Chapter 21: Like Hope Delivering On Its Promise

I guess the thought of losing the accumulated knowledge of humanity lit a fire under the Professor. He even put together a hunting party to go into other professors' homes to raid their book collections. The books filled several trucks. I hoped it would be enough, like I hoped what Bianca had done to prepare for our departure was enough too.

I smiled--we were saved!!!

I wasn't the only one smiling. The uniforms were so pretty, at least on some of the soldiers. A few of the men looked a little raggedy, but it might have been the bad haircuts. They were a week later than we expected, but ... those uniforms were so pretty! The God-Beloved U.S. Army had come to rescue us!

We had laid out a large feast of Lorena's best to welcome the soldiers. They looked nervous though.

"Please," I told the leader. "Sit! Sit! We've been waiting for you."

"I'd feel better if they weren't armed," he said, looking around at the group.

"They're not," I said as my people raised empty hands. "But if you want your men to search, feel free."

Their leader looked at a few men. They spread out to give my people quick pat-downs. They seemed more at ease when the searches completed.

"I was led to believe you might not look kindly upon our assistance," their leader said before sitting down. His men surrounded the table; they held on to their weapons in a relaxed but wary manner.

I smiled at the Hag.

"Mrs. Catwal had issues integrating with the group," the Professor said to the soldiers' leader. "Has she learned not to get carried away with the vitriol?"

The man looked at the Hag. He licked his lips and squinted his eyes at her, which answered the question. He wasn't as old as I expected, early fifties. His eyes were cold as he stared at me. I liked the shine of his greying hair.

"I'm Colonel Jonathan Peters," he said to me.

"Miguel," I replied.

"You don't have a last name?" he asked.

"I gave that up when my mother killed herself," I replied. "I felt abandoned and glad."

He raised an eyebrow.

"She was insane," I told him. "Torturously so!"

"Did it help you adjust to this world?"

"No," I replied before looking around at my people.

Bianca started the round of introductions for our side. Colonel Peters let his men introduce themselves. Bianca looked at me when a Captain Simon Fletcher announced his name--the Colonel had visibly flinched when the Captain spoke.

The Colonel appeared somewhat high-strung! He frowned at the Towers, who stood behind my chair.

"You did that to them?" he asked. It was in his tone of voice--contempt.

I turned to look at the Towers. They had been trying different outfits as their 'look'; animal-prints had won this day. They wore tiger-striped speedos, which left NOTHING to the imagination. I'd finally completed my work on them so they stood seven-feet tall and weighed over four hundred pounds. I shrugged at the Colonel. No reason to point out his prejudice or the bigotry of his men who looked at the Towers the same way he did. Other than the uniforms, there wasn't much color among the Colonel's men.

We sat and stared at each other for a few seconds until a couple of his rattier looking men grabbed some food. Captain Fletcher looked at them with disgust in his eyes. The Colonel did not react to their lack of discipline.

"You've done well here," the Colonel said. "As well as could be expected for a civilian leader."

"I'm not leading shit to a toilet," I replied. "They're taking me along for the ride or finding me when I run away. I'm pretty sure they surgically implanted a GPS chip on me."

He studied Bianca and the Professor. The Hag leaned down and whispered in the Colonel's ear while pointing to the Professor.

"I wouldn't," I said loudly.

The Hag stepped away. The Colonel tensed.

"I meant the man about to touch a woman who thinks she is my property," I said.

The soldier standing next to Abella yelped. He had grabbed her ass; she broke his arm! Abella picked him up and threw him to the other side of the table. He did not land well! I made to stand up but froze when the soldiers pointed their guns at me. Some of them remembered the real danger and aimed at Abella.

"He's going to die," I said to the Colonel as I sat back down.

"That bitch is going to die!" one of the soldiers yelled.

"I wouldn't," I said, watching him walk around the table to Abella. "I might be of the opinion that she does, in fact, belong to me. If I take offense like she did, I'll break every bone in your body instead of just the arm. It will also take a lot longer for your orbit to degrade when I throw you."

"I don't appreciate threats," the Colonel growled.

"Colonel," the Professor said. "Your handsy soldier has provided you an opportunity."

The Colonel never stopped staring at me. "Explain!"

