Wendy

Sunday, November 7 (After Chapter 25 of Triptych)

WENDY: [to security desk] This is Mr. aroslav. He's visiting me for an hour or so. He's writing an article.

[A bored hand is waved.]

WENDY: I've wanted to tell people about this for a long time. Thank you for visiting, Mr. aroslav.

aroslav: It's a pleasure, Wendy. But I have to say that I'm still pretty shocked.

[sigh]

WENDY: I know. Kate's the only one who knew before this morning. Now I guess everyone will know. Are you going to make me leave?

aroslav: Even when they surprise me, I try to let people set their own course. Why don't you start by telling me how old you are and when your birthday is.

WENDY: I'm twenty-one years old. My birthday is Cinco de Mayo, the fifth of May. I'm a senior at the University of Washington studying social sciences. I live in a tent.

aroslav: You say that with a degree of pride. What does living in a tent mean to you, Wendy?

WENDY: It means that I'm independent and responsible for myself.

aroslav: Aren't there other ways to show that? You have friends who would welcome you.

WENDY: I took advantage of my friends until I could move in here. First, I was with Kate during August and then when her roommate arrived for the start of school I was pretty lost. I went back to my ex-boyfriend after I'd spent four days sleeping in my car. Then I went to live with Tony and Lissa and Melody for a month. When Tent City moved here to the campus on September 30, I moved in, too.

aroslav: Tell me about life in Tent City.

WENDY: There are a hundred of us living in tents of various sizes here. There are a couple of dormitory tents, but I chose to use a tent I took when I left home two years ago. It's private—or as private as anything here is.

aroslav: So this is a two- or three-person dome tent, about seven feet on each side.

WENDY: It gives me just enough room to put my suitcase and backpack in and my sleeping pad. Oh. And my school books. I don't have a computer, but I have a thumbdrive I keep all my stuff on and use the computers in the library. I can't quite stand up in it, but I manage to get dressed okay.

aroslav: All your clothes are in your suitcase?

WENDY: You say 'all' like I have a lot of clothes. I pretty much have my work clothes for the restaurant, two pair of jeans, and four t-shirts. I have socks and underwear to get me through the week and two pair of shoes. I've got a couple of sweatshirts and a warm jacket.

aroslav: That's it? It doesn't sound like you have much selection in clothes.

WENDY: It makes it easier. I don't have to make a lot of choices.

aroslav: What's the hardest part about living here?

WENDY: Not having a bathroom. I love long hot showers and shampoo and conditioner. We have outdoor toilets here. We have two days a week when we can go into the school athletic pavilion and use the showers and facilities. Since I'm over at UW almost every day, I have access to student athletic facilities there and manage to get a shower almost every day. I carry my toothbrush with me all the time and take any opportunity with fresh water to brush my teeth. I don't always have toothpaste, but I can usually get salt—like at the restaurant.

aroslav: That sounds tough.

WENDY: I'm not done. Not having a bathroom is physically the most difficult part about living in a tent. I have an advantage over most everyone who lives here because I have access to clean toilets and showers that most of them don't have. But even if I had a bathroom, I'd have trouble making decisions. That wouldn't change even if I wasn't living here. I get overwhelmed with trying to choose what to wear, for example. In a way, that is the best thing about living here. I'm independent, but I don't have much choice. I mean, look at this 'room.' I wear one pair of jeans and three t-shirts during the week. And my underwear, most of the time. At the end of the week, I change to my other pair of jeans and remaining t-shirt and do laundry. That's all I have. There aren't any choices to make. I don't come home and try to decide what to watch on TV. I study what's been assigned that day and I sleep—or I go to work. At work, I do what people tell me to. I get the food they order on their table in a pleasant environment. I don't make decisions.

aroslav: Isn't it hard to live with no opportunity to choose something different?

WENDY: No. It's much harder to live having to decide everything all the time. I can't handle it.

aroslav: Tell me what brought you here, Wendy. Why don't you go home?

WENDY: I don't have a home to go to.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. But you'll never really understand. My mother died when I was five. She was all that stood between my father and me. She killed herself. She killed herself and left me. He made life so unbearable that she killed herself, but she left me with him. What kind of a mother is that? Eventually, he found someone else to dominate. But that didn't stop him from making me a slave. She was happy for that. My stepmother considered herself safe if it was me he was abusing.

aroslav: Abuse?

WENDY: I was thirteen when he started fondling me. As soon as I had anything that could be called breasts. But he'd been hitting me for five years by then. Never where anyone could see the marks. I cooked and cleaned, but for some perverse reason he kept me in school. When I came home from school, I did the tasks he assigned me and then went to bed. I waited until he came into my room at night before I went to sleep.

aroslav: Did he abuse you sexually?

WENDY: He never came in me. In his mind, that meant he wasn't abusing me. He sent Eloise, my stepmother, with me when I was sixteen to start birth control. But he still didn't come in me. Not in my vagina. He came in my mouth and sometimes in my ass.

aroslav: Why didn't you leave?

WENDY: I did. He came after me. Twice. I got into UW when I was 18 and never let him know. He came to the dormitory to get me and take me back, but campus security chased him away. The last thing he said to me was that I wasn't worthy to be his slave and to never come back.

aroslav: But you were free!

WENDY: That's a loaded word. I was lost. The university was such a big place and there was no one there to help me. I sat in my room for a week before my roommate discovered I wasn't going to classes. She started telling me what to do and it grounded me. I went to class, did my homework, and then I did her homework and cleaned our room. If she didn't get an A in her class, she told me how stupid I was. But I didn't mind. I could live with her chastising me because she told me what to wear and what to eat and what time to go to bed. I had a clean room to live in and food.