Chapter 17: Like Someone Saying 'Fix My Problem' Instead Of 'We Have A Problem'

If the knocking was less of an attempt to kick down the door, I would have ignored it.

"What?" I yelled.

Ashley shook her head at me as she opened the door. An older man and Crystal ran in.

"We have a problem!" they yelled. The way they looked at each other led me to believe WE had two different problems.

"Out of the way!" John-John yelled to the people standing in front of my door. Joey, Elizabeth, John-John, Bianca, and Mr. Valence ran into the room. They were carrying the Left Tower. The Right Tower walked in behind them.

"Someone shot him," John-John said. "Bullet to the chest!"

"Looks like they got the heart," Joey told me. "It's only been a couple of minutes, you can still save him."

"I told you I heard a shot, Miguel! What's the point of improving me if you're not going to listen?" Ashley asked me. She sat down and looked at the bleeding Tower. The Tower was trying to push everyone off him; more accurately, he tried to get out of Joey and Elizabeth's grip. He grunted at them in annoyance when he couldn't break their holds.

"He's bleeding on you," the Right Tower told the girls. "You're supposed to be in white, not blood red."

"We'll be fine," Joey told the Left Tower. "Miguel needs to help you!"

I narrowed my eyes at the older man who'd come in with Crystal.

"He plays with the shortwave radios," Ashley told me. "Remember, he told us about the University group being in danger."

"So let me guess," I said to Radio Man and Crystal. "This isn't either of your problems. Excuse me, our problems!"

"Miguel, he needs help," Bianca said.

I looked down at the Left Tower. "Hey, it worked. Fucking cool!"

The Towers smiled and nodded.

Diana pushed the crowd watching at the door into the room so she could get inside. Ashley's expression showed a great deal of displeasure at the presumption.

"Outside!" Ashley yelled. Everyone in the crowd, except one woman, got out as fast as they could. The woman who didn't leave had her eyes closed in prayer. I didn't recognize her but I'd seen her around for awhile. I probably should have gotten around to knowing people's names, but I was still hoping a good number would find another person to stalk other than me.

"Nobody comes into Miguel's rooms uninvited," Ashley told the crowd in a dangerous tone of voice. They were trying to look into my apartment from the hallway.

"Miguel and I are going to fuck so I'm good, right?" Diana asked Bianca.

"Obviously, you're invited, Diana! You might be here to fuck him now so you get to come in!" Joey told her. "Miguel, he's dying!"

The Left Tower grunted and finally managed to get out of the girls' hands. He stood up and dodged their attempt to get him back down. Kneeling at my feet, the Left Tower lowered his head. I put my palm on his forehead and closed my eyes.

"He shouldn't be..." John-John stopped and sighed. "He should be mostly dead!"

I opened my eyes. The Left Tower stood up and backed away from me.

"He was shot in the heart," Bianca said. She stood in front of the Left Tower, poking the healed skin.

"He got shot in a heart," I said, sitting down. "By the way, who shot him?"

"They're in the corner building," Diana said, pointing towards the front of my apartment.

"What do you mean A heart?" Joey asked. "I thought you were only making them bigger and stronger."

"I said they were easier to make bigger and stronger because I didn't have to change them as much as you girls. I want them to look big, strong, and mean! Mr. Valence gave them to me so I made some improvements on the design."

"You can't give a person," the praying woman told me.

"Why is she in my apartment?" I asked Ashley. "She seems like the poo-poo face type."

"Boys, are you mine?" I asked the Towers when she shrugged.

"Yeah, Boss!" The Right Tower said. His brother grunted affirmatively.

"See," I told the praying woman. "My toys, so shut up."

"We have a shooter!" John-John said. "Can we talk about who owns who later?"

"Nobody owns me," I told him.

"Later, please," John-John said.

"Nobody owns me!"

"Of course not, darling," Ashley said. "Everybody nod! Miguel owns people; nobody owns Miguel."

I crossed my arms and waited for everyone to nod.

"There's four shooters," I said. "And Joey, the hearts thing is from sci-fi shows. Tough aliens always have more than one heart or something. It's a great idea! I got stabbed. What good would bodyguards be if a stab to the heart or a bullet left me defenseless?"

"Defenseless?" Diana asked. "I've seen you in action. Get over yourself!"

"Who here has been stabbed?" I asked. I wasn't expecting so many hands to go up: John-John, Mr. Valence, the Towers, and the praying woman. I REALLY wanted to ask how she ended up with a knife in her, but I didn't want to talk to her.

"Recently," I said, raising my hand. "In the last month!"

They lowered their hands.

"Look," I told Joey. "Do you know what I have to do to make a human body able to deal with three hundred pounds of muscle? I had to add some efficiency and if I was doing that then making my toys more resilient seemed like a nice add-on. Plus, let me repeat, MY TOYS!"

"How many and what else?" Diana asked me.

"Four hearts; small hearts," I grumbled. "Six lungs, four kidneys, four adrenaline glands, I might have made their adrenaline more like rocket fuel, and some other stuff. I'm not too sure they needed the four kidneys, might have to reverse that piece. Nothing to the brains though; I figured making their heads as hard as rocks would be better for now."

They stood staring at me.

"It's not really six lungs," I said, raising my hands. "I split up their two lungs into six sections, so they don't really have extra lungs. You know what I mean!"

They still weren't saying anything.

"I think it's cool, Boss," the Right Tower told me. The Left Tower grunted threateningly at everyone.

"Are you doing that to them?" Diana asked while looking at Joey and Elizabeth.

It was my turn to stare without saying anything.

"We have a right to know," the praying woman said.

"Again with the rights crap!" I exclaimed.

"Miguel, I haven't asked," Joey said. "But..."