"There's a set of things you need to know about Miguel," the Professor said, as if he were in a lecture hall. "There's the set of things Mrs. Catwal learned about Miguel before she left. There's the set of things she told you about Miguel. You couldn't have risen to your rank without intelligence, so you must understand she didn't tell you everything she knows."

Colonel Peters and Captain Fletcher looked at the Hag. Licking his lips was definitely the Colonel's poker tell!

"Do you believe she gave you enough information to cross the gap from what she told you to what you need to know?" The Professor asked. "If not, your dying man could get you closer."

Colonel Peters looked at the fallen man before staring at me. I could almost see him counting seconds in his head before he nodded to me. The glowing got the expected gasps. The soldier stared at me for a second before he ran out of the Bus Terminal to puke. We could hear him sobbing between upchucks.

"It's true then," the Colonel said, looking at the Professor.

"I don't understand," the Professor replied.

"Colonel Peters wants to be young again," I told the Professor. "This is more the Colonel's world than before Zombie-Day. To be young and have no commanders in a world with only the laws you choose enforce! The Colonel is in hog heaven."

The Professor nodded to Colonel Peters. "Miguel can make you a young, virile man again."

I smiled at the Colonel's glance to the Towers' genitals.

"I like to tinker," I said to him. "Improvements are part of the package."

"You can reverse the effect," the Colonel asked.

I didn't like the way he looked at the Towers and Abella!

"That's not going to happen," I said. His soldiers shifted their weapons towards me again.

"If they keep pointing those guns at me, I'm going to do something final," I said. "Like turn them inside out! The Hag can tell you whether it's in my wheel well."

The Colonel tried to stare me down.

"And that's why I won't be undoing any changes to the people I trust," I told him. "I don't trust you, Colonel! And if I don't trust you, you're not going to trust me, since I can make it a race between a hundred different cancers to see which one kills you. Then I'll bring you back from 'mostly dead' and start over to make sure that cancer is really the most aggressive."

Colonel Peters raised his hand and lowered it. His soldiers pointed their weapons at the ground.

"See," I told the Professor. "We can all get along!"

"You'll have to excuse Miguel, sir," the Professor said to the Colonel.

I pointed my thumbs at my chest. "Teenager! Impulse control of a hungry, annoyed rattlesnake!"

I looked at Marina. "A hungry, annoyed rattlesnake would bite, right?"

"How would I know?" she asked.

"Good point!"

"Miguel," the Professor said. "We need you here! Mentally!"

"Whatever, dude. This is taking sooooo long! They have tanks; I want to go play in a tank."

Watching the tanks park along the fence line had been the best thing to happen to me since Zombie-Night!

"What do you need to feel ... trusting?" the Colonel said to me.

"I was bullied in high school," I told him. "I've heard that tone of voice from my foster asshole, the King Bully. You're not helping the trust issue by using it on me, because it sounds like you'll play nice until I do what you want and then you'll use my arm for an ashtray."

"You can't think you'll survive out here if you don't join us," he said.

"Why not?"

"It's impossible," he replied.

"So you're having a conversation with a ghost?" I asked.

"You won't survive much longer," he said between gritted teeth.

"I'm still on the Hawaii plan so I don't buy it. I came up with a month ago--okay, Bianca did, but I improved upon it greatly!" I replied. "Find a pilot. Find a plane. Fly a select group to Hawaii. Take over the island. Burn all female clothing! How is this a bad plan? Naked women was my addition. Brilliant, right? I can't take too much credit obviously--naked women improve everything. Think about how much less boring church would be if the money collectors were hot, naked chicks."

"We'd leave too many people behind," Bianca said.

"Blah! Blah! Blah!" I leaned back in my chair. "The 'people' thing was never my idea!"

"I think the people here would be more comfortable if a more experienced leader took the reins," Colonel Peters told me.

"Dude, preaching to the choir!" I said. "You don't have to convince me. If you're game, I'll take a few people and head for the nearest airport. You keep the rest! Again, how is this a bad plan?"

He looked at the crowd gathering at the door.

"That's not all of them," I said. "The warehouse is crammed full of people. SOMEONE also decided to join the 'save the world' campaign so he opened up the gates of the Yorkstown Military Ocean Terminal. HE baited the zombies out and let the people who didn't fit in the warehouse onto the base."

