Chapter 5: Windshift - the Voices in My Head

The black house cat was in the process of getting a drink from the stainless steel bowl in the bathtub ... explaining exactly why the waterbowl was in the tub instead of next to the 7 day feeder is beyond the scope...

Ok, ok, ok...

Enquiring minds want to know.

I said I ok ... don't get so pushy...

The waterbowl is in the tub because I have a problem keeping clean water next to the feeder for the three cats ... to say nothing of the difficulty of stopping one of the little bastards tendency of eating so messily that there's cat food in the waterbowl seven or ten times a day.

They tend to bitch to the wife about the food in the water ... like it's my fault.

As soon as they start bitching to her, she comes in, derails my train of thought, and cusses me out about keeping clean water in the bowl.

Ok?

Satisfied?

I'm wrong ... the cat is right.

Again!

The bowl in the tub is my solution to having clean water for the cats. Another thing about the bowl in the tub is the tub is castiron and keeps the water colder ... the cats like a cold drink and it keeps them from drinking 'john' water.

EWW!

We have three cats ... two house cats and one wild animal wearing a pet cat suit. It's the black cat in the pet cat disguise that's getting a drink, when I sit down on the throne and drop a good one.

This is the cat, in normal times, who thinks it's great fun to lie in my down around the ankles pants while I'm 'reading' one of our Far Side or Calvin and Hobbs cartoon books. Nothing like a good laugh to get the 'lead' out. He tends to snuggle right in and go to sleep ... which might have something to say about the daughter bitching about how long I'm in the john. Eh ... she's a teen ... what do they know!

So, Nang, the wild cat in the pet disguise, was getting a drink when I came in, dropped shorts, and changed atmospheric conditions.

He turned his head, looked at me and gave one of the 900 plus sounds cats can make. This one signified displeasure ... he's good at that.

I looked at him, "Well, good morning to you, too." Dripping with sarcasm.

'What's so good about it? ... I was having a cool drink and you come in here and stink up the place.'

Well, naturally, I figured it was just me ... you know ... reading reactions.

'Hey! I'm talking here.'

So, I answer back..."Yeah, well ... If you didn't have to kill your food before you eat it, scattering it to hell and gone, you could have your water in the food room."

'Speaking of killing it ... I want out ... there's rabbits in the back yard.'

Nang jumps up on the side of the tub, gets his balance, steps on to my leg so he has front legs on me and back legs on the tub, murrggles, and stretches.

'Get the one back there. Right where the tail and ass meet ... yeah ... that one. More! Like that!'

Then I'm getting these word pictures in my head, my hand follows the pictures and I'm scratching exactly where he wants.

'Oops, I'm done ... you can stop now.'

He gets down ... no claws. 'Now, let me out. I have a yen for rabbit.'

"You know you can't go out ... you piss off the old lady two houses down ... she calls the cops ... you get arrested and it's ME that has to pay the fine."

'But, but, but ... I'm lovable and it's not me who knocks over her garbage can ... it's the possum. I just take advantage after the fact.'

There's a possum?

"No out!"

'It's Pizza crust night! Oh, shit! There's the rabbit.'

I have never seen the rabbit ... but he says we have one.

"The only way you get out is on the leash."

'That's not out ... that's a thing for dogs.'

I get to thinking about how many times I had been directed in my scratching.

The times I didn't know he was sleeping on top of the junk computers and I had the urge to turn and look at him. He'd be 'vulturing' ... sitting there staring at me.

'The food dish has a blue spot ... shake it for me ... you KNOW we don't like blue spots.'

"Shake your own damn bowl."

"Murrie!" The wife is Murrie ... not really, she's Karen ... the cat calls her Murrie. Although, lately it's just Mur.

Shake shake shake.

Or the times he slinks by so quietly I don't know he's there... 'pet me.'

"SHIT! You scared me half to death."

Cats chuckle in my brain ... Nang does it all the time.

Then there's the time I heard, 'stupid place for a cactus, ' and it crashed to the floor.

So you know, I'm pretty used to hearing voices in my head and that's why I didn't freak when the horse said, 'I don't see why, we're going with you.'