"I like you the way you are," I told her. "For the stuff I did to them, I had room to play in my attempt to ensure that if one piece broke they could keep going."

"The word is redundancy," the Radio Man. "Let me guess, one section of lung is sufficient for them operate."

I nodded slowly.

"Very smart!" he told me. "Pretty much going to have to hit them with a truck to get to you."

"They are my bodyguards," I pointed out. "Need to be tough!"

"So, you didn't add anything or make us more efficient," Joey said. "What did you do?"

I glanced at the praying woman. She wouldn't like the most accurate description; I sometimes felt God did things out of a perverse sense of humor, like the length of the human intestinal tract.

"You know that phrase about looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck," I said to Joey.

She nodded.

"Well ... you're not a duck anymore! The good news is that even when I'm done with you, you'll still be closer to being a duck than I am."

"I don't want to be a duck either!" Diana said, breaking the silence.

Everybody laughed.

"I'm just saying!" Diana yelled over their laughter. "The only ducks in this world are dead ducks. The guy lived through a bullet in his chest! I'll take an extra heart when people are shooting at me. Like right now!"

"Can't forget those shooters," I said. "Ashley, get the cannon from John-John."

We waited for Ashley and John-John to come back. Ashley nodded to me as she popped the ammo magazine in place on the rifle.

"You should give up," I told John-John. "It's her gun, dude!"

"I have hope," John-John replied. "You can't change Lorena and not keep things even by giving me an extra heart or something. If you give me a choice, I'm going to go with whatever you did to Ashley so I can get the fifty cal back."

I led them into my bedroom, which was on the front side of the building.

"Four of them," I told Ashley, Pushing my windows open.

"White building on the corner," I said. "Third floor about a foot to the left of the fifth window. He's standing."

She spun to a position that gave her a shot through the open window. She pulled trigger.

"Fuck me!" I yelled. "Jesus, that fucker is loud!"

"Are you okay?" John-John put his hand on my shoulder.

"Aaaaah!" I patted my ears trying to get them to stop ringing. "Last time, we were outside."

"Next one, Miguel!" Ashley yelled.

"Fifth floor, first window, she's on the ground."

"On the ground, where?" Ashley asked.

"In front of the window!" I yelled.

She spun back to the open window and shot again.

"OKAY!" I yelled and ran out of the room. "How the fuck do you people do it? I think my eardrums are shot!"

John-John stood in the doorway.

"How can you stand it?" I asked him.

He shrugged. "Next?"

"We're going to lose one," I said. "But there's a guy running down from the roof. She'll have a shot directly across. Seventh Floor, third window. The apartment door is open on their side"

John-John relayed my words as I said them.

"She can get him as he comes down the stairs in one ... two ... three ... now!"

It was much better than being in the same room with Ashley and her cannon.

"Okay," John-John said when Ashley walked into the room. "You can keep it."

Ashley smiled and patted the spot she'd prepared for the rifle case. I sat down and relaxed.

"There's still the werewolf pack!" Crystal said.

At the same time, the Radio Man said, "There's a group of people coming."

They dragged me to the roof.

Crystal and Kellie had been on their dirt bikes, dropping off more flyers for people to join us when they ran into the wolf pack.

"I'm still against the flyers," I told Crystal.

"We must do our Christian duty," the praying woman said from behind me.

"Really?" I asked the people around me. "Didn't I get rid of the Hag and the Sergeant?"

"You're not the leader," the praying woman said. "Bianca is in charge, and she does not mind a different point of view."

Bianca smiled at me, "She gives a good sermon. Nothing against you; it's all about holding on to hope and goodness no matter how evil the world has become."

She looked down the street in the direction we expected the wolf pack to come. "I know you've done some things out of necessity. I've had to do some things out of necessity too."

"You don't have to," I said.

"I wanted to do them," Bianca replied. "Saving as many people as I can lets me think I haven't allowed zombies, survivor gangs, and werewolves to change me. I still protect and serve!"

The praying woman nodded. I rolled my eyes. Bianca frowned.

"It was directed at her," I said, pointing at the praying woman. "So 'religious freedom', yippee!"

"As long as people obey your dictate about hatred," Bianca said in a hard voice. "The zombies don't care about the color of their meat so that shit is going to end!"

"Down there," Crystal pointed down the street to the right of the building. "Kellie is going to come up River Road and turn towards us."

"What are you going to do?" John-John asked me.

"I'm not ready if they're under his control," I said. "The two at the supermarket were the only wolves in Hohokus; these guys might only be trying to expand their territory."

"The vampire," John-John said. "The alert said they could control the zombies and werewolves."

"Are they hunting us or are they just hunting? That's the question for now," I said.

"And if they're hunting us?" Bianca asked.

"He'll come in as soon as the wolves spot us," I said.

"How do you know?" the praying woman asked.

"The vampire is a hunter," John-John said when I didn't respond. "I'd use the wolves like hunting dogs if I were him."

"Here she comes," Crystal yelled.

Kellie's turn into the corner was perfect. She came out of it accelerating; the wolves were almost as fast as her bike.

"She must have been taking corners like crazy," John-John said. Crystal nodded.

"Okay, puppies," I whispered. "How about a free meal?"

I Pushed the fourth shooter in between Kellie and the wolves.

"What the fuck!" John-John exclaimed. "Who is he?"

"The fourth guy from the building." I nodded to the white building on the corner.

"I thought you couldn't hold people like that," Bianca said. "You could only Push things."

"It's like a block long treadmill," I said smiling. "Run a block. Oops, back at the beginning! Did you know that after a while they'll sit down and not move? He was crying! I don't like crying, and I don't like crying dudes even more. He came here to fucking shoot us. It went wrong and now he wants his mommy. What The Fuck! If you're going to be bad, be badass!"