I tilted my head towards John-John before pointing to the camera stands. "The Ocean Terminal people are watching us now. Smile!"

The soldiers frowned at the cameras.

I lowered my voice to a whisper. "They wanted to put some cameras in my bedroom. These people are freaks! I don't mind watching, if I can join in later, but just watching my ass go up and down, up and down, clench ... squirt, squirt, squirt? Freaky fucking freaks!"

"So Colonel Peters, you need to convince them," I said, gesturing at the people sitting at the table, but mostly at Bianca.

The Hag approached the Colonel and whispered. From the sound of it, she had a lot to say.

"So can I go?" I asked when the Hag stepped back. "Hawaii! Maybe Puerto Rico! Cuba! Or Ibiza! Where is Ibiza anyway?"

Colonel Peters looked at the soldier whom I saved. "It wouldn't be a good idea."

"Don't believe the hype!" I urged. "People are so afraid of death, they'll do anything if someone cures cancer or genetic defects."

I sighed when he didn't respond.

"I think you should be the leader," I told Colonel Peters. "But they keep following me so you need to talk them into it."

"The woman might be an issue." Colonel Peters looked at Abella.

"The women in white are a little religious about me," I replied. "Tell your people that the ladies are part of the Church of Healing or something. I'll give them all big dicks! Your guys, I mean. I'm not giving any woman a big dick! I am ... but it's my big dick so that doesn't count."

"My men would not be happy if you were taking liberties with the women and they weren't," Colonel Peters said.

"By which you mean that when I make your dick long, thick, and able to go all night you want a lot of something-something," I said. "The thing is..."

"Marina's privilege was assigned to my husband," Brandi Larson said, looking from the White Maiden to the Professor.

Colonel Peters leaned forward.

"It's always been my understanding that Marina would kill James if he betrayed Miguel," Brandi said in an emotionless tone of voice. She met the Colonel's eyes and held them.

Colonel Peters sat back.

"Abella was raped for weeks after Zombie-Night," I announced. "I, sort of, rescued her. In my defense, they shot at me first! Marina beat the rapist to death, but Abella thinks Marina did it in my name. These people are starting to think all good things happen because I will them."

I smiled at Colonel Peters and his men. "I'll be happy to assign her privilege to anybody who raises their hand. I have to warn you--if she kills you, I'm going to believe her when she says you tried to turn her against me. I'm a bit of a coward that way, but the Hag Catwal did try to kill me! It's not paranoia if people have stuck a knife in your side."

The Hag took a step to the side so she was standing behind the Colonel's chair.

"Blame her for any hyper-vigilance on my part," I told the Colonel. "Knives in your side suck!"

"You don't seem willing to work with me," Colonel Peters said.

"The impressive display of military hardware outside was meant to intimidate us," the Professor said. "I understand your motivation, but Mrs. Catwal did not adequately impress upon you the fact that Miguel has power."

"I have soldiers and a lot of ammunition," Colonel Peters replied in a low voice.

"Ammunition runs out," the Professor replied. "And soldiers die, unless you can get them to Miguel fast enough. Which is the real problem, isn't it? As Miguel said, people are very afraid of death, especially now that death usually involves being eaten alive."

"It isn't hard to work with Miguel, Colonel. He doesn't make decisions around here," Bianca said. "Unless we cannot make one."

The Colonel raised an eyebrow at me.

"I flip a coin," I said with a wink. "Heads, I don't care. Tail, check it out--I still don't give a shit."

"Also, he tends not to pay attention," Brandi said, ignoring me. "I used to think it was because he's a teenager."

"Recently, we've learned he's got more important things to worry about," the Professor said. "Things we can't handle."

The Colonel kept looking at me.

I pointed to the Towers. "That takes a LOT of thought! For example, I've been trying to figure out how split the hemispheres of their brain up."

"What?" the Professor squealed. He shook himself and stared at me hard.

"I heard they used to operate on epileptics to take out half a brain and the patient would be totally fine," I said excitedly. "I was thinking the Towers would be more survivable if I took half of their brain and put it somewhere else on their body. Both in one place seems a bad design to me! I can't figure out where I could place a second protective bone structure like the skull."

