retired to bed. Only the older teens and the adult women were kissed to orgasm on a nightly basis. Craig and I would retire to bed with tired jaws and smiles on our faces as we performed the mandatory sucking of each other's members.