Bree

Saturday, August 13 (After Chapter 8 of Triptych)

aroslav: Welcome. Come on in.

BREE: Where's the camera?

aroslav: What?

BREE: Are we going to talk first or do I just get undressed and diddle myself?

aroslav: Bree?

BREE: I'm not doing sex unless you're paying me full scale.

aroslav: This isn't a porn audition.

BREE: Looks like it. You at a desk with a computer and me on a sofa opposite.

aroslav: I'm just keeping notes on the computer. You didn't really think I was auditioning you for a video, did you? Don't you know what kind of a scam that is?

[Silence]

aroslav: Okay, let's move on. We're interviewing Tony's friends to find a little about what makes them tick.

BREE: Tony said I was a friend?

aroslav: Do you want the direct quote? He said, "You haven't talked to anyone from SCU. Why don't you interview my friend, Bree?"

[Silence. A tear streaks down one cheek.]

BREE: I've been so terrible to him and his girlfriends. I can't believe he called me a friend.

aroslav: Maybe we can talk about that this morning. You had a pretty rough night last night.

BREE: Yeah. Can we start with something easy? I could just take off my clothes.

aroslav: That would make it very hard for me. To conduct the interview. Just please give me your full name, age, and birthday.

BREE: Brianna Lynn Jacobson, age 21. My birthday was June 21, the longest day of the year. My dad reminds me of that at every birthday. This year it was my golden birthday—21 on the 21st.

aroslav: Did you have a big celebration?

BREE: Me, myself, and I had our first legal drink. That's three drinks. Then we each had another. Then I went home and puked. All alone.

aroslav: Your father... ?

BREE: Out of town. We "celebrated" the next weekend. He bought me my first legal drink and then I went home and puked.

aroslav: I'm seeing a pattern here.

BREE: Except that I only had one drink. The weekend before I was sick for two days. Not like a hangover, either. My skin got all blotchy, I had migraines, my nose was stuffy, and I felt faint. Alcohol intolerance, the doctor said. Genetic, but it doesn't always show up right away. I guess my drinking days are done already.

aroslav: There are worse things.

BREE: Yeah. Living with yourself. Ask me something else, please.

aroslav: So, you're a year ahead of Tony in college, right?

BREE: Technically two years, but I'll only graduate one year ahead.

aroslav: Tell me about that.

BREE: When I got out of high school I left home. I enrolled at Arizona State in Tempe. I flunked out. I did nothing but party from the day I left home until the day they threw me out of the dorm. My alcohol intolerance was probably part of what was affecting me more than other kids. I was blacked out a lot. Usually woke up with a sore cunt. Dad...

[Long pause]

aroslav: Take your time.

[Tears]

BREE: He looked so disappointed in me. That's all I ever do is disappoint people. He put me in rehab for the summer and when I got out I found out I was enrolled at SCU. He's on the faculty there, so I guess he pulled some strings. But he watched me like a hawk. It was like being in high school again. He checked my homework every night, okayed who I went out with, what I wore, and what time I had to be home. He wouldn't let me get a driver's license and he didn't even give me the code to the security alarm, so I couldn't just leave and come back when I wanted to.

aroslav: That sounds pretty harsh.

BREE: I got all A's in my classes. I guess in a way I got my confidence back, too. By the end of the year, he was looking at my homework, but really didn't comment on it much. My second year at SCU he lightened up a bit and suggested I try out to be a cheerleader. I thought it would please him if I did well. Our relationship improved, but he still looks at me as if he's disappointed in me.

aroslav: Shit. I'm sorry, Bree.

BREE: 'Sokay. That's just the way I feel most of the time.

aroslav: All the rumors about your behavior and the way you ... well you kind of threw yourself at Tony...

BREE: The rumors all come from the reputation I had coming back from AZU. Don't ask me how people found out. Before I knew it, my reputation was that I'd slept all the football players on the team.

aroslav: Had you?

BREE: Only the varsity. Asshole. No. And the one that I did sleep with didn't help my reputation any. I mostly didn't go out with anyone else until I met Tony. I guess I didn't go out with him either.

aroslav: Tony seems to bring out the predator in you.

BREE: What a kind way to say slut. I wanted to ... I just don't know how ... Shit!

Tony is the first guy I've ever known that didn't just want to get in my pants as soon as possible. He's never made a pass at me—even when I was standing in front of him naked. He's always been kind ... almost always. And I don't know how to deal with that. And my dad adores him. He's so proud of Tony. I just wish...

[Blows nose]

Do you know what happened last night? I made an ass of myself. I called him and Kate names. I asked him what was wrong with me and he...

I've never been so humiliated in my life. And I deserved it. I saw what a stupid whore I looked like throwing myself at him. I could have died. I wanted to die.

And then he came back and talked to me. He apologized. Fucking hell! He apologized to me!

And you know Kate? She called me this afternoon. After what I called her and how I treated her date. She walked me to my room last night and made sure I brushed my teeth and was in bed. Then, she called me today to see if I was all right. She invited me to go out for a Coke next week. Why can't I be nice like that? I am such a shit I don't want to live anymore.

aroslav: Whoa! Bree, are you telling me you're suicidal.

BREE: All I'd have to do is drink a pint of whiskey. Probably wouldn't take that much. I didn't even need a drink last night to make a mess of things.

aroslav: Bree, why are things so bad for you? What happened?

BREE: My mom. She died.