"Are you insane?" Colonel Peters asked me.

"I don't think so, but I'm pretty sure all of you are," I replied. "See ... I can't grow back a whole body if you decapitate someone because parts of the brain get damaged too much to maintain the integrity of the personality. So I got to thinking, what if a part of the brain was with the body? It reverses the problem! I only have to keep the body alive long enough to grow back the head. That's SO much fucking easier!"

Everybody in the room was staring at me with horror in their eyes!

"You're right," I said, snapping my fingers. "The two brains would have to know everything so one is really a backup, but how do I get all the information from an old brain to a regrown brain. Does it matter? It could be like a one time thing. I can regrow an empty skull and let the backup brain be the main brain from that point on. I would have to make sure nothing rattles around in the empty head. What if I made it like totally bone inside; give the dude a warhammer for a head!"

"You people work your crap out," I told Bianca and the Colonel. "I have some thinking to do."

I drummed my fingers on the table as I stared at Towers.

"As you can see, Colonel," Bianca said. "Miguel is not the most qualified leader for a group as large as we've gotten. Close to five hundred people have joined us in the last month."

"While a power of his magnitude cannot be controlled, we believe it can be contained so that the group benefits but Miguel feels secure enough not to interfere with the decisions which need to be made," the Professor said. "He is a teenager after all."

"A gilded cage..." Colonel Peters said.

"Is still a cage," the Professor finished for him.

"Miguel would agree to it?" Colonel Peters asked.

"He doesn't like people," Bianca said. "As long as he feels safe, he wouldn't care."

I took the silence from the Colonel to mean he finally understood what needed to be done.

"You're overthinking it, Boss," the Right Tower told me.

"What?"

"Two brains is too much," he said. "If somebody takes my head off, you're going to be too busy to help me anyway."

I nodded slowly.

The Left Tower grunted.

"He's right," the Right Tower said. "Telling a shortie that part of my brain is in my butt isn't going to go over well either."

"I hadn't thought about that!" I said. "But you got other things to offer."

"Brain in my ass, Boss!"

"I wasn't going to put it in your ass," I replied.

"You put it in my chest then it's next to my hearts," he told me. "Telling a lady-friend that I got a brain in my foot isn't much better!"

I sighed.

"I think you can still make us tougher," he said. His brother grunted in agreement.

"I'll have to talk to Brandi," I told them. "I made your bones thicker, but I read that when bones break they heal stronger. Don't know if that means it comes back thicker or something else."

The Right Tower nodded.

"If it doesn't come back thicker but it actually changes your bones, I could do that to you all over," I said. "Or maybe I could take what I do to the White Maidens farther with you guys. Brandi is going to kill me if she ever sees an x-ray of them."

The Left Tower coughed to stop a laugh and grunted.

"Wolverine bones!" The Right Tower seemed a little TOO excited over the suggestion.

"You'd rust," I said. "Wouldn't you? All metals rust or tarnish, right?"

"Check out the bone things with Doc Larson," The Right Tower said finally. "Otherwise, I think we're good."

The Left Tower shook his head at me when his brother wasn't looking. He raised his hand about a foot above his head and then spread his arms out a foot past either shoulder. The Left Tower wouldn't be happy unless I made him a real giant.

As much as I didn't care about the negotiations between the Colonel and my people, I paid enough attention to veto things at the table rather than later. I got the feeling the Colonel wouldn't like thinking WE had an agreement only to have me kill it because somebody agreed to something stupid. Unfortunately, I was keeping track of a few other things with my Push-Sense, so it took me a few seconds to realize the negotiations had...

"What?" I asked the Colonel. "Say that again!"

"Excuse me," he said.

Bianca and the Professor frowned at me.

"You said something a few seconds ago," I told the Colonel. "Repeat it for me."

"So you agree that your people need to stay disarmed?" the Colonel asked. "These folks did not agree."

"After that..."

"The zombies stayed away from us when we traveled here," the Colonel said. "They were afraid of us. The tanks do that! It's why the civilians don't need weapons."

I stared at him.

"Let me guess," I said softly. "The werewolves were afraid too."

The Colonel nodded.

"And vampires don't ... exist?" I asked.

"Obviously, the people in command lost their minds," the Colonel scoffed. "Fools! I can't believe they spread that crap!"

I looked at Captain Fletcher. He had flinched more than my people at the Colonel's words. The soldiers felt everyone at the table tense.

"Funny," I said to the Colonel. "Because a month ago, I killed a vampire right outside this building."

"Don't be ridiculous!" he replied forcefully. "Vampires don't exist. You probably killed a healthier zombie or a hairless wolf."

A drop of sweat formed on his upper lip. He stared at me hard, trying to will me into accepting his words.

I frowned at him. "Colonel, you are very lucky I don't have the time to make you suffer for disappointing me so gravely. I can tolerate natural-born stupidity as long as the idiot has enough brain cells to keep his mouth shut. I will NOT accept choosing to be stupid or ignorant! It's the kind of shit that leads to people sticking a knife in me."

The Hag's eyes widened. The soldiers took a step back and started to raise their weapons.

"I'd like to finish this conversation with Colonel Peters," I said. "And Captain Fletcher might be useful. The Hag too. Kill the rest!"

As physically improved as the White Maidens were, only Abella could go from zero to destructive action as fast the people who had lived violent lives in the Before.

Mr. Valence exploded out of his chair, grabbed it, and broke it over the head of the soldier closest to him. The Towers spun as one and kicked the soldiers behind them. John-John came out of his chair and in the same motion drove the edge of his hand into a soldier's throat. Abella took two steps, used the table to bound upwards, and landed knees first on the soldier who'd grabbed her ass.

Brian pulled Lorena's little gun out of his crotch. (The 'soldier' who searched him knew he was gay and didn't have the stones to be thorough.) Brian put five rounds into five left eyes. He tossed the gun to his left without looking. Lorena caught the gun and shoved the business end into Captain Fletcher's face.

The White Maidens around the table pulled razor blades out of their mouths. As one, each of them cut a soldier's throat.

Bianca jumped onto the table and ran down the length towards the Colonel. The man was a good fighter but couldn't match Bianca. He got the first blow off; she blocked him with a forearm. He turned his leg into her kick. He was not ready for Bianca ignoring the strong block! She kicked his shin, pulled back, and kicked him harder. His body couldn't take her improvements! I heard his leg snap. Bianca punched him in the gut and spun behind him. Grabbing his head, she bashed the Colonel's face into the table.

One of the soldiers near the door managed to get his gun up. Someone stepped in front of him. The moron grabbed the soldier's gun and pressed the barrel into his own stomach. The soldier shot but the guy didn't let go instead he pulled a knife out of somewhere and stabbed the soldier in the neck.

"Shit!" I said rushing over to the guy.

I felt the bullets from silenced weapons hitting the soldiers outside the Terminal. Kevin and his men had done their job. They would have been up close, so they could grab the soldiers and prop them up.

"One of the big mouths!" I said in surprise as I healed the idiot who'd taken about ten rounds in the gut. "Just so you know, I could have handled him."

I looked at Abella. "I healed that guy a few minutes ago!"

She shrugged. "I didn't forgive him from grabbing my ass."

When I got back to the table, Bianca was standing next to the handcuffed Colonel. I didn't like the look in her eye.

"I swear if you say it, I'll spank your ass so hard I'll have to regrow the skin," I told Bianca. "And then I'm going to fuck your ass so hard, the thought of it will make Caroline cry any time she remembers it."

Bianca turned to Caroline. "I'm sorry, honey."

"I understand completely," Caroline replied sweetly.

Bianca smiled at me. "I ... TOLD ... YOU ... SO!"

"Actually, WE told you so," Diana said from behind Captain Fletcher.

Brandi nodded and smiled at me.

Brian raised his hand.

"Don't, Brian," Crystal said. "I told him so too!"

"I want to point out," Brian said to me, ignoring his wife. "I was part of the WE who told you this wouldn't work. So justice demands that if spanking and ass-fucks are going to be handed out for being right, I'm in the line, baby-doll!"

"You have to stop ruining it for the rest of us," his wife hissed.

"I might make an exception for this one," I said.

"Really?" Brian asked.

"No."

"Asshole!" Brian complained.

"If you work fast, you can have the Colonel," I told him.

"No!" Colonel Peters yelled and struggled against his handcuffs.

"Don't worry!" Brian slapped the Colonel on the ass. "You're not my type. I prefer more brains than your packing, unless it's a Tea Party. If Miguel doesn't have time to make you suffer, we don't have time for one of those either."

"Bring them to the roof," I told Bianca. Turning to Mr. Valence, I nodded to the Hag. "Keep track of her! She served her purpose; I'd rather not lose her again."

Mr. Valence gestured the Towers towards the Hag. The Left Tower grabbed the woman's head and twisted it around so she could see behind her. When the body stopped flopping, he threw it onto the pile of corpses.

I sighed and glared at Mr. Valence.

"Boss, I think I'm getting the handle on this delegating thing that John-John keeps talking about," he told me. "You tell me what needs doing. I tell someone else to do it. You and me ... we don't worry about the details as long as it gets done."

The Left Tower grunted. Nobody needed a translation--we couldn't possibly lose track of the Hag.

I headed to the Bus Terminal roof and sat down on my lawn chair.

Captain Fletcher was the first to speak. "The men will get suspicious. They're going to come in shooting."

"Why are you here?" I asked him.

"What?"

"It's obvious the Colonel hates you," I told him. "You don't seem his type."

The Captain glanced at the kneeling Colonel.

"Family!" John-John said to me. "Their numbers would help to keep his family safe."

Ashley handed me a pair of binoculars before sitting on the left arm of my chair. I tossed the binoculars to Captain Fletcher.

"The top of the South Bridge," I told him. "Take a look."

He brought the binoculars to his eyes. His breathing quickened!

"Would you like to see the other paths into town?" I asked him.

He looked to the north before nodding. Elizabeth wrapped her arms around him.

"I'm going to Push you up," I told him. "I figure you would think I have no issues in letting you crash land. I don't! Elizabeth is there to let you know that I'll bring you down safely. You want to look at the two small bridges to the south. I'm going to throw you high enough that you'll also be able to see the northern road which leads to the City Tunnel."

I Pushed them into the air.

"What do you want?" the Captain asked when he landed and handed the binoculars to Elizabeth. He had seen what I felt--an army of zombies and werewolves. A very large army!

"Am I right?" John-John asked him.

"My daughter and son," Captain Fletcher replied. "My sister-in-law made it too! She's been taking care of them."

"How bad was the Colonel?" John-John asked.

"He let the men do whatever they wanted," Captain Fletcher replied. "Abandoning civilians. Killing them too!"

"Well, I can't hold abandoning people against him," I said. "I want to be in Hawaii with naked females! Or Ibiza! Seriously, where the fuck is Ibiza?"

"You meant it?" Captain Fletcher asked me in amazement. "You'd have let him continue leading us."

The Colonel snorted.

"Oh Fuck Yeah!" I nodded vigorously.

"Why?" the Captain asked me. "No matter what he promised, he would have given you shit! You would have needed to watch your back until the day you died."

"This is not the better option," I told him. "For any of you!"

I shook my head to stop him from speaking. "Captain, you need to tell the men out there that someone got out of hand with the Colonel. You made an example so we'd fall in line."

"Why would I do that?" he asked.

I stared at him until he blinked.

"This stopped being a negotiation with the whole 'zombies are scared of us' bullshit," I told him. "You do what I tell you, unless you think you can beat the shitstorm that is about to set down on top of your little scout troop. Oh wait! You fuckheads didn't realize an ARMY of undead was following you! Obviously, you assholes found those uniforms in a surplus store! So if I were you, I'd put all my money on black! By black, I mean that I'm the best shot your kids have of being alive tomorrow morning. How did you miss a fucking army of zombies? Are these special ninja zombies?"

"What do you want?" Captain Fletcher asked after he talked to the men outside the fence line. He went with my suggestion of someone giving the Colonel a little too much lip and needing to be straightened out.

"I don't want shit," I told him. "But I've chosen to DEAL with a certain element within my group who wish to save everyone they can. The sex is really good after a save so whatever."

"The women and children," Bianca told the Captain. "I want you to bring them inside. Any men you can trust too!"